Hypervigilance
by bouncyballparty
Summary: In the uncertain world of adults, Sora Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are.
1. Arousal

_Yeah, so this first chapter was completely lacking so I edited it and re-posted it because, well, the other version was just awful. I'll try not to completely change it just in case somebody liked it this way (I doubt it.) This story deserves a better beginning._

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings:** Intimacy between two males(oooooh!), Near sex, Microscopic amount of language

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 1: Arousal**

-

Riku couldn't believe how different he looked. He almost didn't recognize him at first—as an adult, his body was no longer lanky but slender and defined. His skin was sun-kissed and gorgeous as always, the true sign of a kid who had spent most of his young life on an island, but there was an obvious change in the way he wore it. With confidence, and a self-awareness that Riku almost found intimidating.

Sora had finally realized what every one else saw in him. That effortless beauty and charisma that made him so irresistible, he wasn't so oblivious to it anymore. And it showed. Especially now as he strolled with a deliberate ease around his silver-haired friend's studio apartment, dancing his fingers lightly over the occasional piece of furniture. He pretended to be admiring the artwork on the walls, taking in each raw, unframed canvas with vibrant curious eyes.

Sora stopped at a piece roughly 9 feet in diameter, his brow furrowing cutely at the unrecognizable form, a large dark purple splotch, red and blue around the edge where the paint didn't mix completely. Five individual hand prints stamped out around it, one of which was a smeared red that was just centimeters shorter than the hand Sora placed over it. It didn't used to be.

"You kept it?" Sora asked needlessly, pale water-blue eyes tilting farther upward, recognizing clawed tears near the top of the canvas, ones his own short nails had made.

When Riku failed to comment, Sora finally looked back at him, establishing a firm eye contact that Riku couldn't break from. He couldn't help but chuckle at his tenacity. All the haircuts, growth spurts and sinewy muscle hadn't really changed him at all. There wasn't much that _could_ rid Sora of that challenging gleam in his eyes.

Riku shrugged reservedly, inclining his beer until the tangy liquid filled his mouth. What was there to explain? So he kept the painting—_their _painting—the same piece of fabric he had taken Sora's virginity on was hanging on his wall. How much explanation did that need?

"It's aesthetically pleasing." Riku remarked, smirking at the scowl his friend shot at him. _Former _friend. Their relationship had never really recovered that night, unfortunately. The night Riku had laved himself in Ultramarine Blue, Sora in Cadmium Red Light and fucked on a 9 foot canvas spread on the floor of this very apartment. That was back when the younger man still trusted him, back when he would've willingly given Riku his heart without a second thought.

"Yeah, right." Sora scoffed, his scowl less prominent as some of his contagious playfulness began to show. He folded his arms over a chest more notable than it used to be, the lean muscle in his forearms flexing impressively. "It's kinda gross." His comment pointed out the odd stains on the canvas that just weren't quite paint.

"I think it's charming." Riku defended without much conviction, rising from his chair silently to stand beside Sora and admire their work from up close. It was the sweat and spit and semen that made this piece so personal. It was the little spot on the bottom right corner that he was pretty sure was all Sora that made his stomach tighten as his fingertips touched it, feeling how dried and faded it was now. "You came right here."

Sora blanched at the bluntness of his statement, idly wondering just how many beers he had before Sora showed up. He suddenly became hyper aware of the man standing at his side, of the superior height he'd always have over him no matter how many years passed. Riku still towered a good six or seven inches taller than Sora, a quality that Sora had resented.

A long pale arm came around his other side, touching another similar stain as reminiscent as the first, the distance between both points bringing the 23-year-old's chest against his ex's back. "Remember?" Sora trembled at the sensual tone in his voice, allowing himself a moment of weakness in his resolve to lightly touch the elongated fingers, their rough knuckles and paint-flecked nails.

Riku's hair smelled like a mixture of chemicals as it draped freely over Sora's shoulder. Solvents and additives, resin, grease from oil paints and titanium dioxide and polyurethane. Tarnished from years of "expressing himself."

Sora turned his head slightly, unexpectedly bumping his nose into Riku's cheek. He faltered at their close proximity, his chagrin met with an indecipherable smile. Cerulean eyes watched him carefully from behind the low strength lens of Riku's wire-framed glasses. He usually only wore them when he was painting, but seeing them now made Sora wonder if he needed them much more than he let on.

Riku kept his hands on either side of the smaller framed man, purposefully trapping him there to look him over. As perverse as sounded, the man had to admit that his intentions weren't really that far from sexual in nature. Sora was pretty much grown up now; a year younger than himself of course, 22-years old. He was keeping his hair cut short—a more controlled version of his usual spiky hairstyle—and a small diamond stud in his right ear that Riku found oddly captivating, wanting to pinch it between his teeth and suck it and roll his tongue around it. He hadn't realized he was leaning closer until Sora seemingly by accident bumped into him, brushing the erection he wasn't completely aware of having.

Sora inhaled sharply at the feel of the familiar hardness pressing eagerly at the center seam of his pants, his first instinct to shove him away and call him the pervert that he was. But for whatever reason, he didn't. Nostalgia, he decided, subtly backing into the awaiting stiffness again. It _had_ been 5 years. They clearly missed each other. Easy explanation.

Riku gave a small experimental thrust against his clothed backside, smirking in wonder that he hadn't been immediately rejected. Sora exhaled softly, repeating the same motion with longing, clenching his teeth to keep from sounding too desperate. He ducked his head and raised his shoulder blades in an attempt to hide himself, rolling his hips back, making it rub just the right spot. It wasn't enough but it was close. Close to the ecstasy that Sora knew Riku could give him—wanted to give him.

Riku steadied himself as the smaller man began rocking against him harder than before. He couldn't keep the amusement from his face and found himself thankful that Sora was facing the opposite direction. Knowing Sora, he probably wouldn't respond well to possible ridicule. He may have acted like a dork but the truth was that the man had always been very sensitive, even when they were kids.

Sora felt Riku's rough hands push his shirt up to the middle of his back, through his lustful grinding feeling a rare spike of something close to panic, a sudden uneasiness setting in under the giddy anticipation he always felt when receiving attention from Riku. Warm lips closed around his ear, hotly tugging at his earring and Sora nearly forgot _why_ these feelings and this situation they were involved in was so, _so_ wrong.

"Why did you finally show up, Sora?" The heat in his ear was so sudden Sora took several long seconds before he realized that it was the man's tongue and not his brain leaking from his skull.

"What?" Sora gasped quietly, breathing the scent of paint and oil and chemicals as silver curtained the side of his face. He was watching him. Riku loomed over his shoulder, his sharp eyes lowered to his crotch. Watching him tentatively stroke himself through his pants.

Sora bit his lip cutely, his face reading the same kind of shame one might find in a teenager caught masturbating by his parents. He really was too damn adorable. Riku grinned, silently thankful that his childhood friend hadn't really grown up that much. "A year ago, you wouldn't even return my calls," He groaned mid-sentence, unwillingly rocking back into Sora's ass which had without warning squirmed against his hips again. "Now it's suddenly okay to show up on my doorstep...demanding sex again?"

"Never...demanded." Sora muttered uselessly, grunting softly as he was turned by Riku, his back hitting the edge of their canvas. Riku took his chin in his larger hand, his other cupping the prominence between his legs. Sora whimpered softly, frustrated by the lack of movement the other's body against his was allowing. Ineffectively thrusting into his palm like a dog in heat.

"No?" Riku's eyes were dangerous at this point, the thin lenses of his glasses only making them more severe in appearance. "'Fuck me, Riku. Fill me.'" Sora let out a gasping laugh, managing to roll his eyes out of annoyance rather than the pleasure of the long fingers massaging him through his jeans, of the gentle squeeze that made his stomach clench in anticipation and a short growl pass through his teeth.

"Please."

It was a short distance to the bed; the one room studio apartment left the bedroom open to the living area, a luxury Riku found himself grateful for if only to get Sora into bed as soon as possible. Determined to keep the friction going, Sora very nearly climbed on Riku, wrapping his legs around his waist, lithely riding him while being supported by Riku's hands on his thighs. They spread for him easily, Riku observed with amusement but for Sora's sake kept the victorious smirk from his face.

Riku set him down on the sleep-mussed sheets he hadn't bothered to make up since he woke that morning, carefully kneading the surprisingly well-toned muscles of his abdomen, sliding his shirt up to his underarms. Admiring the tightening earth-colored nipples, Riku thumbed the left in slow, agonizing circles, experimenting with varying levels of pressure. One that made Sora hiss with pleasure, the other making him moan aloud and raise his hand to play with the right.

Riku watched him in awe for a few seconds, unable to believe that he had never realized how sexual Sora could be. Even in his fantasies, Riku hadn't been able to imagine Sora masturbating; it just didn't seem like something he was capable of.

"Ri-Riku," Caught in the moment, Sora's brilliant eyes fluttered closed, his lips parting with barely controlled breaths. His erection strained inside his jeans, begging for attention. "...Please.."

Riku grinned, giving his raised nipple another sharp pinch before sliding his hands lower, down his sides and up again. There were so many things he wanted to do to him. He still jumped like a virgin but Riku refused to believe that the untamed beauty underneath him had never known the touch of another man in the five years they've been apart. Though, selfishly, he wouldn't mind if that were true.

Deciding that it would be rude of him to torture his guest any further, Riku began to unbuckle his belt, petting his tight thigh with his free hand to coax his muscles to relax. Sora complied, his slender legs spreading wider to accommodate the taller body.

"Ngh-No, no," Sora grabbed his hands before he got his pants open, arching his hips up until they ground together. To his relief, Riku groaned and enthusiastically pushed back creating a more intense friction, completely forgetting what he was doing before. "Fuck...oh." Sora craned his neck and squeezed his eyes shut, gripping Riku's hips to control his movements.

Riku would be lying if he said he wasn't loving this. He had never seen Sora so aggressive before. Sure, he'd get aggressive in battle and the thousands of play-spars they had when they were kids but in the bedroom he'd always be so undemanding, pleased with anything Riku suggested.

Riku gripped Sora's upper arms firmly and laid back on the mattress, pulling Sora's smaller frame on top of his. Sora was bewildered by the sudden role-change, but one encouraging thrust of Riku's hips seemed to be enough persuasion.

Sora picked up the pace again, rocking forward in long, drawn out movements, running his entire length along the pulsing heat beneath him. He let out an ecstatic moan of pleasure as if this were the moment he'd been waiting for his whole life. "Yess...that's...good.." He smiled and laid his head back, grinning at the ceiling as he changed the speed again; short and shallow thrusts this time. His slender fingers gripped into the bottom of Riku's shirt like a lifeline.

"Sora," Riku gasped with an urgency, clutching the boy's hips firmly but not hard enough to control him. He was still letting Sora set his own pace but he had to admit the thought of just yanking his jeans down and impaling him was _very_ tempting. "Sora, Sora,..." He panted mindlessly, his hair gluing itself to his forehead from the sweat. He rolled his eyes back and his jaw dropped, feeling that miraculous heat building up endlessly in his abdomen.

Hearing Sora's soft whines for release begin to near a peak, Riku ignored the protest he received earlier by unfastening the front of Sora's pants, taking the pulsing flesh in his hand and pumping it delicately. Sora groaned aloud, throwing his head back and clenching his teeth hard. He was close. Riku had experienced this moment so many times that he knew it instinctively. And if Sora's shameless moaning and frantic jerking were any indication, Riku predicted that it would only take a few skilled strokes to bring him to fruition.

Riku's cock twitched with impatience as if it were anticipating the other's release. _Come. Come, Sora_. Riku urged silently, biting his lip to keep from growling it at him. _Come first._ As the second thought crossed his mind, Sora gasped, making an almost pained sound as he shuddered violently from his orgasm.

"--ku!"

Riku cursed under his breath, both the feeling of Sora's wet heat coating his fisted hand and Sora's ass clenching around his clothed erection that pushed him towards his own completion. He steadied his breathing a few moments after finishing, but it seemed to take Sora longer than that, like he couldn't make himself calm down.

"You alright, Sora?" he asked, just barely stopping himself from calling him 'Babe' or some other equally embarrassing bed name. Sora nodded, wilting tiredly against Riku's chest, completely spent.

"It's...been a while." Riku felt a inexplicable thrill at the admission, the possessive side of him roaring with triumph. 'Mine', it snarled, forcing the man's hands to rest on Sora's hips and stroke his sides affectionately. _Mine __**Mine**__**MINE**__._

Sora turned his head, nuzzling his damp hair in the crook of Riku's neck. This was his favorite post-sex cuddle spot, Riku remembered, tilting his head to give him more room. He smelled oddly...natural, the man thought strangely enough. Like plants and soil and something heavily fragrant like perfume. Incense.

"So tired." Sora murmured, stretching lithely over Riku's larger frame before coiling up again. He raised his hips slightly and reached between his legs; for an insane second, Riku thought he was hard again, but he only tucked himself back in his pants and resumed his relaxed position on top of him.

Riku hummed in agreement, resting his chin on top of his head. He held onto Sora a little tighter than necessary, still trying to get over the initial shock of being able to actually hold him in his arms. Even now, especially now, Riku was feeling something inside of him crumble uselessly, never to be found again.

Self-respect, most likely.

"I was afraid you'd be gone already."

"Gone?" Riku questioned, petting cinnamon hair that he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about being so short. He looked more like an adult now, much less of the teenager he used to know.

"Can't you feel it? The darkness?" Sora muttered cryptically, his fingers walking distractedly across his friend's chest, over his heart. "It's like the world is tearing apart again."

The two shared a glance, reading each other from two totally different wavelengths, Sora silently distressed and Riku apprehensive. Sora dropped his eyes back to his hand, reassured by the powerful beating muscle under his palm. Riku's heart.

Riku watched him for a short time before realization dawned on him and he actually thought about what he just said. _'..tearing apart again.'_ Was that today? Seven years ago, was this the day he had succumb to the darkness in his heart, the day their small existence had been ripped apart? It was hard to remember because, to Riku, it still felt it had happened to someone else.

"I'm not going anywhere, Sora. I promise." Riku immediately frowned at his own words, more specifically the last two. His promises had never meant much in the past, especially to Sora. The brunet didn't seem to be deterred by anything he said, still staring sullenly at the older man's paint stained t-shirt. Riku would've given anything to see his usual adorable smile, but unfortunately he didn't quite have the capacity for making goofy faces to cheer people up. All he could do was console him and try to sound as sincere as possible. But how he could be sincere about something he wasn't too sure about himself was a mystery.

"I was lost to the darkness once before, full of hate and resentment. But I let go of those feelings a long time ago. If there is any darkness left...anywhere, I'm not going with it." It felt strange, talking about it. They never talked about the past, mainly because it was a subject Riku wanted to forget. Sora looked less than convinced, but rather looked resigned to the fact that as long as he was here, lying on top of him, Riku couldn't go anywhere. Not without his knowledge.

Riku sighed, passively rubbing his russet-colored hair, ignoring the slight pinch of his blunt fingernails digging into his arm. "What did you mean...'like the world is tearing apart'?" He felt a tinge of annoyance that he battled down for Sora's sake. To him, it wasn't real, like a bad fucking dream, and the more Sora brought it up, the more pissed off it made him.

"Like before." Unconsciously flinching at the hollowness of his voice, Riku pulled the brunet closer with one arm. He wouldn't have admitted it at the time but that day, he had never been more afraid of anything in his life than watching his home being sucked into oblivion. And Sora. He had been so afraid for Sora, he nearly trembled at the thought. He very well could've been killed. They both could've.

"I've been watching the stars for the past two months," Sora explained, shrugging off Riku's arm so he could sit up. Riku was reluctant to let him go, feeling a paternal need to hold him close, to hide him from his dark thoughts. "I haven't slept in weeks. I'm driving myself crazy, but, I'm sure one went out last night."

"Sora..." Riku spoke, slowly propping himself up on his elbows to see his face more clearly. Now that Sora had brought it to light, it was obvious that he hadn't been sleeping. He looked exhausted. "That isn't possible."

Sora pouted cutely at his instant dismissal and Riku had to use great restraint not to smile. He was so effortlessly adorable. The brunet began to protest, crossing his arms firmly over his chest, defiant.

"I know what I saw." He argued, regaining some of his usual childish vigor that had become so well-known to the man he'd been friends with since they were toddlers.

"Do you?" Riku inquired, skeptical of just how lucid he could've been not having slept in weeks as he said.

"Yes." Sora retorted stubbornly. Seeing that he wasn't going to budge—as usual—Riku merely shrugged, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

"If you say so." Riku stripped off his shirt and discarding it by the bed. Sora watched him apprehensively, hurt that he didn't believe him. "Sora," Riku reached for the younger man, coaxing him closer with his fingertips until he could draw him into a comfortable embrace against his bare chest. "Don't you think the King would've contacted us if something was wrong?"

It literally hurt to say it. Like telling your child there's a such thing as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, even when they're way past the cut-off for crap like that. That's exactly how the conversation felt, like telling him that it was still okay to be wrapped up in all the magic and bullshit.

"But--"

"Would you fucking stop it? You're not a kid anymore, Sora!" They've had this argument to many damn times in the past, before Sora began to hate him. It might've been the fucking stepping stone to hate, who knows. "I can't play this stupid game anymore." Riku seethed, losing a bit of his momentum to weariness. "I can't."

Sora didn't comment, instead he looked neither hurt nor offended, just a misplaced confusion that made his silence more unbearable.

"Sora?" Riku cupped the brunet's face delicately in his hands, searching his radiant eyes with his own. He could practically see him thinking, his expressive blues gazing intently in front of him, but he didn't seem to be actually seeing anything. "Sorry." He apologized half-heartedly, determined not to take anything back. Far as he was concerned, he had no real fault here. "You get what I'm saying though, right?"

Nothing. Not even a blink.

Riku sighed, resigned to leaving him to his indecipherable thoughts. He placed a chaste kiss on the brunet's lips before settling down on his mattress and pulling the younger man to lie on top of him as he was before. "Try to get some sleep, Sora." He advised, petting his soft auburn hair soothingly.

Sora managed to close his eyes as the bedside lamp was turned off and though darkness dulled his vision, Riku could tell he wasn't sleeping, in fact he was doing the worst impression of someone pretending to sleep. Riku's hands continued to massage his scalp on autopilot until roughly an hour passed and he had fallen asleep himself, Sora's soft heartbeat becoming the constant bass line to his dreams.

**rsrsrsrs**

_My first multi-chapter! I'm excited about this one so I hope somebody enjoys it. I've already begun the second chapter so it shouldn't be long wait for an update. But....you never know. **-_-;**_

_Feedback is my sustenance. _

_There. It's different. Not too different, but in my opinion, improved. I fixed the problem with the messed up point of view's and improved on the dialogue and other such mistakes. _

_Edited Apr 3, 2009_

_(Side note) This chapter was written to establish that this is a canon fic. However, Kingdom Hearts themes and elements are restricted to mere references. No world-hopping, no heartless. - bouncy_


	2. Anxiety

"**Hypervigilance is a heightened sense of awareness. You are not being conformed."**

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warning:** Language, Straight Pr0n, Generally odd behavior, Tobacco Use, More kinkiness, Sex

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

This one's long for me. I didn't expect it to take this long either.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 2: Anxiety**

**-**

Riku awoke holding his breath. He had a disorientingly dreamless sleep, a black unconsciousness that offered no images that he could remember. Why he was awake now wasn't apparent either. The television was on but muted, painting the one-room apartment in an ethereal blue light. The screen depicted a nude blonde woman on a large bed with her black heels still on, her legs spread lewdly wide. She was pleasuring herself with her two fingers and from Riku could tell, really enjoying it.

Sora was still awake. Watching the screen shamelessly, his eyes unwavering. His pink tongue licked the corner of his mouth as he raised a lit cigarette to his mouth, the embers glowing brilliantly in the darkness. Despite his reclined position—propped up against the pillows on his side of the bed—he seemed incredibly tense, like he was barely breathing.

Riku watched curiously as Sora sucked on the end of his cigarette, his no longer boyishly-round cheeks dimpling as he inhaled. His face was so slender now, not in an unhealthy way, but so sinfully _grown_. His more defined jawline and half-lidded eyes and shaggy auburn hair only contributed to his age, effectively stifling that child-like innocence that he didn't seem to be able to get rid of. That, and the fact that he was in bed, watching late night porn.

And smoking. What the hell was that about? When did he start that? Sora, the kid who constantly complained about the smell of paint fumes whenever he visited. _Used_ to visit.

Sora tensed more, as if provoked by some noise, turning his head sharply toward the front door of the apartment. So tense that he wasn't moving. Like a chunk of marble.

Riku never figured out what had disturbed him but after a few long minutes, he simply turned back to the screen, his expression a mixture of disinterest and lust as a male partner was introduced to the lonely blonde on the television screen. Riku offhandedly wondered if that's what he'd been waiting for. It's pointless to watch if you don't get hard.

Sora bit his lip but otherwise lay motionless. The fingertips of his right hand breached the waistband of his pants, but he never touched himself. The woman on the television opened her mouth but her muted cry of passion was never heard. The brunet licked the corner of his mouth again.

"Sora,"

Sora started violently, ripping his hand from his pants—out of shame, Riku assumed. He glanced at the clock by the bed, blinking until his vision cleared. 2:40. Instead of asking the question that would make more sense to the situation like why the hell was he still awake, Riku asked when he started smoking.

"A couple years ago." Sora muttered finally after he had stopped staring at him like he was a stranger in his own bed. His eyes were still a little shocked though, gazing back at the screen apprehensively. If you listened hard enough, you could hear tinny moans warped by the muted volume.

Riku propped his body up on his elbows to see the brunet from a better angle, tilting his head to the side. When Sora had suddenly appeared at his front door at an ungodly hour wearing that overconfident goofy smile of his, Riku had naturally expected an older, albeit less goofier version of the kid who used to follow him everywhere when they were little, but this, this was just...wrong. He didn't move right. He didn't smile enough. He didn't make stupid faces and laugh about it. This man, whoever he was, smoked in bed and watched porn with hardened eyes that had lost their purity. This man tensed like he was being threatened at even the smallest noises, and clenched his teeth when he noticed that Riku was staring at him.

Annoyed. Sora rarely got annoyed at anything, especially something so insignificant. This man wasn't Sora. He was a parody of Sora. At best.

Riku didn't even realize he was scowling until Sora pinched his cigarette between his teeth and reached for his face, mashing the corners of his mouth into an oddly stretched grin. Sora laughed, his eyes softening pleasantly, like they should've been. "Cut it out, Sora," Riku swatted his hands away, aggravated, though his anger diminished quickly at the sight of the brunet's playful smile. His Sora again.

Riku opted for a sarcastic smirk, lightly shoving his chest. "Idiot."

Unable to ignore it any longer—he couldn't very well pretend that Sora had just shown up because he loved him and no other reason—there was something he needed to say, but for whatever reason he was holding back on him. It couldn't have been that bullshit about other worlds and the King and darkness. That was just too fucking obvious.

"What are doing here, Sora? Really?"

Sora's smile dropped a fraction, his eyes nearly losing that cheerful gleam. He dropped the butt of his cigarette into a half-empty glass of water on the side table, his mouth falling into an instant pout that Riku saw right through.

"I told you." He murmured, lying through his teeth. Sora had always been a pitiful liar. His eyes were so expressive, they gave away everything. Riku matched his seemingly offended gaze with an unimpressed frown, blinking placidly. The guarded walls of his eyes shuddered slightly, that good-natured charade cracking a little around the edges.

What are you lying about, Sora? It'd have to be something pretty alarming if he was trying this adamantly to not revealing the truth. Riku couldn't imagine what would've caused the dark expression that crossed his face for a split-second before his imitation of the Sora he once knew appeared again, firmly, even stubbornly, smiling as if nothing was wrong.

Sora sighed, only appearing to break in his resolve by looking guilty, picking at his short nails self-consciously.

"I can't. It's embarrassing." He insisted, looking at the older man from underneath his long eyelashes, the right corner of his mouth turning coyly.

"Really." Riku replied, his deadpan tone ignored by Sora from what he could tell. Try me, were the words he wanted to say.

Sora simply shrugged under the intensity of his glare, his eyes light and playful again. "I haven't..." He paused, giving the impression that he was choosing his words carefully, Riku assumed. "Enjoyed anyone since you."

Riku wasn't expecting that. His eyebrow twitched a fraction higher in bemusement, for a second forgetting that he was supposed to not believe any of this. This was another part of the lie, right?

"Excuse me?"

Sora at least had the decency to look embarrassed, staring down at his hands, twisting a silver ring on his right hand that Riku hadn't noticed before. "It's not that I haven't tried, you know, with other guys..." He explained lowly. "They just don't satisfy me like you do."

"Told you it was embarrassing." He chuckled, flashing a smile that was so totally Sora that it couldn't have been insincere. He had a smile that could stop time and worm its way into anyone's heart. So charmingly innocent. "You've ruined me for all other men." He joked, biting his tongue as he folded his arms behind his head, sinking back into the pillows.

Riku rolled his eyes and turned on his side so his back faced the other half of the bed. It was perhaps the only way to keep his hands off the younger man. Even if he hadn't so thoroughly stroked his ego with his confession, his close proximity was unbearable—so tempting and so wrong at the same time. He shouldn't have been there, in his apartment, in his bed, tentatively caressing his bare shoulder blades with his nicotine-stained fingertips.

"Do you still love me?" Sora asked quietly.

Love. Not one of Riku favorite words. And it certainly wasn't what he would call the upheaval of emotions that he felt in the brunet's presence. Torture, self-loathing, maybe. Not love.

"I don't know." He answered simply. He couldn't lie, not to Sora, especially not about this. Couldn't let him get the wrong impression. Riku wanted nothing to do with him, truthfully. His crotch said otherwise of course, but then again it was always contradicting him anyway.

"I planned on calling you back, you know." Sora insisted, stroking long lines down Riku's back. "I guess I was just scared. You've always scared me."

"I missed you all the time though," He continued, taking the silver-haired man's silence as an inclination to keep talking. He'd keep talking until Riku flat out told him to shut up.

"This actually isn't my first time coming here." Sora smiled sheepishly. Riku didn't see it, but somehow could hear it in his voice. "Usually I'd just sit in the parking lot and rehearse everything I'd say. I'd practice a hundred facial expressions in the mirror. So I wouldn't look like an idiot when I saw you. Pretty stupid, huh?" He chuckled, but he must've realized how wrong it sounded because he stopped abruptly.

_Not really_, Riku wanted to say but he knew it would've sounded like a lie. Nothing seemed appropriate in his head so he remained silent, focusing instead on the long fingers that were combing through his hair.

"It wouldn't have worked anyway." Sora decided, his hand clenching slightly in the silver silk twined around his fingers.

Still Riku said nothing, but looked back him, his eyes questioning. Sora met his gaze with a haunted expression, his cinnamon eyebrows knitted together. There wasn't much to say. How would you respond to that? Riku wondered, seeing that same vulnerability in Sora's frown that had made him so appealing. His bottom lip pushed out and Riku was reminded of the 14-year-old he had fallen in love with lifetimes ago.

The older man reached up and gently petted his russet-colored hair, a gesture that was meant to reassure him, but it didn't. Neither of them smiled and Riku reluctantly turned back on his side, turned away from him.

Sora once again watched the television with little interest, allowing himself a second to hope for the release of sleep that he knew wouldn't come. It never did.

**rsrsrsrs**

Riku loosely tied his hair back to keep it off his shoulders, holding his paintbrush in his teeth to free his hands. He barely grimaced at the gritty taste of the paint on his tongue; he had accidentally put the wrong end in his mouth several times before. It was a bad habit he really needed to be more careful about; hearing way too many horror stories about artists getting lead poisoning from ingesting too much paint. The fingertips of his right hand were already partially paralyzed due to overexposure. Carelessness, on his part.

Sora stood in the kitchen area, drinking a large glass of orange juice. He was trying not to hover, Riku realized, feeling him watching with interest from behind his back. Riku always painted while facing the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the city. Though he lived on the west side of town, the view was still pretty amazing. Especially early in the morning.

Finally giving up on staying out the way, Sora bounced over to where Riku had his canvas set up with a surprising amount of energy. He hadn't slept all night, Riku knew this, recalling that he was awoken a second time by his soft gasping. The quiet noises escaping his parted lips, his brilliant eyes half closed, the muscles in his arm tensing rhythmically. Riku grew hard watching him, but for a reason he could only explain as exhaustion kept him from addressing his own need. He just watched.

Sora had, over the years, become someone he didn't recognize, but at the same time ignited a desire in him that he could barely understand. It wasn't love but could've been just as strong.

Sora gulped his orange juice, licking his top lip. He stood on the other side of the canvas, looking down over it and smiled for no reason; just for sake of smiling. Like he used to. The person Riku had described as a 'parody of Sora' was no where in sight today; he seemed to have disappeared overnight.

"Morning." Sora greeted for the second time since Riku woke up. Whether he noticed this or not, Riku couldn't tell but only nodded again, smiling around the handle of the ¼ inch angle brush held between his teeth. He used the numb fingertips of his right hand to smear the paint in an upward slope, a light grayish-blue that imitated the sky outside.

"I need you to drive me to work." Sora said it kind of abruptly, taking the older of the two off-guard. The younger drunk his juice, watching him expectantly over the rim of his glass.

At that moment it occurred to Riku that he had no idea what this new Sora did for a living. He frowned, tonguing the handle in his mouth before removing it. "Are you asking?"

"Pleeease." Sora beamed, clasping his hands together under his chin.

"Sure. I don't mind." Riku shrugged, turning in his chair. Sora's smile widened happily and he nearly jumped on the older man, throwing an arm around his neck.

"We'll always be friends, right?"

Riku chuckled, pulling the brunet's arm off before he choked him.

"Yeah,"

Sora continued to hang off his shoulder; moving in, he gently kissed his slender neck.

"I'm glad." He purred lowly, his eyes bright and incredibly lustful. Sora had been full of sudden mood changes lately but this had to be Riku's favorite. It was the only time the younger keyblader really exposed himself and showed what he was hiding underneath that cheerful attitude; that he had carnal urges like everyone else.

Sora slipped his hands inside Riku's open shirt, exploring all the vanilla cream colored skin he didn't get to taste the night before, the hard planes of his chest, the sculpted abdomen that tapered into strong hips; everything below that covered by sweatpants. Too many clothes, Sora decided, pushing his shirt off his shoulders.

Riku shrugged off the shirt as it pooled around his elbows, discarding it on the floor. He brought his hands back up to grasp at Sora's waist, running his palms shamelessly over his backside, one down the center suggestively that made him gasp as Riku's three fingers pressed as if to enter him through his clothing.

Sora did the same as yesterday, rocking back on his fingers, expressing his desire to take those long fingers into his body. He whimpered softly, gripping Riku's shoulders to give himself leverage, his lips grazing the other's just once.

Riku nudged his lean hips forward with that one hand, letting Sora feel how hard he was, how badly he wanted him. Sora only groaned restlessly, his half open eyes desperately irritated.

"Don't...play." He managed to protest, the grip on his shoulders growing slightly tighter out of warning. Riku laughed softly, wrapping one strong arm around his thin waist, holding the younger man securely against his body. As he stood, they rubbed together and Sora let out a low elated whine, clinging as Riku walked him backwards past the kitchen toward the bedroom area.

Riku removed his glasses as he dropped the 22-year-old on the bed, placing them on the table. Sora would have none of that. No delays. He adjusted himself on the unmade sheets, spreading his legs in invitation, smirking coyly.

"Always impatient." Riku muttered, arching his eyebrow sarcastically. Though his own arousal was becoming more prominent through the loose material of his pants, Riku took his time, slowly running his hands all over his smaller frame, groping his chest through his shirt. Sora arched into his touch, attempting to urge him closer, close enough to feel the heavy warmth of his erection against his leg.

"Riku," Sora breathed, undulating in frustration. Riku was caressing him everywhere but the places that craved the most attention. He licked his lips and pouted, his frown more lustful than upset. "Touch me..Please.."

Riku needed little more persuasion than that to wrench the smaller body practically underneath him, his hands deftly working open the front of his pants. Sora made no objections this time, instead biting his lip every time his knuckles grazed his abdomen. His pants and underwear were pulled down to mid-thigh, exposing him for Riku's eyes to drink in and memorize. He stiffened even more feeling those eyes staring at his crotch, at the pronounced flesh that was so erect, it nearly lay against his stomach.

"So beautiful." Riku commented, supporting the underside of Sora's legs and pushing them forward until they lay against his chest. This left him just enough room to lightly press his lips to the other's, uttering a quiet, "Mmn," when Sora tentatively returned the kiss, craning his neck to lift his head off the mattress. The embrace didn't last long, however. Riku realized that he was leaning on the younger man and he pulled back slightly, just enough so that Sora could breathe easily.

Riku's cock pulsed eagerly against Sora's ass and he suddenly became very aware that he was naked from the waist down and there was only a thin layer of fabric separating their two bodies from becoming whole. And it was making it very clear where it wanted to go.

Sora's pants were removed and for a second his legs were lowered back to the bed. Riku instructed him to keep his legs together as he pushed them toward his chest again, holding them in place with his right arm. He gave Sora a reassuring smile, sucking three of his fingers into his mouth, throughly moistening them.

The brief second of pressure as the first finger was pushed inside was bearable, the second only mildly uncomfortable. Sora only took a deep breath as both began to probe gently, slowly moving in and out. Lightly stroking the hot walls inside of him. He had been used to this part. This was one of the few intimacies he and Riku used to share as inexperienced teenagers; before the night they made that painting together. When Sora was still a virgin.

Sora clenched unconsciously as both long fingers twisted and curled, searching for something. That wonderful little spot that the brunet had discovered one night that if he reached far enough he could stroke it himself. If he was alone, that is.

Sora grinned at the memory, craning his neck as best as he could, trying to see Riku around his legs. Riku returned his smile as their eyes met, nimbly massaging what he had been purposefully skipping over. The brunet moaned through his teeth, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Good?" Riku asked needlessly, feeling how his body constricted and pulsated around the intrusion, tightening and pulling deeper. As he thumbed the firm balls, Sora's hips rose impatiently, legs spreading lewdly despite Riku's earlier instruction. He groaned, willing more friction, more stimulation, anything to make him cry out.

"Fuck..." Sora whined, lightly taking his rigid cock in his hand. It was a word he rarely used anywhere outside of sex, Riku noticed though he was more captivated by the way he handled himself. How gently he kneaded his erection in his fingers rather than frantically stroking to make himself come faster. Riku always found that strangely fascinating.

"Ahh," Sora moaned a protest as Riku withdrew his fingers completely, his radiant eyes narrowed critically. The brilliant orbs widened as Riku dipped his head down, licking him in one long motion, the flat, wet heat of his tongue laving over his entrance without going in. Sora breathed in sharply as the action was repeated, longer and slower, torturing. Agonizing.

From his expression, it was clear that no one had ever done this for him before. The nameless men that had never satisfied him the way Riku could. Smirking triumphantly, Riku lapped him one last time before drawing his three fingers into his mouth again and reintroducing them to the tightness between the brunet's legs. Sora trembled at the new addition, all three fingers staying pressed together like a single digit, each lovingly caressing his prostate with more pressure than before.

The noises Sora was making could hardly be classified as quiet; clawing into the sheets with his eyes tightly closed, he moaned in time with the rhythm Riku established with his thrusting fingers.

"I do have neighbors, Sora." Riku joked, starting to feel an obviously uncomfortable strain from watching him and lacking stimulation to his own erection. He rubbed himself on the younger man's leg to relieve some of the ache in his groin, the light fabric of pants creating a modest friction that helped. He was reluctant to do much more. Sora just seemed so delicate. Sora was always delicate.

"_Riku._"

He heard his name, but it was whispered so softly, he wasn't even sure if it was Sora who said it. The brunet raised his hips, uselessly humping the air, his luminous eyes rolling behind his partially closed eyelids. "_Please. I need..._"

Riku dipped down again, taking the tip of Sora's pleasure in his mouth, sucking languidly on the firm flesh that twitched and leaked on his tongue. Sora's hand remained wrapped around the base of his shaft, moving along with the newly-added heat that enveloped it. He cried, a low strong sound that was much louder than he intended. With his other hand he cupped Riku's face, feeling his cheeks dimple as he sucked harder, working determinedly to pull his orgasm from him.

Riku managed to pull himself from his pants with his free hand while still corrupting Sora with his other, stroking himself briskly. Arousing as his cries were, it wouldn't take long for Riku to finish. Especially with the way Sora was writhing and opening himself up, spreading his legs wider and clenching on Riku's fingers in desperation.

Just as Riku let Sora slip from his mouth, he shuddered and jerked like his muscles were locking, moaning loudly through gritted teeth. Wetness dotted his chest once he came, his hips still rising in futility as the jerking slowly began to subside.

"C'mere," Sora rumbled, holding out his arms tiredly. Riku crawled up his body, latching open-mouthed kisses to his throat, moaning as that familiar pressure began to build. The brunet wrapped his arms loosely around his neck, freeing his hair and running his fingers through the soft, silky strands, massaging his scalp and the base of his neck.

Sora's tongue curled around Riku's earlobe, his hands drifting down, expertly tugging at the knots in his back, relaxing his tense muscles. Riku groaned for a totally different reason than the fact that he felt like he was going to erupt any second. "Feel good?" Sora asked needlessly, already getting his answer as Riku practically melted under his nimble fingers.

Sora grasped Riku's hard thighs, feeling them tremble in his hands as the man started getting close. He pressed his fingertips into the thick muscle, working them in small sensual circles, gripping and pulling gently. "Come on me." Sora purred, caressing his face with one hand, his other cupping his firm ass and kneading it appreciatively.

Riku made a face but wasn't really sure he said what he thought. Sora stroked his lips with his fingernails, pushing one long digit inside his mouth which he instinctively began to suck on. "Come on me, baby." Practically fucking his own hand at this point, Riku did as he was told without much thought, groaning with finality as wet heat rushed from his body.

Sora smiled, licking his finger after scooping up some of the warm liquid. He muttered something that sounded close to, "Good boy," and his smile widened to the goofy grin Riku was accustomed to, scooping up more and offering it to Riku as if it were a foreign food. "Wanna try?"

Riku scrunched his nose in distaste, lightly pushing his hand away.

"I've had it before. I'll pass." Sora pulled him down for a kiss with his clean hand, pressing their lips together in an embrace much too chaste for their earlier activities. "Shower." The brunet's eyes narrowed tiredly, though very content. A bedroom smile on his lips.

Riku nodded and rolled off of him, letting him go first. He watched as Sora stood and stretched, gathering his pants and heading toward the bathroom without even needing to be told where it was. Riku couldn't help but think he was a little too comfortable here. Considering.

**rsrsrsrs**

"So where to?" Riku asked, pulling out his keys as they exited the building through the main doors, disabling his car alarm.

"Um, the east side." Sora replied, biting his lip shamefully. The east side was on the other side of town, obviously.

"East side?" Riku frowned, adjusting his glasses as the sun glared off them. It was pretty bright for 8:00 and already about 80-something degrees. Days like these were the main reason why Riku preferred the indoors.

Sora seemed to come to life in the sunlight as if he were drawing energy from it. He nodded brilliantly, spreading his arms out as if to absorb as much sun as he could. He was such an island kid; Riku couldn't help but smile, noticing that his hair was almost a copper color. It was fitting somehow.

Riku's heartbeat sped up for a second as they walked down to the parking lot, his chest gripped with an unidentifiable fear that he couldn't figure out. Something about today felt final. Like after today, the teenager with the contagious smile and impossible optimism would disappear from his life again for another 5 years. Or longer. Like forever.

Riku relinquished the urge to grab his smaller frame and embrace him to his chest and beg him not to leave and promise him that he could change whatever Sora didn't like about him if he would just stay. _Please._

Distracting himself from his own damning thoughts, Riku noticed an unfamiliar car parked about two spaces away from his own. It wasn't exactly expensive but it looked a little too new and clean for this neighborhood.

"That your car?" Riku inquired, his suspicions confirmed when the brunet nodded.

"Yep. I kinda killed it though." He laughed sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. Normally, he wouldn't even ask for an explanation. Sora had an inept ability for destroying things haphazardly, but a whole car was a little too incredible.

"How did you manage that?" Riku asked, already laughing before he even knew the answer. Something careless, he predicted. He got in the front seat of his own car, Sora climbing in the passenger seat.

"I don't know. The battery, I think." He smiled, biting his tongue playfully. His eyes sparkled with that familiar boundless energy, generally unconcerned about his car. No surprise there. Sora practically avoided anything resembling something mechanical. Riku was stunned that he even _knew_ how to drive.

"Or the gas." Sora added, shrugging. Riku shook his head, giving him the usual, you-really-are-hopeless look.

"I really hope you don't live by yourself." That wasn't entirely true. Riku still wouldn't trust Sora with an alarm clock, but the thought of him living with someone else kinda pissed him off. Not only because he was worried about someone touching his Sora, sharing the same space, but if this didn't go well and he needed to kidnap him without any witnesses, he couldn't have someone reporting the brunet missing.

"I survive just fine on my own, thank you." Sora defended, pouting cutely. That didn't last long though as he wrinkled his nose in distaste at the smell of the warehouses they were passing leaked in through the cracked windows. The meat-packing district was never that appealing for anyone.

"Oh, really?" Riku scoffed, ignoring the smell. He had gotten so used to it that it didn't even bother him anymore. "And what if I hadn't let you stay last night? What would've you done? Slept in your car? In a west side neighborhood?" He nearly shuddered at the thought. He would've never let Sora stay outside at nighttime in his neighborhood, no matter how much resentment he felt for him. He'd have been raped or killed in a matter of fucking minutes. "You'd have been snatched up in 20 fucking seconds." _With your east side ass..._

Sora rolled his eyes, not caring. "Please." He instantly smiled when Riku's expression fell into a hard frown, in an attempt to reassure him. "I'll take that as compliment, though."

_You'll take that as a warning_, Riku wanted to say but spared him for the sake of the already tense mood.

Riku couldn't believe how easy it was to talk to Sora. It was so effortless, it almost didn't seem like it was happening. Sora laughed easily and talked even _more_ easily so holding a 28 minute conversation was no chore for either of them. After the brunet left his life the first time, Riku was sure the relationship was irreparable, but it was so hard _not_ to like Sora and enjoy his company that it only seemed like a few minutes they had shared together on the ride rather than half an hour.

"Here it is." Sora beamed, recognizing the charming townhouse they had stopped in front of. A building with two floors, a thick oak front door and stone steps that led up to a separate back entrance that went straight to the second floor.

Riku couldn't help but laugh at the sign on the window of the first floor. Massage Therapy Clinic. "You're a masseuse?" He eyed Sora incredulously, trying to wrap his mind around that concept. Sora was _paid_ to _rub_ people all day?

Sora scowled, though his voice held little hostility behind it. "Massage therapist." He corrected. "A masseuse is a woman anyway."

"Whatever. It's the same thing." It made sense though, in some strange insane way. At least, it explained why his hands were so abnormally soft. Sora rolled his eyes, moving to exit the car.

"Good-bye, Riku."

"It's not even open yet." Riku pointed out, hoping that Sora would stay with him for a few more minutes.

"I know. That's because _I_ haven't opened it yet." Sora showed him a ring of keys pointedly, jingling them like you would in front of a baby.

Riku frowned, tilting his head curiously to the side. "You own it?"

"And the apartment above it." Sora told him, not bragging, just stating a simple fact. Sora rarely cared about possessions. He could lose everything and still wear that goofy smile. As long as he had someone to wear that goofy smile for.

"Wow." Riku was impressed, glancing at the building again. He owned all of that. Which meant this is where he lived as well.

Riku suddenly felt that wrenching tug again. He was already home. And he had no real reason to come back. Riku lost him already. That was hardly fair. He considered locking the doors and speeding off before Sora could get out. If he leaves, I won't see him again. That's all his mind let him think.

"Well, this is work." Sora smiled and leaned over, obviously intending to kiss him good-bye. He rested his hand on the Riku's thigh and gave it a gentle but firm squeeze. "Unless you wanna come in. I could give you a free 'massage'."

Riku laughed, falling back into that comfort zone that they had; the place where their strong chemistry stemmed from. "Nah, I gotta lot of work to do."

"Okay." Sora said softly, cupping his face and pressed their lips together.

Riku wasn't having that. He held the back of his head and kissed him like he wouldn't see him for another 5 years, parted lips and his tongue deep in the other's mouth. "Mmn." Sora moaned, gripping his thigh hard. His tongue was like hot velvet against Riku's, expertly keeping up with all the attention it was receiving.

"I gotta go." Sora muttered urgently, reluctantly opening the car door, even though Riku wasn't exactly _letting_ him go. He kissed him again, once more before getting out. "I'll call you when I close up, okay?"

Riku nodded mechanically, feeling like every part of his body was missing him already. Sora closed the car door, but he suddenly stopped and turned around, his eyes thoughtful.

"Let's order in tonight, I don't feel like cooking." He grinned, waving goodbye like you would imagine a kid would.

Riku groaned inwardly as he drove off. He had imagined he would be ecstatic about news like this especially when he was nearly panicking earlier. But it was wrong, and Riku consciously knew this. And still he pursued him, knowing the whole time it was a bad idea. Sora shouldn't live with him, Sora shouldn't be near him.

Technically, Sora should hate him. There was a reason he left. A _good_ reason.

**rsrsrsrsrs**

_Strange place to end, I know. Adds to the mystery though, I'd like to think._

_I was thinking about Kingdom Hearts and it occurred to me, what if Riku, the one who was tainted by darkness and corrupted and such in the game, was like completely normal, while Sora turned out all fucked up? Just seemed like an interesting twist to me... I think I'm addicted to the Sora-bation by the way... *guilty*_

_May I also point out to quell any future confusion, Riku's opinions are his own, not necessarily the truth. As is any occurrence that Sora may come across—completely his own, but not necessarily the absolute truth. This story is told within reality as well as the adverse reality that the mind creates. It's up to you to decide which is real and which is not. _

_My goal is to update once a week or so. Depends on how strictly I follow my deadlines. :3 Keep an eye out! THNX - bouncy_


	3. Exhaustion

"**Hypervigilance is a state of mind. The shadows cannot hurt you."**

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warning: **Language, Alcohol Use, Minor Heavy Touching, Babies! (No, not mpreg, sillies.)

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 3: Exhaustion**

**-**

_"Quit giggling, Sora." Riku chuckled, smiling at the way he kept jumping every time the brush touched his arm. He is so perfect. His sky blue eyes watching the older boy with such adoration and trust. There was very little that Riku wouldn't do for Sora at this moment. He'd destroy whole worlds to make him happy._

_"It tickles." Sora said, laughing as well. His heart was pounding as he managed a blushing peek at Riku's body. Riku's _naked _body. Over his. _Wanting _his._

_Riku was painting each of Sora's long fingers individually, making them a slightly brighter red than his face. He was blushing so hard, it looked like he might faint any minute. "Try not to pass out, Sora." Riku joked, jostling him a little as if to wake him for a long sleep. "I'll be offended if you do."_

Truthfully, their first time was...awkward. While that _was_ a given in any relationship, it was just so unexpected. Riku and Sora had great chemistry in everything else, but in bed they were like two blind-folded strangers, like something was missing. And the second time wasn't much better either. The second time destroyed what fragile little remnant of affection they had left.

That was all very different now. Perhaps it was because they were mature adults now, no longer scared-shitless teenagers. That they had the opportunity to explore their options, to see that there was more than just the two of them in the world. Sora hadn't been the only person Riku had "enjoyed" either. Just a few unmentionable relations that all ended briefly, and as it seemed to be pattern with him, disastrously.

Sora was spending more time in his apartment, more than Riku had anticipated. And worst of all, he was entirely too comfortable. He cooked dinner for Riku the other night. Cooked. Sora. He only smiled politely when Riku incredulously inquired when he learned to cook. Just another out of the hundred moments where they were like total strangers again.

And Sora never smoked during the day. Riku noticed this after the first night. And he _still_ wouldn't sleep. Yet it never seemed to affect his impossibly boundless energy. Still, Riku couldn't help but be concerned for his health. The brunet was rather notorious for hiding his problems from others, deterring any worry with that expertly deceptive smile of his.

Like the one he was wearing now. A little turn at the corner of his mouth that mocked a cheeriness that didn't quite reach his eyes. He was adept at pretending when it was necessary but the moments when he let his guard down, that's when Riku could tell that he was miserable.

And he still wasn't exactly sure why.

Once the fleeting need to comfort him had passed, Riku glanced over the top of a magazine that he wasn't really reading at Sora, who was flipping distractedly through a stack of documents he had spread out on the kitchen table. Seeing the word invoice on several of the papers, Riku assumed it had something to with the massage clinic Sora owned. Business stuff.

"Why massage therapist?"

Sora glanced up after a delayed second, his eyes still lingering on the page he was holding. He shrugged shortly afterward, grinning cutely.

"Why not?"

Riku raised an eyebrow, unsuccessfully trying to interpret his response, as if there were really some hidden meaning behind it. "Doesn't sound like something you'd be interested in."

Sora turned his attention back to his paper, inclining his shoulders as he rested his elbows on the table.

"'Cause you know me so well." He murmured, that strange mocking smile turning his lips again. The word "Belligerent" came to mind.

Riku decided not to question his tone for the time being, instead folding his magazine in half to hold his place and continuing the conversation, if only to get Sora to talk some more. It was strange, but now it was like he wouldn't really speak for too long unless spoken to first. Like he had become anti-social over the years. Or maybe he was only like this around him.

"You any good at it?"

Sora graced him with another brief glance, this one a little longer than the one before. The playfulness in his eyes betrayed his thoughts with a look that was anything but innocent.

"Wanna find out?"

Ignoring the lustful flutter in his stomach, Riku simply laughed good-naturedly.

"Better not. You look busy." Riku's gaze indicated the thick stack of paper that Sora had yet to touch.

Sora's expression deflated slightly into a pout as he eyed the documents with distaste. There wasn't much he hated more than sitting still and reading for an extended amount of time. At least some things never changed. "Yeah, I really am. Just trying to figure out how to pay off this loan without robbing my employees."

Riku watched the way Sora's face changed with his smile, the raising of his cheeks that made his eyes narrow just slightly and was inexplicably reminded of the anatomy class he had taken for art school years ago.

"Need any help with that? It wouldn't be a whole lot, but I do okay for myself." Riku offered. Sora's face changed abruptly, the muscles forming his carefree smile pulling down into a hard frown.

"With munny? No way! I couldn't ask for a thing like that."

"It's not a big deal, Sora." Riku assured him, curiously gaging his reaction. "I'd be happy to help." Sora's cinnamon colored eyebrows pushed together in an obvious uncertainty but he managed a curt nod, his mouth set in a more neutral line; not quite a frown but not really a smile either.

"Thanks." Riku ruffled his hair affectionately, rising from the table to make coffee. Sora cast his eyes down to his paper, his cheeks turning delicately pink. Still obliviously cute, as usual.

"You should really use a computer for that. It'd be a lot faster." Riku changed the subject, leaning back on the counter as he watched the rich dark liquid slowly drip into the carafe. He was planning on making it a long night and the caffeine-enriched beverage would soon become very necessary.

"My receptionist does that." Sora said, waving his hand dismissively. "I'm pretty useless with computers anyway."

"Yeah, I know."

Sora tilted his head analytically, offering nothing but silence. The conversation died again much to Riku's exasperation, especially because he seemed to be doing so well. One minute you couldn't get him to shut up, the next it was like rocket science to get him to talk. If there was one thing that was really pissing him off about this whole situation it was that. He seriously just wanted to shake him, see if he could miraculously fix whatever part of his mind that wasn't connecting right.

…**...**

"I'm so bored!" Sora announced after about a half an hour, pushing himself away from the table, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes. "This is so mind-numbing, I swear." He complained to the ceiling, dropping his arms to his sides in defeat.

Riku chuckled, penciling the three foot profile of a young woman in a smooth charcoal on a six foot canvas. Dark jointed fingers flow from one side of her head, curling in the air as if blowing in an imaginary wind. With the side of his hand, he smeared the thick lines to shade the length of the "hair", giving it a more dusky appearance.

For the record, Riku has never identified himself as an artist; only his manager seems to think so. Once every four months, she rents a gallery in which to showcase his pieces. While these events _were_ his main source of income, he wasn't very fond of them. He found them pretentious, which is why he rarely attended them.

"Wanna paint something? That always helps me." Riku suggested, drawing fingernails at the ends of the surreal fingers. He only looked back once he had the elaborately detailed hand completed, stepping back to admire the near-perfect proportion of the elongated digits. It wasn't finished, but Riku could tell this would be one of his favorites.

"Me? I can barely manage stick figures." Sora stood at his side, folding his arms behind his back, his bright eyes flicking critically over the large canvas. "This is really good. You probably make a lot of munny doing this, huh?"

"Not as much as you'd think."

Sora gently touched the edge of the canvas, his voice dropping to a more serious tone. "You're really amazing, Riku."

Riku wrapped his arm around Sora's neck, careful not to touch him with his blackened hands as he cradled his more slender body to his. "Thank you, Sora." He nodded, knowing that he was thanking him for more than the compliment. "You want a drink?" Sora shook his head.

"I don't drink." Riku shrugged, opening his refrigerator and grabbing a beer from the back. "You really shouldn't either. That stuff is bad for you." Sora commented reproachfully, frowning as he twisted the top off and took a drink anyway.

Riku only smiled placidly, kissing his cheek as he returned to his work. "Lighten up, Sora."

"I just don't like when you drink, that's all." Sora curled his fingers into his palm, silently digging his nails into his hand when Riku called him mother-hennish. Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. "Just don't overdo it, okay?"

"Sure." Riku dismissed him, outlining a wide almond-shaped eye on the upper part of the face.

Sora clenched his jaw, concerned but he said nothing more. He trusted Riku. He's always trusted Riku. He's always trusted Riku. Didn't he?

**rsrsrsrs**

Sora was asleep. Riku found this so fascinating, he just had to cross the room and make sure. His eyes were closed, his breaths shallow. He was curled on his side, his hands peacefully tucked under his chin. Sleeping.

Riku felt himself smile and climbed on the bed, lightly touching his soft hair. It was the first time he had seen him like this in a week. He was breath-taking and so, so vulnerable. _My Sora. _He could take him right now if he wanted to. Spread his legs, expose his beautiful body. Tear his clothes off and leave him naked. In Riku's opinion, he should be like that all the time. Naked and perfect and waiting to be fucked. Pretty little Sora. Too sexy for his own good.

Sora groaned softly, laying his head to the side, baring his slender neck. Subjecting himself to lustful nipping at his throat. A tongue and a warm mouth on his ear.

"Sora," Riku nearly growled. The little one wasn't awakening. His legs fanned out unconsciously, the pink muscle hidden behind his teeth licking the corner of his mouth. Unconsciously, he opened himself up to Riku, welcoming the wet heat of his mouth that pressed to his crotch through his clothing. Inhaling his masculine scent through the fabric of his pants.

Sora whined, completely unaware that he was close to being ravaged. He awoke violently, eyes wide and staring at nothing, staring through the ceiling. He awoke to Riku eye-level to the vee of his legs, frighteningly aroused by the warmth of his breath.

Riku's eyes were narrowed, their expression dark and strange. Violent. Sora scrambled toward the headboard, kicking Riku's shoulder and narrowly missing his head. He huddled against the metal bars, coiling his body tight to make himself smaller. Inexplicably, Riku was reminded of the warning signs of an aggressive animal; something he had read quite some time ago. The straight stiffness of his back and the way he raised his shoulders defensively. _Get the __**hell**__ away from me_, is a good description for what he looked like.

"Sora?" Riku chuckled, crawling toward him anyway. "Come here, baby." He could practically hear his heartbeat thudding in his chest. He couldn't imagine why he would be so terrified.

"It's me, Sora." Riku continued to speak softly, hoping to reassure him. He grabbed Sora's ankle, dragging him forcefully from the headboard to a submissive position underneath him. "Calm down, babe. It was just a bad dream." Riku gently stroked his face, touching his trembling lips.

"_Stop_." Sora's voice was small, pleading. His hands were open and pushing at his chest but if Riku even realized it, it didn't show. "_Riku, please_."

"What's wrong?" Shadows swam before Sora's eyes as the man above spoke with concern but his hands failed to show the same emotion. They stroked in a way that was no where near comforting; gripping too hard at his hair and nearly bruising his face. They drifted down his body, giving him unwanted attention, rubbing between his legs so roughly, it almost hurt.

His breath smelled heavily of alcohol which is what riled Sora's instinct's into a frenzy in the first place. Riku wasn't even aware of what he was doing and certainly wasn't aware of the impressive amount of strength he was putting into his actions. Not when he was drunk.

Practically hyperventilating, Sora shoved at his chest even after his arms grew tired, whining as Riku's heavier body descended, his hard muscle unyielding. Sora's arms crumbled uselessly in between them.

"Get. Off." Sora hissed, frantic now, still pushing until Riku backed off a little; though it was apparent that he didn't really hear what he said because he continued to caress the reluctant growing in his lap, beginning to strip the younger man of his pants.

Using this small opening, Sora managed to clamber free, clumsily shoving the older keyblader away. Riku was fast though, grabbing Sora's wrist as he fell off the side of the bed. Sora cried out involuntarily when his arm twisted in the iron grip. "Where are you going?"

Riku watched Sora squirm away from him, tightening his grip on his arm instinctively. He was confused by the panic-stricken look on his face, the painful sounding breaths he was taking. That urge returned, the urge to hold him close and sooth away his fear. What could be scaring him so badly? His dream?

Riku pulled at him, attempting to coax him back on the bed. Sora responded well to embracing and petting. He was so easily comforted. Yet, Riku noticed, he was feeling a very severe pain in his hand and it was Sora. Clawing at his skin like a wolf caught in a bear trap. It wasn't until a familiar light began to form in the brunet's right palm that Riku actually let go.

Sora stumbled to his feet, immediately seeking refuge in the bathroom; the only room with a door and a lock. Riku blinked, rising from the bed hesitantly. He wasn't sure if he should even ask what the hell was going on with him.

Sora nearly attacked him. If he hadn't have thought to let go, Sora would've literally _attacked_ him.

**rsrsrsrs**

After hours of talking to the bathroom door, of hopelessly trying to convince Sora that he wasn't going to hurt him, Riku gave up, forcing himself to get some sleep. Far as he knew, Sora never came out. Around seven, the sound of the shower running woke him again.

Riku frowned at the dark smears of charcoal on his sheets and pillow. He forgot to wash his hands before getting into bed. Sighing, he began to strip the mattress, barely looking up as the bathroom door opened. Sora's eyes were guarded and downcast as he dried his hair with a towel. Riku made no attempt to approach him and for the moment, that was preferred.

"You okay now?" Riku asked without facing him. He busied himself with the sheets, huffing when realized he was only staining them more. Charcoal was so hard to get out too.

"Yeah." Sora answered curtly. He passed Riku entirely, going straight for the kitchen. He took the orange juice out, drinking from the carton and putting it back. "I gotta go to work." Sora announced, shoving a cigarette between his teeth, cupping his hand to light it. He seemed to grimace at the smell, wrinkling his nose. Yet, he continued to inhale from it as if it didn't bother him.

"Oh," Forgetting about the charcoal, Riku scratched his head, looking at the floor thoughtfully. "Lemme just find my shoes--"

"Don't bother. I'll take my car." Sora deterred his speech, exhaling in the air, his eyes strangely cool and eerily calm. He should be overflowing with energy right now.

"I thought--" Riku began, though he was interrupted again.

"The car's fine. Don't worry about it." The brunet patted his pocket, making sure his keys were in there, afterwards abruptly moving to the door. "See ya."

Riku never got the chance to reply, feeling steamrolled as the door closed in front of him. Guess that was it. Sora was gone again. Riku sighed, picking up his sheets and stuffing them into a laundry bag. At least he knew what to expect. Getting over him shouldn't be nearly as hard this time around.

**rsrsrsrs**

After the break-up—if one should call it that; technically it was an abandonment—Riku found that he was very compatible with Kairi. She was reasonably pleasant company and never judged him based on what he knew Sora had to be telling her about him. She even had the good grace to warn him when she had said spiky-haired company over, often using the code word "despair", as in "That's not really a good idea. I'm feeling too much _despair_ right now." The word choice was Riku's, of course, as that was pretty much his main emotion at that point in his life. He was surprised she even humored him.

Anyway, every once in while, Riku would go over to do his laundry, mainly because he really didn't trust the basement laundry room at his building. A few kids got assaulted down there, at least that what he heard. Either way, Kairi suggested that he come to her house instead.

Kairi had a pretty stable life compared to the barely controlled chaos of Riku's. She had a husband, Quint, married at 19, had a 2-year-old daughter, Charlot, and was pregnant again. She wasn't terribly big right now, but she was still noticeably round. Only a few months along, Riku guessed.

Kairi sighed loudly, resting her head while slumped over the kitchen table.

"Hey, you're not allowed to be depressed. That's my thing." Riku joked, returning from the laundry room, seating himself in the chair parallel to hers. He laid his head on the table as well so they were eye-level.

"Not depressed. Tired." Kairi kept her eyes closed, unaware that Riku was staring at the back of her eyelids. She was still as beautiful as she had always been, except now she looked less like a little princess and more like a wife and a mother. A grown woman.

Her hair was almost as long as Riku's but it wasn't as bone straight. She seemed to prefer curling it now, in thick wavy ringlets that draped over her shoulders and fell down her back. Her face barely changed though. She was practically the same in that department.

"I can't drink coffee," Kairi complained, beginning to rise from her chair as the microwave timer went off. Riku stood before she could, retrieving the cup for her, dunking a raspberry teabag inside the steaming water. She thanked him, stirring in two spoons of sugar. "I'm in tea hell for the rest of my life. I'm sorry, did you want any?"

"No thanks. Does Quint not believe in condoms? Every time I see you, you're popping out another one." Riku smirked. Kairi snorted, blowing on her tea.

"Shut up. Am not."

Riku felt so much relief at that moment. He couldn't believe how refreshing it was to talk to a normal person. About normal things. He hadn't even realized how much a week of Sora was exhausting him. Finally, someone who didn't just stare at him when he made a joke.

"Where is your demon spawn anyway?"

Kairi pursed her lips, swallowing the tea he knew she wished was a double-shot espresso. "Sleeping."

"At least someone is." Riku muttered, picking the remnants of black charcoal dust out from under his fingernails.

"Mm, Sora told me he was visiting you." She didn't ask aloud, but Riku knew she was wondering if they were finally patching things up.

"Nope. I fucked it up again." He answered bitterly, swiping black shit from the tabletop to the floor. "At least I got a good lay out of it." Riku shrugged, trying to be indifferent but failing to _feel_ indifference. Instead he just felt empty.

Kairi coughed, nearly choking on her tea. Riku laughed good-naturedly, patting her back.

"You alright? It's just sex, Kairi. Nothing you should be unfamiliar with." She shook her head, breathing deeply to regain her voice.

"You had sex?" Kairi asked, sounding worried and incredulous at the same time. Her face, however, said, "Why the hell would you do a stupid thing that?"

"Kinda. Nothing spectacular though." He smiled cynically. "Try not to be too disappointed."

"No. Riku." Kairi paused, her voice more serious than he had ever heard it sound. "Sora's married."

**rsrsrsrs**

_I know this one's kinda short, especially for the long wait, but this is only half of what it was originally going to be. But together, it would be too long, take too long, whatever. SO I split it. All that means is the next one will be up soon, once I finish the end of it._

_I decided to tone down the smut just a bit for this chapter only because I realized the last two chapters have been like 1/3 story, 2/3 sex. Not saying the sex wasn't entirely necessary, because I believe it was, I just get a little carried away with the describing... *goofy smile* Anyway there'll definitely be more smut in the future just because I enjoy writing it so much. So never fear. But I'm gonna be working on my story skills as well. Expect longer chapters. - bouncy_


	4. Stimuli

"**Hypervigilance is a serious condition. Symptoms include alienation from family and friends."**

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, Male Intimacy, Sex, Infidelity, Minor OC description(guess that's not really a warning *-***;**)

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix. _ I'm so lazy with my disclaimer. Lulz

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 4: Stimuli**

**-**

"Oh, this is gorgeous. Just like your old stuff." The woman praised, separating the painting with the young lady, her hair a large hand reaching for the sky, to another stack. Those were the ones she would take, to a storage locker somewhere uptown to be kept safe until the showing three weeks from now. She would do this twice a month; scavenging through Riku's apartment for any little scrap of material she could call art, and hauling it away in her silver town car to some unknown location. Some Riku didn't really want to part with; others he just couldn't wait to get the hell out of his apartment.

She was Riku's manager, Sienna del Sol, an obviously fake name. One you would imagine a stripper to have. While she was a beautiful woman, curvy and proud of it, with generously proportioned breasts she often "accidentally" stuck in his face; she was also short-tempered and fierce, habitually snapping at Riku when he was being particularly lazy with his work. But she was always honest and it was hard not admire that.

Sienna was the second person who helped him get over Sora's abandonment—first abandonment, anyway—albeit not in the gentle and understanding way Kairi handled it. "Get over it," is what she told him, if he remembered correctly. She was flipping through his finished paintings much like she was now. "I'm sick of this emo crap." It pissed him off at the time, but thinking back, he understood what she meant.

Riku was only partially listening to the woman when she told him that this particular showcasing was mandatory for him to attend. He groaned inwardly, slouching over in his seat. He seriously hated going to those things. It made him feel like an animal on exhibit; every one wants to talk to him, and they rarely have anything of worth to say. It's just a pathetic display of snobbish east side asses pretending to give a damn about what a slum rat who lives in the meat-packing district has to say. They smile as if they're doing him a favor. _Be grateful I'm even acknowledging you_; their smiles say what they don't have the balls to.

"Is that really necessary?" Riku asked, exasperated. After that morning's events, he was hardly in the mood for any more bad news. In fact, the only thing he really wanted to do was lock _himself_ in the bathroom and stay there. At least until it didn't feel as if the world was crumbling around his already deplorable life.

Sora. Married.

"Jackass." He mumbled, raising the mug in front of him to gulp down the last of yesterday's cold coffee. If Sienna had heard him, she pretended not to, instead tying up the pieces she was taking with her, meticulously numbering each one.

"Of course it's necessary." Sienna continued as if he hadn't said anything, crouching nimbly on the front of her aquamarine heels as she tied off the last stack of paintings. "People are beginning to think you're some kind of recluse."

"Aren't I?" Riku muttered dryly, earning a sharp chastising look through the thin veil of blonde that covered half of her face. The rest of her hair was piled on the back of her head, reminding Riku of a large golden walnut.

"Don't be silly, Riku. You do realize that 80% of your fan-base has _no_ idea what you look like?" She frowned at her hands, fishing a tissue from her purse to wipe bright orange pastel from her fingers.

"Maybe I prefer it that way." Riku was stubborn. He had no desire to be exploited for his blood-thirsty manager's sake. And he certainly didn't care what every one thought about him.

"With the right publicity, you could raise your fan-base by 30-40%," Sienna explained, crossing the room to join Riku in the kitchen, her heels ticking loudly across the wooden floor. She took his face delicately in her hand, her long teal fingernails digging lightly into his cheek. "You're gorgeous, honey."

"And people are shallow." Riku finished for her, waving her hand away. He grabbed his mug, realizing too late that it was empty. Instead, he just spun it on the table between his arms.

"Exactly." Sienna smiled, zealously petting his silver hair before re-gripping her clutch purse under her arm. "Use what you got, hun."

A knock at the door interrupted the silence that was starting to form, and Riku found himself sighing in relief when the woman moved away from him, her heels clicking loudly in the other direction. Sienna had more than once propositioned him to sleep with her, despite knowing that the fairer sex wasn't exactly his preference. According to her, Riku was a beautiful thing and the main reason she had chosen the occupation she had was to "properly appreciate beautiful things." It was the reason she had chosen to work with art.

"Ah, that must be the movers." The woman answered to the door, leaving the chain on to peek through the small gap between the door and the jamb. No doubt because she didn't trust Riku's building anymore than he did.

"Um, hi." Came a tentative voice through the opening. Riku looked up but the space was too small to see who it was from where he was sitting.

Sienna gasped, abruptly slamming the door in their face. She hastily yanked the chain off and re-opened it.

"You're Sora." She said needlessly, her voice incredulous much like her expression. Riku masked his own surprise behind a neutral frown, somehow managing to look pissed off and ecstatic at the same time. He didn't expect Sora to come back, if not forever, then at least for a week or so.

"Yeah, I am." Sora laughed good-naturedly, scratching his head; some thing he usually did when he was uncomfortable. Riku didn't blame him. His blonde bombshell of a manager could make anyone nervous—man or woman. "Do I know you?"

Sienna chuckled politely rather than answer his question, hiding her smile behind her delicate hand. "I was beginning to think he wasn't even real, Rikki." Sora frowned at the nickname, glancing at the sullen man pretending to be very interested in his mug. "Sienna del Sol." She extended her hand, the confused keyblade master taking it lightly in his; barely shaking it before letting it go. "I'm Riku's manager."

"Oh," Sora brightened, probably from the knowledge that Riku wasn't sleeping with this strange over-bearing woman. "Sora." He introduced himself without thinking, turning a light pink when Sienna laughed again, replying, "Yes, I know."

"You know Riku intimately, don't you, Sora?" He smiled, nodding. So naive. He probably didn't even notice that predatory gleam in the woman's eyes, the way she was staring at him like a monster about to bite his head off.

"Yeah, we've been friends for a long time. Since we were kids." Sora might as well have 'publicity' written across his forehead.

"How sweet." Sienna purred, giving Riku a pointed look that he countered with a venomous glare. "_Friends_." She turned back to Sora. "_Just_ friends, huh?"

Sora blushed a little, scratching his shaggy cinnamon locks again, his eyes darting subtly to Riku. "Well--"

"Leave him alone, Sienna." Riku interrupted before Sora said something incriminating. _Wench_, is what he wanted to say. The woman smiled, her eyes sparkling with delight. His hostility alone confirmed her suspicions.

"Fine. Don't worry, Rikki," She assured, holding up her hands, her heels ticking as she moved toward the door. "I'll wait in my car. I won't be tempted to bother you or your..._friend_. By the way, Sora, he has an opening in three weeks. Love to see you there." The brunet beamed cutely.

"Sure thing." He failed to see Riku roll his eyes behind him. "Be careful." Sora warned her, familiar with the certain amount of danger this particular neighborhood exhibited. Especially for a woman alone.

Sienna smiled at his concern, re-adjusting her tiny purse under her arm. "I suggest you do the same, darling." Her sharp eyes purposefully indicated Riku seated behind him before she left, closing the door behind her.

Sora arched an eyebrow, shrugging his bag off his arm, tucking it into a corner by Riku's chair. "Weird lady."

He grinned as he moved behind the silver-haired man, linking his arms around his shoulders. Sora moved back slightly as Riku tensed under his touch, frowning as he eyed the side of his face.

"What's wrong?"

"You're wet." Riku pointed out, his voice stern and emotionless. Betrayed.

Sora removed his arms from his body, instead resting his hands on his shoulders. "I went swimming." He explained, lightly massaging the base of Riku's neck with expert fingers.

Riku nodded absently; he could clearly smell the sea salt on his skin now that he mentioned it. It was a scent he had once found so familiar, even comforting. Especially when it was on Sora. It was the combination of sweat and the sea that he once found so arousing. Now it just made him ill.

"Look what I found." Sora dug in his pocket for a second, recovering an annoyingly yellow star-shaped fruit. Riku groaned internally. _Don't show me that damn thing. _What Sora probably thought was a cute and playful gesture seemed so malicious due to the current circumstances.

"You went to the island?" Riku asked, trying hard to keep the bitterness from his voice as his fingertips grazed the waxy skin of the paopu, tracing its perfectly symmetrical lines.

"Yeah," Sora moved to rubbing his shoulders, his thumbs deftly relieving the stiff pressure that had settled there from hours of stress. Riku man fought to stop a moan from escaping his mouth, but it felt so damn good. "I didn't stay long though." Sora finally stopped his gentle kneading, reaching over Riku to scoop up the fruit.

"It looked so different." Sora continued, moving around the table to the kitchen sink where he washed the paopu. "Most of the tree house fell," He brought the fruit back to the island counter in the center of the kitchen, retrieving a knife from the drawer. "so there wasn't much to do."

He cut the fruit in half, pushing one of the pieces in Riku's direction. "Too bad you didn't come with me. Ready?" He asked. It took Riku a long second before he realized that he wanted to eat the fruit together. Share their destinies or whatever.

Riku stared at the fruit leaking its warm juices on the counter where it was cut, feeling a deep coiling sensation in his chest.

"Sora." He grabbed Sora's hand, the one that was holding the stupid yellow fruit to his mouth, pulling it away. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

Sora frowned, tilting his head to the side curiously. The paopu continued to leak, getting its sticky warmth all over both of their hands. "Tell you what, Riku?"

"You're...married. Aren't you?" Riku made it a question, holding on to the frail hope that he would say no. That Kairi heard it wrong. You're not married. Not Sora.

_Lie to me. Please, lie to me. I swear I'll believe you. Just lie to me. Please._

Sora dropped his hand and the paopu as well, crossing his arms over his chest. _Lie to me._ He nodded slowly, moisture threatening his eyes before he had time to stop it.

"No," Riku whispered as if denying it would somehow make it not true. "No...Sora,"

"I'm sorry." Sora choked, his voice quivering. He gripped his arms tightly, making himself look so small, like he was folding in on himself.

"Fuck!" Riku hissed, more angry at the situation than Sora. He buried his face in his hands, cursing repeatedly under his breath. "Fuck, fuck, fuck..." More than that, he was angry at himself. Angry for letting Sora go in the first place.

Married. He was fucking married.

"Who the hell told you to get married?!"

Sora flinched at the volume of his voice, shrinking back as if it was physically hurting him. Riku knew it wasn't right to yell at him for this. It was his own fault. Everything was his fault.

"Riku, that's not fair." Sora nearly whimpered but he was trying hard to regain his composure. Riku remembered the terror in his eyes from the night before and forced himself to calm down. If he hurt Sora again, he'd never forgive himself. "I was so lonely. I just wanted a steady relationship."

"You gave up on me." Riku spoke in a low voice, his eyes watching as Sora wilted with guilt, staring intently at the floor. This was the same kid who had gone through nearly three years of hell just to find him and he gave up that fucking easily.

"I was scared. You scared me." Sora muttered, knowing that it sounded like a weak excuse. Riku's newest argument wasn't really much more fair than the first. He seemed to be aware of that, now growing silent.

Scared. This was the same kid who could go to the ends of the earth to fight huge monsters and powerful villains without hesitation, but he was _scared_ of the one person he knew he could trust above every one else. No one blamed him though.

Back then, Riku had more rage than he knew how to deal with, and more often than not, took that rage out on Sora. He never hit him, of course, but opted to punch the wall beside his head, anything to intimidate him. But Sora never flinched; he was too damn stubborn to show fear. "Stop acting like an idiot," Riku recalled the teen telling him once while he was in the middle of one of his frequent tantrums.

It was that rage that drove Sora away from him and into the arms of someone else, someone who probably had no idea how to appreciate the profound beauty and boundless charisma that made Sora who he was. It might've sounded possessive and arrogant, but Riku knew that no one understood Sora like he did. And no one ever would, not even Kairi, because no one else had been through what they had.

Riku rose from his chair, nearly knocking it backwards in his haste. He grabbed the forgotten fruit halves, shoving one in Sora's hand.

"Eat it." Sora stared at him incredulously, clutching the dripping paopu in his palm.

"Riku, it's just a joke." He insisted, referring to the legend the star-shaped plant was supposed to have. No one really believed that.

"Shut up. Just eat it." Riku remarked, taking an agitated bite of its sweet flesh. Ironically, the paopu fruit was so full of seeds that is was almost inedible. In fact, the only part one could safely eat without choking were the tips.

After Sora had taken his first bite and swallowed, Riku grabbed his arm and drug him toward the bed, pushing him on the bare mattress. Sora gripped at the padded fabric beneath him, finding no sheets to hold onto as Riku kneeled on the bed before him, opening the front of pants and taking himself in his hand. Sora shivered watching him stroke himself hard, his own hands eventually wandering down to undo his own jeans.

"Off." Riku muttered, tearing open a condom packet with his teeth. Sora wriggled out of his pants, bunching them down around his knees.

Always impatient, Sora spread his legs like an opening book, licking his own fingers throughly in preparation. There was a brief moment where Riku paused in rolling the thin latex over his erection, staring with darkening eyes as Sora pushed his long fingers inside himself. He made an exaggerated moan purely for the effect, rolling his eyes back.

Riku growled lustfully, his warm breath burning at Sora's throat as he hovered over his smaller body, nudging his legs close to his chest to open him up wider. He smelled of sea salt, his skin tangy with dried sweat. It reminded Riku of their first kiss, only it felt like centuries ago.

Sora was abnormally relaxed, an extreme contrast to the terror that filled him the night before. He tangled his free hand in Riku's hair, arching his head back as he rubbed expertly between his thighs. Riku offhandedly wondered how frequently he had done this by himself. The thought roused a familiar desire in his groin, and he nearly forgot to let Sora pace himself and impaled him right there.

"It's okay," Sora mumbled through his clenched teeth, feeling how eagerly that hardness pushed against fingers. He retracted them, leaving himself open. He held Riku's hips, pulling him slightly forward. "Go ahead."

Riku hesitated, recalling how disastrous the last two times had been. How he had nearly broken the delicate little brunet. "You won't hurt me." Sora reassured him, his brilliant eyes begging to feel him, to claim him again. It had been way too long.

Riku groaned as he inched forward, only allowing the wonderful pressure of his warm body to envelop the tip. He was so relaxed, there was barely any resistance. So trusting. Or Experienced. Riku scowled, imagining that he wasn't the only person to lay claim to him, to touch his Sora in this way. Maybe his spouse did this too.

Sora gasped as Riku sunk into him without warning, clenching his fingers in the man's long curtain of hair that hung around his face. He was so warm beneath his clothes, Sora noticed, managing to slip his hands under the other's shirt before he began to roll his hips steadily forward. The feeling of all that pulsing heat around him was overwhelming. Sora loved that Riku was so much taller than him; that way he shielded his smaller body and held him close to his chest and his strong heartbeat. Sora was never distracted when Riku held him. He never thought about anything else.

"Sora," Riku breathed, pushing a large hand under his hips and angling him to establish a more firm rhythm. He asked if he was going too fast, first slowing just a fraction to almost stopping altogether when he didn't answer.

"No...perfect. Y-You're perfect." Sora could barely think, much less speak, grasping at his own heated arousal that was standing needily between them. He gave an enraptured cry as his lover sped up again, pounding him with his rough hands tight on the back of his thighs.

Riku kept his head down, his eyes shut in concentration. It was ironic that this moment was all he thought about for years but once he was actually performing, he made himself think about anything else. To keep himself from coming too quickly. Sora was way too beautiful to look at, especially while he was buried deep inside him like this. The visual stimuli of his light cocoa-tanned skin shimmering with sweat and the face he made to go with his frantic moaning was much more than he could handle.

"Riku...look at me...please." Sora was cupping his face, holding his cheek unwaveringly in his overly soft hand. Riku refused for a few precious seconds longer, keeping his eyes closed tight. However, Sora's voice was making it nearly impossible to ignore him and he broke his resolve, opening his eyes just slightly, enough to make out his facial features. The lustfully parted lips and hazy, half-lidded eyes that told of the orgasm that was rapidly approaching him. Riku didn't have a chance.

Sora took advantage of his release, pulling him in deep to feel every shallow jerk that ripped through his body. Riku growled his name passionately against his neck, thrusting once more, hard, forcing him into an ecstasy that made him groan audibly. Sora kept his palm firmly closed around his weeping erection to keep the mess contained as he came rather hard, his body shuddering in uncontrolled urgency.

Riku dipped his head, slowly licking his neck from his collarbone to his ear. He smiled, nibbling his pierced earlobe, swirling that little diamond stud with his tongue.

"Big improvement, huh, Sora?" Riku commented, taking a moment to pull out and remove the soiled condom with an arrogant smirk. Sora panted quietly, his eyes still closed from the exertion. Riku chuckled softly, reaching up to brush his russet hair with affection. "You got it on your face." He grinned, sucking up that fact that he hated the taste to lean down and lick the few drops of semen from his cheek. "Messy boy."

Sora rolled his eyes, playfully swatting at the older man's hair to get it out of his face. "Shut up." Riku climbed off of him, grabbing a few tissues from the bedside table to clean them up. The younger man smirked, folding his arms behind his head as Riku 'serviced' him first, rubbing him a little more thoroughly than necessary before moving on to his own needs, tucking himself back in his pants.

"Very big improvement, Riku." Sora finally answered his question as he drew his jeans back up to his waist. He stroked his best friend's silver hair delicately, attempting to get him to rest on the bed beside him. Riku stretched languidly, his long body taking up most of the mattress, draping his arm lazily across Sora's stomach. Sora gave an exaggerated grunt, pretending to be trapped under some great weight. "Jeez, Riku, you're heavy."

"Really?" Riku tightened his arm around his midriff, pulling Sora nearly underneath him. "I always thought I was rather dainty." Sora squirmed for real this time, protesting as he clawed for the edge of the bed.

"Augh! Not fair, you fatty!" He growled, a sound that would've been more serious had he not been laughing. He practically disappeared under Riku's larger body, surrounded by warm skin and soft hair. Riku eased off of him slightly, putting his weight on his forearms so he could still hover over him. Sora smiled, gently caressing his face lovingly. He couldn't imagine why he ever left the man in the first place.

"You' re okay with this?" Riku asked him after a long comfortable silence, now curling protectively at his side, his fingers toying idly in his shaggy auburn hair. Sora shrugged—as was his carefree nature—adjusting his head on the older man's arm.

There was an obvious uncertainty in his eyes, a sadness that he made no real attempt to hide. Regret. Guilt. Riku knew it wasn't fair to make him continue this relationship, if that's what one could even call it. He would have to choose one or the other: The man who hurt and betrayed him over five years ago, or whoever he was married to; someone he supposedly loved.

"I don't really wanna think about it just yet." Sora insisted, his voice half-pleading. "At least until I figure things out."

Riku nodded, though he couldn't help but selfishly wonder why anyone would need to think about it at all. He was the obvious right choice for him; anyone else was just a distraction. But he kept this to himself, nuzzling wordlessly into Sora's neck. Sora chuckled softly, brushing his silver hair over his shoulder to stop it from tickling him.

"You handled this a lot better than I thought you would. The whole married thing, I mean." Sora observed nonchalantly, gently gripping the long locks that spilled through his fingers like water. "You've changed a lot, Riku." He said this with an endearing tone, a hint of surprise lingering in his voice. Riku didn't get nearly as angry as he had thought he would, and for that he was relieved. Sora didn't think he could cope with another rage-addled argument; especially not when he had just gotten the older man back into his good graces, so to speak.

"What'd you expect?" Riku inquired, his face still buried in the other's neck. The smell of the ocean was still strong on his skin. Riku had no idea how much he had missed it.

Sora chose not to answer his question, deciding to spare Riku of his cynical thoughts. He held him around the waist, snuggling to fit flush against the curve of his longer body. Riku draped himself over the smaller framed man, seeming to enjoy the fact that he could easily shelter him in a tent underneath his chest.

Sora then kissed him, slowly and with more skill than Riku remembered. There was definitely something more mature about the way he moved while submitting himself to the warmth of the other's mouth. He opened his lips without persuasion and Riku could feel his tongue lurking just beyond his teeth, waiting slick and wet for any attention that his own was willing to give it. The pink muscle felt along his teeth and the roof of his mouth, languidly and patiently moving against Riku's, undulating like hot damp velvet, moving as if they had all the time in the world for this moment.

Years passed before Sora pulled back first. Even then he didn't completely let go, softly tugging the fat lower lip between his teeth until it snapped back. He had missed this, just laying together. No need for talking; just perfect silence. It was so hard to find, precious, silent, wordless moments like these.

Sora's hips vibrated without warning, Riku's eyebrows raised instantly, and the brunet could see him already making lewd assumptions as they discovered the sensations were coming from his front pants pocket. To the Sora's dismay, the Riku's smile became wickedly impure, his eyes slipping closed as he pressed hips closer to his own.

Sora groaned, just barely managing to push the perverted 'boy' off, ignoring the obvious effects the vibrations had on the older man, reaching into the front of his pants. "It's my phone, you jackass." Not your sex toy.

Even as Riku was laughing at the time, he could practically feel Sora stiffen once he retrieved his cell. It was safe to assume that he knew who was calling, especially from the helpless little expression on his face. Like he was happy and somehow crushingly saddened at the same time.

"Hey," Sora nearly choked when he answered the call. He had managed to keep his voice light, however, expertly masking to make himself sound normal. "You're at the airport?" The brunet spoke, rising from the bed. He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, crossing one arm over his chest. "How was your trip?"

Riku frowned, an annoyingly large amount of jealousy settling in his gut like thick tar. For some reason, he had never even bothered to ask why Sora could spend a week in his apartment and not have his spouse wondering where he was.

"Sure," Sora continued his conversation in the background, rubbing his face with his free hand. Riku realized, bitterly, that Sora had planned this. It was the only time he could see him without any suspicion from whoever was on the other end. For the record, Riku seriously wanted to grab the phone and tell this anonymous person that he was fucking their husband, and no, he wouldn't be coming back any time soon. And yes, he does love me more.

"Love you, too." Sora mumbled quickly, hoping that by some stroke of good luck Riku would be rendered deaf for a few seconds. No such luck seemed to exist though, for he was nearly seething at the words.

"Take a shower before you go." Riku advised him, trying hard not to seem too bitter. He assured Sora that it wasn't him he was angry with. It was himself. Riku versus Riku: the fight of the century.

Sora nodded hollowly, his face apologetic. He knew this was going to happen sooner or later; Sora had to leave at some point. But it still felt too soon. Like someone tearing off a scab before it had fully matured, leaving an open sore that bled with no indication of stopping.

**rsrsrsrs **

_I really like Sienna's character, but I tried to refrain from describing her too much. She's not really that important. But I couldn't help it. _:3_ Other than Kairi, I think there just isn't enough female exposure in KH stories, the yaoi ones anyway. *shrug*_

_Also, I haven't decided the gender of Sora's mystery spouse yet. Either one's fine with me, I've made Sora bisexual anyway. Tell me what you think. _

_**Previews: **__There were a couple of things I was going to add in this chapter but I ended up cutting them. One those was the introduction of Kairi's husband. It didn't really fit so I'm going to put that in the next chapter probably. Also, a little more insight into Sora's mood swings and what Riku did to Sora to make him leave. Just so you know. - bouncy_


	5. Sensitivity

_Alright! Time to start pulling this together. This is the point where everything aforementioned in earlier chapters becomes an intact story...at least I hope so!_

_Oh, I have a warning for mention of graphic sex, but I think over the years, I must've forgotten what would be considered "graphic". Like, I don't consider what I normally write graphic at all. I just wonder if I've been desensitized by all the yaoi/slash stories I read. *Shrug* I think I'll keep it just because the person involved was very badly hurt._

"**Hypervigilance is never to be confused with paranoia. Never."**

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, Mention of Graphic Sex, More OC Description, Violence, Sexual Situations

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 5: Sensitivity **

-

It had been 3 days without Sora, and Riku was growing increasingly restless. He had taken to visiting Kairi more, and falling into his past habits of heartbreak. General silence and an unwillingness to talk was the major one. Others included obsessively staring at his cell phone, hoping the brunet would call, only to end up watching the digital clock change with every passing minute. And practically starving himself.

"Want some?" The tiny redhead that barely came up to Riku's knees offered, holding her ice cream cone up as high as she could manage. The silver-haired man glanced past the blank screen of his phone to regard the small child with a half-hearted smile and a "No thanks". Charlot shrugged and toddled back to her father sitting in the grass.

Riku wasn't exactly sure when he became such an important part of their small family, but it was often like this: the four of them together. Quint and Kairi often invited him to dinner and certain holidays or just to spend the day with him, in case he was lonely, Riku suspected. Not that he didn't appreciate it; he had already admitted to himself that he was a bit of a recluse and excluding, like, two other close acquaintances, they were his only real friends. Riku was a loner, and he preferred it that way.

Today it was the park and it was sunny and that made Riku pretty miserable. His hair stuck to the back of his neck so he was forced to tie it up. And not to mention that it was at least 85 degrees. He couldn't decide what he hated more, the heat or how everything seemed to glow in the sunlight. _Glare_ was a better word for it.

Kairi joined Riku on the park bench, peeking at him through his dark sunglasses that she could only see herself in. "You okay?"

Riku nodded, thumbing the keypad of his phone. He idly wondered if Sora had gotten home alright. He closed the small silver device, tucking it into his pocket. The other day he found an ad for the massage clinic in the phone book. It was torn out and folded up in his wallet. He considered calling. Again. And again, he didn't.

"It's a nice day, isn't it?" The redhead sighed contently, folding her slender hands over her rounded stomach, holding the little under-developed baby inside of her. Riku shrugged, watching her hands out of the corner of his eye, gently stroking her stomach.

"Guess so." He answered curtly, silently wondering how someone could have so much love for someone they've never met. Love, all for a tiny little human that has even formed yet. So in love with an idea, and he couldn't bring himself to say he loved the one person he's known his whole life. Riku couldn't help but think that if he would've said yes when Sora asked—Would he be with Sora right now? Married to Sora?

Riku raised his hand, gently resting his palm on his friend's belly. She smiled. "Was Sora, _Has_ Sora always acted so...weird? Like, before now?" Kairi's smiled diminished just a little.

"It's gotten better." She said, indicating that his behavior might've been considerably stranger than it was now. "He was so torn up after leaving you. I mean, at least...He's Sora again, right? That's good enough." Riku frowned, offhandedly thinking, who was he before?

"He used to get really paranoid and angry sometimes," Kairi continued. "for no reason at all. Evann's helped him through that. A lot. He's been very good for Sora."

Riku felt a sudden bump against his hand, like something tiny pushing from the inside, speculating that the baby was protesting her last words as well.

"Evann?" The older man questioned, failing to keep the bitter accusing suspicion from his voice. "So that's his name."

"Evann Fairbanks. He's a paralegal. Studying to be an attorney." Kairi glanced sideways at him as the baby kicked again, harder. "Sora took his name."

"Sora Fairbanks? Please, that doesn't even sound right."

"They have a great relationship, Riku." The redhead reasoned, trying to discourage the rant she knew was boiling just under the surface. He wanted to complain, and worse, he wanted her to agree with him and she knew that she couldn't. "And from what I can tell they don't constantly yell at each other." She said pointedly, referring to the chaotic mess of a relationship the boys had when they were teenagers.

Riku scoffed, removing his hand from the woman's stomach to cross his arms over his chest. "Couldn't be that great."

"What?"

"I'm just saying, it can't be all that great if he's willing to leave him for me. I'd only have to ask." Kairi's eyes narrowed, her slender hands no longer folded gently over her stomach.

"He said that?" Riku arched an eyebrow, her reaction making him curious. He supposed marriage had become very sacred to her, considering that she was insanely in love with her husband. It was very possible that she was enraged to think that anyone could just give it up that easily.

"Not in so many words, but..."

"Riku, you wouldn't." The woman nearly begged, her eyes livid and bewildered at the same time.

"Of course not. I couldn't ask him to do that." Riku insisted, though interrupting the redhead before she could even sigh in relief. "I'm going to let him do it on his own."

"Please leave this alone. Sora's happy. Just let him be," Kairi was near tears at this point, blaming her stupid hormones and dabbing at her eyes. "Just let him be happy. _Please_."

"He's not." Riku muttered, adjusting his dark glasses against the brightness of the sun. "If he was, I'd have never seen him again."

"Oof, serious conversation." The dark-haired man said from behind the bench, holding a little Charlot on his shoulders. Though he smiled pleasantly, his eyes pointedly held Kairi's, silently inquiring if she was alright. She only nodded and returned his smile, reaching up to take the baby from him.

Kairi's husband was one of those naturally cheery types, quick to smile and lived to help others, often giving unwarranted advice just for the hell of it. His hair was oil black unlike his wife and daughter's more notable red, despite how carefree and laid back he came across to strangers, Quint was very protective of his little family—and occasionally that included Riku and Sora. They had been friends since high school after all.

"So I heard from the missus about you and Sora. That's a tough break, kid." Quint leaned on the back of the wooden bench, crossing his arms. As much as Riku hated the word kid being used in reference to him, he was so used to it, it rarely bothered him anymore. It was a bad habit of the redhead's husband, a term he used even when the person was older than him—Like Riku was. "You wanna watch the married ones though. They're nothing but trouble."

"And how would you know that?" Kairi questioned him playfully, picking bits of grass out of her daughter's hair.

"Experience, baby." The dark-haired man smiled, kissing the back of her head. Riku groaned inwardly, standing from the bench. As much as he just _adored_ watching people be in love, it only reminded him of his current situation, and it was one he desperately didn't want to be in. "You leaving?" Quint asked, caught somewhere between and a full stand and leaning over so he looked as if he had some crippling back problem.

"I need to take a walk."

"Oh. Don't get lost." The younger man smiled, giving a short laugh. Riku frowned, apparently not getting the joke because Quint only waved him off, laughing again.

Riku pulled out his phone again, only to look at the blank screen. No missed calls or voice mail. He knew he was being selfish, wanting Sora to call him all the time, but _damn_, it's been three days. That's more than enough time to wait. And certainly more than enough time to get "reacquainted" with your husband, or whatever. Riku scowled, snapping his phone shut as dark, unwanted thoughts filled his head. Some other man touching Sora. _His_ Sora. It was obvious that Sora wasn't happy with the relationship. So why wouldn't he end it? Why stay with a man who can't satisfy you?

Riku found a thickly covered willow tree whose branches nearly touched the ground, so it looked like a giant green mushroom top. He slipped underneath it, finding the dark tree a cool and refreshing shelter from the oppressive sunshine. It reminded him of that dank little cave he and Sora used to play in as children, the one with the horrible drawings on the walls. It reminded him of sea salt and tangy dried sweat, of caressing Sora's warm suntanned skin. Of how his lips trembled the first time they kissed, how his hands were too big for his still growing body and how they clenched into Riku's shoulders when he unzipped his pants.

Sora was soft and warm when he held him, and fit nicely into his palm. Riku remembered that his first thought was how different Sora's dick had felt from his own, even though it pretty much the same. The only discrepancy being in slight difference in size.

From the way Sora gasped at even the slightest contact, Riku assumed that he had never really touched himself before, at least not enough to make himself come. His whimpers of pleasure were still fresh in his mind.

_"Ri-Riku."_

"Sora." Riku murmured, his own voice waking him. His eyes opened to look around, bewildered. It was still light outside so he probably hadn't been asleep that long. Glancing at his phone, he found that it had only been about 20 minutes. The silver-haired man stretched, deciding that he couldn't very well spend the whole day sleeping in the park, though it was pretty tempting.

_Oh_.

Riku paused, looking down. Just when he noticed his pretty adolescent discomfort, his phone vibrated in his hand, only once. Too short for a call. Must be a text message. Opening his phone, he saw that he was right, only the message from Kairi hadn't been what he was hoping for.

_Are you alright?_

_Fine_, He texted back. _I'll see you later. I got something else to do today. Say goodbye to __Char for me._

His problem only slightly decreased by Kairi's distraction, Riku adjusted himself to make it less noticeable, crawling out from under the tree. It was hotter than he remembered outside, the sun annoyingly brighter and higher in the sky. How anyone could actually like this type of weather was way beyond Riku's comprehension.

"Oh!" The exclamation took the silver-haired man off guard, putting him in sort of a reflexive danger mode. "You scared me." The voice giggled, high and very feminine. "Oops, guess I kinda scared you too." The woman pointed out, probably referring to the expression Riku didn't realize was on his face until he felt himself relax.

"What were you doing under there, Riku?" Great. The keyblader recognized the girl, though not immediately. Her hair was shorter than he remembered, but the characteristic flip still turned the ends. Selphie. Riku had never particularly liked Selphie. Not because he hated her or anything, but there were certain things about her personality that he just wanted to avoid. They hardly talked as kids anyway.

"Uh, sleeping. I guess." He answered honestly, realizing how that must sound seconds after he said it. He could already feel the questioning stare of sympathy from the girl before he could stop it. He glanced down at his appearance: half-hard, though that was pretty unnoticeable, his hair messily tied back and bits of grass on his pants. He even looked like he just woke up, which really didn't help.

"Things haven't gotten that bad, have they?" Selphie said as if she were just joking but the look she gave him afterwards was a bit of a give-away. The one where you tilt your head to the side and your eyebrows come together.

"No." Riku replied a little too seriously, hoping she would really just get the hint and go away. No such luck. She was waiting for an explanation. A little, "and I was sleeping under a tree because..."

"I'm actually really busy right now so..." He trailed off, the unspoken good-bye lingering in his voice.

"Okay." The girl replied quietly, tacking on a little smile at the end. Riku got the hell out there before she felt the need to offer him munny. Later, he would hear from Kairi that Selphie thought he was homeless and regularly sleeping in trees in the park.

**rsrsrsrs**

"Why does it matter?" Riku spoke, avoiding the subject. The sun was dying in the horizon, and technically they really should've been rowing back to the mainland about now. The ocean got really cold and choppy at night.

Sora turned, leaning against the bent tree trunk still warm from the sun's glow. He crossed his arms, resting his chin on his wrists. "You've never said it before. At least, not to me." The teen frowned, his cinnamon eyebrows pulling together cutely. At seventeen, Sora still hadn't grown much, in appearance anyway. He was only a few inches taller and quickly catching up to Riku's height which was pretty much at its plateau for adulthood. He was as tall now as he would be for the rest of his life.

"That doesn't mean that I don't...mean it." Riku said painstakingly, cursing himself for making such a stupid conversation so awkward. Now Sora wouldn't leave it alone.

For the most part, their relationship hadn't changed since they decided to date—for lack of a better word—they were still very much best friends. They still played around like they used to, but _damn it_ some days Sora would go on one of these love kicks, and Riku would find himself recoiling away, just to make him stop. It wasn't something he had ever been comfortable talking about. He actually still felt bad about that morning; when Sora said he loved him in front of everyone.

_"You're serious?" Sora only smiled, watching him expectantly. Tidus and Wakka stood nearby, watching him expectantly as well. Of course they were joking, trying to make him uncomfortable. "You've been hanging around Selphie too much. Stop acting like a girl, Sora." Riku ruffled his hair playfully, knowing he wouldn't take it too personally._

Sora just rolled his eyes at the time, but now Riku could tell that it really did bother him. He wouldn't have brought it up again if it didn't.

"Say it then." Typical Sora. Everything was so simple to him.

"It won't change anything." Riku declared, straddling the tree so he could lay back against the trunk comfortably. Sora frowned, skeptical and challenging, his usually benevolent eyes narrowed. The older boy sighed. "You're not a girl, Sora."

"I know that." The brunet announced, his expression unwavering. Riku hadn't known Sora to be an angry person. It was a little unnerving to see him as anything but blissfully optimistic.

"No, I mean--I said that earlier. I don't think you're a girl, you know. For saying it." Riku spoke to the sky, avoiding the other's eyes. He tended to get overly-sentimental about these things. Not exactly common knowledge, but he didn't want anyone to know that either. Not even Sora.

"Riku..." The silver-haired teen felt the light weight of a hand on his leg, the only part of his body close enough for Sora to reach. "You're making this more awkward than it has to be."

_I know, right?_ "It's so overrated though. You can love anything." Riku continued to argue weakly, hoping the younger boy would get what he was saying without making him _actually_ say it. "You get what I mean, right?"

Sora smiled coyly, toying with the chain around his neck. "Maybe."

Riku reciprocated the brunet's smile with his own, holding out an arm in offering. Sora took his hand, with help, climbing on the curved tree truck with him. He couldn't help but notice that the tree used to be so much bigger, the thought punctuated by the fact that he was sitting directly between the older boy's parted legs without any room behind him to move back. Riku smirked, Sora blushed.

"You fantasizing about me, Sora?" It was almost a full minute before the brunet realized he was staring at Riku's crotch and he burned at little harder, scratching the back of his head and looking out at the ocean. He couldn't ignore him for long, however, since he had no choice but to sit facing the other teen. He couldn't very well pretend that Riku wasn't right in front of him. Riku sat up, if only to spare Sora the embarrassment of staring at him again, despite how hilarious he found it.

"Wanna go somewhere else?" The silver-haired teen asked, noting that a few of the other kids were still reluctant to row back to the mainland yet. Sora was just begging to be kissed, whether he knew it or not, and Riku _really_ needed to be alone when he did. He didn't really think he could control himself, not with the younger boy looking so flustered and, god forbid he think it, fuckable.

Sora frowned at the words "somewhere else", instantly thinking of the secret place. It was actually kind of perfect for being alone, considering that it was so small and dark. And _close_. The brunet blanched, chewing his lip. As much as he did love Riku, he was still new to this relationship thing, and right now being _that _close sounded like a bit too much.

"Um, Riku, I'm not really ready...I mean, I can't..." Sora stumbled over his words, feeling more and more like a child by the second. Riku wasn't that much older than him, but he was pretty sure this wasn't his first relationship too.

"Huh? No, no, that's not what I meant!" The older teen said a little too hastily, surprising both of them. Sora looked at his hands before his gaze returned to the ocean. "I just wanted to be..." Riku trailed off, sure the boy was ignoring him now.

"Every thing's gonna change...Isn't it?" The brunet asked, breaking the silence that had formed almost tangibly between them. He stretched his fingers, grasping them tightly in his other hand. Riku could understand how he felt; all these new feelings sprouting up out of no where. Love and lust and the awkward burning need to touch each other all the time. Riku found himself petting the other boy more often than he used to, doing almost anything for a tiny bit of contact.

"It has to." The simplicity of his answer taking the younger teen off guard. His brilliant eyes curious by the conviction in his voice, Sora finally looked at him. "It can't stay this way forever, right?"

"I guess."

"Don't you want more?" Riku asked him. "More than this island? There's a whole world out there, Sora." The brunet frowned, disturbed by the familiarity of this conversation. "Move in with me."

Sora inhaled sharply, shivering from the cold breeze that blew in from the darkening ocean.

"W-what?" The boy chattered, wrapping his arms around himself.

"I've already got a place. It's on the west side so it's not that great but, I mean, all I need is you."

Sora made a face at the black water, the sun nearly gone already. They couldn't sit here for much longer.

"What about school?" The brunet asked, though even he felt like he was trying to find anything to object to.

"We'd still go to school. And I've got a couple jobs to pay the rent. This can work, Sora. Once my art thing takes off." Riku watched him expectantly, much like Sora did to him that morning, brushing his russet bangs with his fingertips.

"That's a lot to ask, Riku." The older boy laughed, much to Sora's surprise.

"Yeah, I know." He slid from the truck of the tree, soundlessly landing in the sand. "I didn't expect an answer right now. Just before my next rent payment." Riku smiled, jokingly. The brunet wasn't sure what to make of his expression. It seemed way more relaxed than he expected.

"I'll think about it."

Riku had only waited 2 weeks before he gotten his answer; a solid and very definite yes. Sora was inexplicably sold on the idea, becoming more enthusiastic anytime he got to talk about it. In possibly an hour's time, there wasn't a single person in his circle of friends that didn't know they were living together. Which, Riku was fine with. All that meant was every one knew to keep their hands and eyes in another direction; Sora was his.

By the time graduation was in the near future, the two were an inseparable couple, practically iconic. They got along great, never argued. Still acted like a couple hard-headed boys, but they weren't afraid to show affection when the situation called for it. A light hand squeeze or a soft kiss could make Sora forget that he had ever been upset a day in his life.

But there was also a lot of friction that others rarely, if ever, saw; moments when a simple miscommunication could turn into a surprisingly explosive argument. Times when Sora would get uncharacteristically jealous of one of Riku's new artist acquaintances, only because on some unconscious level, he knew he couldn't trust the older boy around them, people that his mother would call a bad influence.

It was from these very people that Riku would come home, on occasion, considerably drunk. These so-called artists with their reputations and their quirky mannerisms that was supposed to make them such individuals. Sora honestly couldn't see what was so _artistic_ about getting an underage teenager drunk off his ass.

After finishing off the rest of the day-old takeout in the fridge, Sora washed the dishes in the sink, checked the three padlocks on the front door and dressed himself for bed. He sent a message to Riku's phone before lying down. A simple "Good night". He did this every night Riku was out making himself known. This was the third one in a row that Sora had gone to bed alone.

They had argued about it just that morning when Sora asked him what it was that he did with those people anyway. Just the fact that the older boy was getting so defensive was enough for the brunet to be suspicious. Either way, he was tired of yelling; they yelled so much lately, Sora was beginning to forget what it was like to be in love. He missed the infatuation, missed staring at the other just out of adoration, not silently wondering if he was fucking someone else.

"Baby," The brunet whined as he was being rudely awoken, his shoulder being shaken rigorously. "So-ra." He almost flinched at the sing song tone of the older boy's voice, knowing by the smell that he had been drinking, again. Sora shrugged off his hand, trying to ignore his drunken advances and go back to sleep. No such luck.

"Mm, fuck, Sora...You smell so good." Riku chuckled to himself, burying his nose in the younger teen's neck. He fumbled with his jacket to get it off, tossing it on the floor.

"Get off, dumbass." Sora snapped, wrenching at his arm as it pushed under the blanket and around his waist. He really was in no mood to get drunkenly felt up. Riku laughed and smiled, holding the brunet tighter to his chest until he was tented underneath him, covered by his taller body.

"Quit squirming, Sora. Jeez." The silver-haired teen kissed his neck, his hand reaching in between them. Sora rolled his eyes as he seemed to be touching himself. He couldn't fall back asleep even if he wanted to.

"Just how much did you have to drink tonight, Riku?" Sora asked mockingly, his eyes widening as he was momentarily lifted off the mattress and repositioned against the pillows.

"Too much." Came the flippant reply, as if this really wasn't a big deal. Riku's hands moved again, pulling down the brunet's loose-fitting sweatpants.

"What the hell are doing? I'm not fucking with you right now, Ri--"

Sora inhaled sharply at the thick warmth at his backside, the kind of velvet soft flesh darkened and stiff with blood, pressed against his ass needily. The brunet flinched as Riku spit in his hand, wiping it on his erection. All he could think of was the first time, how uncomfortable it was.

He wasn't ready.

"Riku, seriously. Lemme go."

Riku only smiled warmly, bearing his weight on the younger boy, leaving him little room to move.

"Shush." The silver-haired teen hushed him, covering his mouth with the same hand still smeared with his saliva. Ignoring his muffled protests, Riku took a moment to align himself and pushed forward, meeting too much resistance to actually enter the younger man. "Relax, babe. Damn." He told him, grabbing his wrist and pinned it to the pillows as Sora clawed at his arm.

"I missed you tonight. You should come with me sometime." Riku chatted idly, pushing a little more forcefully, past until he was deep, _so deep_, letting out a satisfied groan in the brunet's hair. It had been way too long. God, he felt good. Riku couldn't remember the last time he felt so... Damn, you're amazing, Sora. He wasn't sure if he said that part out loud or not, but he kept his thrusts concentrated on one point, sure he was hitting Sora's prostate ever since he violently jerked the first time.

Riku's grip was crushing on his jaw, effectively silencing any cry Sora was attempting to make behind his hand. Stop. Stop _Please, stop._ Sora breathed in deeply, forcing himself to relax, but no amount of–_fuck—_could ease the pain he was already feeling. Tearing. So much. Too much. Shadows swam in his vision, darkness filling in the corners of his eyes.

"God, I—Love you, Sora." The older boy choked, crumpling over with pleasure. A warmth rolled down the inside of Sora's thigh, staining the sweatpants still bunched around his knees and he prayed that Riku was finishing. "...Love you, love you, love you.." He repeated, still rocking forward, slowing slightly in speed. His hands were still tight on Sora's mouth and wrist and getting tighter. He must be close. The brunet hoped so.

It didn't take long. The first jerk pushed him deep, deeper than Sora could handle. A sharp crack momentarily took his mind from the pain though, the sound of his wrist giving way in Riku's abnormally strong grip. Too shocked to scream, Sora gagged against his hand, hot tears welling in his eyes. His chest and stomach pulled agonizingly tight and his lungs refused to breathe for fear that he would vomit before he could stop himself.

Riku pulled out with a soft grunt, failing to notice that Sora never came. Failing to notice that he was huddled close to the bed, lying still as a corpse. Failing to notice his quiet sobbing. He turned on his side and passed out, and soon his own breathing drowned out any other sound in the room.

Sora lay still for hours, listening to every tiny creak and noise the silent apartment made at night. He didn't have much of a choice but to get up. He couldn't stay here. No tonight, not with his wrist sprained or broken or whatever the hell just happened.

Sora only screamed once, while standing up. His hand moved wrong. He was surprised he could even pull his shoes on. The only thing he could do to keep from crying, was to repeatedly tell himself that it wasn't his fault. Riku didn't do it on purpose. Riku would never hurt him on purpose. Riku would _never_ hurt him on purpose. He just wouldn't.

**rsrsrsrs**

Riku awoke violently, his whole body tense from a dream he couldn't remember. Screaming. Sora. Sora, was he hurt? The mattress was cold beside him. Empty, just like it was when he went to sleep. That's right. Sora isn't here. Sora hasn't slept here for a week.

The scream was so loud though. Definitely Sora, too. Riku rubbed his face with both hands, pulling his hair off his neck as it was stuck with sweat. He could remember the dream now. He had the same one the night that Sora left him the first time; when he woke up to an empty bed with two spots of blood on the sheets. Riku remembered calling Kairi in panic that morning, asking if she knew where Sora was, because he might be hurt. She hung up on him, without even saying a word.

It was sad but Riku still didn't even know the whole story, of what happened to Sora. Of why it's taken five years for him to come back. To forgive him.

Riku grabbed his pants off the floor, rooting through the pockets until he found his wallet. In it, he found the paper from the phone book, Sky Massage Therapy, dialing the number. There was a good chance it wouldn't be the number for the apartment above the clinic, but it was all he had. Sora never gave him his home phone. For good reason too. You never give the mistress your home phone number.

It was taking too long to pick up. Riku tried to recall what time Sora usually closed up. It was eight 'o clock now. Maybe it was too—

"Hu-llo?" Riku jumped, quickly snapping his phone closed. Not Sora. He nearly crumpled up the scrap of paper when his phone vibrated in his hand, the same number on the caller id.

"Shit," He cursed, answering it against his better judgment. "Hello."

"Did you call this number earlier?" The voice asked, chuckling. It was a male, his voice oddly pleasant sounding. Riku offhandedly wondered if he worked there. A receptionist or something.

"Uh yeah. I must've...dialed wrong." Riku cursed again under his breath, smacking his forehead. Of all the times for lame-ass excuses.

"Oh." Was all the other said. At least Riku wasn't the only one acting awkward. "Sorry," The man laughed. "I don't usually answer the office phone. That's Rikku's job. She's already gone for the day though." Riku couldn't help but think he was giving him a little too much information for a stranger.

"You talk a lot." The silver-haired noted absently.

"Excuse me?"

"Actually," Riku began before the man could hang up on him. "I was looking for Sora. Is he...alright?" He asked without thinking, cursing himself again. _Damn. It._

"Um, he's doing inventory right now. Is this an important call?" Riku couldn't help but notice the pleasant quality of his voice seemed to fade into indifference.

"Yeah, kinda. Can I talk to him?"

"He's married, you know." The man pointed out, his voice definitely more venomous than before. "He's not leaving his husband for you or anyone else, so just give it up. And don't think you're the first one to ask; there's been hundreds of you and frankly, we're sick of hearing it."

Riku blinked, lost for words. Actually, the word "zealous" came to mind, though he had no idea why.

"Who is it?" Riku nearly sighed with relief, hearing a voice he recognized. Thank you, Sora.

"Your fan club." Sora made a noise of disapproval at the other man, then the sound of the phone being passed.

"Can I help you?"

"Come on, he's probably jacking off to the sound of your voice, right now..."

"Evann, please." Riku clenched his jaw unconsciously. Evann. He knew who Evann was. "Hello?"

"Sora?" The silver-haired man asked, barely keeping himself from sounding too bitter.

"Ri--" Sora cleared his throat, covering the fact that he almost said his name. "How can I help you?" The brunet sighed, starting over.

"That's him, huh? Not a very pleasant fellow, is he?" Riku hissed mockingly.

"He's not always like that." Sora said finally. It was safe to assume "he" wasn't in the room anymore.

"Cute."

"What'd you call me for, Riku?" Apparently the brunet wasn't in a very good mood either.

"I heard you scream. I thought you were...hurt." Riku frowned at his own words, as if he were wondering why that sounded so stupid out loud.

"On the other side of town?" Oh, that's why.

"Yeah, I guess." Riku chewed his tongue for a second, fighting with himself to leave it alone. If everyone, even Kairi, was keeping it from him, maybe there was a good reason. "Sora, did I...hurt you?"

The brunet was silent for a long time, so long, that if it weren't for his shaky breathing, Riku might've thought he hung up on him.

"When?" His voice trembled when it finally came out, the sound, heartbreaking.

"F-five years ago." Riku stammered, his own voice getting caught in his throat. "God, I'm sorry, Sora."

"For what?" Sora asked suddenly, surprising the older man. He sounded close to crying; Riku wanted to hold him so bad.

"What do you mean?"

"For what? What are you sorry for?" The brunet gasped painfully, his voice rising in...anger? Sadness? "What'd you do to me?" _Say it then._

"I don't," Riku paused, scared that Sora was getting so emotional. Scared _because_ Sora was getting so emotional. "I don't kn—I don't remember, Sora." The older man flinched at the sound of him crying, feeling a heat prick the back of his eyes. "I'm sorry, baby."

"Fuck you, Riku." He never got a say anything, Sora hung up on him first. Riku stared at his phone, bewildered tears just escaping his eyes.

"Shit," He cursed, once again, snapping his cell shut. There wasn't a single day that he didn't think about the inconsequential drops of blood on his sheets, about his call to Kairi. Sora's mom just about threatened to kill him. What the hell happened? He couldn't remember anything.

Riku eyed one of his unfinished paintings in the corner, mocking him with a deadline of two weeks. He didn't feel like painting or doing anything productive, not while Sora was mad at him. And _damn_ if he wasn't tired of making up for the same mistake again and again.

**rsrsrsrs**

_So I kinda based Quint on Maes Hughes from Fullmetal. Don't know how well that was executed, but that's just the type of person he seemed to be. Caring, devoted father, but kinda goofy at the same time. *Fav character alert* Maes is awesome by the way. Just know that._

_Whoo! That was a long one. Super excited. I think this is like my second favorite chapter so far. I still feel like something is missing though, and I know what it is. I've just kind of abandoned it since the first chapter. Bad writer, bad. Here's to hoping I can effectively fix it though. Maybe no one will notice. . _

_And I ended up choosing a man for Sora's spouse, just because as **keldjinfae**suggested, a male would probably bug Riku much more than a woman would. Plus, there are scenes that would just work better with another man. , - bouncy_


	6. Disorder

_Sadly, it's taking me forever to type because I messed up my finger at work. I cut it on a wooden box. Lame. Anyway, I'm trying not to be too damn incompetent..._

"**Hypervigilance is fear in its most complex form."**

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, Sex, More infidelity, Violence, Drug Mis-use

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 6: Disorder**

-

It was always the darkest point of twilight when Sora woke, gasping, screaming, choking on a substance that he didn't recognize. He awoke clawing at the air, eyes wide and unseeing like a wild animal. It was the first night they shared together in their new apartment when Riku realized the Sora was having horrible nightmares almost every night, of things he couldn't imagine, of things he hadn't experienced himself. Often his own name was on Sora's lips, moaned quietly in desperation, or in anger, terror. Sometimes, Riku would only watch him suffer inside his subconscious, like a dog attempting to run in his own dreams, but usually there was little to gather from his whining and restless struggling. Most times, Riku woke him, held him to his chest and reassured him that he was safe now. That he was home. That he didn't need to fight anymore.

It didn't take long for Riku to realize that Sora was afraid of the dark. If not afraid, at the very least, extremely apprehensive. Thinking back on it now, he figured this was probably the basest form of explanation for the way he acted now. The way he kept pausing in front of the darkened bathroom door like he thought something would jump out once he looked away.

Inexplicably, it reminded him of the time Sora's mom had walked in on them fucking around in the bathroom at the brunet's old house, and Riku was sitting on the edge of the tub, half-heartedly teaching the younger teen how to give him a blowjob. He remembered telling him how to cover his teeth with his lips when his mouth was open, and Sora was making stupid zombie faces while crouched on his knees in between his legs, giggling like a dork. It was probably the first time Tammy ever fathomed that her precious son was actually having sex with another boy. The poor woman wouldn't look him in the eye for weeks.

**-**

There wasn't much dignified about Riku's recent behavior, he was very well aware of that. Staking out in his car in front of the massage clinic in the early hours of the morning certainly wasn't the creepiest thing he's done in his lifetime but the longer he sat and stared at the same window, the more disturbed he felt. Like seriously, fucking crazy.

It was pushing 7:30 when the red door to the apartment opened, and a man in a suit descended the stone steps. He was too far to see clearly from across the street and he got into his car once he down the stairs, so Riku never got the chance for a closer look. That had to be Evann though. Kairi said he was a lawyer or something, and his car, like Sora's, wasn't exactly the most expensive, but it was new and very clean.

Riku strategically waited until the car was out of the driveway and clear down the street before he exited his own car, moving with a placidity that he wasn't feeling. His heart was turmoil in his chest and he off-handedly imagined himself going into cardiac arrest before he ever reached the other side of the street. Climbing the stairs was having a stroke, and standing before the door was just suicide.

Then there was knocking and waiting for an answer. Of course there was always the option of breaking and entering. Riku entertained the thought for a second longer than he knew he should have, formulating the best way of entry from a quick survey of the side of the house. He imagined the rooms each window was a doorway to, figuring the one at the farthest side of the building was the bedroom, the one beside it, the bathroom. Maybe the one parallel to that was the kitchen.

Of course, he could always just unlock the door himself. A key to open any lock, right?

Riku scowled. Even he didn't find that funny.

Before he realized what he was doing, Riku's hand was the doorknob and the door gave a little, then easily pushed open. For a long moment, he only just stared blankly inside, too confused by his necessary habit of practically barricading his door back at his own home, that he couldn't even fathom someone just leaving it unlocked when their loved one was home by themselves. But he had to remember he was in a totally different neighborhood. People probably didn't get assaulted in laundry rooms where Sora lived.

The living room was quiet and empty, full of simple clean furniture with a neutral color scheme, Riku noticed, kind of like a page from a design magazine. The second thing he noticed was the smell, soil, plants, some type of incense. He recognized the scent on Sora a while back, this must've been where it came from.

Over all, it was a very upscale place, no concrete walls or floors, instead a light beige paint and oak hardwood. Moving closer, Riku saw that it wasn't actually paint on the walls, but a fabric wall treatment. He thought that was strangely eccentric, what he really expected from Sora's apartment, not just a bunch normal-looking furniture.

Riku looked at the many pictures hung above the tiny gas fireplace, a couple from Sora's childhood, him and his mom, Sora and Kairi. There was a one of Charlot, Sora's goddaughter, Quint and Kairi together. An old picture of Sora's father that died before he was born. More of the kids from the island, friends Riku wondered if Sora still talked to. Riku wasn't surprised to see that he wasn't up there himself, even though he knew he was a huge part of Sora's life, even more than a majority of the people up there.

On the other half of the mantle, people Riku didn't recognize, all smiling like the pictures from Sora's side. Evann's friends and family. Riku bitterly tried to pick him out amongst the brothers and sisters, the parents, the grandparents. No wedding picture, he noticed. Just one of two people in regular clothes, Sora embracing a handsome blond-haired, blue-eyed stranger.

Riku jumped, feeling a hard cold edge of something distinctly metal against the side of his neck. By the way it was angled, it was obvious someone shorter was holding it.

"Sora." Now that he was aware of the other presence in the room, Riku could hear their soft breathing, strangely enough, feeling a tiny shiver of exhilaration at being caught.

Sora was less than happy to see him there, that much was obvious, his bright eyes colder and sharper than the kitchen knife he was brandishing at Riku's throat. Clearly he had just gotten out the shower, his slender waist wrapped in a gold towel and his damp hair steadily dripping water on the hardwood floor.

"Sora?" Riku repeated, a bit apprehensive when Sora wasn't lowering the knife, only pressing harder when he spoke. There didn't seem to be any recognition in his eyes, just fear masked behind defensive anger. "_Sora_." He spoke with more force like one would if they were trying to wake someone in a deep sleep. At this point, Riku makes the mistake of trying to take the knife from him, but Sora moves faster than he remembered and quickly slices his hand. He then turns slightly, now on the defensive, as if expecting retaliation.

"Sora, it's just me. Riku." He fights to keep the tiny amount of panic from his voice, but Sora doesn't seem to understand a word he's saying.

Riku covers his injured hand with his other, and watches Sora watching him. They're both waiting, for the other to move, for the enemy to strike. To kill or be killed.

You can say whatever the hell you like about the outcome of the bullshit they went through, the balance being restored to the worlds or whatever, but this was the real result of taking a 14-year-old kid from his home and forcing him to become some "magical warrior".

Sora's eyes flicker between Riku's face and his hand, and he seems to make some kind of coherent connection in his head, that ghosts and remnants don't bleed.

"Riku, you're bleeding." Sora's voice was strangely calm, his eyes no longer narrowed and suspicious.

Riku knew on some psychotic level that it wasn't really his fault, because Riku had had several of these out-of-body crazy moments himself, where he was back in the darkness, fighting faceless monsters, but he had given Sora plenty of time to realize who he was. "Are you fucking serious?"

Sora was busy inspecting the knife in his hand, turning it over twice, his eyebrows pulled in tight in the middle. There was a helplessness there on his face that Riku recognized, and he guiltily wished he hadn't yelled at him.

"Sora..."

Instead of apologizing, or even acknowledging the fact that he had just attacked him, Sora frowned, holding the knife loosely, as if he had just been chopping vegetables and simply stared at him. "What are doing here?"

Riku couldn't think of the answer he rehearsed while sitting out in the car, instead just standing there dumbly, feeling like a bit of a stalker now that he had no plausible excuse. Sora arched a cinnamon colored eyebrow expectantly, rolling his eyes impatiently when Riku only shifted his weight to his other foot.

"Whatever." Sora gripped his towel as it began to slip, turning away, hopefully to return his knife to the kitchen. As he was leaving, Riku caught a glimpse of colorful markings on his back, a trail of rainbow colored stars that lined his spine in descending size, the red star being the largest and the purple the smallest ending just above the gold towel. Yet another thing Riku had no idea about.

Sora returned, minutes later, wearing baggy jeans and a faded t-shirt with the words "I'm not gay, but my husband is." printed in fat pink letters across the chest, carrying a little home first-aid kit.

"Sit."

Riku uncovered his hand, careful not to get any blood on the couch, eyeing his clothes with a smirk. "Nice shirt."

Sora smiled faintly while cleaning the drying blood around the wound. "Kairi's idea of wedding present."

_Of course. _Riku chuckled, barely even noticing the sting of the alcohol burning his hand. He watched Sora treating him, how gently he held the cotton wipe in his fingers, how he bit his tongue between his teeth while he worked.

"Would you have married me?" Riku said before he could stop himself, blurting out the words before he had even finished the thought. Sora's hand hesitated for a second, his breath audibly pausing in his chest. It was the first time Riku noticed his ring, two silver bands with one gold band in between. He hadn't been wearing it before, the week he spent at Riku's apartment.

"It's pretty shallow, I don't think you'll need stitches." Sora said flatly, proceeding to wrap the wound a little too tightly. His hands were trembling by the time he finished; it wasn't exactly unnoticeable.

"Don't ignore me, Sora."

"I don't know. Maybe?" He said it as a question. _Fuck. _That nearly killed Riku.

"You're asking _me_?"

"I- God, I don't know! You never asked. I didn't even you think you liked me that much." Sora shrugged.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I loved you. Love. You." Riku quickly corrected himself, to Sora's surprise. That didn't keep the look of immense irritation from his face though. "Look, I was eighteen. I was an immature kid, I didn't want to get married."

"So, what? You're saying you want to marry me now?"

Riku resisted the urge to glare, but the question bothered him _so much_, as it should have. Of course he wanted to marry Sora. Right? Isn't that what he ultimately wanted? Isn't that why he wanted to live with Sora, so he could eventually make an honest husband out of him?

"Yes."

Sora rolled his eyes, rising from the couch. "You really think that's gonna change anything?" He crossed his arms over his chest, incensed. "Forget it. It's too late, Riku."

"Yeah, I know." Riku wasn't pissed about it, honestly. To others, this would appear to be a dismal situation, but to Riku, right now—and he must've been having a good day and in the most terrific mood of his life—it seemed like a great opportunity. As corny as it sounded, there was some good in this. "I can do it. Change your mind, I mean."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sora was taken aback by his sudden change in mood, taking a half-step backwards as Riku approached him, looking like he just figured out how to rig the lottery or something.

"I know how to make you mine, Sora." Riku unabashedly declared, a rare genuine smile gracing his lips for the first time in years.

Sora scowled in barely concealed disgust, shaking his head. "You're insane." Though he couldn't hide that he was strangely intrigued in the suddenly optimistic mood of his. Reminded Sora of old times, when Riku was still an aspiring artist, just starting to find his place in an adult world.

Riku reintroduced his body to Sora's in a few seconds, matching the deadly speed the brunet exhibited earlier during their little conflict. He pressed Sora to the fabric-treated wall with his weight and superior height, nipping playfully at his jaw. He smirked when Sora turned his head away, inadvertently giving him more skin to play with. "I love it when you resist me." Riku's voice was a low snarl, so sexy it was almost tangible.

"You've got the hormones of a teenager." Sora hissed back, trying to control the tremble in his stomach, the more noticeable tremble returning to his hands.

Riku's kisses were open-mouthed and arrogant, solely to get a reaction out of Sora. He tasted the corners and sharp lines of Sora's jaw, frequently ghosting over lips that refused to cooperate. He bared his soul through each breath he took, hoping Sora would take the bait. "Please," Riku muttered quietly, losing a little of his arrogance. There would be many opportunities to gain it back.

After that, Sora finally decided to play the game, giving Riku a clearer sense of what he expected from him. Seems Sora had an arrogance of his own. This was more than seduction, it was a mixture of dominance, of ownership. _My Sora, His Riku._

Sora controlled everything, easily claiming the upper hand. He strategically pulled back until Riku gave in and let him take the first kiss. Riku honestly didn't mind submitting, he loved the feel of fingers tangling and pulling in his hair, loved how Sora watched him through half-open eyes, burying his tongue deep in his mouth. A sharp commanding tug to his fisted hair, and Riku willingly laid his head back, letting out a soft, breathy moan as Sora licked and teased the skin of his throat.

"What'd I do?" Riku spoke to the ceiling, seconds after, wishing his voice was too quiet to hear. The question was stinging inside his mind for hours, but now that he was finally asking, he found he really didn't want to know after all. If he had hurt Sora that badly...well, perhaps it's best to remain ignorant.

Sora hardly faltered at his words, idly combing his fingers through his silver hair. Riku wasn't sure what kind of reaction to expect, especially from the phone conversation they had the other day. He had gotten so emotional, he was practically sobbing, now, he didn't know. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to predict Sora's moods that seemed to grow more erratic with every new occurrence. The past was still a touchy subject, that much was obvious.

"It's not important." Sora untangled his long fingers from silver silk. It was aggravating how his most nonchalant brush-offs made Riku feel young and naïve, like Sora was the older of the two, and Riku knew nothing.

Sora fell into a crouch, his hands pushing up the bottom of Riku's shirt to make his belt buckle more available for his deft fingers to unfasten. Riku stepped back, out of his reach.

"It is important, Sora."

A look of indignation crossed Sora's face, reminding Riku of the dark version of himself that he had encountered days after Sora decided to come back into his life. It made him wonder if Sora had ever forgiven him at all.

He sat back on his heels, his hands on his hips. Impatient. "I think that's for me to decide." He declared, playing on Riku's guilt again, to get what he wanted. "Seeing as it was your fault. _Your_ mistake."

"You keep doing what I want, maybe I'll tell you." Sora smiled crookedly, a hollow little smirk. He was doing this on purpose, to keep Riku confused. His eyes were so innocent, the man he'd become was anything but.

"What the hell happened to you?" Riku watched as Sora rose for the floor. He only backed away an inch before Sora's hands were on him again, leading him toward the couch until he was sitting on the arm. He crouched once again, taking his belt in his fingers, swiftly unbuckling it and parting the front of his pants with the same speed.

"I don't mind pain. So if you want to pull my hair, you can."

Riku's lip curled in mild disgust, half-intrigue. This side of Sora was a little wilder than he was used to, but to play a game like this one, one that apparently started years ago, the ability to adapt was crucial.

The vision of the two teenagers in the bathroom materialized in Riku's mind like an old fantasy, except Sora wasn't making stupid faces and joking around. Instead, his face was almost comically determined as he released Riku's cock from his pants, stroking him with a slow, tight grip. It became increasingly important to Riku to keep his eyes open to watch every movement. He bit his tongue and arched slightly off the couch as Sora worked to make him adequately hard.

Sora apparently took little notice of his overeager squirming, licking his hand for more lubrication before fisting him again. Riku made the quietest sound of exhilaration, his eyes rolling at little at the friction, Sora's close proximity, the way he tongued the corner of his mouth.

Already sufficiently aroused before they started, it didn't take long for Riku to become fully hard, growing completely in length and girth. Sora tasted his tip, tonguing the delicate skin thoroughly before taking him in his mouth. Riku groaned while he took a second to get used to his size, fighting to keep himself from seeming too—too, whatever. There was a mouth around his cock and he couldn't care less how he acted.

"Ah...fuck, God, Sora."

It wasn't until Riku slipped his fingers through Sora's hair, cradling his palm over the back of his head that he actually started to feel a weird sort of relief. Mainly, he felt disgust at himself for letting his willpower submit so easily. For letting himself get into a situation he could no longer control. Sora called the shots in this domain, and once again, Riku was too weak to overcome.

Sora changed his tempo, sucking harder and deeper, using his tongue for more stimulation. He braced his elbows on Riku's thighs, creating such an intense suction, Riku let a low, shallow gasp escape his slightly agape lips. Both hands were buried in auburn hair now, his hips snapping upwards carelessly. He nearly forgot Sora was there, or at least, that he _was_ Sora.

Sora's throat contracted as he fought back his gag reflex. Sitting back on his heels again, his eyebrow raised in irritation as he tongued the roof of his mouth. "Sorry..." Riku muttered, shame making his voice soft, lust and desperation making him plead.

Rising to his feet rather than continuing, Riku was sure that Sora was going to make him finish on his own. A moment of weakness had Riku reaching for the brunet, his prick already becoming painfully uncomfortable from negligence. He got an arm around Sora's slender waist, coaxing him forward until he could gently kiss his mouth. The softness made Sora smile, a good sign, returning the gesture, a small playful bite to his lower lip. His hands were on either of Riku's shoulders, leading him again. He guided Riku to lay back on the couch cushions, his dick still hard and laying heavily against his stomach.

Sora crawled on top of him, though Riku found it strange that he was facing the other direction. He took his erection in his mouth again, and Riku nearly sighed in relief as a little of the annoying pressure began to ebb away. It wasn't until Sora reached a hand between them and unfastened his jeans did Riku realize what his intention was.

Spreading the thick fabric, Riku hooked his thumbs in the top of his underwear, pulling both down to mid-thigh. Sora was already extensively aroused. Riku wondered if it was the open air and his being exposed that was making him gradually harder, or the fact that he knew that Riku was staring at him from such an intimate angle that sent that visible shiver of exhilaration up his spine. Craning his neck, he licked the heavy heat, hearing a quiet moan from the other end of the couch. He held Sora's hips still and lifted his head again, taking as much of the stiff flesh in his mouth as he could from the position he was in.

This kind of stimulation was a little overwhelming. Riku found it slightly difficult to concentrate when Sora was already sucking him so thoroughly on his end. He couldn't help but notice how his own performance affected Sora's. When he gripped Sora thighs for leverage and took him nearly all the way in to the back of his throat, Sora paused for a half-second, his fingernails clawing into Riku's legs.

Riku took his time, doing his best to ignore the urgency burning in his own core. He drew out his movements, everything slow and lingering and passionate. Sora was a little less than patient, and it showed in the way he fisted the base of Riku's shaft, working him faster and with more stimulation than his mouth alone could provide. He was trying to hurry him up for whatever reason, so Riku took the subtle clue and reached up, between Sora's parted legs, massaging the firm balls. If the soft sounds of pleasure he was making were any indication, he approved, jerking eagerly in his hand.

It was good, but didn't last long, and Riku had a feeling that Sora really just wanted a quick way to finish and get off of him, as he did as soon as he came. Now standing, he pulled his pants up, grabbing a cup off the coffee table and spitting a thick liquid into it. He actually frowned at it before offering the cup to Riku, who chuckled and did the same.

It was romantic, you know, in a completely gross way.

Riku adjusted himself, tucking everything back into order and zipping his pants. "I think I've figured out what's wrong with you." He sat up, combing his hair flat with his fingers.

Sora said nothing, absently swirling the contents of the glass. It was a long second before he realized what he was doing, his expression comically mortified.

"Really," He said finally after putting the cup down, his voice uninterested.

Riku shrugged. "I'm not really a psychiatrist, but yeah."

**rsrsrsrs**

"There's nothing wrong with my love life." Sora declared, finding a more comfortable position against the multiple pillows they had piled on the bed. "Evann and I have sex."

"I'm happy for you." Riku commented dryly. He hadn't felt quite as strange lying in the married couple's bed until he mentioned that, and now, he was picturing things he didn't exactly want to while resting right in the middle of the hot spot for their sexual activity.

The bedroom was actually more of a loft that overlooked the living room, with the entrance concealed from the front. The only way up there was a small staircase in the kitchen.

The décor of the bedroom was what Riku expected the rest of apartment to look like. If he had to guess, it was pretty obvious that Sora's husband had decorated everything else. This room was all Sora though. The walls were painted a sunny orange, lemon yellow and lime green the main color for the furniture and the covering on the bed.

The color wasn't the first thing Riku noticed about the room though, not when the wall the bed rested against was tacked with nine 5x5 panels, each painted to create one huge 15 foot image. The image being of a certain brunet that was idly chatting about his relationship with his nobody husband. The bottom right corner was scrawled with a quick signature Riku recognized as his own.

According to Sora, Mr. Nobody Fairbanks was a pretty big fan of his work and bought this painting long before they even met. Now it was just Riku's creepy obsession hanging on the wall of their bedroom. Made infinitesimally creepier by coincidence.

"I think I made a mistake. Getting married." Sora said, pulling up the front of his shirt, poking at his always flat stomach. He did a few small sit-ups, watching how the muscle of his abdomen tightened with his movements. Meanwhile, the giant painted Sora above the bed watched them, its carefree smile more judging and cynical.

Riku decided not to consider the wide array of mood swings they had gone through that morning and just listen to him bitch. It was a lot easier than fighting. Slightly less tiring than sex. Not as fun though.

"Evann was the first man I dated after you."

"When did you get married?" Riku didn't know why he was asking, he didn't want to know. To progress the conversation, he guessed. He needed something more than silence. It was either that or fall asleep.

"April 18. Three years ago." Sora rolled over on his stomach, folding his arms under his chin. "I didn't really wanna marry him, at first. Then, eventually, I convinced myself that he was the best I'd ever get."

Riku made a face, pinching the bottom of Sora's shirt in his two fingers, pulling it up to see the tattoo underneath that he nearly forgot about. "Why the hell would you think a thing like that?" If anything, anyone would be lucky to have Sora.

Riku thumbed the colorful pictures along Sora's spine, now able to see that in between each pair of stars was a curved black letter, spelling the word "PRIDE". A gay pride tattoo. It was oddly charming how much it represented Sora's personality.

Sora glanced at him over his shoulder, squinting as the sunlight filtering in through the cracked blinds hit his eyes. "Apparently no one told you how fucked up I am. Was." He corrected himself, almost reluctantly like he didn't really believe he had improved.

"Kairi mentioned it. That bad?" Riku almost kept the last question to himself. Sora's silence afterwards told him that he probably should've.

Sora grabbed his hand, the one that was still idly tracing his tattoos, and looped it over his body so he could shelter himself under his chest. "Do you ever...see things?"

Riku tightened his arm around Sora's body for security, asking, "What kind of things, Sora?" He knew the answer before he said it, before Riku even asked the question.

"Monsters."

With that one word, Riku suddenly felt very small and Sora even smaller, shrinking more and more in his embrace. The only thing he could do was hold him close and lie like hell. Sora was scared, Riku could hear the way his voice shook when he answered. It was an unreasonable fear, but he knew the feeling himself very well.

"No. I've never seen anything, Sora." Riku said this with finality, making it very clear that this particular subject was one he didn't want to talk about. Things like monsters and darkness were best forgotten.

Sora nodded needlessly, and ducked his head under Riku's arm, the shadow hiding his face from view. They lay in silence for a few long minutes, and Riku felt the urge to fall asleep return. He internally wished Sora would start talking again, that way he wouldn't have to maintain the conversation himself. Riku was much better at listening.

"What about you?" Sora asked, keeping himself hidden in the darkness of their embrace. "You're not seeing anyone right now?"

"You."

"I don't count." He said, teasingly. His voice had a bit of a drifting quality to it, and moving his arm slightly to the side, Riku saw that his eyes were closed. Both of them trying to keep the other awake. Funny.

"The first time I've gotten laid in three months. You count."

Sora opened his eyes at this. If only to stare at him incredulously. "Seriously?" His eyebrows were too high for Riku's liking. It wasn't _that_ surprising. "I know you can be a little prickish sometimes, but I thought guys liked that. It's a very endearing quality."

Riku snorted. "To who? No, seriously, I'm missing out on a lot of sex here."

Sora laughed, resuming his more comfortable position under him. "I've always thought you were very sexy."

"Yeah, well," Riku sighed, petting back his cinnamon colored hair and nuzzling softly into his neck. "Too bad there aren't more of you to go around, huh?" His voice lowered, as if he wasn't sure if he wanted Sora to hear him or not. "Then I could have you all to myself."

Sora opened his eyes again, this time not incredulous but stern. "I love my husband." His tone was way too serious, almost defensive. Like any of his prior behavior was suddenly acceptable because of those four words.

"Then what are you doing, Sora?" He didn't need to remind him that _he _chose to come crawling back to his apartment a few weeks ago. That _he_ was the one tempting Riku into this twisted relationship, knowing the true repercussions of his own actions. Riku had no fault here. "Shit, I feel we keep saying the same fucking things, and every time, you never give me a straight fucking answer."

"Whatever my reason is, you wouldn't want to hear it." Sora mumbled, groaning when Riku moved his arm so he couldn't hide anymore, the sudden exposure to sunlight stinging his eyes.

"Try me."

"I'm bored." Sora's quick answer wasn't exactly what he expected, but hell, it was an answer.

"That's it?"

Sora shrugged. "What else am I supposed to say? I'm not being neglected or abused. I'm just bored."

"So what, your life is just so perfect, you needed shit like me to fuck it up? That's real nice, Sora." Riku fought the urge to laugh. This was fucking priceless. Sora really was fucking using him, not that he didn't already know that, but that didn't make it any easier to hear.

"Oh, don't make everything about you." Sora snapped. _Oh, that's right, Sora. You're the main character here. I'm just best supporting actor. _

He finally gave up on going back to sleep, combing his hair restlessly with his hands. "I'm a fucking housewife." At this point, Sora is talking to himself, and Riku can't figure out whether he should interrupt or not. "Sure, I own the clinic downstairs, but he paid for the apartment, and my ring, and my fucking car."

_Should have thought of that, Sora_. Riku wanted to say, but he couldn't bring himself to.

"What am I supposed to tell him?" Once again, Riku's not sure if he's being asked this question directly, and has even less of a clue how to answer it if he is.

"The truth usually works. That's where I'd start."

Sora scoffs. "The truth. I'd rather he remain my blissfully unaware husband."

"I guess that's your choice." Riku sat up, gathering the shoes he took off at the end of the bed earlier and pulling them back on.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm done." Riku stood, trying to remember if he was wearing a jacket when he came in. He didn't want to have to risk coming back later.

"You can't leave now." Sora's voice was annoyingly chastising for someone in his compromising situation. "It's after 12. Evann usually comes home during his lunch hour. I can't risk him seeing you."

"So? I'm already pretty close to resenting you. What's keeping me from blowing this shit off the mountain right now?"

"Despite the fact that you _are_ a careless jackass, I'd still like to think you at least give half a shit about what happens to me." Sora turned to him, his eyes more serious than Riku had ever seen them before. "I have everything to lose here."

"Not my problem." Riku moved to step around him only for Sora to predictably step in his way. How childish.

"Just stay here, okay? I'll be right back. Just...stay." As Sora opened the door, Riku could faintly hear someone yelling for him.

"What? No- Sora!" Too late. What words Riku really wanted to say fell on the dead silence of the too-warm bedroom, the only reply from a rattling vent as the air conditioner clicked on.

**….....**

Riku got back to his car an hour later. Pissed off, he drove straight home, a drive that usually took 28 minutes was shortened to nearly 15 with the way he was speeding.

He hung his last canvas on the wall, his last unfinished painting before the gallery opening in a week and attempted to get some work done. His anger making his hands tremble, every line was shaky and turbulent. His circles were sloppy, the colors blended messily. Too thick paint hung in globs off the ends of the canvas. His brush was flattened and frayed with the effort and strength of his strokes.

It was his best and worst work.

Best, because he knew he'd never be able to recreate anything like this again, and nothing he had ever made had taken this much emotion out him. It was the realest thing he ever painted, a piece of work artists spend their whole lives trying to conceive. It was the kind of art that icons were made from. The kind of art that made people famous.

Worst, because he couldn't even look at it. Worst, because it was every drop of alcohol he had ever drank. It was every night he had spent in a fucking bar rather than at home, it was every breath of cigarette smoke he had inhaled in someone's crowded basement party. It was every time he drunkenly sucked off a stranger in the bathroom of a club, knowing that Sora was waiting for him at their apartment. This painting was every time Sora went to bed alone. It represented all of his flaws.

So he destroyed it.

…**....**

Riku didn't know what the hell it was about that 45-minute time span he spent in Sora's bedroom, trying not to notice the soft talking from downstairs in the kitchen, but by the time Evann had left and Sora was coming back up the stairs, the most disturbing images had already passed through his mind. Like having a nightmare while you're awake.

When Sora came back upstairs, Riku must've looked pretty shaken because he stopped in mid-step and just stared at him, his eyes dark and unblinking. All Riku seemed to be able to remember about that moment was that he was looking at his own hands for an extended amount of time before finally saying something.

"Have you ever attacked him before?" Riku looked up slowly from the too-tight bandage on his hand, his reminder of how "fucked up" Sora was.

Sora regarded him with caution, frowning as if he were unsure how to answer, or if he should at all. He kept his arms close to himself, defensive. Pretty typical behavior so far. Considering the psychological reasons he had that made him act that way. The fear in his eyes was the real selling point, the fear mixed with deep apprehension.

"It's only me." Riku finally summarized when all he got was timid silence.

"You've probably never pulled a knife on Kairi, or your mom," He rose from the bed, holding his bandaged hand in the other. "Just me."

The giant Sora painting watching, the real Sora took a half-step backwards, freezing like he didn't know what to do. Whether to run or stand his ground.

"I'm the only one you see as a threat." Riku now standing directly in front of him, Sora kept his fist clasped at his chest, his head turned at an angle as if he were avoiding his eyes. "Because I..."

It felt like a repeat of the other night, Riku speaking to him on the other end of a phone. Sora was getting emotional and there was something he needed to say but he couldn't think of what it was. He couldn't form the right words, even though Sora was urging him with his wet looking eyes.

He was piecing it together though, with the images he had come across only moments before. The blood on his sheets, the empty bed the next morning. He imagined himself from his own point of view, saw his own hands on Sora's body, but it was through the haze of alcohol, making it difficult to decipher.

"Did I...?" Riku started, attempting to revise his approach, finding that it didn't make it any easier. Sora was sheltering that one hand to his chest, his other forming a tight grip around his wrist. The wrist Riku saw his own hand on, crushing, and snapping bone.

"Say it...Please." Sora begged him. He needed this. The admittance. Was that what he had been holding on to this entire time?

Because Sora left him in the middle of the night, they never got the chance to talk about it. Riku never got the chance to apologize.

"I'm...sorry." Riku croaked, the words coming out of his mouth like glass shards. Sora scowled, grabbing his face, making him look uncomfortably in his eyes.

"No. For what?" He nearly snarled. He really needed Riku to admit it. Admit that he had..._hurt_ him. "You can't get off easy this time. Tell me. _Say it._"

"I raped you."

Despite the earlier strength in his words, Sora flinched and recoiled, curling his hand at his chest again. He turned his back, wrapping his arms around himself. There wasn't much left to say after that.

…**......**

Riku savagely stabbed the canvas, tearing into it until the brush snapped and the sharp splintered pieces were cutting into his fingers. Until paint wasn't the only thing covering his hands. He stabbed until blood ran down his knuckles and dripped on the cement floor.

He ripped the torn canvas straight from the wall and threw it, breaking up the wooden frame with his bare hands and attempting to punch it into nothing.

Four punches in, he barely felt the pain anymore. Five and six, he felt his fingers give. By ten, he was slumped on the floor, gasping through sobs that nearly tore his chest open.

_"Do you ever...see things?"_

_"What kind of things, Sora?"_

_"Monsters."_

Monsters. He was the only fucking monster Sora saw.

**rsrsrsrsrs**

"I need an extension." Riku didn't bother to look at the woman's face. He knew her sculpted eyebrows were nearly hidden in her hairline. Her heart practically stopped.

"Excuse me?" Sienna was still seated behind her desk. Riku was hoping she wouldn't stand up; it wasn't as humiliating to ask with her across the room.

Playing with the silk leaves of a fake ficus, he watched the cars passing on the street six floors below. Helped his anxiety when his hands were busy. "On the opening. I need an extension."

"Why?" Sienna nearly snapped, her voice strained. You could tell she wasn't trying to be bitchy, but whenever Sienna had to change her schedule a week before a gallery opening, she didn't have much of a choice. Riku really didn't blame her.

"I just...need the time." Time from Sora is what he meant. Not that he still expected him to show at the opening now, but he couldn't take that chance, and a week was too soon. The wound still too fresh.

"Well, baby, I don't know what I can do. You honestly think I can move an entire opening in six days?" She spoke, moving a few things on her desk, mostly stacks of documents and a few pictures of what Riku recognized as his own paintings. "I'm not God."

Riku would've rolled his eyes at her ludicrous statement if he wasn't looking for sympathy at the moment. Instead, he made his best impression of despair, something that wasn't that difficult considering how he felt already.

He tensed as Sienna rose from her chair, her heels forever clicking as she rounded the desk. Today, the color was lilac, her dress and nails. Her heels were a light purple with dark purple bows on the top. Her hair was still a golden walnut, piled high on her head. "How much?"

Riku must've looked confused because the blonde bombshell dug her manicured nails into her hips. "Time, Rikki. How much time do you need? A day, two days?"

"I was thinking, more like, a month."

"No." Her reply was instant, her tone leaving little room for objection. If Riku hadn't known the woman as his malevolent manager for nearly six years, he'd be a little surprised. She pursed her lips, standing in a way that pushed her chest out. "I can give you a week. But only if you behave." Sienna winked, standing about a foot too close.

"So, what the hell happened to your hand?"

Riku was hoping she wouldn't notice, but he had to give her credit for being observational. She could tell even though he made sure his hand was his pocket the whole time.

After his little freak out episode, and a long trip to the hospital, meeting with a hand specialist and receiving two splints, Riku was definitely regretting trying to punch a hole through solid concrete.

"Accident." He replied simply, sighing when the woman insisted on looking at it.

"Poor boy," She purred, stroking the two temporary splints with her long nails. "So which one of your boyfriends did you screw over this time?" She looked up. "That one boy. What was his name? Andrew?"

"Anderson. We broke up two years ago." Riku went through the motions of idle conversation, wanting nothing more than to leave now that he had gotten the extension he wanted. Well, not _exactly_ the extension he wanted, but it was more time nevertheless.

"Right. How's he doing?"

"I don't know." Riku sighed, thinking of the amount of time he was wasting right now, he could be using to barricade himself in his bathroom for a week.

"You need to watch that temper of yours. You're starting to gain a reputation. For being, well, volatile." Sienna finally clicked away from his personal space, back to her desk. Giving him a long hard stare, she sat, folding her hands in her lap. "You don't want to jeopardize your career over a boy. Believe me."

Riku only clenched his jaw painfully, feeling his hand throb in his pocket. As he was leaving, he took a couple of the painkillers for his broken fingers. Then two more once he got to his car, and another on the drive home.

By the time he unlocked his front door and stumbled all the way to the bathroom, he wasn't feeling much of anything anymore.

**rsrsrsrs**

_Yay! Finally! I'm done with another chapter. I tried to make it longer and extra drama-y. Just 'cause._

_Working on Chap 7. I tried to fix the story pacing at little bit in this chapter, I thought it was a little wacked. Also, I felt the need to describe some more Riku's artistry skills. Anyway, more Sienna. More angst. More Riku moping. Lot more of that. See ya next time! - bouncy_


	7. Intensity

_One of these days, I'd like to get an actually updating rhythm, you know, like updating once a week or so. But I have so many bad days. It's not fair._

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, Break from Riku for a while, A look at the Past, Sora's POV, and finally, Evann.

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 7: Intensity**

-

Sora goes to the library at least once a week. It's bright and open and he never feels like he has to constantly watch his back. The urge does arise sometimes, in which Sora remedies his paranoia with a quick glance over his shoulder. Other than a couple tense moments in the stacks, where the light had a harder time to reach, the library had become somewhat of a haven for him. There, no one knew him, no one stared at the yellowing bruises on his jaw, or inquired about the thick cast on his wrist. No one thought about the darkness in his stare, or the frequent number of times he jumped at sudden noises. He could just be another stranger in the library that you didn't acknowledge, much less look in the eye.

Sora spends most of his time browsing, pointedly avoiding the back aisles. His favorite genre was the crime and mystery section. Stories about a retired cop hunting down some estranged serial psychopath. His love interest would become kidnapped and it was his sole duty to get her back safely, enduring all the drugs and car chases and wayward criminals it took to find her. He would have several brushes with death, but every time he would get up and continue saving the day, because that's what he was good at. For obvious reasons, it was Sora's preferred kind of story.

There were days when he would become tempted by the anonymity of the library. The same kind of anonymity that would allow him to briefly stop at the two half-shelves in between young teen and non-fiction, a small spot labeled Self Help by the bright green sign hanging above it. This area listed off categories with the use of little tabs. Low self-esteem, dating advice, parenting. Depression. PTSD. Sexual Abuse. Sora tended to cringe at that little purple tab, shuffling off to a different part of the library before someone began to wonder why a battered looking kid was glaring at books with the same ferocity one would an alarm clock disturbing their sleep, or a that one cloud that always blocked the sun on a really good day. Because there were just some things that a teenage boy's dignity wouldn't tolerate, and in this particular instance, that included a self-help book for sexual abuse victims.

When his search ends, Sora picks a seat, usually at the end of an already occupied table, because all the others are full, and this particular table he picks only has one person at the other end. He lays out his choice of worn mystery novels, flipping through the first with a careful two fingers to turn the pages. They're so yellowed with age, and they have that smell that old books get when they've been in someone's basement for a while.

It started off pretty good, "Marlon Grains never stayed in one location, too long. This was, as it had always been, a simple fact." The rest Sora never got the chance to read, because, at that moment, he was unceremoniously interrupted.

It wasn't even a real interruption, or intentional, for that matter. The person at the other end of the table simply shut his book and was now dragging another from the high stack of thick dusty volumes he had piled at his side. Law books, each thicker, heavier and dustier than the last.

Sora surreptitiously read the spines of each book in the pile, Civil Law, Legal Philosophy, Jurisprudence, Legal ethics, Undead, Zombie Zero, Fangs.

_Horror books?_

Scanning the wide pages of a book you couldn't justly label by anything other than 'tome', was a man you couldn't justly label by anything other than 'hipster'. Or something similar. Stylish, maybe. Sora wasn't sure.

Half-rimmed red reading glasses, thick silver rings on at least three fingers. His right ear spiked with six multi-colored earrings. He wore a long maroon sweater pushed up to his elbows and had platinum blond hair that wouldn't stay tucked behind his ears. Not exactly what Sora expected to see buried nose-deep in law books.

Twenty seconds pass and Sora doesn't realize he's still staring, and gray blue eyes glance up, a little confused by the unwarranted attention. A few moments of silent contemplation, and the little line between his eyes disappeared, a smile instantly taking its place.

Sora's hands clenched his book tightly, looking down once more, only now reading was pretty much the last thing on his mind. The stranger wasn't allowed to acknowledge him, and he certainly wasn't allowed to make eye contact. The main reason he came to public buildings to hide was so he would ignored. Not smiled at by beautiful law-book-reading hipsters.

He read the same line again. "Marlon Grains was—is—never—Damn it." Eyes. He could feel those strange eyes on him, judging his bruises and his cast and the way he slumped protectively over his books. The feeling was like some stinging little annoyance that you couldn't ignore, and more than once Sora succumbed to the temptation and looked up. Only to gasp inwardly when he met the same stare and almost physically ducked behind his shielding book cover.

Sora folded his arms over his chest as if to hold in all the rising anxiety bubbling up through his sternum as he made his way to nearest secluded area, the bathroom. His hands were already trembling when he abandoned his books at the table. He just needed somewhere quiet. Somewhere quiet that he could silently freak out in without accumulating unwanted attention.

Thankfully, the bathroom was empty, and Sora could sink to the floor and wrap his arms around himself. This happened way more than he cared to admit, a scary, hopeless, drowning feeling, especially in public places. The flashbacks and the darkness, faceless creatures surrounding him, only now he had no means to protect himself. He wasn't much of a warrior anymore. He had long since forgotten how it felt to be strong and fearless.

He had no friends to help. No Leon, no Yuffie or Cloud. No Donald, Goofy or the King. No Riku. Just him, alone. A frightened little kid sitting in the filth of a public bathroom and hugging himself. His trust in Riku was shattered and therefore shaking everything he used to believe in.

If he couldn't trust the one he loved, then who the hell could he trust?

"Hey, you okay?" Eyes. The eyes were back. The beautiful law-book-reading hipster crouched at his side, brushing his hair back with cold fingertips. He smelled very herbal, that was the one thing Sora remembered through the violent fear tearing around the walls of his stomach. That, and the dampened paper towel on his face, wiping away traces of sweat from his forehead.

It was a nice gesture, Sora had enough sense to recognize that, but the stranger was _way_ too close, his eyes too focused on the bruises, the scars, judging, making assumptions. His lips were pulled into a frown that the doctors often made when they saw his appearance, the same little speculating frown that instantly labeled him a victim. Like he was just so helpless.

"Don't f-fucking touch me." Even that sounded weak as he shakily climbed to his feet using the wall behind him for support. Still, the man stayed close as if waiting for him to fall so he could catch him. It would've seemed more sweet and kind if Sora wasn't so aware that he was breathing much too hard and fast over nothing. And that this stranger was witnessing him acting like a total nutcase without so much as batting an eyelash. He just assessed the situation and made his own conclusions based on observation.

"You're having an anxiety attack." The man said calmly, holding his arm. He dipped his head a little to catch Sora's eyes, trying to make him understand what he was saying.

_Keep talking._

"Sh-Shut up." Sora figured manners were the least of his priorities right now. Just getting himself away from this fucking _nobody_ was his main concern, breathing was second. The tremors in his hands were rapidly moving up his arms and he was gasping so hard he was starting to feel light-headed. All over a stupid look.

"I used to get these a lot as a kid." The intruder explained, probably through some fragile hope that Sora would be convinced that he wasn't alone here. "You're not dying. These attacks can't kill you."

Sora only vaguely recognized his own reflection in the bathroom mirror, his face an angry scowl. The guy sounded like fucking psychiatrist, it was the last thing he needed right now. His breath was regulating. A few minutes more and he could escape the judging stare and a hand that was...petting him?

Stroking was a more accurate description. It was calming to say the least, but it did very little to curb the panic he was already feeling. The blond was still talking, his voice low and words nearly indistinguishable but it helped more than the touching. The quiet distraction kept him from thinking too much.

"Okay?"

Sora wasn't sure of the exact moment when the man's arms got wrapped around him or how, after a few seconds of silent contemplation of his face, he knew that his name was Evann. He must've told him some point between the petting and now.

"Sora." He mumbled, a weak version of introducing himself, though they seemed to be well past that point. After awkwardly disentangling his arms from Evann's body, Sora stepped back, scratching his neck. The eyes bore a little too much empathy and understanding, like they knew exactly what he was going through.

"I know." There was a tiny smile there, in his words, that made Sora more unsettled than anything. Certainly not reassured. Sora must've looked alarmed because he added, "You told me, earlier."

"Oh," Sora frowned. He didn't remember that, but he couldn't seem to detect anything other than sincerity in his voice, so he must've been telling the truth. He curled his arms around himself again, mortified now. Not only because he'd had another attack in public, the third one in only two weeks, but in front of a complete stranger. One who insisted on talking to him.

"It's okay to trust people, you know." Evann spoke softly, his tone suggesting experience Sora wouldn't dare infer about, for fear of dredging up fresh memories that made his wrist throb under its thick cast. It was hard to imagine _anyone_ else in his situation, battered and hurt and broken, much less the angel blond man before him, with his concerned eyes and light smile. "We're not all bad."

He reached forward and for one panicked second Sora was sure he was going to touch him again, shrinking back against the hand dryer in his haste. It was only a piece of slightly bent paper in his hand though.

Sora took it with tentative fingers, watching the man's eyes—Evann's eyes. He smiled sadly, a pitying expression, retracting his hand and stuffing it in his pocket.

"I'll see around then, I hope. Bye, Sora."

Only after he was gone and the bathroom door had settled against the frame, and all was quiet again, did Sora finally move, his back sore in a couple places from being mercilessly stabbed with a hand dryer. The paper turned out to be a business card, and Sora was mildly offended that the idiot actually thought he could be picked up that easily. Like, what kind of asshole did that?

Except it wasn't Evann's name or number on the card. Instead, it was the time and address for a support group meeting. For sexual abuse victims.

Sora felt a pang of guilt from a very deep and guarded place in his chest, regretting the fact that he hadn't been able to read Evann's intentions earlier, that he only wanted to help. Because he _had_ been through the same thing.

–

The painkillers were making Riku's head swim slightly, as every surface were covered in a thick transparent jelly, and he didn't feel so much relaxed as he did tired and jaded. His fingers were stiff in their cast and the gallery owner was talking some nonsense he was barely keeping up with. Thankfully he had Sienna to handle the business, when he couldn't do much more than grunt and mumble.

While the owner slipped off for some kind of documentation, Sienna took his arm roughly, her long peach nails threatening to break skin.

"What the hell are you on?" She hissed, glaring critically through a pair of magenta rimmed glasses that served no real purpose other than making her face look severe in fluorescent light. Riku towered over her, only devoting half his attention to meeting her gaze. There was something far too fascinating about the way this vein stood out on her forehead when she was angry, like a skinny little worm writhing under her skin.

Riku considered answering, but the only sound he heard was a low chuckle and then he was grudgingly released when the gallery owner returned. He was a short man, had this little triangle beard under his bottom lip like a one of those elevator buttons. For the most part, he ignored Riku's presence after only the first 15 minutes of meeting him. "One of those" he called him. That's how he said it. "Oh. One of _those_." Riku was vaguely offended. He wasn't a drug addict, really. Just these little pills. _Sometimes._

Riku seated himself on a plush, squatly bench facing a large expanse of blank wall. All the walls were blank actually. Waiting to be filled with numerous paintings for potential buyers. It was a huge opportunity, and Riku's main source of income. He just couldn't seem to make himself care too much.

He missed Sora.

His inbox was full of messages, but not from Sora. Mostly Kairi, some from her husband, but not Sora. Others were congratulations. He got these sometimes from old acquaintances that he didn't really give his number to, friends he barely kept up with. Other artists. Unfortunately, thanks to his reclusive nature, he had become somewhat of a social pariah, except somehow it worked in quite the opposite fashion of what one would expect. He had become one of _those_. A "need-to-know." A person so estranged from mainstream society that it was fashionable just to be able to say you talked to them. A need-to-know. That was Riku now.

The date for the opening was in two days now. Riku had run up his week wasted and oblivious. It was so typical, it was pathetic. While he steadily destroying his life, Sora was busy living his. Forgetting about him again. Making happy and playing house with his loving husband. It was sickening. Even more sickening because it was the one thing Riku wanted more than anything. He'd give up all this shoddy fame for just one piece of Sora. Just a piece.

Riku's phone vibrated in his pocket, but he ignored it, staring straight up at the fabulously glass ceiling. It was a good 25 feet up, dipping in several places to make it resemble a glittering mosaic ocean, spots of brilliant purple and royal blues coloring a gorgeous artificial sky above their heads. Riku thought it wouldn't be so bad to be trapped as long as the cage they put him was this beautiful. Just an artificial sky and blank paper mache walls.

A quiet chime alerted Riku that he had gotten a voicemail.

He reached in his pocket, just to check it for no reason. He knew it wasn't Sora and he had long since given up the hope reserved for pity calls, but there it was. No name, just a number he faintly recognized. It had to be a mistake though.

A wrong number.

Riku listened anyway, after sifting through voicemail hell for 6 whole minutes, he brought the little molded plastic and metal cell phone to his ear, hearing the time and date of the call first.

Then a tinny voice. "Um, I'm coming to the opening Saturday, okay? You're okay, right, Riku? Call me. _Please._"

Kairi.

_Damn._

There must've been a ton of messages from her already. Just one more that he didn't want to hear. Not that he didn't appreciate her concern though, because he did, but there was just so much unwanted tension growing between them and he never wanted that. The more he ignored her, the more it grew.

So for the first time, he dialed her back.

"Riku? God, I'm so glad you--" And hung up.

Stupid, Riku.

He missed Sora. Like a dog missed water on a hot day even though his bowl was full only two seconds ago before he turned it over in the grass.

Riku popped another painkiller and offhandedly wondered if he could overdose on them. He vaguely remembered hearing something about it once, that painkillers didn't kill immediately, they only slowly wear the body down into an excruciatingly painful death. Seemed kinda ironic that too many painkillers only caused more pain. Very misleading.

He'd do better with the conventional methods, thank you. Go out like rock star, a bullet in the head and Sora's name written in blood beside his cold corpse. Wait. That was a bit a of contradiction. He'd have write the name first. But he couldn't cut himself. Riku was a coward with knives. Knives _hurt_. Guess the name didn't _have_ to be in blood. The message would be just as clear with any medium, he assumed.

You killed me, Sora. Happy now?

Riku was fashionably suicidal and even more fabulously bitter. A double threat.

"We're done here, Rikki." A loud clacking of heels and Sienna was at his side, her perfect blade-sharp nails on his shoulder. Riku only nodded and tilted his head back enough to admire the ceiling once more before leaving. Sienna's breasts blocked his view.

"Do you mind?" He murmured, swatting his hand at the open air with a chuckle.

"You're fucked, Riku." The woman rounded the bench and sat beside him, crossing her long legs at the knee. Riku was sure her perfume had been something his mom had worn once.

"Really? That sucks." Riku heard himself talking, but he wasn't saying anything he wanted to. Really, he wanted to point out her perfume choice and how it made her smell like an aging hotel receptionist.

"I know I shouldn't care, especially because whatever the hell you're doing now is making a lot of fucking munny, but I've seen way too many young artists in your...position and it wasn't good."

"Wasn't good?" Riku repeated, marveling at how different the words sounded leaving her mouth than it did his own. His voice was deeper and kinda slow-sounding.

"They're dead, Riku." She was trying to make a point, he knew this, but his thoughts were coming faster to his mouth than his brain was processing them. A few were bound to escape without rational thought or emotion or what was socially acceptable checking through them first.

"Bet you're making a fortune, huh?" He laughed, only not because it was funny, but because it was absurdly true. All artists are worth more dead. Once this so-called great and innovative person was dead, the shit they left behind was their only value then. Everyone knew that.

"That's not funny." Sienna sounded so serious, Riku couldn't help but look at her. Her eyes were severe behind their plastic fashion lenses, making her resemble a scolding librarian. Her hair was down today, thick blonde strands unraveled around her shoulders. It was the first time Riku had seen her like this. Without the blonde walnut at the back of her head. It made her ears look smaller.

"It is to me." The whole fucking situation was just hilarious. Killing yourself over lost love. So sappy and cliché.

Sienna was sitting closer than he needed her to, but that's just how she was, constantly invading his personal space. Her thin hands were around his own and her large breasts were pushing against his arm as she moved forward.

"You have a gift." She tilted her head, her magenta painted lips sticky with gloss brushing his cheek. "Don't throw it away."

Then she smiled, small and tired, and stood, disappearing somewhere in the space behind him. Her heels clacking the whole way, the sound became more reserved the farther she walked, until the noise no longer echoed off the blank walls.

She never had to say much.

–

"So he called back? That's good." Sora licked his fingertips for the sticky remnants of orange pulp stuck under his nails. He ducked his head to avoid a playful hand from Quint, looking to mess with his hair again. It was his usually greeting.

"No. The asshole hung up two seconds later—Excuse me." Kairi muttered the apology habitually, not that anyone really cared that she called Riku an asshole. Even if Charlot was in the room. She wasn't listening anyway. "I tried again, but then he wouldn't answer."

"You can't really blame him. He's in a bad place right now." Sora tore apart orange peels, ignoring the accusing look Kairi was shooting him from across the table. She drunk from her tea bitterly, eyes narrowed at his insensitivity. Her mother bit wasn't working though. How Riku was acting was not his fault, nor his responsibility.

"Maybe if he had a little _support_."

Sora scoffed. "Support. _Please._ He's better off by himself."

Kairi glared over the top of her mug. "Says you."

There was a moment in which neither of them said anything, Kairi blowing on her tea, Sora still ripping gritty orange peel to tiny pieces on his plate.

"You ever think maybe he doesn't wanna talk?" Sora resumed conversation, easing out of the tense patch it was currently capsizing in. "Riku's always been like that. I think he's more comfortable by himself."

"While I do agree with your opinion, _Sora._" Kairi's voice was tense, somewhere between sincerity and the constant strive for vindication that Sora just wouldn't let her have. "I don't think this is the case. I think he really needs help right now."

"Maybe _I _don't agree with _your_ opinion, _Kairi._"

Another tense moment. Kairi's fingers twitched toward her bagel as if looking for any excuse to lob it at his head, cream cheese, strawberry jelly and all.

"You are so stubborn!" She huffed, swatting at her bangs that had fallen loose from her hair clip, muttering something about the natural stupidity of boys.

"I'm sorry. Who's Riku again?" Evann, still half-asleep in the chair beside Sora's finally raised his head at the inclination of their voices, blinking sheepishly.

Sora littered his plate with shards of ripped orange, picking pieces from under his nails indignantly. "No one."

If Kairi narrowed her eyes any more, they'd be closed. "He's the artist, remember sweetie? Sora's _best friend_."

"Oh, right. Him." Evann smiled tiredly, resting his head on his folded arm. Sora chuckled, lightly petting his soft hair flat against his neck.

"Go back to sleep, babe." He slid his fingers over his cheek and leaned down enough so they could share a soft kiss behind Sora's concealing hand.

"He's your best friend, Sora." Kairi fingered the edge of his mug irritably, her frown nearly pleading. She had to be sick of playing mediator to the both of them. It wasn't worth it when the glue—their past relationship, the only thing holding them together—was non-existent now. There were no best friends. There was no friendship. Period.

"So? He likes you better." Even Sora knew that his argument was weak, but there wasn't much of a choice. Either it was admit that he was wrong, or fight her every step of the way. If male stupidity was to win out on this one, so be it.

"Oh, bullshit, Sora. You just don't want to own up." Kairi crossed her legs, turning in her chair so she was facing slightly away from him. "You should've called him."

Sora's lip curled in disgust. "How can you say that?"

Kairi flinched a little, but refused to recoil from her point, apparently, very adamant that she was right here. "He didn't do it on purpose."

"You have no idea." Sora shook his head, his eyes violently trained on the mess of orange pulp in front of him. "You don't know how it feels."

"Maybe not." Clutching her mug, she leaned a little across the table, reaching her arm out though it fell just short of making actual contact. "But you never gave me any kind of idea, you know."

"Idea?" Sora repeated. No, he spat, hissed. Growled. Completely appalled. "You want an idea?"

Kairi retracted her arm, sighing a little in defeat at her inability to find the right words. She was floundering. Sora figured that was a good enough word for her extreme lack of tact. "That's not what I meant."

"Say what you mean then." His voice was more callous than he originally meant for it to be. He didn't intend to apologize though. He played his fingers through his husband's angel blond hair and scowled.

"I don't mean how it physically felt, Sora." Kairi paused when he grimaced, a tiny shudder moving up his spine in simultaneous time. "You've changed so much, and I know the majority of the blame is, well, Riku's, but you've forgiven him, haven't you?"

Sora shrugged noncommittally, chewing the last orange wedge left on his plate, just crushing it between his teeth rather than really eating it. He'd forgiven Riku to a point. Not completely, of course, just enough to tolerate him.

"I can't trust people." It was a short admittance, but it held so much weight, for him and for Kairi, who looked as if she were sorry she asked in the first place. "I'm afraid of everyone. Hope that's what you wanted to hear." As he was saying it, he knew he shouldn't have. It was too much grief to unload on someone else. It was his problem, and he'd handle it on his own, as he always had.

"Sora..." Kairi looked silently horrified, clutching her mug tightly. Steam had rising from it at some point, it was probably ice cold by now.

"Forget it, Kai. It's not a big deal anymore." He accented his point by gently stroking Evann's hair again. He'd found love again, so there really was no reason to get all torn apart by the fact that he couldn't emotionally connect with anyone other than his drunken, pathetic ex.

–

Riku rarely went uptown. Other than the times he seriously needed his healthy dose of Kairi, or desperately needed to stock his refrigerator, he generally avoided the uptown area, mainly because there were far too many people. Today was a refrigerator day. He had two days Sora-free, that, of course was assuming that he was even still going to show up to the opening. He said he would but, who knows? If Riku had ever had any kind of divine luck in his life, then it would be a miracle if a certain brunet hellion decided to make himself scarce Saturday night.

His wallet slightly lightened by a hefty deposit made earlier that day, his shopping list was a picky one. Bare essentials only. He needed milk and orange juice, shampoo, and something else. Something...meal-worthy. Finding inexpensive meal plans was kind of one of Riku's many undiscovered talents. The starving artist thing always paid off.

Browsing the name brands of products he wouldn't even let himself purchase on his strictly designed budget, Riku bowed his head so his hair fell in heavy curtains around his shoulders, his hands firmly planted in his pockets so he wouldn't be tempted.

The grocery store he always chose out of the many choices uptown was this quaint little privately-owned place. He'd done his first commission job here, a large mural of fruits and vegetables on the back wall over the produce section. It was still a little amateurish, in Riku's opinion, but the shop owner loved it, said it looked very "folksy". Clearly, she had no idea what she was talking about, but at the time, Riku really was a starving artist and couldn't afford to pass up a single munny on the sidewalk, much less the 50 she paid him with.

"_Whoa—_Riku?"

That voice alone couldn't mean anything good, and the incredulous tone wasn't helping to ease Riku's slowly materializing fears either.

All at once, Riku had a mass of sun-bleached hair and island-kid tanned skin blocking his path, hands on his hips and an over-amazed smile forming rapidly across his face. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Tidus." Riku's greeting was more of a breathless grunt forming the correct syllables required to pronounce his name. Right then, the contest began for who could look more surprised to see the other. Riku was no referee, but he was sure he was winning.

"You, like, dropped off the fucking planet, man. It's been almost, what. 4, 5 years? Fuck. You look great, man."

Riku wasn't sure which of those sentences was a question, and was even less sure of how to answer, if that makes any sense. Instead, he just hovered there, dumbfounded, slowly losing his vocabulary through the hole Tidus just talked through his forehead.

"Yeah. It's been...a long time." He answered finally, painstakingly.

"Fuck yeah, it has." Tidus smiled brilliantly, looking like he had eaten a piece of the sun that morning and it was radiating sunshine with every word that left his mouth. Incredibly fucking happy person, is how Riku would describe him. He wasn't entirely sure when his language had taken such a nosedive, but he was pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that he was 22-years-old and most likely a senior in college and probably lived in a frat house to top it off. It all sounded very plausible.

"So you still painting?" Tidus smile had eased up a little bit, to Riku's relief, but still very much there. He was entering small-talk mode, something Riku desperately wanted to avoid. Not that he didn't infinitely enjoy Tidus' company (sarcasm x3), he just hated the whole "catching up" thing.

Riku lifted a hand and scratched the tip of his nose, feigning actual thought. "Uh, yeah. Pretty much."

"Cool, cool. I saw you have an opening Saturday. Invite, man?"

Riku blinked, shoving his hand safely back in his pocket. "Why did you ask if you already knew?"

"Because! Hell, I'm the only one making conversation here. I had to say something. You don't talk enough, you know that?" Tidus shoved his arm playfully making his body sway slightly to the side as he turned his attention to a box of peanut butter cookies. "I hate peanut butter, seriously." He looked to Riku as if expecting his opinion on the subject.

Riku shrugged. "It's alright."

"So Saturday, I'm invited, right?"

"Sure."

"Sora gonna be there?" Tidus was eyeing the cookies again when he said this as if expecting some colossal, dramatic break-down and didn't want to be caught looking him in the eyes at the time.

"I don't know."

"Hope so." Tidus declared, unceremoniously clapping Riku's shoulder. "He owes me."

Riku frowned, adjusting his glasses on his face. "Owes you?"

"Rematch." He said, bouncing a little on his feet, expelling random energy. Tidus had always been a force of unrequited energy, constantly moving. When Riku still looked confused, he grinned, tapping his temple. "Blitz ball, baby."

Riku's face fell slack in disbelief, eye nearly twitched at the realization of just what those words meant. "You're kidding." It was a game, the last game they played together before Sora had disappeared from Riku's life. Fucking blitz ball. The score was tied 5-5.

"Hell no. That pool was for 200 munny, and it had _my_ name on it, dig?" It was only funny because his expression was so clearly serious.

"Sure, whatever, Tidus." Riku chuckled, moving down the aisles towards the more cheaper, generic section. He'd gotten a good enough laugh out of him for one day, and now he really needed to get back to his grocery shopping.

"Honestly! Ten more fucking minutes and that game would've been _mine._" Tidus insisted, following behind him like he had no real reason to be there other than to talk emphatically about a five year old blitz ball game. He made sure to recap all the highlights too.

As much as Riku liked to pretend he couldn't care less about people, he really missed this, being able to talk about nothing like it really mattered. And just having one, really good friend. He missed that most of all.

–

_Yes! New chapter done. I was working on chapter one of my next story, so this chap was a little delayed because of it. Apologies necessary, but worth it. This chapter was a lot easier to write than most of my other ones for some reason. Maybe because it lacked smut, for once. Oh well, nothing wrong with that. More smut to come next chapter though. Just cause._

_I absolutely adored writing for Tidus at the end. He just has such a great personality. He's so fun and versatile, a real amazing character._

_And if you feel like it, I'd really like some feedback on Evann. I'm not sure how well his character his character got across in this. He was supposed to have a bigger role but it got cropped a little. Eh. Next Chapter to come soon! - bouncy_


	8. Recovery

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, A Great Deal of Riku/Tidus over-friendliness (hint, hint), Alcohol Consumption, Sex, Mild Violence

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Side Note: **Also, if you can't see this ending badly, you haven't been paying attention.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 8: Recovery**

-

When you're an adult, you began to realize all the little things you used to obsess over and build up and place on a pedestal so high above your head are so very small and unimportant. When you're just a kid and your only problems consist of relationships and term papers and the pop quiz you just _know_ the teacher is going to give next period, or during the summer when you're wondering how high the sky is or the best way to get sand out of your shoes, it's very likely that the last thing on your mind is a conspiracy to break up your best friend's marriage. No teenager is laying awake at night, wondering why they feel the need to be drunk all the time or why they can't form a steady relationship with anyone because the thought of falling in love again is more frightening than death.

It's likely that kids never imagine their first time to mentally scar and emotionally cripple them from wanting to touch another person again. It's likely that they never see themselves single handedly breaking everything that they once cared so much for.

In an attempt to reconnect with the past, because really, it has been too long, Riku invited Tidus back to his apartment and they're talking and drinking and for the first hour or so, it's actually a lot of fun. Tidus has so much to say about the past 5 years of his life, and it turns into a rather incredible conversation. Riku discovered that a few of his assumptions are true, Tidus was a senior in college and belonged to a privately owned frat house of which he attempted to teach Riku the alma mater, unsuccessfully because _uh...no. _

Tidus laughed it off though—he didn't really expect him to do it anyway—and delves right into all the 'really good stories', apparently keeping the boring stuff to himself because Riku heard very little about school and classes and more about the drunken antics of his college friends, one story in particular following the kidnapping of a butterfly koi fish from one of his more unsavory professor's backyard pond and spending the night in jail for burglary and trespassing.

But it isn't until Tidus revealed that he's majoring in Marine Biology that Riku started to see him in a different light; he began talking about the future and how much he's always loved the ocean. There's a different emotion in his eyes, it's not childish and playful, but _enthusiastic_ because this is what's really important. Where the word _career_ begins to replace _gig_ and _summer job_, that's where he was right now. And in a matter of seconds, Tidus isn't that kind of spastic and gangling kid Riku used to ignore anymore. He's kind of an adult now.

It was somewhere between the third and fourth beer when Riku noticed Tidus was leaning on him, the hand on his leg was halfway between his knee and his hip, and for a second he's just reaching for something on Riku's other side. There was a half-formed thought that has been rolling around in Riku's mind for a while, something about the meaning of life, and suddenly Tidus' opinion on the matter is very important. So he tried to mold the thought into some type of coherent question when--

_Oh._

--he realized that the hand on his leg wasn't an accident and there's nothing but empty space on his other side, and Tidus has very soft bangs and they were tickling his forehead. A protest was right behind his teeth because his question was gone before he ever figured it out, and the palm on the back of his neck was very undemanding and gentle. One last hesitant exchange in which Tidus licked his lips, and then his mouth was warm and a little sticky with saliva but it's good, better than he expected. Riku closed his eyes and stopped thinking so much because it really was good and when he tilted his head, there was a wet whisper of tongue against his lips, and Riku was not entirely opposed to see how it tasted.

The couch shifted as Tidus curled his legs up on the cushion, pushing himself up on his knees and his hands were hot and on either side of his face and they don't break the kiss for a second. Riku turned in his seat, and his back was pushing against the armrest and he wondered what kind of signals he was giving off to make the blond want to jump him as he attempted to get one leg on the other side of Tidus' body, eventually just giving up because his foot was stuck and he was much too lazy and too buzzed to care.

Riku's hands were on Tidus' hips—he couldn't figure out a better place to put them—feeling the rough material of his jeans under his fingertips and the urge was there, to take them off, pull them down, to see if every inch of his body was as healthily tanned as the visible parts implied.

It was a strange moment, when Riku realized he had his thumbs hooked in the belt loops of Tidus' jeans and if he tugged each one independently, then they wiggled down just far enough to expose a teasing trail of soft blond hairs and a seamless tan that kept going down farther than he could see. It's a strange moment because it's obvious what the goal was here, but Riku couldn't figure out if it was the intended goal all along. At that moment, he replayed his own words over in his head, trying to remember if he really did invite Tidus up to his apartment because he wanted something to happen, or was it simply happening because Tidus wanted him to, and through not fault of his own, he was just going along with it?

Tidus' eyes were just a little too desperate, giving him a million pleading instructions at once. Touch, touch, touch, _please_ touch. It's almost automatic, the way Riku lifted his shirt up over his head and slid his hands back down over his sides. His torso was athlete-gorgeous, all tan skin and hard muscle and Riku felt a little lost right as his fingers return to his jeans. It's still Tidus, just an older version. His mouth was missing its cheerful smile, replaced by lips far too easy and desirable to kiss. But, it's still Tidus.

"Uh..." Riku breathed, eyes a little wide as he comes to terms with his realization. The question is back, except in a much less complex format; something along the lines of 'What the hell are we doing right now?'

"It's okay. I want this." Tidus smiled, apparently hearing whatever couldn't put into words, and leans in, his nose lightly bumping Riku's cheek before their lips meet again, and it's so bizarre because there was a gorgeous, beach-bum tanned, 22-year-old college kid straddling his lap, practically throwing him every proverbial green light in the history of sexual body language, and all Riku could think about was the scrawny boy whose ass he kicked on a daily basis as a kid.

It was all very nostalgic. Not to mention ironic as hell.

Amidst all the tumultuous boy hormones, Riku was working up a pretty solid hard-on and deeply questioning the immorality of boning his childhood friends, while trying not to wonder if he's sating some type of older brother complex.

"Ah..." A small noise was released into Riku's mouth, Tidus pulled back, and then a gasp and shuddering sigh. His body was rigid and it took Riku a long time, after marveling at the ecstatic emotion on his face, to realize that, at some point his own hand had popped open the button of the blond's jeans and was buried deep in the warmth of his boxers, no barrier between his palm and hard, velvety flesh.

And _that_ was Tidus. Hot, and hard, and cupped in his palm, Tidus.

"No. No, no. This can't—no." Riku was _way_ out of his comfort zone. Tidus sat back on the couch, back in his original spot except he was still turned in Riku's direction. His pants were unbuttoned and boasting more soft golden hair under his navel, his shirt was laying somewhere forgotten, and he's biting his lip in a totally prepubescent fashion that would've been completely hilarious if Riku wasn't thoroughly freaked out already.

"What's wrong?"

What a question. The problem seemed pretty obvious to Riku. Tidus was his _friend_, granted, not his _best_ friend like Sora, but the pattern here was so blatant that it was unnerving.

"This is just, kinda stupid, don't you think?"

"No." Tidus answered candidly. He sat back on his heels, jeans wiggling down lower on his hips and for a whole five seconds, Riku's mind was like, _Fuck it, just do him. _"It's a golden opportunity. Stop wasting time." He crawled forward across the cushions again and they were seriously one kiss away from a final decision and Tidus becoming completely naked, exposing all that taut, tan skin. A few more short moments of contemplating potential repercussions as well as orgasms, it was clear that sex was putting up a much more convincing argument.

_Fuck it, just do him._

Tidus' skin was excitably flushed under his hands, and his tongue tasted vaguely like warm lager. His jeans were pushed down, all the way down, just kind of lazily hanging on his ankles. They bunched up and slipped off once Riku got him turned around on the couch, and then swiped on the floor, forgotten. If Tidus noticed he was the only one fully naked here, he doesn't make a comment, surprisingly. Riku was sure a complaint of some form was coming his way.

"God, you're slow." Tidus muttered, experimentally slipping a saliva-slicked finger inside himself. The visual certainly is stimulating, but the comment kind of killed the sexy breathlessness the intrusion affected his voice with. Only a little.

"Shut up, Tidus." Riku said, finished rolling on the thin non-latex condom Tidus shoved in his hand earlier, saying something along the lines of, 'before you kill me'. Riku balked at the time, but now he was sure he was referring to an allergy of some sort, and not some ludicrous sex slang.

There was another smart-ass comment there, Riku could hear it coming, but whatever sarcastic little gibe Tidus had waiting died in a soft groan in his throat when he entered him. And thankfully, he took Riku's advice once things start to move along, and he stopped talking so much and lets himself just enjoy the fucking moment.

Tidus gasped sharply, curling his fingers tightly as the depth and rhythm of each thrust became a little harder, a little faster. Riku paid an extra amount of attention to his breathing and each tiny moan and noise that he made, inexplicably reminded of his first time with Sora. It always disturbed him that he never noticed that Sora was in pain. It scared him so much, he wouldn't touch him for weeks afterward. Looking back now, it was more obvious where all the tension stemmed from in their relationship.

"Riku..." The moan caught him a little off-guard, slowing his movements to a near stop. The muscles in his shoulders flexed as Tidus leaned forward on his elbows. He looked back when Riku wasn't moving as fluidly anymore, his eyes begging a million things again. Riku knew his own motives here, but there was no way to tell what Tidus was thinking, his hips rocking back with an urgency he voiced in quiet gasp, his gaze darkened and pleading.

"Turn over." Riku instructed, those tortured eyes never leaving his face as he sat back, allowing him room to move and flip over on his back. He adjusted his legs, spreading them wider apart; Tidus groaned appreciatively as he sunk into him, hands gripping at his shoulders. Riku never asked what that look meant, never tried to figure out why he seemed so lost in pleasure and so troubled at the same time. He imagined Tidus had his own demons to deal with, and it wasn't his place to wonder.

–

Tidus shivered in his sleep, crossing his arms over his chest. The blanket Riku had laid over him earlier was slipping off, half on the floor, half still barely clinging to hips. Riku transferred his cell to his other ear, holding it in place with his shoulder as kneeled to retrieve the blanket and tuck it more securely into the couch. Tidus groaned quietly, but otherwise didn't wake up.

"Hey! Riku! 'Sup, ma--" Riku deleted the message before it finished, vaguely recognizing the voice as someone who probably annoyed him at some point. He figured now was a good a time as any to clear out his voicemail inbox, having accumulated 30-something messages that he hadn't bothered to listen to yet.

So far, it was going in the order of : Kairi, Kairi, Quint, Kairi, Some Asshole, Kairi, Sienna, Quint, Kairi. Just a whole lot of two second listening and much more deleting.

Riku finger combed his hair in front of the bathroom mirror, grimacing when it failed to yield the desired results and just using a real comb instead.

"Call me back, you selfis--" Kairi again. He really did plan on calling her back at some point, it just never happened. He dialed her back, this time hopefully refraining from hanging up on her. He still felt kind of bad for doing that.

"Hello? Riku?" She answered, sounding a little breathless like she had been running only moments before. "Don't you dare hang up."

"I wasn't planning to." Riku couldn't help the little smile on his lips at her tone, feeling only a tiny bit guilty.

"You idiot. What're you trying to do to me?" She laughed, a relieved sound, her voice reminding Riku of soft chiming bells.

"Sorry, Kai." He said. "I've just been—"

"You don't have to explain." Kairi assured him, and he can almost see her shaking her head. "Everyone's worried about you."

Riku selfishly wondered if that 'everyone' includes you-know-who. "Yeah, I know. I'm okay though. Still breathing and everything."

"That's good."

There was a silence afterward, not an awkward one, but it gave Riku a minute to listen to everything neither one of them were saying and it's a strangely comfortable feeling, just hearing the quiet phone noise.

"I saw Tidus yesterday."

"Oh, really? He's in town?"

Riku imagined her sitting at the kitchen table or on the couch, girlishly twisting her fingers in her hair. "Yeah, in a grocery store. He looks different now." He tried not to think of him naked and sleeping on his couch.

"Of course, he's got all those muscles now." Kairi giggled. "He used to have the biggest crush on you, you know." She said this teasingly, not knowing how true it was.

"Really? Wow." He pretended not to know for her sake. Let her have her joke. "I'm starting to think everyone does."

Kairi snorted. "Nice ego."

"I try to keep it considerably well-groomed."

"You're in good mood." She pointed out, and Riku was surprised that he didn't notice it himself. He _was_ significantly happier than he was earlier, but he figured that was just post-orgasm happiness.

"Guess I am."

"Ooh, is it a boy?" Her voice was so playfully juvenile, Riku couldn't help but laugh.

"Something like that."

There was sounds of movement from outside the bathroom and Riku briefly forgot about his conversation as the door opened without any kind of knock, and then there was a half-asleep Tidus wandering in, jeans still unbuttoned, but at least they were on.

"Uh, hi."

"Morning." He muttered, yawning. It took a second for Riku to realize what he was doing, before he remembered that he is in the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror and talking to Kairi on the phone.

"Do you want me to—okay." Riku turned back to the mirror because Tidus seemed to be just ignoring the fact that he was there and it's not like he really wanted to watch what he was doing.

"Who are you talking to?" Kairi asked, reminding Riku that she was still on the phone.

"A boy." Riku jumped a little when Tidus nudged him to the side to wash his hands, their eyes meeting in the mirror.

"Oh, the boy." Kairi laughed into the phone. "Is he cute?"

"Very cute." Riku added, gently ruffling his already sleep-mussed hair. Tidus smiled.

"Well, you have fun with your boy." She said, standing probably. Shifting could be heard in the background. "I, however, have to make breakfast."

"That sounds fun too."

Kairi scoffed. "Yeah, right. Not the same kind of fun, Riku." She laughed. "Bye, babe. Don't be afraid to _call me_."

"Yeah, I know, Kai. Bye."

"Kairi? Wow, I haven't talked to her in a while." Tidus said, shaking his hands dry.

"Yeah, maybe you're the one who, 'like, dropped off the fucking planet, man'." Riku mimicked his lazy way of talking, flipping his phone closed and shoving it in his pocket. He'd clear the rest of his voicemail later.

"Shut up. It's not my fault campus is, like, 30 minutes away." He frowned right after he said it, like he could hear how pitiful an argument it was.

"You can use the shower if you need to." Riku offered, stepping around him to get to the door, still sitting wide open since Tidus came in.

"Thanks. Hey, Riku." He stopped him before Riku could leave, leaning against the door frame. "Um, thank you."

"You already said that."

"Yeah, no, not for the—but for...last night. That was...cool." Tidus grimaced at his own words, rubbing down his bangs against his forehead.

_Cool? What was this, ninth grade?_

"No problem." Riku smiled, chuckling when Tidus apologizes for being hungover. He tried to shut the door and was stopped once again by another 'Hey, Riku'. "Yeah?"

"You need a date? Or, want a date, 'cause I'm free tomorrow, and-" _I want to go with _you, his sheepish smile finished for him. He's holding the door in one hand, still leaning on the door frame. And he's reasonably attractive even hungover and half-asleep and still smelling like the totally shameless sex they had on Riku's couch the night before. And even though he only looks about seventeen, it wouldn't be such a bad thing to have someone at the opening with him, especially if that meant showing his face in front of Sora.

"Yeah, sure. Sounds good."

It wouldn't be such a bad thing to have Tidus as a date because somehow, he knows there's no obligation to love or to hold, to do _anything_ more than laugh and joke and talk about the past with a sunny little smile. Their attachments are solely left as friends and nothing more. Here, in this quiet bubble, where one-night stands meant absolutely nothing and people could just fuck whoever they wanted with no consequence. It wouldn't make sense _not _to go with him.

–

Sora was right there. Right in front of him. Less than four or five feet away. He was smiling and talking and laughing right in Riku's immediate vicinity. For 20 minutes, he'd been standing there and he hasn't said a _word_ to Riku past 'hello.' Not a single fucking word. And no one has seemed to notice besides Riku himself.

He didn't ask how he was doing, he doesn't make small talk. If he's even noticed the fucking splits on his broken fingers, it doesn't show. In a way, it really was kind of a relief to be so throughly ignored. Tidus' fingertips lightly brushed the back of his hand, and Riku felt slightly reassured that at least one person was paying attention to him that night.

The night's only just starting and Riku was already severely annoyed. Not by the obnoxiously large turn out of people—he had a pretty solid hunch that Sienna had promoted the hell out of the event by announcing his attendance—no, that was mildly bearable, especially with Tidus at his side occasionally making very obvious passes at him. It kept the potential creepers away, and there were quite a lot of them, just staring from the sidelines, their comments becoming a dull hum of background noise.

_No._

It was Sora that was putting him on edge.

More specifically, it was Sora's husband. He was too nice and incredibly charming and impossibly likable. So much in fact, that Riku couldn't make himself hate him entirely. It just wasn't fair. At least give him the dignity of hate, then maybe he could channel his aggression more effectively. Right now, all that malice was just becoming a rotten little thing in his gut.

Even having Tidus there as his date was becoming a bit of a disadvantage once he started doing less of the shameless flirting and more animated talking with Sora about, what else, but the game they just _had _to finish.

It was funny, in a way, how everything worked out. With Sora and Tidus splitting off into their own conversation, and Kairi oh-so-conveniently excusing herself to the restroom, Riku was stuck talking to Quint and the impossibly likable Evann. Riku cursed her pregnant bladder for making his life harder.

There's waitresses circling the room at a steady rotation, each offering a different type of drink or tiny speck of food that's neither appetizing nor fulfilling to anyone who actually bothers to eat it. Riku took a flute of champagne and the waitress smiled at him, heels clacking rhythmically on the marble floors and he's reminded of Sienna, who's thankfully kept herself scarce for the evening.

Each waitress was painted with pounds of glitter and make-up, made to look like harlequin dolls with rib-cracking corsets and tiny chiffon skirts that barely covered their asses, and four inch platform heels that made them taller than most people there.

Riku couldn't blame the straight man for looking, even if he was Kairi's husband.

"These models or something?" Quint inquired. The waitress raised the serving tray up higher and strutted around him. All ass and legs and a coy smile. Flirting.

"No." Riku smirked a little at his expense and the attendant who's clearly teasing him. Evann chuckled softly behind his glass, and Riku wasn't the only one in on the joke. "It's a man."

He gave this incredulous laugh, a bark of disbelief. "You're fucking with me."

"No, that's a man. They all are." Riku motioned toward the room as a whole, prompting Quint to inspect every sparkly bit of glitter-painted harlequin doll that passed, tiptoeing lightly on their over-sized heels.

"Seriously?" The 'girl' at his side nodded with a silent smile—paid not to talk—hooking a finger under her high collar and pulled it down, revealing a pretty manly Adam's apple. "Holy hell."

"I had no idea you and Sora knew each other." Evann threw this little comment out over his champagne flute. His gray blue eyes were watching Riku with mild curiosity pausing on his injured hand a couple times, but he didn't ask. Kairi came back from the restroom a few minutes before and Quint drug her off to show her the secret of the waitresses, leaving him with one Evann and no buffer for awkward conversation. "He's never mentioned you."

Riku shrugged. "We weren't that close." For some reason, this lie backfired on him, and the words have a sting to them that Riku couldn't quite figure out. He knew it wasn't true, but still, it felt that way.

"I thought you were his best friend." Evann's voice was as patient as any normal person's would be while conversing with a stranger, but his words were bitingly retaliatory in Riku's ears and suddenly he was yearning for adolescent blitz ball chatter.

"I guess I used to be." Riku sipped at his champagne and diverted his eyes at something to his right, pretending he's leisurely scanning the crowd, while practicing a few mind-clearing exercises in his head. There were too many things he could say, right now, inappropriate things, life-shattering things. He could break that fake little smile in a second, and Sora would be devastated, but it's not like he doesn't fucking deserve it, psycho mind-fuck that he is.

Evann frowned a little and Riku nearly sighed in relief when Sora finally drew the attention back to himself. It was almost awkward, that Sora won't even look at him—not that he cared—it just seemed kind of glaringly rude. Riku took this opportunity to surreptitiously check him out, see what was so damn remarkable about him that Sora just won't leave him already.

Evann was a slight man, smaller than Riku expected. He's about the same height as Sora, having a very similar build, slender. His hair could only be justly described as angel blond, so pale, it's almost white. He's attractive enough. You know, if you're into the whole scene kid look. Riku imagined him wearing tons of eyeliner and safety pins and rainbow colored hemp bracelets and slip-on tennis shoes as a teenager.

"So, you must be pretty excited, huh?"

Riku blinked, too disoriented by his own thoughts to notice he was being included again. "Oh, yeah. It's...pretty great." He attempted a smile, aborting and favoring his champagne instead when it just felt too weird. He ran out of his prescription earlier that afternoon, the very last of the painkilling drugs fading from his system. His hand throbbed dully. "So, how did you and Sora meet?"

Just making conversation. He was already telling himself he didn't really want to know, but his mouth kept consistently contradicting him though. There was nothing worse than talking to someone you really weren't familiar with and, in all probability, would never end up liking. The mouth tended to spout the most banal things when under pressure to be polite.

Evann laughed and waved his hand. "It's not a great story, really. See, we met in a bathroom."

Riku raised his eyebrows, and noticed the tiniest creases at the corners of his eyes when he smiled and wondered how much older than Sora he was. Younger than 30, but definitely older than 22. Late twenties, Riku guessed.

"It's not as perverted as it sounds." Evann assured him, sweeping his gold hair behind his ear, revealing a little diamond stud much like the one Sora has. There are marks along the cartilage of the shell of his ear where other piercings would go. It was hard to imagine that much metal on him. "Things are much better than they used to be." He nodded, apparently assuming it was obvious what he was referring to. His eyes lingered on Sora, and Riku pretended to be surveying the room again like he doesn't notice.

It's Riku's turn to start again, but all he could think about was laying in the couple's bed while Evann was at work and the 15-foot painting of Sora overlooking them. He tried to imagine the man on the other end of the phone when he called the clinic awhile back, the first time he had officially talked to the blond. He tried to imagine him with that venomous growl in his voice when he declared Sora wasn't leaving him for anyone.

"So, you're a lawyer?"

"Paralegal, actually." Evann corrected him, his voice matter-of-fact. "I'm in school to become a lawyer, though. Civil rights, mainly, that kind of stuff."

Riku found the word 'stuff' oddly out of place in the conversation, tilting his glass back to sip at his champagne. The civil rights thing was a little expected though, and Riku was vaguely reminded of Sora's pride tattoo.

"And a paralegal is an...assistant, basically?"

"Glorified researcher and secretary, yeah." Evann laughed. "Whole lot of reading case files and organizing written reports and drafting contracts. It's honest work though."

Riku sipped his champagne and feels about 15-years-old when he's done, and for a second, regretted not giving college a try back when it still mattered. What do _you_ do for a living? _I paint._

Any two-year-old could do that.

"Sounds brutal." Riku said.

"It can be, if you let it." He smirked and lifted his glass, and Riku's attention was drawn to a red star on the inside of his forearm, the dark silhouette of a thick letter P just underneath it showing as his sleeve pulls back. Just like Sora's. Riku didn't comment on it, though, downing the rest of his drink.

Speaking of Sora, he was still thoroughly ignoring Riku's existence and simultaneously stealing Evann's ever-loving devotion back to himself, making some kind of excited little comment to the blond who was giving him every shred of his avid attention span. There was a gesture made to the area behind them and then Sora was dragging him off, barely letting Evann say whatever was appropriate when one was being abducted away.

The fact that they're holding hands when the brunet excused his husband and himself from the conversation was an image that Riku would have to drink considerably to forget.

Yes, he was annoyed. Yes, he was jealous. And _Yes_, he _wa__s_ aware of how unflatteringly bratty that made him seem.

Tidus bumped his shoulder with his own and offered this cheesy smile, and Riku nearly laughed at how incredibly unorthodox he looked wearing such nice clothing. "Drink? I'm paying." He added, motioning to the bar and Riku was suddenly infinitely grateful that he invited him.

–

"You're very broody tonight, huh?" Tidus drew the smallest sips from his glass as he leaned his elbows on the bar, holding onto the contents as long as possible. To Riku's mild surprise, turns out he was not much of a drinker, further discouraging the stereotype Riku set him up to have. He turned his head and his eyes shone dully from under his long eyelashes.

Riku scoffed, but didn't say anything. Even if he could think of a response, he's sure it would sound either very self-conscious, or very egotistical. Or pathetic. There's a war waging inside of him and right now it's an epic battle between 'Grow the hell up' or 'Move the fuck on' and they're pretty equally matched.

"You have a lot to grateful for, you know." Tidus began and a brief moment of cowardice was telling Riku to tune him out. "Look at all these people who showed up, just for you. You have any idea what all of this means?" Riku knew he was gesturing emphatically toward the entire expanse of the crowded floor as a whole, but he didn't look. A sharp smack to the back of his head and he was glaring, ready to hiss out a protest when Tidus silenced him. "You're like fucking famous, you know that?"

Riku scowled, rubbing down his hair in the back, previously assaulted by the careless blond on the stool parallel to his. "Not really."

"Goddammit, can't you be happy for yourself? Hap-py. You remember what that means?" Tidus was seconds away from shaking his shoulder—Riku could feel it coming—and he dodged the hand before he could aggravate the hell out him.

"Alright, I'm indeterminately and irrevocably proud of me. Lay off it already."

Tidus smirked with an undeserved sense of pride in himself. "Thank you."

The soft background music changed and there was a tiny lull in between songs in which Riku ordered another drink and sneaked a glance out at the floor. There was an unspoken direction to the organized chaos out on the floor, only from the slightly raised platform of the bar can one really notice the subtle rotation of the mass group. It was a clockwise turn, only because that's the natural direction everyone seemed to be walking in after personally viewing each painting.

The arrangement tonight was one of his more tamer showings. Usually, his art was much more openly homosexual. Riku, being one of the well known 'out' artists, it was almost a given that there's bound to be a naked man involved somewhere. It's a stereotype, of course, but like all stereotypes, there's always some truth behind it. This arrangement though, was more subtle than what the 'fanbase' was used to, mainly in the significant decrease in nudity. It's more tasteful, in Riku's opinion, for rippling, God-like muscles to be covered in artfully designed clothing rather than something as bizarre as a loin cloth or, heaven-forbid, leather underwear.

Riku picked out Sora after a few seconds of scanning the room. Evann was close by and really, it was _his _exuberant hair color that caught Riku's attention, not Sora's more common brown. They were not holding hands anymore, but Evann, Riku noticed, was always touching him in some way. He kept his arm around his waist, leaving Sora little more option than to stay at his side. Riku narrowed his eyes, but didn't share his observations out loud. It just seemed suspicious, that's all.

"You know what it's like...to feel like a fucking animal?" Riku muttered, his gaze so intent on Sora's face that it was almost tangible. Like he wanted Sora to be able to feel him from clear across the room, feel him looking. "I can't _do_ anything, but I _want_ to. And it's driving me crazy."

"No, I get what you mean." Tidus followed his woeful stare to the brunet in the middle of the room, standing in the spot where all the light seems to be focused solely on him. Sora's smile was shining, and he's the only real piece of art there. "Sora _is_ something else." He set down his glass, still nearly full, and folded his arms around it on the bar.

"Are you still in love with him?" Tidus' voice was soft and serious and for a second, Riku had to look directly at him just to make sure he wasn't smiling or anything, just to confirm that he really was asking a serious, legitimate question.

Riku lowered his eyes to stare at the blond's dress pant clad knee, and it was jumping because his leg was jostling restlessly in front of him. He gazed at the accumulation of people again and found Sora quickly because he's only moved about 5 feet to the right since he was last looking.

"Honestly, I don't know."

"Oh," A long silence. "Sorry." Tidus apologized for no reason, his voice still very quiet. His shoulders deflated and then he was staring into his glass like it knew all the right words he was supposed to say. Apparently making a decision, he abandoned his drink on the bar, hands on the corners of the counter to turn himself.

And then before Riku could think up more in edgewise, Tidus was angled toward him on his little stool, leaning so close that he has to balance himself with his hand placed on the tiny triangle of extra seat left between Riku's legs. Then Tidus was kissing him again, and it didn't feel entirely wrong. The softness of his lips was better than nothing, and the warmth of alcohol on his breath wasn't such a unpleasant taste when he gently sighed in his mouth. A long, slow flicker of tongue and Riku was sliding forward a little in his seat, and that palm was still there, except now it was actually cupping his crotch, rubbing subtly the promise of pleasure to come if he played his cards right.

There was no shame in admitting it. Tidus was sexy. And right now, he was the closest thing to the gorgeous man that he wanted to get tonight. Why not? He was willing and eager, and didn't refuse the tangle of fingers in his hair. His body was so, so warm and inviting and his tongue spoke of a skill that anyone would readily beg for, and Riku began to wonder why he hadn't found him so attractive before.

It was a shame that all this obvious talent and sensuality had to be wasted on some drunken college kids when he could make such slow innocent kisses tip and spill into something so deep and so hot. And Riku forgot for a second that they were in public and his eyes closed and the quietest moan escaped through his parted lips. He was leaning a little forward and his breath came out a little rough when Tidus smiled against his mouth. There was a hint of triumph there and Riku felt himself flush when half-open eyes regard him with subdued amusement and raw sexuality.

"Forget him." The words he uttered promise such a simple solution that the 'Move the fuck on' half inside of him cracked 'Grow the hell up' over the head mercilessly.

Tidus _wa__s _sexy. But there was a lingering of something very objectionable about the way this story was playing out, like changing the ending of an old fairytale, or switching up the lyrics of a song right at your favorite verse. Still, Riku was very aware of who was clearly going home with him tonight. And for once, it hardly mattered that it wasn't Sora.

–

It's late and Riku couldn't leave before the gallery cleared out, and it seemed like Tidus was steadily losing his grip on self-control the longer they had to wait, and it was becomng more apparent with each new kiss on the neck, the slow scrape of nails across his jugular, the hot tongue curling around his earlobe. It was all very distracting, and Riku wasn't exactly hating it. He noticed he was getting less attempts at mingling and pretentious small talk with a horny blond clawing at his chest. Tidus was making it very hard for the social elite to steal Riku's attention away from him, at least not without a few awkward throat clearings first.

It was hard for Riku to determine exactly how much time had passed—having your mind preoccupied the way his had been does that to people—before Tidus sat back on the edge of his own seat, his hands still resting firmly on Riku's thighs. He gave each a playful squeeze and grinned. Riku licked his lips and smiled back because he felt like a flirting teenager again, and he honestly couldn't remember the last time he made out for longer than five minutes, much less a whole hour.

"Gotta piss." Tidus said finally and his unscrupulous comment made Riku genuinely laugh, even though he's only buzzed on the champagne and the couple shots of bourbon he had earlier. Tidus stole one last kiss—hell, why the fuck not—before slipping off to the restroom.

–

Tidus' vision was a little hazy when he entered the men's room and he chalked it up to exhaustion because he knew he didn't have that much to drink. He picked a urinal to relieve himself at and the restroom was empty, except for one other person, and there was the faintest sound of music playing from a speaker hidden somewhere in the ceiling. The taste of champagne and Riku was still fresh on his lips and he grinned to himself.

_Oh, Riku._

It's a shame how very little appreciation the man had for himself. He was so busy worrying about Sora, he won't let himself see anything else. But it's always been that way, especially when he and Sora first became a _thing_. It's funny how jaded being in a relationship can make a person.

The other person to his left finished and Tidus looked up, making brief eye contact and nearly laughed at himself. How he didn't realize Sora was right there the whole time was beyond him. Maybe his drink was a little stronger than he thought.

"Oh, hey, Sora."

Sora noded a tiny greeting, moving to the sink to wash his hands and Tidus couldn't help but think, 'That's it?' Man, Kairi wasn't kidding. The kid really had changed a lot. Tidus shook his head dismissively and turned his attention back to his own business.

A short beat of silence except for running water and Sora finally said something. "I didn't know you and Riku were seeing each other." He sounded farther away than he was, resigned and almost hesitant.

"Oh, you noticed that, huh?" Tidus zipped up and joined him at the sinks, eyes flicking habitually over his own appearance before he stuck his hands under the little automatic faucet. "Nah, we're not really seeing each other. Just kinda messing around, ya know?" He smirked, totally meaning it as a joke but when he glanced at Sora's reflection in the mirror, he's not exactly sharing the humor.

"Oh." Sora's eyes were kind of blank and at this point he's just running his clean hands under the water. If Tidus didn't know any better, he'd say he looked rather pissed off.

"Is that...okay?" Tidus frowned because he knows damn well he shouldn't have to ask something like that. He _should not_ have to ask permission from Sora, of all people, to do whatever with Riku. That was just crossing a major boundary line into some weird and seriously creepy territory. Sora finally shook his head, still washing nothing from his hands.

"Sure, whatever." Shaking his head again, he finally pulled his hands out from under the faucet, drying them with a couple paper towels. "Why are you asking me that?"

Tidus shrugged. "You kinda sound like you have a problem with it." There was a flash of something in those blue eyes and this time, it was definitely hostile. Tidus wasn't exactly the greatest judge of body language, but he was willing to bet _that_ was down-right anger.

"It's none of my business." Sora was balling up the paper towels and it was really hard _not_ the notice the bitterness in his voice. Clearly, Riku wasn't the only one still attached to the past here.

"You sure? 'Cause I really don't things to be weird between us, Sora. I like you, you're a good friend of mine. I'd hate to ruin that."

Sora blinked, and there was a moment of intense silence where Tidus was sure the kid was about to deck him. But he didn't, to his relief. He just smiled a little and tossed the balled towels at the trash and missed.

"Of course it's okay. It's not like I can dictate his relationships." He laughed, but it's still strained, like it's taking everything he has not to fucking break something.

Tidus wanted to ask again, just make sure that it really is fine with it, but he's understandably apprehensive. Sora seemed a little drunk and it was starting to make a bit more sense why he was just washing his hands for, like, 5 whole minutes.

"Let's get you back to your husband, okay?" Tidus chuckled, making a small, half-hearted grab towards his arm, just to steer him out of the bathroom okay without stumbling into any walls, and Sora jerked away, all traces of laughter draining from his face.

Anger. Like, real anger. An emotion not typically found on a face like Sora's. And it looks just about as foreign there as every other negative emotion.

"I know where he is." _Whoa._

"Yeah, okay." Tidus muttered dispassionately, seeing just about every word of their prior conversation for the utterly useless bullshit that it was. So much for things not being weird. Clearly, Sora has not let anything go yet, and it didn't look like he was going to any time soon.

–

Tidus wasn't gone very long before his seat was filled, the black dress pant clad knees of the stranger blocking Riku's aimless stare at the marbled floors. Still laughing inwardly at a comment Tidus made a few minutes before, Riku barely noticed the other person at first, blinking awkwardly when his name was spoken more than once.

A light chuckle and the awkwardness lessened enough for Riku to shake himself from his stupor and find the right words to say before he embarrassed himself further.

"Uh-hem- Hey." Flustered by his inability to form coherent, dignified responses, Riku finger-combs his bangs low over his eyes and tries to appear more sullen to avoid answering to the amused little smile on the blond's lips. He couldn't imagine why Evann insisted on talking to him so much. He thought he was being pretty obvious with his standoffish comments earlier, that he had no interest in a friendship of any kind.

"Heh, hi," Evann smiled—does he ever not?—and Riku was a little grateful he was keeping his distance, not completely seated, but his backside is more like, resting on the edge of the stool beside him. He crossed his arms over his chest and made a face, like he's uncomfortable, only it lasted just a second. "I, uh, wanted to apologize for Sora's behavior."

Riku frowned, curling his hands around his glass as he managed a questioning glance at the older blond. He began to tell him how unnecessary that was, but Evann's eyes were a little sad and it really didn't fit with the congenial personality he associated him with.

"I kinda feel like it's my fault. I mean, he was already nervous enough about coming tonight and then I just kept talking, and Sora always gets so-" He paused, realizing he was rambling and giving a lot more information than he really needed to. Grinning sheepishly, he scratched the back of his head in that totally adorable way that Sora did. Guess sometimes little habits rub off on people like that. "You used to have a relationship, didn't you?" He asked, finally getting to the point.

Riku was mildly surprised. He was sure every one had mutually decided to forget about that time of their lives, as his and Sora's relationship had negatively affected just about every person involved. Psychologically, anyway. But he had a feeling Evann had worked this one out on his own. Not that it was particularly difficult with the way they were acting towards each other.

"I figured that's why he wasn't talking to you. Sora's not usually that rude." Evann smiled, but it's a serious expression, solemn even. He eyed one of the larger paintings just beside the bar. Riku doesn't even have to look; he knew which one because he was making a point _not_ to look at it. The image of him kissing Sora conjures up too many bad thoughts.

And he really wanted to confess the secret, just because it was killing him that he can't.

"You do beautiful work. Really." Evann commended, lowering his eyes a little and he looked at Riku's injured hand again, his fingers twitching slightly as if he wanted to touch it. Then he looked up and his eyes were benevolent and warm, and Riku just couldn't bring himself to hate him.

_I've been fucking Sora._

And the words died on Riku's lips before they ever got the chance to cultivate, the insult still there, all the pain and anger and frustration, it was still coiled up and hidden, spitting venom and hissing. Only it was slightly smaller now, under such compassionate eyes. And Riku began to feel just a tiny, tiny bit guilty. "Thanks."

"I know it sounds a little asshole-ish, but I think if you didn't paint Sora so much," Referring to the S-series, an extended collection of every obsessed image of Sora Riku has put on canvas. "I don't think I would've _really_ noticed him; he was so small and scared when we met." Riku flinched inwardly, but, for the sake of the conversation, kept his face impassive. "I guess I should thank you for that."

"That's okay." Riku muttered, really wishing he wouldn't, for his sanity. He buried himself in his drink and pretended like it doesn't matter, because there was just some things he did not need to hear, and Sora's husband thanking him for getting them together was definitely not one of them.

Fortunately for Riku, Evann didn't thank him, at least, not in so many words. He did gently touch his splinted fingers though, before smiling again. Then he moved off of Tidus' seat without another word and the guilt was like acid in Riku's stomach. If the prick would've been more...arrogant or jealous or, hell, taller, he could've hated him, easy. But he wasn't. He was like another Sora. Or, at least, who Sora used to be.

–

"Hehe...I forgot how tall you are." Tidus said with an ironic smile. His mutterings were the least of Riku's concerns though, as he tried to find a good way to position his legs without getting a fucking cramp. It really was awkward, they were a little too long to wrap around his waist so they kind of just stretch past him to rest on the mattress.

"Don't...Don't talk...not yet." A shiver teared up Riku's spine at his own words, and he tried to catch his breath because it seemed to be rushing out of him faster than he could replenish it. It had been a long time. A _really_ long time since he'd ever been in any other position than top. Like, seriously, years.

"You okay?" Tidus asked eventually, leaning his elbow on the bed beside Riku's head. His lips were warm and soft, moist but not wet. He really was a good kisser, one of the pluses that kept Riku wanting to do things for him, not just like an open relationship, but, well, he hadn't really worked it out that far. He was just aware that he really liked being with Tidus.

"...Yeah." Riku's breath stuttered as it comes out because Tidus was a little heavy lying on top of him and he when he leaned that close he inadvertently pushed all the way in. A quiet hiss and he backed off, apologizing gently.

"I've always wanted to do this for really long time." Tidus confided softly, his fingers petting Riku's bangs while he got used to being filled. Riku sighed, finally relaxing enough to continue. It was a little embarrassing having to pause so long, but Tidus was patient and the hand in his hair and stroking the underside of his thigh was comforting.

Nodding his permission, Riku shook his bangs out of his eyes, laying his head back on his pillow. Tidus smirked just a little too excitedly; it was kind of comical, his wide, bright smile. He bore his weight on Riku's elevated legs, pushing them open. His smile eased up as his expression changed with concentration. The first thrust was slow, easy, and fluid, filling Riku's body with a familiar warmth that made him groan softly behind his teeth.

Encouraged, Tidus rolled his hips deftly, pushing that warmth deeper with a ecstatic sigh. His eyes rolled behind half-open lids and Riku touched his face, rubbing his cheek with his thumb. They share a look and Tidus smiled and shifted so he could tease his mouth with his own. Riku's hand slid his fingers around the back of his head, playing with his soft golden hair. A tongue pushed the seam of his lips and he granted it entrance, sighing. His breath still tasted like champagne and it was a good taste.

Sora's indifference began to fade from its place in the back of his mind as Tidus rocked gently against him, his long fingers curling around his erection, drawing a sharp gasp from Riku's throat. He pumped him skillfully in a way Sora never could, only because he's not Sora, he never has been.

His back arched and his head laying so far back that if his eyes were open, he'd be staring at the wall behind his bed, Riku let out a totally undignified whine as Tidus' hand moved more upward, away from his cock, following the dip of his stomach, feeling up his ribs, the planes of his chest, leaving him still painfully hard and groaning pathetically.

Riku writhed slightly, hinting that he should move past all this slow caressing and start easing into the rough shit. Tidus smirked, getting the message. He pushed forward on Riku's legs, changing the angle of thrusts, making each deeper and harder.

At the first quick snap of his hips, Riku's legs trembled a little at the sudden spike of hot pleasure tearing through his core, gripping Tidus' hips and urged them forward appreciatively. His heart was beating hard in his ears and the hands on his thighs were digging nails into his skin.

Tidus groaned harshly against his neck, clenching his teeth as he tried to control his breathing, eyes closed and head down, concentrating. He's all tanned, athletic gorgeousness, the muscles of his abdomen flex and contract with each movement, making him look like one of those porn gods your never think you could actually get into bed with you. It was this moment that makes Riku forget that Sora ever existed and all that ever mattered was a boy named Tidus and his hot hands and his gold hair, his Marine Biology degree, soft breathing and the hardness buried deep, deep inside him.

All that mattered was Tidus. Him, and the rapidly approaching orgasm that was agonizingly spreading through Riku's body like slow flame.

"Shit," Riku breathed finally, flopping back against mattress tiredly, his arms spread out at his sides. Tidus chuckled and draped himself over the other side of him, tossing the condom away. "I haven't been fucked like that since high school."

–

The sound of the shower running was a low noise in the background, drowned out by the canned laughter coming from the television speakers. Riku left it tuned to some sitcom and wandered to the kitchen to find something edible. Even though he just went to the store the day before, there really wasn't much, breakfast-wise anyway.

Toast and strawberry jelly. Good enough.

Riku was just loading the bread into the toaster and pushing the plunger down when his phone vibrated in his pocket, only once. A text message. He flipped his phone open as he's glancing through the refrigerator from the jelly, reading the number. It was unfamiliar, and when he opened the message, all it said was, "I'm coming up. - S" _Sora?_

Two minutes later, there was a knock on the front door and Riku left the chain on when he answered it, because, well, fuck if he taking any chances. He didn't exactly live in the most civil neighborhood.

"Open the door, Riku." Through the crack in the door, one sapphire eye glared back at him, its owner shifting their weight impatiently to the other foot. _Yup, Sora._

"What're you doing here?" Riku asked after a delayed moment of shock as Sora kind of just barged in like he lives there and inspects the apartment like he was expecting to see someone. Tidus was still in the shower and a brief pang of inexplicable panic and guilt sprung forward from behind Riku's stomach. "Sora--"

Sora turned around after scanning the area, hands on his hips. It was kind of funny. For a whole two seconds. "Tidus? Really?" His voice is a little too scorned for Riku's liking, and he's still trying to figure out why the fuck that's any of his business.

"Maybe you didn't hear me. What the _fuck_ are doing here?" It's hard to keep his voice from escalating, but this whole Sora-infidelity...thing has just gotten fucking ridiculous at this point. It was a soap opera now, silly and over-dramatic. And Sora was the diva, always slapping and calling everyone a bitch.

"So you're just fucking everybody now?" He hissed, narrowed eyes glittering dangerously with malice as stepped closer. He wasn't very tall so Riku had to look down to meet his gaze.

Riku snorted incredulously, laughing at him, laughing at the whole fucking situation. "You are _insane_." It was hilarious; it really was. Not just because it was stupid, but because he was married. He had no say in who or what Riku wanted to fuck on his spare time. "You're really fucking crazy, you know that? You need help, Sora."

Sora's glare was almost cute, and the fact that he couldn't even think up an insult in retaliation was even more adorable. Riku fought the urge to ruffle his hair because it really wasn't the time and place for it, instead walking over to the door and opening it for him. "Go home, Sora. Go home and have sex with your husband. I really think that's what you need right now."

"Don't tell me what I need." Sora sneered, not moving an inch, his expression still comically cute, in Riku's opinion. So non-threatening.

The shower stopped a while ago and the door to the bathroom just opened, and here Riku thought he could get rid of Sora before Tidus came out, and now he's really wishing he would've never let him enter in the first place. Because suddenly the face Sora was making was longer cute, but positively venomous.

"Get. Out." He snarled before Tidus could even assess the scene unfolding before and figure out what the hell was going on. Even from an outside point of view, you could see where this started to go horribly wrong. It happened around just about the same time Sora actually closed the five feet in between them, and everything just kind of teetered a little more when Tidus only challenged his threat.

"Uh...no." Stubborn, arrogant. Making the situation worse.

"It's been a few years, but I can _still_ kick your ass." Sora declared, sizing him up, and it was like one of those yappy little dogs trying to take on something much larger than itself. Boys were so stupid sometimes.

The proverbial teetering turns to more violent jostling when the testosterone starts to take over and neither of them are really thinking clearly anymore.

"Yeah?" Tidus snorted derisively, his hackles prickling and arms tensing, and Riku remembered all the tan muscle he thought was so gorgeous earlier, and how dangerous this was getting for the both of them if either of them decided a fight was the only to settle this. Now was a good a time as any to step in.

Sora only just lurched forward, fist curled and ready to break something when Riku grabbed his arm and wrenched him back so hard he slammed into his chest. He didn't seem to care though, struggling forward with his other fist, eyes burning fiery electricity. Riku had to grab both arms, restraining him against his own body. Tidus never moved.

"Sora—Damn it, stop moving. What the hell are you thinking?"

Sora ignored him, still breathing hard, eyes still trained with immense hate on what used to be one of his friends. If Riku didn't already believe his past relationship with Sora was poisonous before, this little display certainly would've been very convincing.

"Ti, can you go?" Riku asked reluctantly, exasperated by Sora's constant control over everything in his life. He was giving him exactly what he wanted, for Tidus to be gone, because there was nothing else he could do. He couldn't just throw Sora out; he had a feeling Sora would just find some way to turn it back on him again if he did. "Tidus." Riku growled when the blond wasn't listening to him either. "_Leave._"

Tidus met his eyes for a second, his expression dark. He shook his head, scooping up his keys from where he left them the night before on the kitchen counter, muttering something about how fucked up this all was. Riku couldn't agree more.

"You're dead, asshole." Sora managed to get out once he got to the door, and Riku quickly clamped a hand over his mouth to keep him from spouting any more stupid typical male aggression and start the whole fight all over again. Tidus paused and nearly turned back, but a pleading look from Riku and he just laughed humorlessly to himself, banging the door behind him.

It was only after his footsteps could no longer be heard outside the door that Riku finally released Sora, shoving him forward so hard, he nearly slammed into the wall in front of them. He brought his arms up at the last moment to stop himself, scowling over his shoulder.

"Idiot." Riku hissed, ignoring his little temper flare. "You can't keep doing this." He declared, storming into the kitchen to get his fucking toast which had popped a long time ago and was most likely cold now. You gonna do this with every one I bring home? Huh? You gonna fight _every_ person I've ever fucked?" He snorted at the ugliness of that statement, and how fucking true it probably was. He had no doubt Sora would eventually try to kill someone over him. "Goddammit, this isn't fucking normal, Sora. Can't you see that?"

Sora crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall Riku threw him into. It's a long moment before he says anything, and when he does, Riku wished he really would've just kept his mouth shut.

"I love you."

Riku retrieved his toast, a little burned around the edges because the toaster is so cheap. "So?" He opens his refrigerator, looking for the jelly again. "It doesn't really matter much one-sided, Sora."

Sora slid down the wall and sat on the floor and Riku ignored him, making his breakfast. He licked the jelly off his fingers and returns the jar to the fridge. His toast was unappetizing sitting in the middle of his plate, cold and lonely by itself. He tears it in half and offers a piece to the brunet on the floor. Sora shook his head and Riku shrugged, putting it back on his plate and returning to the couch to half-heartedly watch whatever crap was on and eat his sad little breakfast.

Sora made a soft noise from the floor, and Riku told himself it sounded nothing like a sniffle and bites into his toast.

–

_Whoo! 10,000 words! Longest chapter and personal record!_

_My smut seriously makes me wonder if _anyone_ can write this stuff comfortably. I mean, smut doesn't bother me for real, but the word cock does sometimes. Makes me giggle a little._

_So how did you enjoy the Riku/Tidus? I love Tidus, he just doesn't get as much "exposure" as he should in KH stories. He really is quite cute and fluffy. You seriously just wanna play with his hair all the time. So cute._

_Poor Sora. He just keeps getting worse._

_Side Note: Evann's name is derived from the Greek name Evangelos, meaning "good messenger". This is why he's typically described in kind of an angelic way, (ex: angel blond hair) because he's Sora's angel. (Awww...) **Or is he?** Hmm...think about that for a while._

_Yeah, I do realize that Evann is kind of overly-perfect. It's intentional. Not only does his nature make him Riku's complete opposite, but his whole characterization is also his biggest flaw and greatest weakness. Don't ask. You'll see. - bouncy_


	9. Anguish

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, A Sad Tidus

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 9: Anguish**

-

Sora breathed in deep through his nose a couple of times, sniffling quietly again. His breathing could barely be heard over the tinny applause from the television and the silence between the two men was stifling. Not like it was with Kairi, where silence only meant they had said everything that needed to be said and all that was left was just plain, comfortable quiet the both of them could share. No, this silence was strained and tense, pulled tight and raw like piano wire. It meant there was too many things to say and not enough ways to say them. It meant Sora was rapidly building his wall again, reverting back to the dark, bitter being Riku couldn't recognize.

Riku's chances of clearing that wall were dwindling fast and it was either speak now or risk losing him again. Except, it was like, why bother? It was clear the relationship was broken far beyond repair, and Riku wasn't sure how he felt about being brushed off one moment, then relentlessly clung to the next. It was almost exhausting, the unpredictability and often erratic nature of Sora's motives. It was exhausting, just trying to figure out whether he actually wanted him or not. Sora used his love like a weapon, at least that much was obvious.

Sora sniffled again, his face buried in the back of his knees. The way he was slumped on the floor made his legs look abnormally long. Like he was seven feet tall.

"Are you crying?" That was first thing Riku said to him, after two rounds of boring sitcoms, and his toast now long gone, the crumbs on his plate to only reminder that he had actually eaten that morning. There were several things that he could've said that were more appropriate. Like an apology for one, for upsetting him. He could've handled the situation better. He _was_ the older one here; he should've stopped Sora and Tidus from arguing, he shouldn't have let himself get so angry because he could understand why Sora would be so confrontational. Not that he was justifying his behavior or anything, but he could still understand.

"No." Sora grunted, unconvincingly because he wouldn't even lift his head to show that his eyes weren't red-rimmed and puffy, that his face wasn't wet and tired and sad. It was hard to tell just from his voice.

Riku could've apologized, for every wrong he did in the past, for every time he left Sora alone and every time he hurt him, deliberately or inadvertently. It would've been easy. Only two words. Five, if he was specific.

_I'm sorry for hurting you._

_I'm sorry I'm fucking stupid._

_I'm sorry you love me._

Sora slumped farther, leaning more awkwardly against the wall. He lifted his hips a fraction off the floor, retrieving a small flip-top box from his back pocket. Cigarettes. He lit up, not bothering to ask if it was okay. Say something. Say anything, Riku.

Yet, somehow, Riku only managed to get distracted trying to find something Sora could use as an ashtray; he completely forgot about any words he could've offered as penance for his past actions. He honestly couldn't think of a thing to say once he walked the plate his breakfast was on over to the seated brunet, setting it on the floor beside him. Sora's cheeks dimpled as he drew in smoke, but it was clear he wasn't giving him any signs of gratitude. His eyes flickered off to the side instead.

Sora took a long drag, the cherry of his cigarette glowing a bright orange. "There's blood on your floor." He muttered, looking up at Riku finally, exhaling through his words.

Riku stopped half-way back to the couch, glancing at the dark, oil black and ink-sticky spots on the concrete. His hand throbbed dully, reminiscent about the moment it shattered right there. Punching away at his perfect masterpiece. He never bothered to clean it up, half because he simply forgot about it, half because it carried a sort of sentimental value for him. Because he deserved the pain it implied.

"Is that how you hurt your hand?" Sora asked knowingly, his eyes impossibly blue and staring into the side of Riku's face. "Because of me?"

"I deserved it." Riku declared, curling all of his fingers except for the two all wrapped and abnormally straightened. Sora only nodded, agreeing.

And that was it. The end of the conversation. Unless Riku could find something else to say to him, because Sora honestly wasn't trying. He curled his arms around his knees and sat there, smoking and breathing and not say anything.

"Evann seemed...nice." Riku said eventually, figuring it was a good a place as any to start. As of last night, his opinion of Sora's husband became common ground they could both talk about. He stopped before he returned to his seat, sitting instead on the arm of the couch. Sora glanced at the blood again, then raising his eyes questioningly to Riku's face.

"He is nice." He said, flicking ashes onto the plate at his side, sucking languidly from his cigarette. "He's always nice."

"Yeah, I noticed." Riku scratched the back of his hand, remembering the constant smile the blond kept giving him all night. "He knows about us, huh?" Sora nodded, silently. "Not everything though." He shook his head this time.

"You ever going to tell him?" Riku continued, referring to...whatever this was between them. The toxic little one-sided love affair. No, that wasn't actually true. It wasn't one-sided, but Riku would never tell him that. Not now, not after what he did. He only said that to push him away, but it didn't seem like Sora was leaving any time soon. Not until they resolved this.

"I don't know. I can't hurt him." His words sounded rehearsed. Riku wondered how many times he had told himself that in indecision. "I know you don't understand, but Evann's everything to me."

"No, I understand. You need him, right?" Riku said this as impassively as he could, fortunately keeping all bitter jealously from his voice. If he was jealous, that meant he cared.

"I need anyone." Sora flicked a long column of ash onto the plate. "You know, I haven't spent the night alone since I got married, until that week Evann left to visit his parents. Three years and that was first time he left me. And then I came here." Riku raised his eyebrows a fraction, wondering if that was really true. If that was really the reason he showed up with his little story about darkness and worlds and Kingdom Hearts. Because he needed someone to spend the night with.

Riku felt vaguely disenchanted, dashing his original thoughts about Sora coming back into his life because he honestly wanted to, not because he was too scared to be alone for a week. "You used me?"

"You're surprised?" Sora shot back, taking one last drag off his cigarette before grinding it out on the cheap flatware.

Riku was quiet, watching the hot ash that was most likely permanently marking his dinner plate. "Not really." It really wasn't surprising. He'd already come to that conclusion several times himself. Sora saying out loud only made the evidence more concrete.

"It took me until now to realize I was still in love with you." Sora laughed a little. "You wouldn't believe how much I hated you until last night. Like, serious hate. I could've killed you if I really wanted to." Sora licked the corner of his mouth. "I really could've."

Sora smiled at the floor, and Riku absurdly contemplated sliding a little farther back on the couch. Out of striking range. But Sora never moved so it was clear he wasn't being confrontational. A little tired and hungover, maybe.

"So, now, you..."

"Yep. I love you, now. Again." He corrected, playing with the ashes with the tip of his finger.

Well, that seemed oddly...easy. Especially for Sora who was being appallingly cavalier for someone who was just willing to fight one of his childhood friends over him.

"And you ever touch Tidus again, I'll kill him too." There you go.

Sora's hands make a brief movement to the floor at his side. An invitation to sit with him. Riku scoffed behind his teeth, clenching his jaw to keep it from escaping. He couldn't really say he wanted to be too close to him right now, not with the way he went _ballistic_ on Tidus. Well, he did, but he didn't. Half of him just wanted to jump at the slightest opportunity of being allowed to touch him again, especially after being ignored and pushed aside on one of the biggest nights of his life, forced to talk to Sora's overly-unhateable husband, and on top of that, feeling like he was losing some major territory here if he didn't, joining him on the floor was probably Riku's best bet at regaining some shred of affection. Because it was the intimacy with Sora that Riku missed the most, even more than the sex. Because kissing and holding hands with Sora was way better than any one-night stand with any one.

"I love you too" would be a really helpful thing to say at this point, and then Sora would stand up and Riku could take him in his arms and smile against his neck and smell the earthy scent of his similarly colored hair. Then _they_ could get married and live together and get matching tattoos, and hell, maybe adopt a kid, because those four words were the catalyst to undo the whole fucking past. Then they could hold hands for eternity and pretend that they weren't slowly and purposefully tearing each other apart.

"No." Riku said finally, not only refusing to sit beside him, but refusing to tell him that he really was madly and ignorantly in love with him and it wasn't one-sided, because then that confirmed that Sora could just walk over him whenever he felt like, so long as he loved him while he was doing it. Goddammit, he did _not_ just put himself through hell, dragging up old horrendous memories of something he never imagined he could ever do to anyone, ever, just to have absolutely nothing to show for it. He apologized, he admitted his crime, the blood on the floor proved that he had physically suffered for hurting Sora. That was it. He couldn't _do_ anything more, unless he somehow figured out how to turn back time. He had fucking paid for it, now it was time to let it the fuck go.

Sora blinked, his eyebrows barely rising above the standard surprise level, leaving his expression looking rather...indignant.

"No. You can't control me, Sora." Riku practically breathed defiance. It's not that he really wanted to end this before he made any actual progress with Sora, but he had his dignity and this wasn't going anywhere. Just another vicious cycle in their relationship that he couldn't handle anymore.

Sora rolled his eyes, standing and bending over to pick up the plate he used as an ashtray. "I'm not trying to control you. Why would you even think that?" Riku wasn't convinced, watching as Sora moved around the island in the kitchen, dumping ashes in the trashcan under the sink. "I mean, I was, before, you know..." His sentence died in a quiet trail of syllables, and then he smiled, leaning forward, elbows on the counter. "You've changed a lot, Riku."

Riku frowned, dumbfounded by his sudden change in mood. This wasn't exactly how the conversation was supposed to go. There should be more yelling and accusations. "No," Riku started, attempting to drag up his former argument. He was supposed to end this, because them being together in any type of romantic setting was evil and reasonably poisonous to every one, even people not involved.

"You could've said something. To Evann, but you never did."

"So?" Riku muttered, glancing at the television, muted sounds of laughter peeling from the speakers as one of the characters tripped and hit the floor. It's not like it would've been very appropriate to tell a perfect stranger something like "Your husband's sleeping with me" in a public place.

"You care." Sora declared, seemingly very pleased with his own conclusion. Riku was almost surprised he wasn't singing it. "You still care about me." He reiterated, crossing the room from the kitchen to the couch in a few steps. Then Sora was in front of him, his arms lightly draped around his neck. Sora was hugging him, but Riku couldn't bring himself to return the gesture. He breathed in the warm potpourri smell of his shampoo, but kept his hands helplessly folded in his lap.

"Don't do this to me." Riku murmured pleadingly against his neck, closing his eyes. It was too much, how much he was loving this and hating it at the same time. His mind was warring between '_touch me, touch me please_' and '_god, don't ever touch me again_', stuck between shoving Sora away and holding him possessively to his chest and never letting him go again.

Sora pulled back slightly, loosening his embrace enough to look him in the face. "Don't do what?"

"It won't last." _You'll leave me again. I know you will._ Riku looked down, his gaze falling on Sora's stomach, conspicuously covered by his fitted t-shirt. "If I asked you to stay tonight, would you? Would you spend the night with me, here?"

"Well, no." Sora looked confused for a moment, his fingers idly curling in Riku's hair. "But, it won't always be like that."

"Really." Riku was far from convinced, looking up. It was clear that Sora wasn't happy with married life, but he wasn't exactly running from it either. Seemed like he was perfectly content with hanging in the middle, making no real commitment to either of them. For a whole second, Riku felt genuinely bad for Evann. They were practically in the same boat after all. Except in Evann's boat, he actually got Sora every night.

"You'll just have to trust me." Sora said eventually, sounding vaguely offended. "Remember that? How we used to trust each other?"

No need for sarcasm, Sora.

Riku caved and placed his hands on Sora's hips lightly, annoyingly guilty because of a certain blond he slept with the night before—but he tried not to think about that too much because, right now, it really wasn't one of his proudest memories. Sora nudged his cheek with his nose, stealing his attention again.

"Do you want me?" Sora asked, his voice low, sending a raw shiver through Riku's body. He nudged his cheek for the second time, taking his chin in his hand and turning his head up to look him the eyes. "Hm?" He hummed, his water-colored eyes dancing playfully.

_Of course._

"Say, yes." The brunet smiled, gently running his thumb across Riku's lips. "Say, of course I want you, Sora. I've always wanted you--"

"Shut up, Sora." Riku's not exactly sure how he managed to sound so light-hearted when, really, he still felt nervous for no reason and he didn't feel like any of this was solving anything. Sora was still married and he was still lonely and vying for human affection. It helped though, because, remember, the intimacy was all he really wanted.

Sora took over from there, grinning brilliantly. His lips were sweet and very, very much missed. Soft and warm and everything good that Riku could remember about his adolescence. Because Sora embodied sunny beaches and cool water around your ankles, and a bright blue sky that stretched on forever. His tongue was hot and slick in his mouth and his hands were touching everywhere, much better than sex-god-blonds, and his fingers left blazing rays of sunlight on Riku's skin.

Sora gasped a little as Riku's hands pushed up his shirt to the middle of his stomach, his flat palms running straight lines down his sides, pausing on his hips and running back up again. Riku needed this, he owed Sora that much, to make up for last night. Because he didn't want to remember another man's body other than the one before him.

Riku vaguely recalled this moment happening before, Sora's fingers raking through his hair and slowly, so slowly pressing his lithe body flush against his own so one leg nestled between Riku's, rubbing in a way that made his breath catch and shudder. Too long ago, it felt like years. Sora's hands are on his shoulders, his mouth tasting the length of his neck in cool, wet presses of his lips. His tongue flicks out for a brief second, before Riku feels himself being guided back onto the couch cushions, Sora moving down with him, his knees on either side of his waist and one elbow propped up beside his head.

Sora's free hand wandered automatically downward, his thumb just popping the button loose on Riku's pants when Riku suddenly wanted to sit up, and all movement stalled for a long minute. Sora frowned as he was pushed a fraction of an inch backward, his eyes questioning.

"Sorry, I—We kinda...did it right here." Riku licked his lips, letting out a breath in a sharp puff of air. It just felt wrong not to tell him, because it was just yesterday that he was in the exact same spot, doing exactly what he and Sora would never be doing on this particular piece of furniture again. From the way Sora's eyes narrowed in understanding, Riku wouldn't be surprised if he was forced to throw out the couch later.

"Here?" Sora asked. Riku didn't even want to nod. "I helped you buy this couch..." Sora added needlessly, disappointment apparent in his voice. Typical, he just had to say the one thing that made Riku feel worse than he already did.

Sora scowled darkly, probably thinking up some good death threats to give Tidus if he ever saw him again, awkwardly climbing off back over the arm of the old couch that creaked dangerously under all the stress. That really wasn't how Riku intended to have the afternoon go, by the way. "Sorry." He muttered again.

He still looked a little angry for a second before his expression evened out into a more resigned frown. He still wasn't letting it go though, that much was obvious. "Fine. We'll just go--" Sora gestured toward the bed on the other side of the apartment, but Riku must've made a face he wasn't aware of because he scowled again, darker this time. "Is there anywhere you _didn't _fuck him?"

Riku sat up, finally, brushing his hair down with his fingertips, forcing it to lay down over his shoulders. He sighed heavily, as if some great giant was pushing one stubby finger right in the middle of his chest, pressing all the air out of his lungs. "That's really not fair, Sora."

Sora didn't look like he really cared if it was fair or not, but he at least had the decency to back off. He crossed his arms over his chest and stood in the middle of the room, glancing at every surface surreptitiously, and Riku hoped to whatever God that existed that he wasn't imagining him having sex with Tidus all over the apartment.

"Sora," Riku murmured, rising from his seat on the couch because he really just needed to hold him, and distract him from whatever unholy thoughts he was thinking at the moment. It was important that he hold him right now, because he still felt ridiculously guilty and only with his arms around Sora could he hope to curb some of the empty breathlessness he was feeling.

"I want to start over." The words came to him suddenly, after a few indecisive movements towards Sora, taking even longer to finally will himself to touch the younger man, longer still to find the best and most comfortable position for his arms to rest around Sora's thin waist. He said it without fully thinking out what exactly that meant to the both of them. Start the conversation over, start the last couple of days over? How far back in time did those words actually pertain to?

Sora touched one arm, his hand wrapping loosely around his wrist. He didn't pull him off though, just rested his head back on Riku's shoulder and sighed a little, tilting his neck to the side. "Start over?"

Sora's hair brushed the underside of Riku's chin as he dipped his head, gently nuzzling the warmth of his shoulder. "Maybe we should try, you know, dating again." He said it, and then he couldn't believe how incredibly intelligent that sounded coming from his mouth. He blinked and held his breath, tightening his embrace on Sora while he waited for some kind of reaction.

"Yeah, sure." Sora chuckled. "Like I don't have enough committed relationships."

"I'm serious." Riku said, swaying them a little, side to side. Sora lets himself be swayed, looking up so his nose bumped against the bottom of his jaw.

"Really?" His voice is a bit too surprised, eyes a little too wide in wonder, and for a second, Sora just looks too damn adorable. Enough to steer him back toward the kitchen and press him up against the counter, just hard enough to hear those little soft gasping sounds he likes to make, because he and Tidus never went anywhere near the kitchen. At least Sora couldn't object about that. "You want to?" He said this in a quieter voice as if anyone else was really around to hear him and be properly scandalized.

"Well, yeah—You know, after the divorce and everything." Muttering into the warmth of his neck, Riku's words didn't sound as nearly as insensitive as they did out loud. Not until Sora suddenly cast his eyes downward, his head following suit, and everything else, his shoulders, his arms, his whole body slumping successively against Riku's chest. The actual words made everything seemed that much more real.

"Divorce? _Damn._" Sora cursed, pulling away a little. Riku loosened his embrace to allow him some room, despite the voice in his head telling to never let him go again. "That sounds really bad, doesn't it?" Honestly, _yeah_ it kinda did. Sora looked immensely worried and distraught and that was never a pleasant thing for anyone to witness.

"It doesn't have to be right now." Riku finally assured him after a long silence, one hand petting his hair, a calming, very calming gesture. It wasn't what he was really feeling in his gut, but it was what Sora needed to hear, and like the true sycophant that he was, Riku often sacrificed his own feelings in order to make Sora happy, albeit he still did it in the most selfish fashion he knew how.

"First, I want to compromise." Sora said, frowning, though his own determination was clear underneath his more pained expression. He must've caught the reluctance in Riku's voice when he said he could wait until Sora was ready to leave his spouse of three years.

"I'm listening."

"I don't trust you." The frankness of his words was, admittedly, disorienting, but Riku recovered easily, nodding a little. Sora stepped back again, his body only within reach of fingertips now. "You want me to leave Evann, I need to be able to trust you first."

Riku had a smart-ass comment forming right behind his teeth, something about how he was expected to trust Sora but _he_ had earn back Sora's trust like some stranger. As totally unjustified as it was, he couldn't help but think that they had been friends their lives, he shouldn't have to prove himself—he never had to before. Back then, Sora just accepted him back into his life with open arms. But then, he remembered, still not sure how he even forgot, that this wasn't exactly the same situation.

"Okay."

And then Sora smiled, and it felt like a huge relief, like the giant had finally stopped crushing him under his finger. Sora and his cheesy little sunshine smile, he hugged Riku tightly, then proceeded to move back to the kitchen to make them a proper breakfast.

And that was...okay. For now, anyway.

–

Riku already associated with Tidus with speed before their one-night affair, both of them. It was the way he talked, the quick empathic hand gestures he used when telling a particularly eventful story. And after their sordid nights together, it was how easily Riku could excite a notable amount of passion in the young blond, because it was pretty clear that he was enamored by the way he kept staring at Riku expectantly when he invited Tidus back to his apartment again, except it was for a considerably different reason this time.

So because Riku associated Tidus with speed, he often confined his thoughts of him to short, short passages of events, not what exactly lead up to the events or how they ended up at the next one, but just a series of straightforward happenings.

Tidus had texted him the following day, after Sora had already left for home, and Riku was feeling his loneliness setting up camp in his heart again. Riku told himself it was a moment of weakness that had him replying to said text, a modest "can i c u?", with a short reply of "yeah." He almost let himself go back to that place he didn't really want to be, but at the same time, couldn't help but want to be, no matter how much he honestly loved Sora. Because Sora was romantically unavailable, and Tidus, well, was not.

It's not long after Tidus shows up that things are noticeably turning in a certain direction, the hand that reaches up and briefly plays with Riku's bangs and smooths them back behind his ear, isn't exactly a gesture one does between just friends. Riku put a stop to that pretty quickly.

Riku handled it all very calmly, Sora would've been proud of him, actually. He remained faithful to his word, because he really, _really_ needed Sora to be able to trust him.

So he very calmly told Tidus about his situation, carefully explaining that Sora was always going to be a part of his life, and if they couldn't get along, Tidus wouldn't be a part of it. It was this moment where Tidus reminded him that it wasn't his fault, that none of it was his fault, because Sora was the one refusing to 'get along'. Then Riku told him about Sora and their compromise, after throughly defending Sora's less-than-friendly behavior, which wasn't easy when he didn't exactly fully understand it himself.

He anticipated every argument that Tidus could come up with, he anticipated every move the blond would make toward him, even the little confused frown furrowing his golden eyebrows. What Riku didn't anticipate, however, is how much Tidus would overreact. He didn't anticipate how much what he was saying would influence the suppressed anger Tidus was already feeling before he arrived, perhaps before they even met in the grocery store the other day.

"You're not seriously still seeing that psycho? He's married, Riku!"

"I know that." Riku managed to hiss, tasting the blood on his teeth. He touched his cheekbone, surprised that it wasn't split open from the force of the punch, briefly reminded of the taut biceps that were so sexy a couple nights ago. It would definitely bruise though. Tidus was indignant, crossing his arms over his chest, his eyes narrowed. It was as if Riku's only abilities consisted of pissing people off, because that seemed to be all he was really good at lately. "And Sora's not a psycho."

"So, he's a slut then."

"Tidus." Riku growled, warning. It didn't matter how justified his anger was, Tidus had no right to say anything about Sora. Despite his baser instincts, a comment from Sienna reminded him to keep his temper under control, so Riku only clenched his fists and made no attempt to hit him back. He was the older one here, there had to be some level of civility.

It felt incredibly like the times they were little, and Riku, being the oldest and most mature, had to mediate some trivial quarrel between the kids because they just couldn't solve these things on their own.

Tidus huffed, unapologetic. He sat on the arm of the couch, all traces of the benevolent teenager he used to be buried under deep aggravation and resentment as he inspected his hand for a second, the knuckles scuffed, but otherwise unmarked. "You jackass." He scoffed. "He's just monopolizing you again. Just like when we were kids."

Riku glared. "Sora never did that."

"Uh, hello? Yeah, he did." Tidus shifted, picking at the loose fibers of the older couch, still angry. "That's why you never really got close to any of the other kids, 'cause he didn't want anybody near you. He didn't come right out and say it, but he made damn sure that boundary was there."

"Oh, fuck you, Tidus."

"Ya think I'm lying?" Tidus shot back, tearing a thread from the couch. ""Cause I have _so _many good reasons to." He discarded the thread on the floor, crossing his arms again. He stared pointedly at the forgotten string, mumbling under his breath.

Riku sighed, clearly fatigued already. He was tired of talking, his face hurt. Over all it was just a shitty weekend.

"What." It wasn't even a question, just a very tired, singularly spoken word.

Tidus met his eyes, digging his fingernails into his forearm. "You never even noticed me. Even before Sora."

"Okay?" Riku sighed again, heavier, pinching the bridge of his nose. "What do what from me? I wasn't even sure of myself back then. I didn't even know I was gay, how was I supposed to notice you?"

Tidus just shrugged, noncommittally, curtly raising his shoulders and dropping them again.

"Do you want me to apologize to you too?"

"Wouldn't hurt." Mumbling again.

"Fine. I'm sorry." Riku snorted. "While I'm at it, maybe I should apologize to Selphie for breaking her ankle last year. Or, maybe, I should tell Kairi I'm sorry she got knocked up in high school. Why stop at you?"

"Goddammit, you're a self-centered jackass." Tidus hissed, rising from the couch and collecting his jacket draped across the back. "Fuck this. I'm gone." He pushed past Riku, seamlessly unlocking the front door and pulling it open.

Riku moved a little faster than him though, reaching the door at just about the same time, and slamming it shut again with one outstretched hand. Tidus flinched, barely noticeable with the way his body trembled with obvious anger. He glared at his own hand on the doorknob and the fact that he couldn't open it with Riku holding it closed.

"I'm not stupid." Before Riku could tell him that he never thought that, Tidus interrupted him. "Don't talk to me like I'm stupid, 'cause I'm not."

"Okay." Riku said, finally. He leaned his body weight into his hand against the door and frowned, wondering if there was more they needed to talk about. Like the strange looks he kept giving him their first night together. "Are you alright?" He asked, bending his knees a little to catch his eyes still downcast at the space between the doorknob and the deadbolt.

Tidus' hand creased into fist and Riku readied himself to be swung at again, but it never happened.

"I have to go to class." He looked up, their eyes meeting for one pained second before Riku stepped back, allowing him to open the front door. And that was it. Tidus never said anything else, he just walked slowly to the end of the hall and disappeared down the stairs.

The door across the hall opened, a young mother sheltering her toddler son against her skirt while she locked up. Riku watched her for a long minute, unconsciously waiting until her and her little boy were safely down the stairs as well before he moved back inside his own apartment, closing his own door behind him. It wasn't such a weird habit, because sometimes he still got the urge to protect people who had no means to protect themselves, it just wasn't as pronounced as it used to be.

–

For Sora, it was never such an easy task to remember the dreams he had just woken up screaming and thrashing from. Most times, when he does remember, it's just images of endless darkness, something that could hardly be classified as actual dreams. Except in the background, he can hear his own breathing. More often than not, it's very quick and shallow, like it would be during one of his attacks, and as sad as it is, it's these kinds of dreams that frighten him the most. Way more than any visions of ink-black monsters with thick, reaching talons and outlandish weapons or other faceless creatures that screeched at him with wide, open mouths. It was just the stifling darkness that woke him in the middle of the night, grasping for nothing but a way out.

That, and Riku.

He dreamed about Riku often, almost as much as the darkness. He dreamed of past conversations, past arguments, even lying next him in bed. Also, there were dreams he was sure were supposed to stop once he wasn't teenager anymore, and those were embarrassing. Thankfully, that didn't happen too much. It was bad enough that Evann had woken him up once, just to see if he was okay because apparently he was making quite a lot of noise, only for both of them to discover that Sora's hand was wedged down the front of his night pants. Evann just laughed and told him that he did that a lot. Which was more embarrassing.

This was a darkness dream night. He knew this not because he could remember the nightmare, but because his body was painfully stiff, like he was stuck in quicksand and trying not to sink. He took a minute to catch his breath which was coming out in sharp pants that made his chest sore, another to clear his vision which was fuzzy and unused to the pitch blackness of midnight.

Sora lets his muscles relax gradually, one limb at a time. To his side, the bed was empty. Which meant Evann was either still at work or passed out on the couch downstairs. This happened frequently mainly because Sora tended to lash out when woken up. Any time Sora fell asleep before Evann got home, actually.

Sora sighed and stretched and threw his legs over the side of the bed. He straightened his sweatpants on his hips as he stood, crossing his arms over his bare chest. The house was oddly cold for August. The television flickered grayish-blue light on the fabric treated walls of the living room, a comfortably familiar silhouette slumped over on the couch.

It was hard not smile, seeing the older man curled up on the sofa, the TV remote hanging listlessly from his hand. Evann was always so concerned about Sora, he rarely thought about his own needs. Lightly padding around the coffee table, Sora found that he was still wearing the clothes he wore to work that morning, only his jacket and shoes were removed. His tie still hung around his neck, just loose enough to fall asleep. It couldn't be comfortable. And the couch didn't look much better. Unfortunately, that particular sofa wasn't so much functional as it was decorative for when company came over.

Sora lightly touched his gold bangs, brushing them back from his eyes. Evann breathed softly, shifting a little, his mouth turning down in a unconscious frown. Sora offhandedly wondered if he had nightmares of his own—he'd never asked before. Evann shifted again, curling his legs up on the couch beside him.

After a few seconds of indecision, Sora decided not to wake him, kneeling beside the couch instead. The television was just quiet enough to ignore, and if he laid his head on the cushion by Evann's chest, he could just barely make out his heartbeat.

"I'm sorry." Sora's voice is so small, he almost doesn't hear it himself, just a brief little crack of sound coming out of his own mouth. He touches his husband's fingers, specifically his ring finger, the gold and silver ring much like his own reflecting distorted versions of the pictures on the television in tiny, thin, curving lines.

Evann breathed in deeply, but didn't stir as Sora twined their fingers together, briefly touching his lips to the back of his hand. It's not fair that it has to be this way, that he has to suffer because Sora couldn't just be satisfied with a perfectly good man. And he _is_ a good man, a _very_ good man, and Sora doesn't deserve him. He has never been good enough for Evann.

Midnight creeps into 1 AM, and Sora eventually closes his eyes, holding his husband's hand and apologizing in his head until he was too exhausted to think of anything else he should be saying right now. It's weird when he falls asleep again because, for once, he doesn't dream anything at all.

–

It's the second time Riku has been at Sora's place except instead of going to the apartment, Riku parked his car across the street, and entered through the glass door on the first floor. The massage clinic was very much like the apartment, you know, in the way that it kinda looked like a page out of a magazine. It was very clean and open, simple paint on the walls, long benches in the waiting area. It's obvious someone hired a designer for both the apartment and the clinic.

It's funny, how strange it looked to see Sora actually working, like a real job. The only other job Riku remembered him having was a stock boy at a grocery store when he was seventeen. After that, he had no idea.

Sora smiled as he saw Riku entering, and there was totally a flutter in his chest, one that reminded him of awkward kisses back on the island and hand-holding under the table in chemistry class. Classic teenage hormones were notorious for making Riku grin for no reason, and laugh at the stupidest things. Sora always had that effect on him.

"Hey, you." Sora said as Riku approached the receptionist's desk, flipping through what looked like an appointment log.

"Hey." Riku leaned his elbows on the edge of the desk and kind of hovered over the appointment folder, pretending to be reading it as well. Sneaking his hand across the folder, Riku teasingly brushed his fingertips over his knuckles, slipping his fingers around his hand. They weren't technically dating yet, but that didn't mean Riku couldn't flirt with him occasionally.

Sora chewed his lip, suppressing a smile as he gently squeezed his hand in return. It was cute, really. A refreshing change from the Sora he was beginning to become used to now, the dark, dangerous, overly-sexual Sora, to more...nostalgic territory. Then his fingers slipped away, and Riku watched as Sora ducked behind the desk, already missing the warm sensation of his palm against his own.

He wanted more of this touching. It was kind of new, but old at the same time. Some hybrid of the two, that made him feel like he knew exactly what he was doing and, at the same time, like he was just an clumsy, experimenting teenager again. Watching Sora's touchably soft hair moving behind the desk, Riku briefly contemplated how easy it would be to scoop him up and drag him back to his car, without anyone noticing, of course. Couldn't be that hard. The clinic was deserted after all; must have just opened.

Sora stood up, finally, holding another folder this time. The computer in the middle of the round desk whirred to life, disrupting the comfortable silence of the empty room, save for the sounds of Sora's constant turning of pages. The monitor glowed dully and Riku stared in wonder, mildly surprised that the most technological inept person alive even knew how to turn it on.

Sora reached over his folder, inexpertly poking at the computer, which continued to whir and whine and make a whole pallet of noises as it booted up. He frowned abruptly, gripping the back of his neck and rolling his shoulders stiffly.

Riku opted a concerned raise of his eyebrow that Sora just happened to look at him at the right moment to catch, because he then smiled sheepishly, answering before Riku could even ask what was wrong.

"Must've slept weird." He explained vaguely, shrugging his shoulders again, still massaging the back of his neck. Riku nearly moved around the desk, offering to do it for him, but was distracted by the front door opening, a little gold bell chiming brightly as the door smacked against it.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry." Who Riku assumed to be the missing receptionist entered in a frenzy of hair and apologies, dumping her messenger bag on the desk top and scattering a few items across the mahogany surface. Riku couldn't help but think she was dressed a little inappropriately to be working anywhere that wasn't like a surf shop off the beach or a lifeguard, because essentially she wasn't wearing much more than a bathing suit and a handkerchief of a skirt.

"It's fine." Sora assured her automatically, dropping his hand from his neck, busying himself with flipping pages again. Riku offhandedly wondered if she was late often; Sora seemed resigned to the fact that she was always going to be late and there was really nothing to do about that.

The girl, who didn't really look much older than 19 or 20, fixed whatever she knocked over earlier, tossing her bag under the desk. Her eyes fleetingly regarded Riku's presence, her mouth parted slightly as if in mid-sentence before she returned her attention back to Sora, finally saying what she apparently opened her mouth for.

"You look awful." She commented, leaning close to his body like girls liked to do. Sora backed up a half an inch, still looking down. Sunlight filtered through his hair, making it that copper color again.

"I didn't get a lot of sleep last night." It was weird, hearing Sora speak with such an authoritative voice, but as this girl was his employee; it was kind of expected. Still, it was really strange.

"Evann come home late again?" She asked knowingly, pulling up her chair, and rolling over to the computer. The girl pulled a elastic band from her wrist, tying up her long, blonde hair in a messy ponytail. Sora blinked, chewing his tongue. His gaze flickered up, catching Riku's eyes, who frowned, resting his chin in his hand. What was that look for?

"Yeah." Sora answered after a short sigh, tapping his fingers on the desk. The girl hummed, gently nudging his hip with her elbow. He offered her a small smile, one that was slightly fatigued, but warm with his usual good-natured attitude.

"Do you have an appointment, Good Sir?" It took Riku a long minute before he realized the blonde receptionist was talking to him, blinking dumbly. It wasn't totally his fault that he was distracted; he was just too busy watching Sora walking around.

"He's not a customer." Sora told her before Riku ever got the chance to say it himself, now across the room. He was moving one of the long benches, pulling it away from the wall. Riku momentarily thought about asking if he needed any help, but that was before the girl started talking to him again.

"Oh, so _you're_ the friend?"

"Guess so." Riku muttered, crossing his arms in front of him. He was really getting tired of being referred to as the friend, the best friend. The painter. Annoyingly enough, he vaguely recalled referring to himself as the mistress on more than one occasion.

"The _special_ friend?" The girl giggled, smiling teasingly. Riku raised an eyebrow, trying to figure what she meant by that exactly.

"Rikku." Sora scolded from somewhere behind them. Riku looked back as the girl huffed, twisting one thin braid from her hair around her fingers, the mess of wooden beads on the ends clacking together. Sora moved the other bench, like he was just straightening up things, giving no indication that he had even said anything.

"Oh relax, I was just talking about the picture." She explained, pointing out a small frame on the farthest part of the desk. Riku couldn't help but notice the gold nameplate, next to it. Rikku. That explained why it seemed like Sora was talking to him.

"Picture?" Oh, that picture. It was an old photo, one of just the two of them, Riku and Sora, taken on a road trip they had gone on after Sora graduated high school. Kairi was too busy becoming a mother to come along. Things were easier then, when Riku could just throw an arm around Sora's shoulders without thinking too much about what it meant to their relationship. Everything had to mean something now.

"He's so sensitive." Rikku murmured under her breath, winking. "You're such a babe magnet, Sora."

"Hush." Sora moved back behind the desk, glancing at his appointment log once more. Rikku wiggled in her seat, giggling. Admittedly, she was pretty cute, you know, for a girl.

"You wanna add to the love jar?" She asked, reaching into a drawer and pulling out a large plastic jar that, according to the label, once held Osment's Jumbo Cheddar Popcorn, now half-full of folded slips of paper. She plopped it right in the middle of the appointment log.

"Don't." Sora lunged forward, gracelessly clapping his hand over the top.

"You really are no fun." Rikku complained.

"What the hell is a love jar?" Riku inquired, now sufficiently curious. Some of those papers looked pretty thick, like whole multi-page letters. Sora made a face of obvious anguish, as if he could tell the woman at his side was fully prepared to give him the whole story, and she wouldn't feel the smallest bit of remorse about it.

"It's--"

"It's stupid." Sora interrupted, heading her off before she could say something possibly incriminating. Not like Sora would have anything to hide, really. "They're just notes. Comments and...concerns. That sort of thing."

"Love notes." Rikku told him, very matter-of-fact, jiggling the popcorn bucket so the notes rattled around inside, still muffled by Sora's hand.

"Really?" The look Riku was giving him had to be just fantastic, because Sora blushed, hard, yanking his hand away from the jar, suddenly trying to appear indifferent.

"Sora has a lot of stalkers." The woman elaborated a little too gleefully, shaking the jar again as if tempting Riku to read one.

"Not real ones." Sora declared immediately, waving his hands dismissively. Sounded kind of defensive to Riku. "They're admirers, at...worst."

Riku chuckled, seriously thinking about reading a few, just to see what they were dealing with here. "Admirers, huh? How cute."

"They're not _cute_." Evann had apparently descended the joint staircase that led from the apartment to the clinic just a few moments into their conversation, as usual, all angel blond hair and missing piercings and forearm tattoos. His smile was missing as well, in it's place, a very distinct frown and a cigarette. He had his hair combed back away from his face and was wearing a suit, clearly going to work.

"Oop." Rikku made a small noise of surprise, shrinking a little behind her computer as Evann approached the desk, his arm automatically wrapping around Sora's waist, pulling him to his body. Sora looked a little disoriented at first, eventually relaxing into the embrace after a long second.

Riku felt a unequivocal violence spit and hiss inside his chest, his pain and anger and frustration uncoiling and slithering around his heart. He tried hard to ignore it, leaning away from the desk at arm's length. He tried hard not to grit his teeth because he was being talked to.

"It's nice to see you again." Evann said, holding his cigarette between his fingers. Easy to see where Sora picked the habit up from.

"Yeah, same." Maybe it was just bitterness, because Evann clearly didn't like the topic, but Riku brought it up again, simply because he was curious. "So, why the jar?" Evann scowled a little, his familiar smile dropping slightly.

"We, um, had a problem a while back. A couple of my clients called the clinic a few times." Sora explained.

"They called _all_ the time." Evann commented, his arm still firmly around Sora's waist. His fingers stroked short lines on his hip, a movement that unfortunately did not go unnoticed by Riku.

Sora glanced at him sideways, that look of anguish slowly coming back. "Anyway, the jar's kinda like a venue, I guess."

"For the boys to express their undying love for him." Rikku added needlessly. Sora blushed again. "Not that it's limited to boys."

"Fun." Riku smiled, prodding the jar with his arm, reading the paper taped to it, the words—obviously 'love jar' written in red marker. He wondered idly if the artwork around the words was the work of the bubbly receptionist.

Evann made an indignant sound of pure discontent, his arm tightening on Sora for almost ten complete seconds. Sora kissed him good-bye as it became clear that he couldn't stay much longer, and Riku suppressed the instant reaction in his stomach, the one that said, 'Protect your own'. It was this reaction that got Riku into a lot fist fights in high school, mostly when any member of the male gender dared to even talk to Sora.

Their hands lingered on each other's, Sora smiled a little, squeezing his fingers before he let go. Riku could've retched.

"Bye, Riku."

Riku only ceased his mental scowling long enough to realize he was being spoken to again. Evann then left through the front glass door, the bell chiming delicately as it was smacked carelessly just like earlier. But not before pausing briefly and adding his own contribution to the 'love jar'. Ashes from his cigarette.

"Jeez. What a dick." Riku muttered, waiting until he disappeared around the corner of the building towards the drive-way. Faintly, the sound of a car starting could be heard.

"Don't talk about him like that." Sora scolded, gathering up a couple of official-looking documents off the surface of the desk, tucking them under his arm. "He's in a bad mood."

"Obviously."

Sora rolled his eyes. He straightened his papers, pushing them under his arm again. It was like he didn't know what to do with himself. He'd been like that all morning, Riku noticed.

"Hey," Riku caught his arm as he finally tried to walk off, probably just to do something else useless and nervous. "Are you okay?"

Sora adjusted his papers for the fifteenth time, smiling faintly, looking downward. "Yes, I'm—I'm just tired." He kept his eyes down, only looking up when Riku brushed his hair back with his palm.

Out of the corner of his eye, Riku noticed the receptionist of the same title finding something very interesting about her blue-gray above-the-ankle high boots. Sora suddenly frowned, his blue eyes frantically scanning his profile. He firmly grabbed Riku's chin and turned his head, all in one smooth movement.

"What the hell happened to your face?" Sora fussed, his fingertips light and cool on his cheek. His mouth slightly open in a kind of dumbfounded expression really that was way too cute on him. He really had to stop doing that.

Riku lightly touched his bruised cheekbone, chuckling nervously. Guess he had to tell him. There was really no chance of hiding it now. "Tidus." Sora's concerned frown morphed into a warped scowl, stuck somewhere between caring and indifference. "I broke it off with him, the other day."

"So he _hit_ you?" His voice was comical; the way he said it only made him sound like an angry mother who just found out her child was having his lunch money stolen every day at recess.

Riku shrugged, smiling, running his hand over Sora's hair again. "Relax, Sora. I think I can handle Tidus."

Then Sora pushed at his chest in this pathetic way of making him go away, but of course it doesn't really work. Riku only gently kissed his forehead, ignoring the less than quiet squeal from the desk behind them.

"Love you." He muttered under his breath, deeply breathing in every scent he could identify off of Sora that he was beginning to associate with the brunet in general. Soil and incense, plants and fruit shampoo. The lightest scent of cigarette smoke.

Sora shortly buried his face in his shoulder, mouthing the words against the fabric of Riku's shirt rather than saying it out loud. He then let out a tiny moan as the bell above the door chimed again, and he suddenly had clients to care for.

Riku sighed and let him go before anybody saw, not that he cared, but he had a distinct feeling Sora wouldn't appreciate it too much if anyone else knew about their not-so-little affair.

–

It's exactly two weeks and four days later that Sienna pays another visit to Riku's apartment. Usually, these visits consist of the woman bitching at him to get back to work because an artist's job is an evolving process and he can never truly be finished. After that, came some form of praise or insult, depending on how she felt that day, then finally, Riku acquired his income in the form of a check from the art gallery—the fees for the venue and the managerial expertise already deducted, of course.

Sienna gets the first two things out of the way with a quiet calm, but something is very different today, because when she finishes her bitching, she's practically _thrumming _with girlish excitement. The smile on her face more befitting on a woman Kairi's age.

"Congratulations, darling." Sienna beamed, speaking as calmly as she could manage as she handed over the check. Riku nearly choked on his cheap, dollar-store breakfast cereal, reading all fucking numbers on the slip of paper with wide eyes. "You are officially mainstream."

At some point, the woman actually grabbed him and kissed him on the mouth, but Riku found that the taste of lipstick was certainly better than the gritty aftertaste of cheap-ass breakfast cereal. Cheap-ass breakfast cereal that he would never have to eat again.

**rsrsrsrs**

_I just realized something. I'm an empath writer or something like that. When my characters are angry, I'm angry; when they're sad, I feel depressed. It's kind of funny, I didn't realize it until someone asked me why I was glaring at my computer screen while I was writing all the argument scenes. Apparently, It looked like I immensely hated whatever I was looking at. Really, I was just thinking. Lol It's all just a part of the process._

_Heh. I didn't mention it, but there was a totally obvious Fight Club reference in the last chapter. I couldn't help it, I was reading the book again, and it just made me laugh._

_Ah, Rikku. I almost didn't put her in the chapter 'cause I thought it would be kinda confusing, but I really wanted to, so...I did. She's so my favorite. You guys aren't going to see her much, if at all again 'cause she was pretty much a cameo. I figured because she wasn't really a major part of the game (I mean, fairies, really?) that it would be alright for her to be Sora's receptionist._

_As always, I'll try to get the next chap out soon...Radda Radda - bouncy_


	10. Hysteria

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, Derogatory Terms, Sora-ness, Kairi-ness, Minor Hysteria

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 10: Hysteria**

-

The sun was high and saying it was hot was an understatement.

Riku let out a long breath, inhaling deeply for his lung's sake as he sat heavily on the hot gravel. He pulled his mask down under his chin, stretching his legs out in front of him while trying to ignore the hot rocks pushing sharp little angles into the back of his thighs.

The roof of the apartment building was one of those big, square expanses of blacktop that absorbed insane amounts of heat, covered in cheap tan rocks with a tiny corner of green makeshift garden that some nobody tended to. A little patch of dirt full of the planet's most resistant-to-die plants known to man. They had to be, if they could survive up here. It was like a coal-tar desert.

Riku was supposed to be doing real estate right now. Sienna insisted he get a new apartment, preferably one in a safer neighborhood, and with enough space for entertaining. Apparently, mild fame, popularity and money had its drawbacks, especially if he was expected to host parties on a regular basis. Not that he really minded parties, it was the strangers in his home that he wasn't too keen on.

So, he was hiding. And practicing some old techniques he had forgotten about.

It was obvious that Riku preferred acrylics and a brush; he even used oils frequently, despite the lengthy drying time. Charcoal was a personal favorite as well, only because he really got to work with his hands, which was always a plus. Anything he could handle directly with his own fingers—pastel sticks, colored pencils—were his usual tools of creating. Once, when munny was tight and he was just starting out, he did a whole full-sized portrait with nothing more than cheap pack of colored ballpoint pens.

Spray paint was a menace though.

And there were some really talented artists who used spray paint like experts. Riku just wasn't one of them, sadly. Because he couldn't touch it; it was just aerosol. Riku kicked at a thick can of white paint he had bought that morning, along with several other basic colors he set up around the 5x7 piece of plywood he got at a local hardware store. It was painted all white and glaring like pure sand on the beach on an especially sunny day. It almost hurt to look at.

Oh, well. He wasn't giving up yet. Not entirely anyway.

Riku tied his hair back to keep it off his neck, pulling his mask back up over his nose and mouth. Spray painting went in layers, he understood that much. And each layer contributed to the final product. That was simple enough to understand. Keep the final product in mind.

He kneeled at the edge of the plywood, frowning at the cans set up off to the side. He picked Lemon Yellow, dousing a majority of the center of the wood in a bright yellow that was harder to look at than the plain white. He then carefully set a paint can lid in the middle of the yellow, two more on either side, picking Forest Green from the collection of cans to his right.

He just figured out what position to point the nozzle when his phone vibrated in his pocket—once. Riku sighed, setting down the can to wiggle one plastic glove off and retrieve the little silver device. He flipped it open, thinking that getting a new one wouldn't hurt. He's had this one long enough.

_Where are you? _Sora.

_Roof._

Riku hit send, folding his phone shut and putting it back in his pocket. He pulled his glove back on and attempted to recreate the position he had earlier. Quick, short bursts. That's how he was taught to spray from...someone. He couldn't really remember, he had a lot of 'friends' in the art world back then. More like, acquaintances, actually. It was how he learned most of the art forms.

"Damn, it's hot up here." Sora sighed loudly, his canvas shoes crunching the rocks somewhere behind Riku's back.

Riku half-turned his head, regarding him for a short moment, his long cargo shorts and sleeveless shirt. He looked like a kid, which in this case wasn't such a bad thing. Made him look...endearing.

"Hey," Sora muttered, falling into a crouch at Riku's side, his warm arm brushing Riku's longer ones. Riku nodded a greeting in return, ceasing his spraying now that Sora was a little too close, not wearing a mask as he was. Sora leaned heavily into his body, peeking down at his work. "Oh, hey, your hand's all healed."

"Yep." Riku said, muffled by his mask. He flexed his fingers, now without the hindrance of metal rods taped to keep his joints straight. It felt pretty amazing to have them off.

Sora smiled, resting his chin on Riku's shoulder. His hair tickled his ear as he snuggled closer. "You should really wear sunblock." He advised, unceremoniously changing the subject, feeling Riku's bare arm with his long fingers. "You're much too pale. You'll burn."

Riku snorted at his concern, pulling his mask off again. "I'll keep that in mind." He watched Sora's fingers petting his arm. That really was a magnificent feeling.

"And skin cancer. You should worry about that too." Sora's fingers changed direction, traveling farther up his bicep, slipping under his short shirt sleeves. His fingertips cool and clammy from the heat rubbed firm little circles on the top of his shoulder. That was good too.

"You worry too much."

"Hm."

A small shift and Sora's knee hit the ground at the edge of the painted plywood, so he could maneuver around Riku's longer legs. One hand still on his shoulder, Sora moved around until his other hand could rest on Riku's thigh, and he could nuzzle closer until his nose lightly brushed Riku's jaw. Then he kissed there, just under his jaw, his breath warm and somehow, not totally uncomfortable against his neck.

"What are you doing?" Riku chuckled, watching Sora attempt to crawl under him.

He just came up here, spoke for two seconds, then decided it was time to make out? Not that Riku was really complaining—it just seemed a little Harlequin romance. Another soft press of lips and the feather light nip of teeth had Riku completely forgetting about his painting and any other thought that happened to be in his mind at the time.

Riku discarded his can with the others, bringing his arm around Sora's back, his still plastic-covered hand slipping into the curve of his lower back. He pressed gently, guiding, feeling Sora bend a little to his touch, bringing his hips forward a bit. Sora's eyes fell closed, panting softly, the closeness making the summer sun that much hotter. He continued to kiss under his jaw, gradually moving up the tendons of his neck, stopping just below his ear, a fraction of an inch or so behind that, where his hairline met skin. He seemed to be concentrating pretty heavily on that spot.

"Sora," Riku gasped softly, loving the slow, sucking feeling of his mouth on his neck. It really felt entirely too good. It reminded him of how much he hated being alone sometimes. Sometimes, he really just wanted Sora and all these private touches for the rest of his life. Even when they were old as hell and couldn't do much more than hold each other's hand.

He missed this.

Sora shifted again, moving around so he was directly in front of Riku, just barely balancing on his own knees. Riku was basically supporting the rest of him so he didn't fall over and into his painting, cradling his smaller body to his chest with one arm around his shoulders, the other pushing his hips farther forward so they just barely rubbed together. It was way too hot to be this close but when Sora flicked his tongue out to lap at his throat, it was really easy to forget that. Sometime during that moment, Riku decided that, in this heat, Sora's tongue on his skin was just about the best thing ever.

"...Kiss...me." Sora breathed, untangling his arms from Riku's body, leaning back enough to regard him half-lidded eyes. He's so beautiful. Breathtaking.

Riku took it upon himself to close his mouth against his. Sora let out a kind of relieved sigh through his nose, his chest deflating in surrender as he wilted in Riku's arms. Soft and slow, that how it always started, the long press of lips, Sora's arms winding around his neck. Sora tilted his head slightly, the press becoming a little harder, just a little closer. He hummed softly, shoes scraping in the rocks as he re-positioned his legs.

Riku groaned as Sora straddled his leg. They were so close. The muscles in Sora's thighs tightened as Riku briefly shifted him in his arms, pushing both hands up the back of his shirt. He giggled a little, feeling the cool crinkle of the plastic gloves Riku forgot he had on. Riku wriggled his hands out of the gloves, smoothing his palms all over the warm skin of his back, up to his shoulder blades. Down the hard bone of his spine, the faint bumps of his ribs. Back to the dip of his spine, over the curve of his ass.

Sora wiggled, still seated on Riku's thigh, rolling his hips forward just enough to make his breath catch in his throat. Enough to make this cute little gasp that Riku was sure he could listen to him make for the rest of his life. "_Riku_..." Sora breathed too urgently, working Riku's mouth open with his tongue, soft and warm like wet velvet.

It was a familiar feeling, holding Sora like this, one of Riku's favorites, actually. The taste of Sora in his mouth, the lean muscle of his arms tensing and pulling tight. His tanned skin sticky and slick with sweat.

"Riku," Sora muttered, his hands tightening on Riku's shoulders as he began sucking his way up his neck, just light enough not to leave a mark. He found that if he did the same to his earlobe, Sora's eyes would roll behind his eyelids, his mouth parting slightly to release a soft cry of ecstasy. And if he did the same thing while simultaneously grinding Sora's hips forward on his thigh, he would get the same reaction, except with a considerably sexier moan. "Riku." Sora repeated, his voice low and heavy with desperation.

"...What?" Riku responded, more out of obligation to being spoken to rather than an actual desire to listen. He buried his face in Sora's neck, one hand under his sweat-damp t-shirt.

"S-Stop." Sora panted, his body still writhing on its own accord in a rhythm he established for himself.

It took Riku a long minute to figure out what he actually said, hands still roaming over skin that tingled under his fingers, over a body still pressing itself against him, even after saying he wanted to stop. It wasn't until Sora repeated his name again, more firmly, that Riku finally looked at him, eyes hazed with lust and heat and animal instinct at the mercy of arousal, just barely comprehending that he meant right now.

"Okay." Riku said after a delayed second, a little disappointed that this particular make-out session would have to be retired until later. He loosened his embrace on the younger man, letting him droop backwards in his arms.

Sora stretched his arms out behind him, lowering himself to the gravel covered blacktop as he slid off Riku's lap. "I think I'm having a heat stroke." He breathed deeply, one hand raising to lie open-palmed against his chest, over his probably still rapidly pounding heart.

Riku smirked, vaguely realizing that he felt a little dizzy himself. The temperature was in the upper 80's, low 90's today. And it was already high noon. He liked to believe it was Sora that was making his head spin though. It was quite possible.

"Here." Riku retrieved the large bottle of water from the bag he brought with him, dangling it over Sora's head. He made a pathetic grab for it, his arm barely rising off his chest.

"I can't." He whined, wincing a little as he shifted on his back, most likely from the sharp rocks.

"Just grab it, Sora." Riku teased, still holding the bottle up there.

Sora made another sad attempt, whining louder when he failed. "Don't be mean."

His hurt expression would've been convincing too, if he hadn't fighting back a smile the whole time.

"You're so fucking lazy." Riku muttered, unscrewing the cap. He thought about just dumping it on him, but he didn't think Sora would appreciate that too much. Besides, then they wouldn't have anything to drink anymore. Not with all of it dripping off Sora.

_Hm..._

Riku frowned, momentarily picturing how hot that would be.

_Not a bad idea._

"Am not." Sora declared, crossing his supposedly weakened arms over his chest easily. "I'm reasonably laid-back."

Riku rolled his eyes. "Right." He sat up on his knees, slinging one leg over Sora's waist, careful not to bear his weight on him as he crouched over his body.

Sora smiled, his fingers lightly playing with the hem of Riku's shirt. He slipped his hands underneath, feeling up his flat abdomen as Riku took a drink from the bottle, leaning real close to his face.

"What?" Sora's smile faded as Riku smirked around his full mouth. "Don't spit on me. Please. _Don't._" He went on to protest that he didn't want his germs, even though he didn't seem to mind them a second ago when he was shoving his tongue down Riku's throat.

Riku briefly brushed his fingers over Sora's lips before thumbing his mouth open, and closing his own over the top of his. Sora made a quiet whine of indignation, but he swallowed anyway.

And he still punched the shit out of Riku's arm when he could sit up.

"That's gross."

Riku shrugged. "You drank it." He screwed the top back on the bottle, crawling off the brunet's body. Technically, he still had a painting to work on.

"Only 'cause you forced me to." Sora continued to make excuses, but in all likelihood, he probably enjoyed that. Or else they wouldn't still be talking about it.

Riku moved back to where he was crouching originally in front of his plywood, finding his discarded mask and plastic gloves and pulling them back on, respectively. Sora let out a long sigh, dropping his head back on his shoulders as he propped himself up on his outstretched hands, watching Riku with bored eyes.

"I came up here to see you." He murmured, watching. His fingers picked through the gravel behind him absently.

"I know." Riku spoke, his voice slightly muffled by his mask. He positioned the spray paint can at the wood—Forest Green again, spraying a couple short bursts around the paint can lids.

"You know why?" Still picking at the gravel.

"I'm outstanding company?" Riku smiled behind his mask, noticing Sora rolling his eyes at his dumb comment.

"Yes, you are." Sora grinned that cheesecloth grin of his that Riku thrived off of, nudging his butt with his shoe, making him sway forward slightly. "Not really the reason though." He sighed again, his smile fading gradually around the edges, until it was more like a mocking smile. An impression of happiness.

Riku stopped spraying, nonplussed by his sudden change in disposition. "What's up?"

"It's nothing, really. We just--" Sora shrugged, his shoulders rising slightly and then dropping heavily. "We had a fight this morning."

Riku raised an eyebrow. Really? Him and Evann? The world's happiest couple actually had a fight? "What happened?" He inquired, half-expecting him to say something like he had finally confessed about their affair.

"I don't even know." Sora muttered, drooping back against the support of his own arms. "Seriously. I have no idea what we were fighting about. It seemed like he was just starting shit. He didn't even give me a reason."

That didn't sound good. "Wanna talk?"

"Yes. God, I'd love to talk."

"Go ahead then. Vent." Riku raised his mask again, resuming his light spraying, listening intently.

"I don't know. I woke up this morning, everything was normal." Sora shrugged again. "He just snapped at me, I guess. I didn't even know what to say half the time."

Riku frowned. That _really_ didn't sound good. Riku had very little experience with Evann, but he didn't seem like the type of person to just start bitching at someone, especially Sora. According to what he heard from Sora, he was much too nice. No, he had to know, about them.

"No—you know what's really annoying? He doesn't even yell at me. He just looks at me like I don't know any better. Like, what the hell is that?" Sora continued, ignorant of Riku's silent musings. He scowling at the sky for a second, clenching his fingers in the dry gravel under his hands.

"Think he knows?" Riku asked, momentarily, pulling his mask down to make himself coherent.

"No." Sora said automatically. Riku just stared, wondering. "No, he would've definitely yelled at me then."

Sora smiled, raising his head so he wasn't staring at the sky. "He's like you." When all Riku did was narrow his eyes at being compared to his boring, normal husband, he elaborated. "He doesn't look like it, but Evann gets extremely jealous, and overprotective."

"Hm."

Riku shrugged. He really didn't know much about Evann. If Sora wasn't concerned, then there probably wasn't much grounds for him to be concerned either.

–

Riku parked on the street just down the street from the uptown café Kairi instructed him to meet her at. It's a small place, like most of the restaurants in town, with tables out front that you could tell used to have this elegant type wrought iron design, before the owner refurbished them with this funky bohemian paisley, mosaic tiling. Kairi was already seated at a sunshine yellow tabletop, orange paisley curling around the ice water at her elbow.

She smiled as Riku locked his car and walked the 20 or so feet down the sidewalk, standing with her arms stretched forward. Riku decided not to comment on how her sun dress matched the table she picked, the floral print nearly the same bright orange.

"Hey, woman," Riku leaned in to hug her, her little rounded stomach pushing into his abdomen. He briefly touched the little bump, greeting the tiny baby inside. "Where's Sora?" Riku asked, sliding into his own seat after helping Kairi into hers. The sun was out, but it wasn't too warm with the occasional breeze blowing through, thankfully. Riku really couldn't stand humidity.

"He said he was going to be a little late." Kairi explained, dropping her hand to her stomach, her other lightly fingering her water glass. "We'll wait a bit before we order."

Riku asked for an iced tea when the waiter came around, absently chewing one of those chalk-like bread sticks from the basket in the center of table. This would be the first time the three of them had been together in almost 6 years, before all the teenage drama had driven them apart. It was going to be weird, that much was expected, especially with each new morally corrupt development of Riku and Sora's relationship. Kairi didn't need to know that though. As far as Riku knew, she only thought they had sex that one time, and that was it. She didn't need to know everything.

"So," Kairi spoke, that one word making Riku forget his own problems, biting his paper mache bread stick in half in his mouth. "Congratulations." She smiled, toying with the glass between her fingers.

"Thanks." Riku replied after chewing, thinking about flipping the rest of the bread into the street. She, of course, was referring to the newfound popularity Riku just gained basically overnight. It was the reason they were meeting for lunch actually. To celebrate his success, or whatever.

And she invited Sora. Because Sora was their friend.

"Does this mean you're gonna be in magazines and stuff?"

"I guess. It's not really a big deal." Riku shrugged, drinking his tea when it finally arrived. Swallowing, he finished. "Just specialty magazines."

"Mo-dest." Kairi sung, resting her chin in her open palm. She scrunched her nose in this cute little girlish way and Riku can't help but think how lucky Quint is to have her.

"I think I want to try sculpting." Riku said after a second of more chewing and drinking. It's kind of a random comment, but it's true. He wasn't that great at spray painting, and he knew too much about normal painting in general. Maybe it was time to try more 3-dimensional art forms. And Riku had never tried sculpting before.

Kairi giggled behind her hand. "You always want to try something." She shook her head. "Aren't you ever satisfied?"

Riku ignored the unintentional implications of her words, because it reminded him of thunderstorms and dark blackness and harsh winds and Sora's frantic grasping fingers that just barely missed his outstretched hand. He didn't like to think about that much.

Instead, he just smiled, slightly, leaning a little back in his mosaic-yellow-paisley-wrought-iron chair. "Not really."

"So, how are things?" Kairi asked, folding her hands in front of her on the tabletop, her thick plastic fashion bracelets clacking against the tile. She had her hair pinned up in this kind of curly hair fountain at the back of her head, and Riku found it a little amazing how a hairstyle can make someone look different.

"Things are...satisfactory?" He never really liked that question. It was incredibly vague.

Kairi snorted. "What kind of answer is _that_?"

"Your question wasn't exactly specific." Riku added dryly, sipping at his herbal tasting tea.

"Specific." Kairi repeated sarcastically, pursing her lips. "Fine. Specific." She leaned on her elbow, looking comically thoughtful. "Well, we've covered the career portion."

As if Riku's life was biology class. "Career is soaring."

"Love life?"

"Nonexistent."

Kairi grinned, strangely proud of herself. "Therein lies the problem then, Mr. Sour."

"I am not sour." Riku argued, unconvincingly.

"You're _so_ sour." She persisted, using a hard bread stick to prod his newly healed hand from across the table. "How are you not dating? You're pretty gorgeous, you know."

"People find me repulsive." Riku said this with an wry smile, loving how her face dropped just slightly, her cute girlish expression becoming oddly indignant. Like the way Sora's would whenever he spoke negatively about himself. They were so alike, they could've been twins.

"That's not true!" Kairi declared, wagging her bread stick in the air in between them. "If you weren't gay, and I wasn't married--"

"And pregnant." Riku interjected, smirking.

"_And_ pregnant, we could totally, you know..."

"Let's not go there, Kai. I doubt Quint would appreciate the fact that you have hetero-erotic fantasies about me."

"I do not!" She squealed, hiding what Riku was pretty sure was prominent blush behind her glass as she suddenly wanted to drink what was left of her water. God, she was so adorable sometimes.

"It's okay, Kai. I used to fantasize about you too." Riku grinned wickedly, leaning forward over the small table. Kairi sat back, eyes widening a fraction more than necessary.

"Oh, God. _Riku_." She breathed, hand pressed open-palmed at her chest. Sad thing was, Riku was only, like, 40 percent joking. But Kairi really didn't need to know that either. Because puberty was a strange time for everyone.

Riku laughed—a real laugh—sitting far back in his chair so his long legs stretched under the table at either side of the middle pedestal. "It's just a joke, Kairi. Relax."

She made a face, letting her hand drop back to her stomach. "You're horrible."

"I know." Riku told her, only half way apologetic.

Sora finally showed up fifteen minutes later, parking his always clean car right across the street. Kairi indulged in the same ritual when he approached their table. Standing, smiling, hugging. Riku figured it was only proper manners to stand as well.

When Riku went to hug Sora, he behaved, giving him that one-armed 'hey there, friend' hug. It was hard not to hold him close like always, and smell his hair and touch all the little curves of his spine. A crowded street café wasn't really the place for forbidden affections. They parted quickly and Sora sat, his chair perfectly centered between the two of them, showing that he had no preference. Clearly, Riku was thinking too hard about the whole thing. If Kairi suspected anything, she gave no indication that she did.

Sora opened his mouth to say something, but his words were interrupted as Kairi inspected the side of his face, lightly touching his chin to turn his head. "Oh, is that a new one?"

Sora laughed. "Yeah, I just got it yesterday."

"Wow, it looks so good." Kairi commented on whatever was on the side of Sora's face that Riku couldn't see. "Look, Riku." She turned his head far enough that he could just lean slightly forward to look at this apparent anomaly that had taken place on Sora somewhere.

Another tattoo. This one was a stream of navy confetti sized stars crawling like little spiders out from under the collar of his shirt, up the side of his neck. It stopped just below his ear, the one with the diamond stud earring.

Just like the pride tattoo on his back, it was oddly fitting for him, somehow.

"Nice." Riku commended, leaning back in his seat. Sora just smiled.

"Have enough tattoos now?" Kairi asked, resting her chin on her hand like before. Sora scratched the back of his head, his eyes briefly finding Riku's, who looked back, mildly interested.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "I think I wanna get, like, 20 more."

"Sora the ink blot." Riku snorted, teasing.

"Doesn't it hurt, though?" Kairi shuddered, apparently thinking about tiny needles and small cramped rooms and large, sweaty bikers with bandannas and cigarettes, carving into your skin with some kind of gun like device. At least, that's what Riku was thinking. "I could _not_ do that. And plus, it's permanent."

Riku agreed. It took courage to do something like that to your body. That level of commitment just went right over his head.

"Yeah, I know." Sora laughed, looking up when the waiter arrived, handing each of them a menu now that the whole party was present. Riku ordered chicken scaloppine with steamed broccoli and a refill on his tea.

Kairi was busy talking about how excited she was that Charlot was going to be starting preschool soon when the food arrived. Sora was listening intently, sipping periodically from his ice water. Riku lightly rubbed his knee against his leg out of view under the table. Sora smiled, still listening to Kairi, but Riku could tell that smile wasn't for her. It was like their own little secret; it made something shudder happily in his chest.

Sora ordered something called spring vegetable lasagna, which Riku found a little weird. Sora hated vegetables. Or, at least, he used to.

"Oh, that reminds me. I talked to Tidus the other day." Kairi spoke, spearing a few leaves from her house salad.

Sora tensed, gripping his glass dangerously tight at his side. Riku lightly kicked his leg, giving him a pointed look when he scowled.

"He seemed a little upset." Kairi continued; she couldn't have noticed what they were doing on the other side of the table. "Did something happen?" She asked knowingly, looking at Riku. "You were getting along pretty well at the opening."

Goddamn. Did she really have to point that out?

Riku pushed around his chicken with his fork, trying to come up with some plausible answer that didn't involve adultery in any form. Some days this was just too hard. And the glare Sora was shooting into the side of his head wasn't helping much.

"We just...wanted different things. I guess." He explained painstakingly, glancing at Sora who finally relaxed his death grip on his glass that looked like it might as well have been screaming in pain.

Kairi frowned, giving Riku that little 'aw, poor you' look. "That's too bad." She said, still frowning as if she were really hoping that he and Tidus would end up together. Riku actually felt bad for a second too. Almost. He and Tidus weren't really all that compatible anyway. It wouldn't have lasted.

Riku told her that, finding that it was the best explanation to at least get her to stop frowning like that. Like Riku was just some poor, loveless bastard. Doomed to die alone.

He speared a broccoli floret and chewed on the stem. Sora hadn't said anything in a while and it was nerve-racking. Not since Tidus' name came up. He really just wouldn't get over it already. So, Riku slept with Tidus. Big deal. It's not like _they_ were married or anything.

The way things were going, Riku doubted they ever would be.

"So how are things with Evann?" He asked aloud, still chewing nonchalantly. Kairi looked up from her food, obviously interested as well.

Sora paused, stilling the hand that was cutting into his lasagna with his fork. He paused, and stared at Riku like he was a stranger seating himself at their table without being invited. Riku had vaguely remembered seeing that expression before.

"Fine." He answered curtly, his stilled hand resuming its cutting and raised the little corner of spring vegetables and melted cheese to his mouth.

"That's good. And you're happy with him?" Riku asked with all the subtlety of a steel-toed boot to the face, though he kept his voice very flippant.

"_Yes._" Sora stressed, a little frown forming between his eyebrows.

"Even though you were only 18 when you got married?" Riku chewed his broccoli still, waving his fork in the air above his plate, stabbing his chicken mercilessly.

"I was almost 19." Sora argued weakly. Clearly, he couldn't understand why Riku was getting just a little bit upset. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he wouldn't forgive him for any of his past mistakes. Or the fact that he wouldn't even let Riku touch him anywhere above the table because then Kairi would know something was up.

Kairi. The girl that was, like, their mutual best friend.

"Riku." Kairi looked bewildered, obviously sensing the sudden tension between them. "What are you doing?"

"Making conversation." Riku said simply, swallowing with a drink of his tea. The girl frowned, looking at Sora, who was slowly shaking his head at his lasagna.

"Are you," A long pause. "_No. _You two...are still together?" She asked hesitantly. When neither of them answered, slow realization crossed her face; it was like watching a plane fall out of the sky. "What the hell?" Kairi whispered at first, staring at the both of them as if she had no idea who they were.

"Not real--" Sora said, quickly amending his sentence as soon as he started; he could probably feel the daggers Riku was glaring into the side of his head. "It's really not as bad as it sounds."

"You're not serious." Kairi hissed, looming down close to her salad as if that actually made her voice quieter. She reminded Riku of those groups of gossiping girls he used to see huddled together back in high school. "_Sora._" She scolded him right away, as if this was just expected behavior from Riku, but not Sora. Oh, no. Never Sora. "You're _married_."

"I know—I _fucking_ know that, Kairi. I just--" Sora licked his lips, staring into his lasagna as if it could tell him what he needed to say to get past this moment. "Maybe I don't want to be."

"Sora--!"

"I love Riku."

Kairi froze for a second, sparkle pink lip-glossed lips open in mid-protest. Her eyes flickered from Sora to Riku, pausing on Riku a long time. Looking him up and down as if assessing him or something, to see if he really was serious about this too. Then back to Sora.

"I don't like this, guys." She concluded, finally, as if that wasn't totally obvious already, crossing her arms over her chest. "Are you going to tell him? I mean, you _are_ going to tell him?" Sora floundered for a moment, opening his mouth, closing it again.

"Eventually." Riku said for him. Kairi's eyes flick back over. Sora just stared at his plate.

"Eventually." She repeated and Riku can tell she was just as enthusiastic as about the implications of that word as he was. Eventually. That meant settle in and grab some decent reading material because eventually wasn't any time too soon.

–

The next morning, something was very wrong.

Sora didn't answer his phone the next morning, or any of Riku's texts. It brought to question the possibility of another fight with Evann, perhaps. Or maybe Sora was having second thoughts about them again, and was just ignoring him on purpose. That was very possible. Riku had a feeling that Sora wasn't totally sold on the getting back together deal, and felt a stinging panic rising in his chest; a small pulsing aneurysm that attached itself to his ribs and steadily grew with each unanswered message.

Riku was still torn between blinding rejection and common sense when he decided to make the trip to Sora's again. Though common sense was arguing that Sora probably wasn't ignoring him on purpose, only a shred of rational thought was keeping him from fully committing to his rejection theory. And a shred was hardly enough to keep Riku sane for long.

Riku felt he should technically be annoyed by all the shameless running around he did for Sora, but then he would look at him with those eyes that begged for affection, and lips that were too sinful and innocent at the same time, and Riku quickly forgot to be angry. It was safe to assume that, whether he liked it or not, he was doomed to be Sora's love-sick soul mate for as long as they both existed and, like some twisted force of nature, it was neither something he could control nor fully understand. Riku just wished he would've realized this back when it really would've made all the difference.

Only halfway out of his car and stepping out into the street, Riku could already tell something was wrong.

There were too many people on the sidewalk, not enough of them actually walking, so much as they are lingering. Lingering was never a good thing. Lingering always meant that was something to stare at. And if something was so incredible that people were actually slowing in their busy days to gawk, chances are it wasn't a good thing.

Right away, Riku could pick out Evann amongst the crowd. His impossibly blond hair making it a little difficult not to look at first. He was pacing, another bad sign. That, and the fact that he was usually gone by now, off to work for the day. Sora was a little harder to find, and Riku still couldn't see him until he was literally 15 feet from the clinic's front door, because he was crouched on the sidewalk, arms wrapped around his knees, staring pretty fervently at the ground before him.

Riku elbowed past the loose knit group of people crowded around the massage clinic for no obvious reason to get to Sora, the words 'what's wrong?' forming in his mouth already before he himself stopped like all the other random bystanders. Standing and staring, and gaping. Frowning and then scowling.

That was just wrong.

"No, I don't—I don't care about that." Sora's husband talked into his hand, his cell phone hidden somewhere behind his hair that had fallen slightly from its professional-like hairstyle. "Sir, you're not listening to me." A beat. "I'm _not_ being difficult."

"Jackass." Sora muttered, somewhere near Riku's feet, probably referring to the guy on the other line. He looked so small, folded upon himself, like he could just sink into the dirt square around the tree he was kneeling against. People stared and stood around, and Riku just pushed past them all after breaking out of his own stupor, lightly touching the sun-warm chocolate hair to get his attention.

Sora looked up, slowly, his eyes defeated and saddened. He sighed again, heavily, murmuring a pathetic attempt at some kind of greeting. It kind of sounded like a groan, really.

"You okay?" Riku petted his hair, stopping when Sora gave him a short, meaningful glare. As if he couldn't even comfort him without the constant threat of retaliation. It was likely that Sora was just upset though, so Riku tried not to take it too personally. "Do you know who--?"

"No." Sora muttered automatically, eyes returning to the sidewalk.

"I'm not so much concerned about the content, it's the fucking _spray paint_ on my window that I'm pissed about." Evann continued talking into his palm, a half-spent cigarette hanging from the same hand, dangerously close to his hair. A coffee cup was in his other hand, he periodically sipped from it. "Yeah, you do that. Thank you for your incompetence."

He shut his phone, jamming his cigarette between his teeth. "I swear, you marry one fucking guy, and the whole world turns on you." Whether he was aware that he was talking to no one or not, it wasn't entirely obvious.

"What the fuck happened?" Riku asked, speaking louder now that Evann wasn't on the phone anymore. It was pretty clear what happened, but it was still kind of unbelievable and disorienting. The massage clinic had obviously been vandalized, and by a pretty disgruntled person, by the looks of it.

Sora sighed, leaning heavily against his tree. "I believe this is what you call a hate crime."

"Some kids, maybe." Evann shrugged, flicking ashes on the sidewalk. He was either completely lacking in surprise, or at the very least, extremely disenchanted because he didn't seem nearly as blindsided as Sora was. Maybe because the clinic was Sora's baby. "Who knows?"

Sora sighed again, for the hundredth time, deflating forward on his knees. Evann kneeled in front of him, lightly stroking his cheek, looking very apologetic.

"I'm sorry, babe. But, we'll have to deal with this when I get home, okay?" He brushed his thumbs under Sora's eyes though he didn't seem to be crying, leaning in and pressing his mouth over his, for a long, lingering moment. "Sorry." He apologized again, petting Sora's hair like Riku had done just minutes before, except _he_ didn't get glared at for it. Riku couldn't help but notice.

Riku did his best to ignore the kiss, frowning at the large hateful word on the pane of glass while they whispered sweet, quiet goodbyes to each other. Faggot was such an incredibly unappealing term. And it didn't help that it was scrawled across a six-foot display window in large, black spray painted letters, in plural.

That was just wrong.

"Well, fuck." Riku said finally. It didn't make any sense. Who would want to hurt Sora? He's like the sweetest person alive, some days, and according to the 'love jar', he was pretty popular with his customers. If Riku didn't know any better, he'd say it was some act of jealousy.

"You had spray paint." Sora said quietly, somewhere behind him. Riku didn't miss the accusation in his voice, either, staring at him over his shoulder, shoving his hands in his pockets. _You are not serious._

"Why would I do this, Sora?" He asked, somehow knowing that it was just a half-formed thought in Sora's head, there was no way he could actually think Riku would vandalize his shop. He wanted Sora to trust him, not hate him forever.

"I don't know." Sora moaned, obviously fatigued. He wilted against his tree, hands laying on the pavement at his sides. "I'm just so fucking tired of...everything." Riku watched him slump against the body of the tree like a dying weed, slowly taking his words in.

"It doesn't have to be so difficult, you know." Riku pointed out, talking about more than the writing on the glass, and whatever else Sora was tired about.

"Just—Don't. I don't want to talk about this now." Sora dismissed him, before he even got to say what was really on his mind, which was something along the lines of 'divorce your husband now, please.'

"You don't want to talk about a lot of things lately." Riku muttered, feeling the silent scowl reach his face before he was really aware of it. He fingered the black paint. It was cheap shit, rough to the touch, uneven in places. Clearly done very quickly. The long tendrils of dripping paint stretching from the bottoms of the letters made it even more unsightly. "I think I can get this off. I have a few things back at my apartment I'd have to get first, but it should be fairly easy to remove."

Sora nodded absently, staring at the sidewalk uselessly.

–

Sora was tired to the point of tears; of course he would never dignify such a ignorant act by actually crying. Still, he could think about crying and ball his hands up into fists and sigh heavily at the sidewalk all morning, and that was almost good enough.

Sora watched Riku's lean frame standing in front of his clinic, listening to the quiet scrape, scrape noise of whatever the hell he was doing to the window. He just returned with the stuff from his apartment and was silently working on removing the black paint. The scraping paused, and Riku bent over to grab the spray bottle at his feet, squeezing the trigger a few times until Sora could smell the ammonia like odor of the liquid inside. Then he went back to scraping.

Guess it helped to have an artist around, Sora thought dryly, kicking at a stem of mulch with the tip of his shoe. Kicking it far across the sidewalk. It then occurred to him that he was probably sitting in shit. Mulch had manure in it sometimes, didn't it?

Sora raised a stick of mulch to his nose, cautiously sniffing it. It didn't smell like manure, so guess he was safe. He played with the stick, watching Riku, the way he moved while working. He seemed very determined.

Riku was still sexy, in that really, really rare way. Because he looked like no one Sora had ever seen before. Because he was completely and totally unique. His eyes were the color of endless oceans. His silver hair resembled water as it draped over his shoulders. Sora never told him, but he always kind of envied his hair, because he could grow it as long as he wanted and still have complete control over it, which was unfair.

Riku was beautiful, actually. And it was really hard not to notice from this angle. The straight line of his spine, the long curves of his shoulder blades. The deep pockets of his jeans that fell just under his ass, giving way to his long legs. Stupid Riku. Sora wasn't supposed to lusting after the idiot, he was supposed to hate him, technically. Because he was selfish and self-centered, and so damn belligerent.

But he wasn't.

Not anymore.

Now he wanted to be so attentive and compassionate. And Sora was just waiting for him to crack because he _was_ going to. Riku can't be nice all the time; it just wasn't his nature to be. And he can't stand competition. Sora knew that first-hand as a kid. Just because they were adults now didn't mean that Riku was going to let it go. Because he wasn't. It was obvious, the way he tensed whenever Evann touched him. Sora always noticed, because Riku would practically stop breathing.

But like he said before, Sora had only forgiven him to a point. Just because he was irresponsibly and ignorantly in love with him again, it didn't mean that he was going to forget what being in love with someone like Riku meant. And he certainly didn't forget the tremendous amount of pain that falling for his best friend had caused him.

So, if he was going to be in this relationship, he was most definitely going to be cautious as hell.

Sora stretched out his legs in front of him and considered standing because, smells aside, he was most likely sitting in manure, he was pretty sure of it. Riku wasn't anywhere near done, he was just scraping the first prong off the F. This caused Sora to sigh again. He really just wanted the fucking thing gone and over with, but it didn't look like that was such an easy task.

Sora really hated people, sometimes.

"This might take a while, Sora." Riku said, speaking over his shoulder. He sprayed the chemical again, scraping some more. Sora whined a little under his breath, crossing his arms back over his knees. This was really unfair.

His back contorted to fit the slight dip of the rough tree trunk, Sora looked up, watching the smaller limbs move with the light breeze. He wished things were simpler. Like, back then, when it was just fight to survive or fight to protect. Sora wasn't sure what he was fighting for now. Fight to ruin your marriage. Fight to destroy own happiness.

Thankfully the crowds had moved on, only the occasional person stopping to look at the monstrosity of the clinic's front window. It was more humiliating than anything, being labeled like that. It wasn't even the word that bothered him the most—though it did still bother him—it was the fact that someone, somewhere decided to single him out, for no real reason. Hell, they might as well have painted adulterer on there as well, as long as they were pointing out things.

Sora watched the tree and sighed, again. It was the middle of summer, too early for the leaves to change color and fall, too late for the new flowers that showed up for a month and then disappeared like they never existed. It was the middle of summer. Sora used to live for this time of the year.

Sora tried hard to focus on the peaceful sway of the tree, but just as he was getting lost in the gentle movement, shoes scuffed the pavement to his near right. Another person stopping to survey the spectacle of the vulgar word that could be read from clear across the street.

Just a kid. He was tall enough to be in his late teens, probably not much younger than Riku and himself. And he reminded Sora of someone he had met before. Someone blond and arrogant, that smirked with his teeth. Someone scarred and dark, but not evil. He was about his own age. Sora wished he could remember his name. There were so many people he had forgotten over the years, so many friends that he just couldn't recall. Even Leon and the others. Sora had begun to forget how they even looked. It was all so long ago.

The kid was standing there, his arms hanging carelessly at his sides. Watching Riku, watching the window. Watching the curls of black paint hitting the sidewalk as Riku scraped it off. His hands twitched and Sora's attention was drawn immediately to the movement. Staring at the kid's long hands, the black splatter was the first thing Sora noticed. Like a stigma of crawling paint spots running down his fingers.

The hands twitched again, and the last thing Sora could remember clearly was his gaze meeting a pair of dark eyes, and his own trembling limbs. The rest was just a flurry of movement and instinct and adrenaline.

–

Riku paused his scraping to retrieve the spray bottle at his feet when he heard the sudden commotion behind him. His first thoughts were to protect Sora, kind of his knee-jerk reaction, but a quick survey of the scene unfolding told him that maybe it wasn't Sora who needed protecting.

The kid standing at Sora's side tripped straight back on his ass, the breath compressed out of him by both of Sora's hands curled in his shirt and bearing down heavily on his chest. He looked just short of terrified, caught somewhere between fear and panic-stricken aggression. The kid scrambled, twisted under Sora by pure brute strength, scratching his heels on the sidewalk he was hanging half off of. The other half was being literally crushed into the hot street.

"Sora!" Riku lunged forward just as Sora raised his arm back, fisted curled and tight, getting his arms around his waist and pulling him off hard. He fell back on the sidewalk, between Riku's knees, where Riku managed to restrain his wrists, hauling him back a few feet. His whole body was shaking against his legs, his eyes wide and angry and scared, all at the same time.

"The fuck is your problem, man?!" The kid screeched, nursing his gravel-scraped and bloody elbow with his other hand.

Riku pulled Sora to his feet, though his body had gone pretty limp, so essentially he was just dragging him, back across the sidewalk, hiding him inside the clinic before someone called the police because the crazy "faggot" from across the street assaulted a teenager in broad daylight.

"When the hell did you get so violent?" Riku dumped him against the receptionist's desk, pushing a hand through his hair, even though his bangs fell right back in his eyes anyway.

Sora let out a long shaky breath, his eyes still wide and unseeing as he gripped the edge of the desk, leaning forward until his forehead rested against the cool surface.

"I hate people." He muttered, as if that totally justified everything. He took a few more shaky breaths, sinking to the floor, his hands tight on the desk's edge.

"Yeah, people are horrible. Doesn't change the fact that that was a teenager you pounded into the street just now." Riku explained, frowning as Sora's trembling breathing turned to hard asthmatic-like gasps. "You can't do things like that Sora. You're an adult...now. Are you okay?"

Sora gasped, hard, choking, coughing on his own saliva, his hands slipping from the desk. He slumped against the front of the hard surface, arms curling around himself.

"Sora?" Riku called, bewildered. He crouched beside him and lightly touched his back, only to be jerked away from.

"_Help_." Sora's voice was frantic amongst his fast breathing, his eyes squeezing shut. Riku wrapped an arm around him and Sora shoved at him, hands up instantly. He squirmed away, fighting, but Riku held him in place, trying not to be frightened by whatever was happening and the fact that he didn't understand the expression on Sora's face. It was like he was breaking.

"Sora, stop moving so much." Riku begged, holding him tighter as he clawed at his arms to get loose. Sora kicked the desk in front of them, twice, muffling a scream in his forearm. Riku rocked him, rubbing his hair soothingly, but it was just making him irritable. His breathing only got faster and harder, his hands weakening more and more every time he tried to free himself.

"Sora!" The door opened, the little bell chiming. Riku vaguely recognized the young receptionist, her wild sun-bleached hair tied high up on her head. "I saw the window. What happen--"

She stopped, mouth falling open slightly as she regarded the situation with quick, wide eyes. The both of them in the middle of the floor, Riku silently freaking out while Sora broke apart in his embrace. "Oh no..." She moaned, dropping her bag in the doorway. She fell into a crouch on Sora's other side, grabbing Riku's wrists.

"Don't hold him like that." The receptionist, Rikku, scolded, wrenching his arms off of Sora. She pushed him backwards with her hand in the middle of his chest, giving Sora plenty of room. "You're only making it worse."

Riku sat back, out of the way, feeling helpless as he dropped his hands in his lap. Sora calmed just slightly, his breathing still the same, but he wasn't struggling any more. The girl sat at his side and talked quietly to him. Obviously, she knew what she was doing.

"It's okay, Sora." Rikku spoke softly, lightly touching his curled fist. "Just breathe, remember? _Breathe_." Sora gasped, notably a fraction softer this time, staring at the air in front of him. The girl was just his receptionist; her level of expertise on calming Sora's episode though, suggested that moments like these happened frequently. Frequently enough that she had to learn how to take of it, if she needed to. It was almost disturbing.

"You okay now?" Rikku asked in the same soft tone, lightly fanning him with a folded piece of paper off the desk. Sora was still shaking a little, but he seemed to have enough grasp on his self-control to nod, swallowing hard.

"Sorry...you had to see that." Sora managed to say, eventually. He wiped his forehead with the side of his hand, cracking a tiny, tiny smile. He sighed, his breathing regulating, but he seemed tired now, boneless.

Riku watched him, still a little wary. He unclenched hands that he hadn't realized had been clenched, sitting back on his heels. He had never felt so incredibly useless before. Sora seemed to be okay now, but still. Sora asked for his help and he couldn't do anything.

"Can you help me up?" Sora asked sheepishly, reaching a hand out Riku where it hung weakly in the air between them. The girl at his side continued to fan him with the paper, giving Riku a look like, "What are you waiting for?"

"Uh, yeah." Riku got to his feet, grabbing his hand that felt a little bit too warm and pulling him up.

"That was...embarrassing." Sora apologized again, telling Rikku she could stop fanning him now. She smiled, lightly touching his arm before disappearing into the back room for something.

"What...?"

"Anxiety attack." Sora explained, looking reasonably embarrassed. "Technically, I'm supposed to be taking medication for it, but it makes my head hurt, so I stopped taking them." He waved his hand dismissively.

"Is that...bad?" Riku inquired slowly. He was still pretty shaken up, like Sora was going to collapse any second and he wouldn't have a clue what to do if he did. He ran over a few phone numbers in his head, people he could call if he needed to. Sadly, he could only think of two.

"Doesn't help." Sora shrugged, dropping his shoulders with fatigue.

"You're okay, though?"

"Dizzy." He assessed finally. "It happens." Sora assured Riku that he really was fine, once again, telling him that he should probably go back and work on removing the spray paint.

"You sure?" Riku asked, feeling like a broken record. He wondered how many times Sora had these kinds of attacks, and how he never noticed before. Thinking back to the night Sora locked himself in his bathroom, it brought up the question that maybe that's what was really going on in there. And...it was his fault.

"I should probably just stay inside." Sora told him, moving around the desk with his hand on the edge to steady himself. "Won't have to see that asshole, then..." He muttered that last part, picking through random papers near the computer.

Riku frowned, wanting to ask if it was him, if _he_ was the reason for his anxiety. He wanted to ask, but didn't for the sake of his own sanity. Seriously, Riku had to be real masochist for wanting to know every little thing, only to blame himself for it later. He had to be.

**rsrsrs**

_The end. No, that would be terrible. I'm not sure how long I'm making it. I want to make it at least 15 or maybe, 20, if I can think up enough shit to get me that far. I'm pretty sure I can. _

_Not much more to say. Other than there may be some good smut waiting around the corner. Whoo! RikuxSora hotness! _

_Reviews motivate me like nobody's business, even the anonymous ones. (hint, hint) - bouncy_


	11. Insecurity

_Hi, there. Welcome back. This story needs fluffiness, no? My exact thoughts. Let's see if I can pull it off._

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, Riku taking initiative, Evann's other face, Good Ole Smut, Memories of teenage fooling around

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 11: Insecurity**

-

It was the fifth out of seven rent-controlled apartments Riku had been shown over the weekend, and by far his favorite. From the back, through the two-story windows, there was an incredible view of the ocean, one he couldn't wait to show Sora once he got around to moving in. He could pull the vertical blinds open and they could watch the sunset together over the horizon, which would eventually lead to careful affectionate touching, and all the other things that went along with romantic evenings. The thought was nicely lifting to Riku's mood.

The sound of Sienna's smart, pinstriped power heels—matching clutch included—echoed charmingly off the paper mache white walls, the large, bare expanse of oak floor that, at some point, bled into a Bay Rum berber carpet. She dumped her clutch and keys on the white granite countertop of the island dividing the kitchen and the living area, the thud of thick glass ringing dully as she swung a rather large bowl from underneath her arm, looking relieved to finally be able to put it down.

"Your housewarming gift." Sienna announced with a unimpressive flourish of her hands, digging through her tiny purse with the tips of her manicure. She retrieved a paper folded letter-style and opened it up, spreading it across the counter.

Riku inspected his "gift", staring straight down inside the bowl, the sloshing of the water inside revealing little more than a dark blot at the bottom. He lightly fingered the surface of the water, the blot propelling itself lazily in a circle away from the disturbance.

"It's a...fish." He said finally, watching the egg-shaped mutant wiggle in circles, its large, bulbous, protruding eyes blinking placidly at the inside of its too-small home.

"It's called a Black Moor goldfish. Ugly fuckers. Ex-boyfriend bought me one a year ago." The woman explained, reading her paper, flipping through a few pages. The golden walnut at the back of her head was exceptionally high today. "Dropped the boyfriend, kept the fish." She shrugged. "Best friend I ever had. The fish, I mean, not the boyfriend."

Riku smirked, eyeing his newfound pet. It swam and stared, and not much else. "Ah."

"Sign here." Sienna instructed, pushing the paper and a pen across the counter, long nail indicating the line. It was a lease. "Exciting, isn't it?" She added as Riku picked up the pen, curling his fingers around it in preparation to write. Her smile was lacking its usual vicious ambition, leaning more toward girlish happiness again. Riku found he quite enjoyed this new side of her; it made her much more approachable.

"It is exciting." Riku scrawled his quick, tight-lettered signature, and his manager folded it back up, stuffing it back in her purse.

"There. All yours." The woman said, snapping her clutch closed. It all felt a little too quick, and for a long second Riku just stood there and glanced around. At the high ceilings, the black iron spiral staircase leading to the loft above. A very minimalist fireplace tucked away in the wall. It was such a cliché artsy apartment, and it was all his.

The window on the far side of the room was propped open, the sounds from the street five stories below just loud enough to hear. There was a festival or something, some kind of celebration of summer, Riku recalled. It was a mainland tradition for as long as he could remember. And Sora's favorite.

As he reminisced about the last festival he and Sora went to together, Sienna toed her power heels off, padding barefoot across the oak floors to the window, to lean out and see the sizable parade below. Her toenails were painted navy, like her eyeshadow.

Sora was sixteen. Riku could remember the sheen of sweat on the back of his neck, the color of his skin as it grew to healthy tan under the mid-summer sun. The brilliance of his eyes, the same shade as the festival banners. The dip of his collarbone, the long lines of his still-defining arms. He could practically envision the slenderness of his waist, the feel of his hair, warm and soft under his palms. Between his fingers.

Sienna turned in the center of the floor, her bare feet keeping her steady. She turned, holding her arms up and out in front of her as if she were with a dance partner. The music from the festival slowed, playing an elegant melody that Riku vaguely recognized.

"I had a boyfriend who taught a ballroom dancing class." She told Riku, moving backwards and to the side, and forward, all in one fluid circle. "You dance, Rikki?" She asked him, her arms reaching for Riku now. He admired her navy blue fingernails, the feminine hands they were attached to.

"Not a lot." Riku admitted, taking her hand. It nearly disappeared in his. He hadn't had a whole lot of experience holding a woman's hand, so he had never really noticed the significant difference in size before. Nor had he really noticed the height difference much either. Sienna only came about to the middle of his chest. He placed a hand on her back, hers on his neck.

Riku could clearly remember the curve of Sora's lips, the taste of all the sugary festival treats on his tongue. The smooth bumps of his teeth that bit lightly at Riku's fingertips. He laid the younger teen back in the grass far from the crowds, all of them too distracted to notice two boys expressing their as-of-then still unknown love for each other.

"One, two, three..." Sienna counted quietly under her breath at first, before they came into the rhythm of the song and Riku noticed for the first time the woman's eyes are a light hazel. They turned and spun to the festival music, dancing. "You're my first success story, Rikki." She confided, long nails idly playing in the strands of hair hanging around his ears. They stepped and turned, dancing in a kind of spinning square, the familiar box-step of the waltz. She smiles. "I'm so proud of you."

The tiniest creases appeared at the corner of her eyes when she smiled. Riku would never tell her, but she reminded him a lot of his mom.

In the deserted corner of the park, no one noticed when Riku pushed up Sora's sweat-damp t-shirt to his solar plexus, running his palm flat down the tightened muscles of his abdomen. He could remember exactly how Sora gasped in his mouth, how he dug his fingers in the grass, tearing huge clumps out at his sides. How he arched and pushed himself up and spread his knees apart. How his hardening arousal felt slick and hot wrapped in Riku's hand. It didn't matter that they were in public.

"All the good men are gay." Sienna said at some point, smiling at his shoulder. "I find that completely unfair." Step, step, turn.

"We're not all good." Riku assured her, spinning her out away from his body and back again. Some of us are adulterers or incredibly selfish. Or confrontational. Or insensitive.

"Don't tease me." She muttered good naturedly, lightly smacking his arm. Step, step, turn.

Sora shivered despite the heat, his fingers curling at his sides. His lips were parted, and his eyes uncertain. Riku only had to tell him how beautiful he was to reassure him. Reassure him that he didn't just get him off in public for some twisted sexual thrill. He did it because he loved him. Riku could clearly remember how Sora blushed, somehow managing a shy smile through his embarrassment.

The song ended and Sienna stepped away, soundless from her lack of shoes. She let down her hair and returned to the counter, seating herself on the cool stone surface. Minding the ugly fish beside her, of course. "How do you feel about blind dates?"

She'd asked him this question before. Several times. And always, Riku's answer was something along the lines of, "Fuck that."

"I'm...not single." Riku said finally, with some difficulty, unimpressed with the surprise on her face after he said it.

"You're not?" Sienna blurted in almost like disbelief, pausing as she snapped open her purse. Her manicured fingernails stopping just above the clasp. Her hair fell over her eyes, making her look like a younger version of herself.

"Not really." He attempted to clarify, failing when he couldn't think of anything else to say after that. How does one explain that there was a line just to be with his boyfriend? That he had to wait behind another man before he confidently say that Sora was his and only his?

"So...you're not _really_ single?" The woman resumed searching for whatever she was trying to find. Pulling out a little white compact, she studied her face in the tiny mirror. "Or not really _not _single? How's that work?"

"I'm not really _not—_I'm seeing someone. Kind of." He tacked the words on the end reluctantly, finding he was making this conversation more complicated than it had to be.

"Sounds difficult." Sienna muttered, wiping this circle-shaped pad on her face.

"It is."

"Sora?" She asked, knowingly. Who _didn't_ know that he was forever infatuated with Sora?

Riku sighed, resigned. "Yeah."

"Good for you." Sienna smiled, replacing her compact and now uncapping a light pink lipstick tube for reapplication. "Sora's a total cutie. You're lucky." She wiggled her navy painted toenails and Riku couldn't help but think something was considerably different about his usually abrasive manager. He just hadn't figured it out yet.

"Yes." Riku smiled despite himself. "Yes, I am."

–

"It is nice." Kairi complimented, admiring the high ceilings. Her lips were dyed red by her cherry snow cone, making her look a bit like one of those collectible figurines with the painted on lipstick.

Sora nodded in agreement, following her gaze up, spooning dark purple-colored ice in his open mouth. It was only appropriate that they enjoy the summer festival before heading upstairs to the apartment, and the heat wave that was plaguing the mainland lately made it imperative to purchase sugary, over-sized snow cones. Riku ordered cherry, same as Kairi, except with a splash of lime in the center.

While Riku making a comment about the new added bonus of air conditioning his apartment had now, Sora made a pitiful attempt at being inconspicuous, trying to steal a spoonful of cherry while Riku wasn't paying attention. He laughed, smiling cheekily when he was caught.

"Fatty." Riku muttered humorously, poking at his lean side with the back of his plastic spoon. Sora made a noise of protest, his mouth too full to form actual words. Though he knew he really shouldn't, especially in their present company, but Riku couldn't help but want to kiss him, he was just so nostalgically adorable. Just a light press of his lips to Sora's slightly grape snow cone colored ones, quick, but just lingering enough to be properly affectionate. Not long enough to taste though, but Riku imagined they were very sweet.

Sora shivered a little—from the ice or the kiss, Riku wasn't sure—his eyes narrowing in a way that almost made Riku do the same. It was one of _those_ looks, hot and sexy and passionate, conveying more than just his usual playfulness. It reminded Riku that it had been a considerable amount of time since he had last felt him up and pushed him against something hard, fumbling in an attempt to rip through his clothes. They just didn't have a quite enough moments like that.

"Just 'cause I know about you guys doesn't mean you don't have to hide it anymore." Kairi spoke to the ceiling, giving it the pointed look of disapproving anxiety that she didn't have the courage to turn on them.

Sora at least had the decency to apologize, though not as sincerely as he could've. He stole another spoonful of Riku's cherry-lime ice, only instead of eating it himself, he offered it back, holding in level with Riku's mouth instead. He smiled and waited, expectantly holding his hand out a few inches from his face. Riku liked this side of him, when he could just be happy. Flirtatious, even.

Sora was paying so much attention to Riku's every movement—waiting to see if he would actually allow himself to be fed—that it was practically bordering on perversion. It was a little hard not to notice how enraptured he was watching the way Riku leaned forward, his lips parting, tongue stretching out unnecessarily far to cradle the bowl of the plastic spoon and guide it back to his mouth. His eyelids dropped down to a look that held so much lust, it was sinful. Riku offhandedly wished they had a little less Kairi hanging around so they could play with their snow cones in a more creative, albeit stickier fashion. Something that involved no clothes and licking grape-flavored juice off of various parts of Sora's body.

"Like that?" Sora asked, his voice mildly teasing.

"Bet you'd taste better." Riku managed a husky murmur, licking his lips clean. Sora shivered again, jamming his spoon in his mouth, worrying it between his teeth. Cute.

"Seriously. Stop." Kairi said, finally able to work up the nerve to actually glare at the both of them. There was no intensity in her eyes though, just a fear that she hadn't let go of yet. She'd told Riku how nervous she'd been since their lunch date, constantly afraid to hear that Sora and Evann were really getting divorced. Why she was so upset about this, Riku had no idea, but he figured it had something to do with the fact that Evann was most likely one of her friends now. Still, she was _his_ and Sora's friend first, so...forget him, right?

"Sorry, Kai." This time, it was Riku's turn to half-heartedly apologize. Kairi looked less than amused.

He couldn't blame her though. She wasn't the only one nervous here. Riku was only hiding it much better, the anticipation that was growing more and more intense with every chance he got to hold Sora in his arms. Each kiss was like he was gradually stealing him away from his husband. It was only a matter of time. Especially with the 'present' he going to unload on him today, but Riku didn't want to think about that too much—he'd probably just end up panicking and losing his nerve.

Sora laughed innocently around the plastic in his mouth, sliding from the stool he had been sitting on, moving to the other side of the granite countertop. He removed the spoon, clicking it against the glass fish bowl, failing to startle the dreary creature swimming placidly around the bottom.

"Ugly, isn't it?" Riku muttered, leaning an elbow on the counter beside the almost spherical bowl.

Still tapping the glass, Sora said, "It's not that ugly." Watching the fish wiggle and bob around in its confined living space, he peered at Riku through the bowl. "What's his name?"

Riku shrugged. "It's just a fish."

"So?" Sora raised his head, frowning. "It still deserves a name." He insisted, his voice oddly righteous sounding despite the topic of their discussion. Riku couldn't figure out why it mattered that much.

Riku considered this for a second, considered the fact that he really cared very little for the poor thing. He hadn't even sprung the frivolous amount of munny it would take to buy it a bigger tank yet. "You name it then."

Sora grinned, ducking down to stare into the side of the deep, rounded bowl. He pushed his hair behind his ear, looking very thoughtful. His diamond earring sparkled from the other side of the glass, the new tattoo of crawling stars barely visible beneath his collar. Riku figured if it was that important to him, Sora should be the one to give the droopy little thing a title. Because Sora looked pleased at the opportunity to name his pet. _Their _pet?

Kairi gave him a look that really could've meant anything, just a brief flash of eyes and an ever-present frown. Then she smiled, a small one, because she can't hold that disappointed face for too long, joining Sora in staring at the black mass of fish.

It was unanimously decided after much deliberation that its name should be Pudge. Sora said it was very fitting. Truthfully, Riku thought it was a little useless to name a fish, but for Sora's sake he didn't say anything. As long as he was happy, it didn't matter what Riku thought.

He absolutely refused to call it Pudge though. Out loud, anyway.

–

"Wow," Sora breathed, crystal eyes alight with all the wonder and amazement that someone of his age could muster without seeming like a five-year-old, leaning on his palms out the open window. Heat and humidity and jaunty festival music swirled up from the street below, leaving Sora in a kind of a wind-swept awe, his skin glowing like warm, café latte silk in the sunlight. "Look, Riku. The ocean looks so big from up here, doesn't it?"

_Endless. Infinite._

"Yeah." Was all Riku managed to reply, and he snuggled up behind him, his hands on his slender hips, moving downward, backward, forward. It hardly mattered, each direction on Sora's body took his hands somewhere they longed to be. Whether it was in the front, caressing underneath his sun-warmed shirt to touch the flat, tightened abdomen. Or the back, in between them, to cup his firm ass in an indulgent squeeze. The closeness was everything to Riku.

"How far do you think it goes?" Sora mused, reacting appropriately to Riku's advances by reaching a hand back to tangle his fingers in pale, luminescent hair, bringing his head back to rest on Riku's shoulder.

"Don't know." Riku muttered against his neck, less concerned about where the bounds of the ocean went than where he could take the small affectionate exchange he was being allowed. There weren't very many options without the necessary bedroom furniture, but Riku figured with the right amount of leverage and persuasion, they could manage.

Sora must've been ignoring the light presses of lips on his neck because he wasn't really saying anything, just staring languidly out the window, pondering the edges of the world. And Riku really couldn't have that. Especially when he was fervently trying to work up a better reaction than the soft petting fingers in his hair. Not that he didn't enjoy the petting. No, he loved that.

"Lot on your mind, Sora?" Riku inquired softly, watching Sora's profile morph soundlessly from peaceful happiness to a look of equally peaceful contemplation. The little frown on his lips was a shame though. Riku missed his smile.

"Mm." Sora hummed quietly, his fingers tightening just slightly in his hair. He watched the ocean, the waves growing smaller the farther out in the ocean where he was looking, making the water resemble a large pane of rippling glass. "Every thing's going to change, isn't it?"

Riku sampled the soft skin behind his ear, liking the fact that it got Sora to jump a little. "You've asked me that before, Sora." He pointed out, finding that his hands had been immobile much too long, taking a newfound interest in the dip of muscle where Sora's hips met legs, and all the sinfully warm skin attached to it.

"Did I?" Sora muttered finally, sounding just a bit too breathless for someone standing still. From his profile view, Riku could see that his eyes had closed, almost fully, but not quite, leaving a thin strip of hazy blue to stare at the nothing before him. "And what did you say?"

Riku experimented with his hands, varying from teasing, trailing fingertips to the press of his whole palm against the flat of his stomach, right where the bumps of his ribs ended. "It has to."

"It _has _to." Sora repeated several times as if playing with the sound of the words, how different it sounded coming from his own mouth. He grabbed one of Riku's hands as it made a second passing up his side appreciatively, over his ribs, lightly massaging his chest. He laced their fingers together, holding their entwined hands at his his hip. "You're going to save me this time?"

Riku snorted. "This time? I don't recall you ever saving me."

"Plenty of times." Sora concluded, his voice quiet and not tired, but _comfortable. _And that was important. Riku needed him to feel comfortable. Just enough to relax him completely, and finally let down the guard he probably thought no one could tell that he had.

Sora turned in the embrace that was just loose enough to allow him movement, readjusting their hands so their palms were closer and pressed firmly together. It was this small gesture that caused a slow grin to form on Riku's face, Sora reciprocating his enthusiasm with his own beautiful smile. There were very few things on the planet that could honestly compete with how gorgeous Sora could be without even trying. At least, that's how it was in Riku's opinion, anyway. Sora was perfection.

Warm from the sun and just plain body heat, Sora sneaked a light brush of his lips against Riku's neck as he leaned in, their chests pressed flat together. Riku gently touched his back, running his palm from his shoulderblade to the narrower small of his spine. Fingers lingering above the waistband of his jeans. It would be so easy to just slip under the fabric. Some well-practiced movements and Sora could be little more than a puddle of warm, lazy happiness in his lap.

"Sorry..." Sora muttered in the space between Riku's collarbone and chin, burying his forehead there in some kind of defeated slump.

"For what?" Riku managed, breath catching a little as he was sure that was Sora's tongue that just momentarily flickered over his throat.

"Making you wait." He said eventually. His eyes seemed kind of lost before he found a place to settle them, deep in Riku's, staring back. There were a million words of love that they both could speak right then, cheesy phrases, heartfelt promises. "I missed you."

But rather than inquiring after any explanations of what exactly Sora meant by that, Riku only grasped the back of his neck so he couldn't apologize anymore. He seemed a little surprised by the sudden movement, faltering for a few frozen seconds before he realized that Riku meant for him to kiss back. His mouth was soft, slowly moving into a oddly hesitant rhythm at first. Rubbing firm, yet encouraging circles at the base of his neck, Riku loosened Sora up enough to push the little soft kiss into something deeper and hotter.

Riku was aware of how well their mouths fit together in such a tight embrace, so close. The way his lips moved was electric, always with the whisper of tongue just waiting there behind his teeth. Every kiss with Sora was this way, amazing, even the small ones. Sora's mouth pressed, pulled back with a brief breath of warmth, then pressed again, softer. Then harder. Something was different about how he moved, there was a minuscule amount of caution in every little lingering touch.

Riku tried not think about that too much. There was an urge to move to get Sora against something—not that it was impossible to properly make out without being a complete male and pinning Sora against a counter or a wall, Riku just found it more comfortable. He could get closer that way. And closer almost always meant good.

"...Sora." Riku began, unsure of what to say after that. He just felt the need to say something, anything. Sora's name was the most familiar thing he could think of. He flailed mentally for a second, his mind much too preoccupied in chocolate brown and the taste of grape and cherry, in skin both hot and slick, and goosebumped for no apparent reason, to think about the amount of strength he used to push both of their bodies to a surface more sturdy and vertical than open air.

"M-Man." Sora managed to breathe out, his voice a little muffled by t-shirt, by the way he slumped to bury his face in Riku's shoulder. Knowing Riku's luck, he wouldn't be surprised if he knocked the wind out of the poor kid.

"Shit...You okay?"

"Great." Sora chuckled, probably for Riku's sake, failing to hide the smallest cringe afterward. "Hey." He leaned his head back, pressing his lips lightly to Riku's, with enough pressure to encourage more than idle standing and contemplating the bump he may or may not have inflicted on the back of Sora's skull. His hesitance and caution dwindled, becoming something that was just pushed to the background, forgotten. It was clear they both wanted more of what they were doing before the impact with the wall, falling easily back into their respective grooves. Sora between the charming taupe paint and Riku's chest. Riku leaning slightly over him, arms snaking around his torso. It was more convenient that way.

Sora smelled vaguely of the hickory smoke from the all the grilled food at the festival. Riku wouldn't be surprised if he smelled the same, but still he breathed deeply at the skin of his neck and softness of his hair, nostalgic already. It was a strange habit of his, but sometimes Riku just really liked the scent of Sora.

His mouth found a familiar spot that he often used to make Sora all keyed up, his body locking and his lips pressing together in a tight line. He clenched his jaw to hold in sounds Riku just knew he couldn't resist making for long, eyes rolling just a little behind half-closed lids. Between the tiny whimpers that were surely embarrassing to Sora's masculinity and subtle jerks of his lithe hips at the briefest touches to his hypersensitive areas—the corners of his abdomen, where the junction of his leg and hip formed—it was clear that Riku picked an appropriate room to mess around in.

Riku wondered if it had fully occurred to Sora yet, that he wasn't just showing him the apartment in a "Look what I got" fashion. It was more along the lines of "Look what I got for you, baby. Don't you just love it? Can't you already imagine us living here together?" Yes, it was a bit desperate, but Riku wanted him to feel like it was his already; he wanted so badly for Sora to feel like he was home, here in their seaside apartment with the spectacular view of the ocean that was only a 15 minute walk away, here in his arms, pressed against the wall in the room that would conceivably be their bedroom.

Reacting to his wandering hands, Sora arched his back, solidly pushing forward, his body undulating in a way that was just _amazing._

Exercising what little self-control he had left at that point, Riku managed to disentangle himself from Sora and all his lovely, attractive warmth, despite every natural instinct in his body drawing itself back. He needed to tell him everything now, before he got too caught up to remember why he brought him to the apartment and this particular room in the first place. He had something very important he needed to say, and then they could get back to kissing and whimpering and touching each other all they wanted.

"...What?" Sora questioned, sounding a little lost as Riku pulled himself away. His hands were still reaching forward, touching nothing as if he were still caressing and grasping like before. He frowned, hair looking windswept, and shivering despite the heat from outside creeping in. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Riku told him, his smile more confident than he was. When they were still pressed together and groping each other, everything seemed a lot more conceivable to him. Sora was warm, happy putty in his hands and there was very little risk of rejection. But now that he wasn't, instead wearing a perturbed frown, arms slowly floating down to his sides as he waited from for an explanation, Riku wasn't so sure. He made a mental note to never do that again. "I wanted to, um, give you something."

Sora arched a eyebrow, tonguing the corner of his now lonely mouth. Seriously. Never do that again. "What is it?"

Leave it up to Sora to make _him_ feel cheesy. "Close your eyes first."

The corner of Sora's lips quirked in a little smile, Riku couldn't help but wonder about the conclusions forming in his head. He didn't ask why, surprisingly, the brilliant blue of his irises disappearing behind his eyelids.

"Hold your hand out."

Sora snorted, his little smirk stretching into a full smile, making Riku's heart jump pleasantly. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously." Riku watched Sora's closed eyes, imagining that if they were open, he'd be rolling them.

Shaking his head, Sora held his hand out, palm up. His eyes were still closed obediently, his face calm, smile dropping back into a smirk. He stood and waited expectantly, though maybe a little impatient as the seconds began to wear on. He fidgeted on his feet slightly, frowning as he had yet to receive anything yet. Riku really wasn't trying to torture him, honest. The whole exchange was a lot crueler on him. Indecisive, he spent the longest time just staring at him.

"What are you doing?" Sora asked finally, a laugh in his tone. This, of course, caused Riku to laugh as well, if only to quell some of the chaotic fury his stomach was unleashing on the rest of his body. Sora's eyelids twitched as if to open before squeezing tighter, his own resolve winning out. "Are you gonna give me something or not?"

"Um, yeah." Riku couldn't figure out why he was so fucking nervous all of the sudden. The first time was easier. The first time, he just blurted it out and everything was fine. It was just Sora. Best friend Sora. _Lover_ Sora.

Temporarily emboldened by his own thoughts, Riku simply threw all caution to the wind, taking Sora's hand in his own, noticing a quick tremor pass through his body at the unforeseen contact. Sora breathed in, pursing his lips in his own anticipation. Riku wondered what was going through his head. He couldn't know what was being given to him, but he still seemed very tense, like he was expecting this. Or fearing it.

Riku banished his damning thoughts. He had come this far now, he couldn't very well lose his nerve now. Positioning the metal in his hand, Riku actually felt a small wave of relief pass sweep through his frozen chest as he finally slipped the ring on his finger. It was as if he were passing on some great burden for someone else to deal with.

Sora tensed noticeably upon the telling movement, frowning as he wiggled his fingers, feeling it with his thumb. He opened his eyes, staring directly into his palm. He then blinked, turning his hand over. His eyes flicked up, momentarily finding Riku's, then returning to his hand.

"It's a...key?" He said eventually, watching the shiny gold-plated hunk of metal dangle from his knuckles. He pulled the ring off, holding it in the air between them.

Riku smiled a little, his relief passing on rather quickly, since now he had to wait on an answer. That was even worse than giving it to him. "Yeah. You know. For you." He coughed in his hand, hoping that would make Sora stop staring at him like that.

Like he was an incredible idiot.

"You _dork_." Sora snorted, inspecting the key hanging off the keyring fondly. Riku bristled, scowling without much anger to give him enough conviction to be properly offended. Sora's smile disarmed him though. That, and the fact that he hadn't flat out said no yet. "This is for me?" He asked, indicating more than just the key, gesturing to the whole room around them, the apartment it was attached to.

"Yeah." Riku said finally, curling his fingers nervously. He was acknowledging it. That was a good sign. He wasn't making faces. No jokes, no angry voices. Just a smile, and a—_yes? Maybe?_

This was much harder than the first time.

"So," Sora played with the key in his hands, jingling it a little on its silver ring. "What does this mean, exactly?" He looked up, fisting his fingers around the metal, making it disappear in his palm. "That I have a key to your apartment."

Riku couldn't tell if he was just being coy, or if he really couldn't tell what a key was supposed to suggest. He tensed again. Sora just looked at him and he tensed up, all words and sound holding back specifically for his answer. His head felt something close to a typhoon, complete with heavy wind and freezing rain.

Sora smiled, gentler this time, his hand rubbing Riku's forearm. "Relax, already. It was a joke, okay? I know." He continued his petting, eyes lightly taking in the empty room around them, the sunlit window to the small uptown part of the city. Riku never realized how intensely he watched Sora's mouth when he talked. "It _is_ beautiful."

"You like it?" Riku finally found his voice, clearing his throat to make it sound less timid.

"Of course." Sora said, his light tone making it easier for Riku to forget why he was so nervous in the first place. He said he liked it. That was an even better sign.

"Yeah, it's not bad, is it?" Riku managed to shake off his unease long enough to sigh in relief and survey the blank expanse of wall beside them. It wasn't bad. In fact, it was very, very good. A step in the right direction, Riku told himself.

"You wanna watch the sun set?" Riku asked abruptly. He wasn't sure where the question came from exactly. From that deep, buried place every one has where all their romantic urges come from, he supposed.

"I can't stay that long." Right. Of course not. At the very least, he seemed apologetic. "We could still mess around though. You know. If you want."

_Uh, yeah._ Like he really had to ask.

Sora spun the key around on his finger, retrieving a mass of metal from his pocket to join it to his keychain. While he was busy with that, Riku was furtively glancing around, seeing what he had to work with. The room was basically empty besides a few abandoned painting supplies, and it's not like he really had any objections to the floor, it's just, Sora probably wouldn't be too comfortable, and that was important.

"You just think of everything, don't you?" Sora's voice was right next to his ear, a low sound that electrified Riku's nerves into a heightened state of awareness, accompanied by a quick breath of warm. Sora leaned against his side, glancing down at the tarp Riku had found in the painting supplies, laid neatly on the floor in front of them and folded in half for extra comfort. It wasn't much, but it could work. "Very romantic."

"It is, isn't it?" Riku smoothed a curl in the corner of the tarp with his shoe, smiling at his own ingenuity.

"Yeah." Sora teased, pinching Riku's side through his shirt. "A box of wine and a couple of flashlights for candles, and we're all set."

"It's daytime, Sora." Riku pointed out needlessly, taking his hands so he couldn't pinch any more. A little gentle persuasion had their fingers linked together and Sora relaxing against his chest, head tucked nicely under his chin.

"Still."

The light whisper of breath on his collarbone was a welcome reminder, bringing Riku's attention back to the tarp and all its boundless implications.

–

The tarp turned out to be just as uncomfortable as Riku had imagined, but not so uncomfortable that he couldn't enjoy himself. Lying on his back with his legs bent, knees up and feet firmly on the floor, Riku raised his hips a little to wiggle his jeans down. Sora seemed pretty intent on getting him naked first, and, well, who was he to object?

Sora draped himself between Riku's v-ed legs, pausing his wiggling, his jeans left kind of pulled down enough to expose the whole flat of his abdomen down to the slight bumps of his pelvis bone. He pushed his hands up Riku's chest, thin fabric of t-shirt following. The air wasn't necessarily cold but the bare of skin made Riku shiver. It was the feel of Sora's eyes on his body, the level of admiration and just, plain love in his stare that sent sparks of tremors through his body.

Sora just was hovering over him, and there wasn't quite enough _touch_ happening, at least on Riku's end. Sora's hands were open palm-flat on his chest, rubbing warm, invigorating circles along his ribs, which was good. So very good. But it felt a little one-sided. There wasn't enough reciprocation. Riku needed to do some touching here too.

Their eyes met and Sora's smile widened a fraction, sweet and reassuring. He licked his lips and placed a moist kiss in between his massaging hands, in the middle of Riku's sternum. His heart was beating strong and racing slightly. Riku wondered how Sora's felt, if he was just as caught up in the moment as he was.

A slight shift in the movement and placement of Sora's hands and Riku hissed, his eyes nearly falling closed as nails lightly grazed his raised nipples. He'd always been incredibly sensitive there, to the point of refusing even the slightest touch. Watching through the tiny window of space between his barely open eyelids, the haze in his mind slowly registered the warmth and wet mouth and tongue, closing around and carefully kneading, and just the slightest sucking pull around his left nipple. A mix of pain and pleasure of over-sensitized nerves made everything darken and sparkle behind his eyes.

God, it was torture.

The word 'stop' was poised in waiting behind his teeth, in his throat, because he couldn't hardly stand the feeling, but all he got was a horny moan and his body pulling tight like stretched rubber. His shoeless heels dug into the tarp underneath them, fingers doing the same above his head. He was only slightly aware of the weight on his legs and abdomen, Sora, tired of hovering, lowered himself down, falling into the curves of Riku's body.

Riku found that he quite liked the feeling of Sora on top of him, the sensuality of all of his warmth covering his own, the long legs on either sides of his hips. The push and pull of his rising and falling chest when he breathed. He could just look up and Sora's eyes would right there, either staring back or closed in overwhelming passion. It was sexy.

Sora pulled back a little, his face apprehensive as he looked up Riku's chest at him, his hands placed farther down on Riku's sides, thumbs rubbing into specific parts of his stomach.

"Was that...okay?"

Riku frowned, blinking. He'd never asked him that before. Sora licked his lips, the irrational part of him zeroing in on the movement and secretly wishing for similar treatment for the right.

"'Course." Riku rumbled, his voice slightly strained from holding back strings of desperate moans. Sora shook his head as if clearing his own thoughts, smiling as he lowered himself flat against Riku's body again.

"Of course." He laughed a little. Riku would've asked, but at that moment there was more wet mouth and tongue he wasn't prepared for, his muscles locking and trembling at the intense sensations. _Fuck_, it was torture. Sweet, sweet torture.

Grasping the air for substance, something solid, Riku's hand found Sora's back, the lowest part of spine just above his ass and held him in place. Just a little push, a little wiggle, a soft grind of his hips upward brought them together, causing Sora to gasp, his mouth breaking from his light sucking. He whined softly, shuddered for long second that sent good signs to all the right places. The look on his face was _bliss_.

Riku was sure that was one of his many favorites of Sora expressions—right up there with Half Awake, and Smiling.

Both jumped at the way they ground together again as Sora moved up Riku's body, his hand slipping behind Riku's head, his fingers curling at the base of his neck as he kissed him.

Sora's mouth was soft against Riku's but not so much gentle as it was demanding and hungry, the harsh press of lips was disorienting at first then it slowly bled into something curiously hot. A slight tilt to the side and their mouths fit a little closer together, the press more comfortable without the barrier of teeth in the way. Fingers tangled in his hair, warm, slick tongue lapping eagerly against his own.

Hands found their own way under Sora's shirt, feeling all that smooth skin, the small bumps of his spine. A quiet moan in the back of his throat, whether it was Sora's or his, Riku couldn't tell, enjoying the unconscious admission of pleasure either way.

Sora sat up abruptly, skillfully wriggling out of his shirt, disposing of it on the floor beside the tarp. He laid down again, kind of half across Riku, half at his side. He stretched his leg over both of Riku's, scooting close enough to position his head under Riku's chin, lightly kissing the corner of his jaw.

Riku slipped an arm around his waist, supporting him against his side, eyes rolling at the slow sucking just behind his ear, the hot exhale that ruffled his hair. The light pressure of curled fingers on the other side of his neck.

Distracted by the rough drag of teeth on his skin, Riku almost didn't notice the way Sora cringed as he stroked his bare side, just the middle of his ribs, feeling him tense, hearing a quiet hiss of _pain?_ in his ear.

"Careful." Sora muttered, grabbing Riku's hand and repositioning it lower on his back. "It just got that one." Riku blinked, finding that there was a small orange star right where his hand had been, one that he was sure wasn't there before. _Another_ tattoo?

Riku decided to keep his comments to himself. He couldn't even begin to understand Sora's sudden obsession with getting stabbed repeatedly with a ink pen. Watching the little star stretch and bend over Sora's ribs as he shifted more against his side. Hand wandering, fingertips sticking where sweat began to form on his skin from the heat sweeping in from the open window. Sora sucking his bottom lip, tongue and teeth joining, teasing.

Riku's jeans were already unbuttoned and pulled down slightly, his shirt pushed up and abandoned around his underarms. The hand rubbed up his thigh, on the very height of the inside of his legs, and if it was just a little higher, a little..._harder_, it would feel-

_Mm_. _Yes, right there_. Of course he didn't need to tell Sora that, he knew where to touch. He probably knew them without even having to think about it. Sora kneading him through his pants, Riku couldn't help but make the sounds forming somewhere deep in his throat, letting them loose with abandon.

"S-Sora..." It was a totally undignified sound to make, his voice breaking a little in the middle of his name. Riku felt Sora smile against the corner of his jaw, readjusting himself because the floor was pretty freaking uncomfortable, and he could feel it all through his shoulders and neck. His arm still on the small of Sora's back, he rubbed unconscious circles. He brought his hand up, just an inch or two, skirting the back of his pants, feeling his belt loops. A few inches more and his fingers were second knuckle deep under the waistband. Even farther and his hand was fully cupping his ass, pushing his fingers forward, pushing _in between_...

It had been much too long. The last time he had touched Sora all over like this, the last time he had been _inside_—it seemed like forever ago.

Sora made a soft noise in Riku's ear, his breath coming in shallow bursts of warm on his neck, his body quivering with pleasure. He moaned, grinding into Riku's hip, his telling arousal becoming more apparent. He just rocked that way for a few long, breathless seconds, forward into the hardness of Riku's pelvic bone, backward into his fingers. His face held an expression of pure want, eyes half-closed and locked on Riku's face, his mouth slightly open and tongue sliding over the front of his teeth.

He was gorgeous.

The angle of the sunlight lit up his hair that perfect, brilliant copper. Hips still moving eagerly, he cried out—a little hot sound of desperation, pleading. A "God, please..." and a shuddering sigh. Then a "Fuck," and he was pushing himself up, up on his hands and knees, hovering again.

Riku's hand reluctantly slipped from his pants, fingers curling. What happened? He frowned, thinking he did something wrong, missing the warmth of Sora's body covering his own, his heart beating against his own chest.

"You're not supposed to..." Sora spoke softly, eyes lowering to a point near Riku's stomach. He frowned, looking apprehensive again, fingernails digging into the tarp on either side of Riku's head.

"...What?" Riku asked finally, his mind taking a little longer to break through the haziness of his arousal-soaked brain. In his defense, it's a not easy to be very sharp when his crotch was screaming out for attention, and right now, it was getting the better of him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing! I mean, I—it's nothing. Just a...thought." Sora reassured him, sitting back on his heels. His hands were on Riku's chest, right back where they started.

Riku winced, shifting his weight to sit up a little. _Dammit, that was uncomfortable. _For one, his back hurt like hell. And on top of that, his leg was falling asleep from lack of adequate blood flow, but he could endure it, if that meant more eager touching from Sora. Plus, he was painfully hard and there really wasn't much he could do, other than talk Sora through whatever was going on his head right now, and eventually get back to what they were doing. "What about?"

Sora licked his lips, eyes low and slightly hidden behind his bangs. He positioned himself on his folded legs, hands lightly moving from Riku's abdomen, following the natural slope of his body to the vee of his legs.

"I just thought. Maybe I-I could—y'know, instead." Sora rushed out, hands stroking the backs of Riku's thighs. His eyes a little too wide and shy, he pushed Riku's legs a fraction forward, toward his chest, his face hopeful that Riku would understand so he wouldn't have to explain it.

Riku blinked, taking in the way Sora had positioned the both of them; Sora kneeled over him, on top, Riku himself lying on his back, breath catching at the slight rubbing sensations as Sora brought his hips forward, giving a small, experimental thrust. If that didn't get that message across, nothing would.

"You..." Riku clenched his jaw, eyes becoming just as wide as Sora's once things started to snap into place. "You want to?" He managed, blinking more than could be considered normal. What he was suggesting was seriously unexplored territory. Not totally without its worth of considering though.

Sora shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe." He smiled, still shy. Definitely uncertain.

And that was the last they spoke of it. Sora leaned in to nuzzle his neck, draped over Riku's chest and allowing his jeans to be partially removed. He told Riku he preferred the old way for right now. It was comfortable and familiar, something they were both just getting used to again. No need to change everything right now.

Riku held hips firmly as Sora slid down, slowly, taking him one inch at a time. It was—_fuck—_all he could do to keep from losing his mind. So, so tight and hot and Sora arched and moaned when he was all the way in, his eyes rolling in silent ecstasy. It had been a long time for both of them apparently.

Riku offhandedly wondered if his husband did this for him. Judging by his reaction, panting as if he couldn't catch his breath, his fingers gripping into Riku's shoulders as if this had been the one thing he'd been waiting for whole life, it was quite possible that their sexual relationship was the other way around. Riku just always assumed that bottom was Sora's preference.

Sora pulled up, pushed down in slow, deliberate _intense_ movements, eyes closed, enjoying his moment. Little words like, "Fuck, fuck, fuck" and "Yes, yes" and "God, Riku" escaping his mouth in low, hot breaths. Hands gripping, his hips moved with impressive control, considering the amount of impatience that was forming almost tangibly in between. Considering how _deep_ and _far_ he was pushing himself, and then a mouth on his neck, sucking, a light scrape of teeth and hands on his chest again. Rubbing in places sensitive enough to make Riku scream in the most unjustifiably way possible.

His hips snapped up on their own accord, catching Sora a little by surprise, his voice echoing an enraptured moan off the walls of the empty room. Muscles pulling tight and rhythm practically setting itself as they both gave themselves over to complete pleasure, Sora hissing behind his teeth and crumpled over forward as—God he looked incredible—as Riku could only imagine as hot spikes of heat and energy and nerves struck through his body, his back snapping and arching in way that could only mean something amazing was happening as he had to be skirting the edge of an orgasm. He just needed a little help in getting there.

Riku fisted a hand around his arousal, feeling the heavy heat twitch lightly in his fingers, just barely keeping up with his own rhythm without breaking it. If he rolled his hips up and ground forward just a little bit, he could hit it again, the spot that made Sora cry out and become so much tighter. He hit that and it was like Sora's whole body was pulling him in. Just a little...more--

_Yes._

He couldn't physically feel the spot as he held Sora's hips still and nailed him upwards, but shit, he feel the reaction. Lower abdomen becoming tight and pulling in, and pleading for deeper and harder. And quick heavy whisper of, "Yes, please, Riku..." Eyes shining and body just _vibrating_ with pleasure. And fuck, was it good.

Sora came with a bated cry of bliss, fingers curling tight in the tarp, his whole body still jerking into Riku's hand. There was a long moment where Riku just watched him, ignoring his own need long enough to just _watch_. Watch his brilliant eyes disappear behind his eyelids, his body still shuddering with the intensity of his orgasm, legs clamping on either side of his hips.

It was enough. It was all he needed to feel the same thing. To feel that release that made all the little stars on Sora's body pale in comparison to the ones he was seeing himself.

Kissing the tiny mass of navy stars on the side of his neck, Riku curled his arms over Sora's back, holding him there, his own breath puffing out heavily and pleasantly sated.

It was kind of perfect in a way, despite the uncomfortable flat of the hardwood floor that Riku just knew was going to make standing up complete hell. Sora briefly shifted in his arms, and he felt himself slip out, Sora making a quiet sigh and he settled back down, legs on either side of Riku's hips, head tucked just under his chin. It was perfect. Kind of.

They could've done without the sound of Sora's phone vibrating in his discarded pants though. In a perfect world, everyone would've just forgotten they existed, then they could just spend the rest of eternity laying there in each other arms. Of course, the world never quite turned out like that.

"Fuck it." Sora muttered, burying himself in Riku's chest, his body deflating bonelessly against his side.

"You gonna answer that?" Riku craned his neck slightly, watching the inside-out pocket of his jeans shiver back and forth across the floor.

"Probably should." Sora blinked, raising his head enough to at least look like he was considering getting up. Then it stopped. "Guess not." He smiled, shrugging.

Riku ran fingers through his hair, sun warm and sweat damp and copper-colored from the light shining on them from outside. There was a building right across the street from their apartment, a few stories higher than the complex.

"Shit," He squinted to see if he could make out any people in the building, maybe some standing around and gawking. "You don't think they can see us, do you?" Riku asked, gesturing toward the rather large windows with his head.

Due the obvious lack of curtains and the angle of the sun, which was shining directly on them, one could only imagine. They probably could.

Sora laughed. "Yeah. Probably." He sat up, stretching purposefully. Riku frowned, with very little effect, attempting to cover him with his hand. Sora wasn't exactly palm-sized though.

The sound of Sora's phone again interrupted the peace, once again, despite the loud festival music which could be heard very clearly from the street through the window. Sora got up this time, much to Riku's displeasure, glancing at the front of his phone before answering. His expression didn't change much, but Riku was sure he saw him tense a little. That couldn't mean anything good.

"Hey, babe." Fuck. Nope, definitely not good. "No, it was on silent." Sora lied, sitting on the edge of the tarp, stretching his naked legs out in front of him. Riku figured now was a good time as any to get up and find some way to clean up a little. The dried come on his stomach was a little gross, no matter how much he loved Sora. That, at least, had to come off. Hopefully, there'd be something in the bathroom to use.

"Picking up some things at the store." Sora told the phone seamlessly. He could lie so well, it was scary. "You need anything?" He yawned soundlessly away from the speaker, one-handedly pushing a leg through his pants. It took a second and some careful maneuvering, involving him jumping around in place to get his other leg inside. Riku would've helped, but at the moment he was busy trying to figure out how he managed to pull his shirt on backwards.

Some distracted readjusting later and Riku was presentable enough to start looking for his shoes. Sora talked to his husband somewhere in the background, making some kind of dinner plans Riku was really trying not to listen to. He tied up his hair, stringy with sweat and threw his bangs out of his face.

He helped Sora stomp into his shoes though, positioning them in front of him and standing there to provide support so he didn't fall over. Sora smiled appreciatively, still talking. Eventually he stopped talking—listening presumably. His hand found Riku's neck and they kissed briefly, Sora humming a lazy response into the phone. He pulled Riku back in, down to his level, mouth smoothly moving over his. A slow flick of tongue had Riku parting his lips, tasting the faintest remnants of grape snow cone as Sora's tongue twisted across his back teeth and the roof of his mouth, holding back a moan that was about to escape. It was a little thrilling, trying not to make any sound because the phone was right there, pressed right against Sora's face.

They parted, Sora licking his bottom lip, teasing like always. "Yeah, that sounds fine. I can cook tonight." Their lips brushed together again, and Riku found his eyes closing as Sora was kissing him, deeply, head tilting a little to the side. The angle pushed them closer, tongue again, slow shared breaths from one mouth to the other. It was a lot hotter than it should've been, like sharing some great secret that was in plain sight for everyone to see, but no one had figured it out yet.

"Love you." Sora said evenly, the phone still in his hand, eyes staring straight into Riku's. Clearly the message was meant for him. Hopefully meant for only him.

–

The spray paint was almost all gone from the display window now. It was taking a bit longer than Riku had expected to remove, but all that meant is he had more of an excuse to hang around Sora all day.

Sienna was trying to tie him into some complicated contract earlier that morning. She called a couple of times, but Riku expertly dodged her calls and hopefully he could miss her showing up at his old apartment later. He wasn't really in the mood for business right now. He'd been taught from age seventeen that contracts were nothing but pure evil in paper form and thus, justifiable enough to run from.

Apparently Rikku was sick or something, because the bubbly blond was missing from her usual spot, a different blond taking her place. It was his off-day clearly, the multiple piercings Riku suspected he had were glittering in his left ear, angel blond hair hanging more casually around his face. Obviously, Evann was filling in for the receptionist as a favor to Sora, sitting bored behind the desk, reading what resembled some kind of horror novel.

"Hey." Riku actually walked up to the desk and _talked_ to him. Even he was surprised with himself.

"Hey, Riku." Evann's eyes flicked up after a brief second, smile following later out of habit, Riku assumed. He marked the spot in his book with his finger, leaning on the desk with his elbows. "What's up?"

"Rikku out today?" Riku stifled a yawn because it was still pretty early, eyes drifting off to the side, glancing at the gold plated name tag with the girl's name on it. Sometimes it was hard to look him too long. Riku told himself it wasn't guilt but...who knows?

"She had an appointment." Evann explained, Riku's yawn setting off some kind of chain reaction because he did the same thing. "I'm filling in."

Riku smirked a little, knowing how much he hated Sora's customers. "How's that working out for you?"

Evann laughed, though Riku noticed it was missing actual humor. "Turns out, I'm a pretty shitty receptionist." He shrugged. "As long as they don't talk to me, I'm fine."

Riku had glanced around at the waiting patrons when he came inside. The age of the typical customer was between early 20's and late 30's to 40's, which seemed a little peculiar considering the service being provided. Made him wonder if they were really there for a massage or something more Sora-oriented. It was this train of thought that brought him back to the 'love jar'.

"Where's Sora?" Riku asked, though it was probably obvious where he was. He was working, most likely.

"He's with a client." Evann said this as matter-of-fact as possible. The grumble was a little hard to miss though. He pushed his hair behind his ear and focused on his book. Something about zombies or vampires or both.

"Doesn't that annoy you?" Riku frowned at the several doors down the small hallway leading to the back. He didn't trust these people alone with Sora.

"Of course, it annoys me." Evann replied, his expression uncharacteristically sour. "It's not like I can tell him to quit his job either." He gave the plastic tub of Osment's Jumbo Cheddar Popcorn, or better known as the infamous 'love jar', a pointed look of scornful disgust. Riku could imagine him telling himself that it was better than the alternative.

Riku fingered a miniature model of a blitz ball that had a cylindrical hole cut in the bottom so as to fit snugly on the eraser end of a pencil. It was kind of cute, really. He idly thought about buying one for Tidus, as an apology present. The last time they talked wasn't on such good terms.

Blame it on naïve curiosity, but the longer he leaned against the counter, the more Riku wondered about that jar, the admirers, and their infatuation with Sora. Flicking black flecks of paint off his fingertips, Riku snatched a rogue note off the top of the small pile. Evann spared him a small glance, frowning but otherwise not saying anything.

Scratchy handwriting. Something definitely male about it. It was very detailed description of how the guy would honestly, truly love to lovingly tie Sora to his bed and affectionately make love to his face. In the most loving way possible, of course.

Evann only nodded solemnly at the sneer Riku just had to be making at the folded paper, cringing at the words, "love juice" and other creepier ways to basically say, "I'd rather be fucking you right now."

"That's not very poetic." Riku managed after a long moment of trying to hold his breakfast down. Suddenly the jar was looking more and more like a much better alternative. He couldn't imagine picking up the phone and having to hear this shit. No wonder Evann snapped at him that first time he called. "Are they all like this?"

Evann shrugged. "I don't read them."

Riku figured he should brave another one before passing judgment on them all. They couldn't all be that perverted, right? The second one he was reading actually sounded a little shy and confused. Seemed more like they were asking for advice than love. Apparently, he had gotten aroused during a massage session and was now questioning his own sexuality. It made sense, in a way.

"I doubt any of these guys could be serious competition, though. For you, I mean." Riku told him, knowingly because Sora didn't fall in love with just anyone, especially not random strangers who stalked him because he gave them a good rub-down. "You have nothing to worry about." _Except for __me._ But he kept that part to himself.

"Thanks." Evann said finally, sounding less grateful and more like he didn't really believe it. Riku had no idea he was so insecure. Sora seemed to adore him, you know, considering.

The tattoo on his forearm was actually visible now, the rainbow colored stars and black curved letters spelling out PRIDE. It was identical to Sora's, except obviously smaller. He offhandedly wondered if he had any more. Sora was getting them all over his body, maybe it was his husband that was the influence for that. Made sense. Sora had always been very impressionable.

"How did you ask him?" Riku dropped the letters back in the bucket, fingers fiddling with the tiny blitz ball again.

"Ask..him?" Evann said slowly, blinking in mild confusion. His hair hung in his eyes, making him look a lot younger than he usually did the mornings Riku saw him off to work. He was much more pleasant like this, admittedly. Much too likable for a person Riku wanted to hate.

"You know, to marry you." Riku's voice was oddly awkward, coming out as little more than a low mumble. He hated that Evann was so much more mature than he was. If it weren't for him, Riku wouldn't have even considered marrying Sora. He'd never have the courage to ask. Not for the fear of rejection.

A short blink or two, and then Evann finally realized what he was saying, a slow smile appearing seconds later. "I just asked." He shrugged, making it all sound as easy as asking a stranger for the time.

"That's it?" Riku frowned, obviously disappointed. There had to be more to it than that, right? He had already learned from experience that Sora wasn't as easy to figure out as he looked.

"Yes." It was a quick answer. His smile was still there, although a little less patient than before. "Sora trusts _me_." They were small words, but Riku couldn't help but think...he wasn't using them in a very friendly way.

Evann stuck his bookmark in between the pages of his novel, lightly shutting the book and pushing it aside. His eyes less cordial and more _accusatory?_ "Why are you here?"

Riku's eyebrows rose slowly, disappearing behind his bangs and pushing him up into a full standing position. Where the hell did that come from?

"What?"

"Why are you here. Why are you _always_ here?" Evann repeated, his expression becoming more of a scowl. It was a strange look on him. Foreign and unfamiliar. "What do you want?"

He didn't raise his voice, really. Just made it all firm and resolute, angry but soft. Riku wondered if this was how it felt for Sora when they argued.

"I--"

"If I knew I'd have to see you this much, I would've never let him go to that opening." He continued, his stare long and unsettling. It was starting to become clear why Sora and he were fighting so often now. Evann hated that he was hanging around Sora.

"That's not really your decision." Riku retorted, stating that what Sora did was his own choice, not because someone _let _him. It didn't matter what Evann did anyway. Considering Riku had already been fucking Sora long before the opening.

Sora didn't trust him. Sora was just using him before, when this all started. Riku was aware of all of this, appropriately resigned to the fact that there was little he could do to change it. There was nothing Evann could tell him about Sora that he hadn't already figured out on his own, or been told by Sora himself.

"He cries your name in his sleep." Evann told him, bitterly, eyes narrowed and scornful, proving Riku wrong. That, inexplicably made Riku's heart pound in his chest, painfully. _He cries? _"Even now. Because he misses you or something." He shook his head, finger combing his hair with a sarcastic frown.

"Misses me?" Riku questioned quietly, unsure of what that actually meant to him. Sora did say that earlier, didn't he?

"I've been tolerating you hanging around, hoping you'd just disappear on your own," Evann continued, ignoring his quiet musings, lowering his voice because it was starting to get too loud for the small waiting room. "Truth is, I'm afraid to leave him alone with you." He admitted, playing with his wedding ring.

Riku rolled his eyes, leaning forward on the desk, noticing how he tensed up the closer he came. "What the fuck do you think I'm going to do to him?" He hissed, speaking much too low for the customers behind him to hear.

"I don't know." Evann muttered, his eyes crackling with a silent fury as he met Riku's glare. The look on his face very similar to one Riku was making. "I don't know you, Riku. Kairi swears you're a good person, but I've yet to see it. All I know is that you're angry and you're selfish, and you have a violent history with Sora. That's all I need to know."

"I'm not that person anymore." Riku declared, not entirely certain why he felt he needed to convince Sora's husband of all people that he wasn't ever going to hurt Sora again. Physically, mentally, emotionally, whatever. "I...love him."

"Doesn't matter." Evann dismissed him, twisting his ring tightly on his finger. "You're the ex-boyfriend. You're the one who's mistakes I've had to pay for and fix for the last three fucking years. I don't like you. I'll _never_ like you." _Because you broke him. _He doesn't say that, but somehow Riku could still hear it, in the quiet growl of resolution in his words.

_You broke him and now he'll never be the same again. _

"I love him." Riku repeated, more firmly, somehow keeping his voice from wavering into a pathetic sounding whine. "I still love him. I'm not letting him go."

That seemed to set him off, what thin veil of control Evann had over himself was melting away like cheap plastic in a microwave. His gray-blue flashed angrily, fingers clenching tightly around nothing, curling his hands into fists. Chair rolling backwards as he stood.

"You just don't fucking get it." His laugh was humorless and in, like, disbelief. "You think you can just hurt him and come back into his life? People don't just get over being _raped_." He snarled, maybe noticing how Riku flinched at the word, voice rising steadily in volume. "What you did was _inexcusable_."

"Guys?" The sound of Sora's voice had never sounded quite so good as it did at that moment. He frowned at Riku first, eyes then turning on Evann with concern. "What's wrong?"

It was hard not to notice how quiet the waiting room had gotten, the only sound a toothpaste commercial playing on the television hanging from the ceiling in the far corner. The eyes of the customers seemed to fall automatically on Sora as he stood there. Two women appeared at the entrance to the back hall, other massage therapists, Riku assumed.

"Nothing, babe." Evann answered first, attempting his usual smile, only it was so warped by anger and resentment that he gave up on it, plucking a cigarette from the carton he had on the desk. "Just need some air." He muttered, lightly touching Sora's hand before moving toward the door. He paused, glaring at the few customers that just wouldn't find something else to look at. "Stop fucking staring at him!" He roared indignantly, lighting up as he stormed outside. The little bell above the door screaming shrilly as it was nearly knocked across the room.

"Shit." Riku said finally, his last words seemed to just bypass his brain and fall directly into his stomach, spinning furiously and destroying all of his soft tissue and organs and everything. Until he felt hollow. **Inexcusable.**

Sora turned to him next, his audience no longer watching him, instead staring at the floor with interest. "What did you do?"

"Why the fuck do you assume it was me?" Riku snapped, cursing darkly under his breath as Sora narrowed his eyes at him. He really didn't need to piss off anyone else that morning. "Sorry."

Sora nodded in acceptance, eyes flicking to the door with a concerned frown. Evann was gone, from what Riku could tell. He probably wasn't coming back anytime soon either.

Riku told him he loved Sora. He'd be surprised if he _ever_ fucking came back.

–

Three months passed quickly, before Riku knew it, and right around Thanksgiving time, Sora's mom was asking about him.

**rsrsrs**

_I'm trying to be real impressive here, and I'd really like to get your opinions, readers! Especially in the next couple of chapters to follow because they're going to be super-challenging to write. So if you want to__ review, by all means, please do. That would make me a whole spectrum amounts of happy.__ So here goes..._

_Also, one of the things I kinda find hilarious about this fic is Sora's job. It just sort of came to me, but I'm not exactly sure why. Massage therapist is a normal job, but at the same time, it really isn't. I don't know why I picked it, really. Just a random bit of weirdness. lol _

_Re: Also, Evann. I was trying hard to make him seem realistically frustrated but not crazy, Lifetime-channel-psycho, I'll-kill-your-children-in-their-sleep angry. Hopefully, I pulled that off well. - bouncy_


	12. Remorse

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, Sexual Situations of the Conjugal Kind, i.e. Sora/Evann, Thanksgiving with the Island Kids, Meet Sora's Mom

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 12: Remorse**

-

Sora arched his back, raising his hips in just the right way that would give the optimal amount of leverage to make pleased whimpers release from his own mouth. The breathy moan he exhaled into the air above him was indulgent and almost exaggerated. As was the roll of his eyes that he wondered if he was really feeling or not. Even with the slick movement of tongue and mouth and delicious heat that _anybody_ could replicate, really, Sora just felt a little bit fake pretending that it was as good as it used to be.

Despite all the shuddering pleasure coursing through his lower abdomen, during something he actually did enjoy, with the one person he was supposed to love over all others, Sora couldn't help but think something was wrong. He looked down and threaded through his fingers was hair too short, much too close to the color of sunshine than the shimmering moonlight Sora had always adored about Riku.

The bed shifted between Sora's legs, the warmth and angle changing just slightly, a harder sucking pull that made him outwardly groan and grip the sheets in his fist. It was good, really, especially with the newly added fingers playing a little lower than the mouth, but Sora wondered if it could be even better with the name Riku attached to the man giving him such incredible pleasure in a way that spoke of experience Sora would probably never know about.

It wasn't impossible to be in love with two people at the same time, it was just really, _really_ difficult.

Lamenting his own thoughts, Sora gave a brief whine, raising his hips again, the faint vestiges of his approaching orgasm distracting him just enough that he wasn't too saddened by the fact that he was moving on, and this relationship would have to end soon. He felt the breeze of an amused chuckle brush softly over his anticipation-tight abdomen, nearly crying out at the sudden loss of the velvety warm sensation of tongue.

The saliva drying was an awkwardly cold and lonely feeling, but Evann's affectionate eyes watching him left Sora even more empty, in a way that was so sudden it was alarming and unsettling. It made Sora wonder if it was really possible to fall out of love with someone that quickly.

"You okay?" Evann asked, his sunshine blond hair falling in front of and around his eyes. He swept it back with one hand, absently licking his lips. Lips that had just been sucking him off two seconds ago. Lips that kissed him at least once a day for three years and even before that. Lips that told Sora 'I love you' first, and then 'I love you, too' almost every time after.

Feeling a pain in more than just his forgotten arousal, Sora fought back the stinging electricity of remorse behind his eyes, clenching his hands in the sheets still. He nodded, hoping Evann wouldn't notice how wet his eyes probably looked.

A smile and a light tilt of his head and then Sora couldn't help but quietly gasp out, "Fuck!" as Evann took him back in his mouth without warning, chuckling again because he probably thought it was cute.

Roughly twelve hours from now they were to board a plane and visit Evann's parents for an early Thanksgiving dinner, since they would be spending the actual Thanksgiving day at Sora's mom's house. It was a three-year tradition now, and Sora could already feel the pain of anxiety creeping into his chest at the thought. Rock and Marylynne were nice enough, they seemed to like Sora, they obviously adored their son, but Sora just really wasn't looking forward to it.

He missed his own mother, the way she could effortlessly soothe everyone and their hectic lives, allowing themselves to just relax and enjoy spending the day together. He hadn't known of anyone who could willingly and happily provide a home for three other rambunctious teenage boys and still be relatively sane. After all the shit Sora and his friends put her through as kids, especially Riku and him together, it wasn't that surprising that she could take anything thrown at her with her own motherly grace.

Sora figured if he was ever going to tell her about his waning fidelity for his marriage, this weekend would be a good time to do it. Once the festivities of the holidays died down, he could confide in her about Riku and the rekindled and somewhat newfound love they were sharing, hoping to seek matriarchal advice rather than the more deserving disapproval that he was expecting.

He really hated the word divorce. It just sounded much too final.

Sora's legs tensed, looped over his husband's shoulders and shaking just slightly as he being brought very, very close. One finger inside him becomes two, touching, pushing, rubbing. Sora never once thought Evann wasn't good in bed. Riku was good too, but that didn't mean he would ever dare to compare them. It didn't seem fair, considering the fact that they had two very different styles, each learned through two separate collections of sexual experiences. It wouldn't be fair to say one was better.

Sunshine blond hair slipped through his fingers like water as he came, his orgasm fading away much too quickly. It's a weightless, careless feeling that abruptly leaves him feeling very heavy and empty when it's gone. Sora panted softly, staring at the high ceiling of their bedroom. The picture of himself that Riku painted stared down at the both of them.

He couldn't help but be worried about the approaching holiday they were to spend at his old home. It would be the first one in a long time with Riku present, hopefully. And the last time they had interacted, Evann hadn't been in a very good mood, and he took it out on Riku. Sora really didn't want to go if that meant the two of them would fighting the whole time.

"You're not going to fight with Riku again, are you?" Sora asked the ceiling, remembering how Evann stormed out of the clinic that day, leaving him with no receptionist and not returning until later that evening with a kiss and a quiet apology for making a scene in front of his customers. Sora really didn't want a repeat of that, especially not in front of his mom.

Evann scowled slightly at Riku's name, quickly amending his expression when Sora frowned at him. "I wouldn't do that." He swept his hair back with one hand again, crawling up the bed to lay on his stomach at Sora's side. "I think I can control myself for two days."

"Promise?"

Evann smiled lightly, resting his chin on his crossed arms. "'Course."

"Good." Sora declared, stretching a little. He wondered what it was about being with someone for a long period of time that made you so comfortable that even being exposed and vulnerable like he was didn't make him self-conscious at all. "You scared me last time."

Briefly brushing back his bangs, Evann sighed, rubbing his shoulder against Sora's. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"He's my friend, you know." Sora spared him a long stare, only to be met with a less than serious smile that he wasn't looking for.

"Yeah, I know. I don't get _why_, but I know." Evann smoothed his hair back out of his eyes, his smile suddenly turning more cynical.

"Evann--" Sora began to protest.

"How can you just forgive him?"

Sora's teeth clicked together with a snap as he closed his mouth abruptly, glaring at the ceiling. They weren't having this conversation right now, not if Sora had anything to say about it.

"He hurt you." Evann continued without prompt, receiving little more response than a short snort of indignation.

"That was a long time ago." Sora defended firmly, despite the actual strength his argument lacked compared to Evann's practiced reasoning. They'd had this talk before. Evann and his fucking support group talk. Those things were supposed to be all about forgiveness and having the motivation to move on with your own life. Seemed kind of ironic that he wouldn't let this go, when Sora could. "I trust Riku, okay? He's been my friend forever. I'm not gonna just..." He trailed off, shrugging. "I'm not going to abandon him now that he's done so much to change. At least he's trying."

"But what he did—it still makes a difference. I know because you didn't used to be like this."

"Like what?" Sora hissed, his hands growing tight as he sat up. "Stop talking about me like I'm fucking damaged or something!"

"That's not I meant, Sora." Evann sighed, sounding more than a little tired. Neither of them _liked_ fighting with each other, of course, but sometimes...fuck, he could be so goddamn difficult.

"Say what you mean, then."

"You're distant." Evann shot back, pushing himself up on his elbows. Eyes narrowed and less cordial than they could be. "Ever since _he _came back, you've been distant and distracted. You're never at work." He turned his scowl on Sora, words bitingly venomous. "Just where the hell are you going during the day anyway?"

Sora's eyes widened, his breath coming short. Evann was already putting everything together, a collage of DOOM forming in hazy snippets in the air between them, almost tangible as it snowballed with every word he spoke. A little further prodding would bring him to the question, "Are you sleeping with him?" But he never went that far. Maybe he already knew, and was just denying it, or maybe Evann just generally wanted to drop the subject because it was stressful and accusatory and hurtful.

The scowl fell uneasily from his expression, leaving him looking more fatigued than before. "...Sorry." He sighed again, the covers catching as he slid from the bed, searching for and finding his pants that were discarded on the floor earlier. "I'm just...frustrated."

"It's okay." Sora muttered weakly, his heart calming its frantic, panicked beating with only minor relief. Their arguments about Riku had never come that close to revealing the truth before. Somehow, Sora lost control of the conversion, leaving it to steer itself in any direction it pleased, which wasn't good.

"I have to finish packing." Evann told him over his shoulder, though that excuse didn't explain his need to grab his cigarettes and leave the room.

Sora sighed heavily, figuring he should probably take a shower, at least. This really wasn't how he wanted this week to go. Not at all.

–

Sora's childhood home was on the far eastern side of town, near the beach, set up in a small, quaint neighborhood where he used to live as well. His mother's house was a couple streets over but, of course it wasn't hers anymore, and someone else had moved in since Riku abandoned it.

Riku tried not to think about that too much, reminding himself that that was the past. And the past was better left unearthed in most cases. Instead, he focused on the two-story on the corner. It was painted white now. He could've swore that it was yellow, but then again, it had been almost six years since he had last been here, back before Sora hated him and then loved him again. Back before when he could remember the name of Wakka's favorite blitz ball team, and Selphie's jump rope record, and Tidus was a friend and not a one-night stand, and Kairi was just dreaming of opening a jewelry store, rather than being a stay-at-home mom with two kids.

Six years was a _really_ long time. And despite the invitation, Riku couldn't help but feel like he didn't belong here. Because he had missed a major part of everyone's lives, the transferral into adulthood. It was nerve-wracking just unloading his bags from his trunk, even worse walking up the sidewalk to the more frequently used side entrance to the house, taking deep breaths the whole way.

Riku rung the battered doorbell that had looked that way for as long as he could remember, probably from young teenagers and their heavy hands punching it all the time. He waited, glancing back at his car parked on the street just a brisk walk away and forced himself to calm down. He would need to be calm to survive this weekend.

–

"Riku!" The melodic voice joyfully cut through the noisy warmth of the house that might as well been his own home from his childhood, the amount of time he had spent there and the many nights he had slept over as a kid practically made it the home he was brought up in. Tamara's voice carried over the sound of the news playing from the television in the den, over the sound of Charlot's girlish giggling as her father chased her toward the back of the house, Kairi half-heartedly scolding the both of them. He just had to smile. Sora's mom was his own mom basically. And Tidus' and Wakka's and Kairi's, and Selphie's too.

Tamara, or better known as Tammy, was a young looking woman for her age. Her hair a lighter brown than Sora's, but just as thick and with a wild nature that seemed to be hereditary. She was shorter than Riku remembered, only coming up to about the middle of his chest. He wondered if Sora was even taller than her now.

"Riku," She said again, sounding more appropriately affectionate, her slender hands reaching forward. Riku awkwardly shrugged off his bags where he stood, stepping the couple of feet in her direction. She smelled like exotic herbs and the more notable ginger that she often used in her recipes as she curled her arms around Riku's shoulders in greeting. He knew from experience that she was making sauces to refrigerate until tomorrow to save time.

"Look at _you_." She said, beaming in her usual way that made Riku smile nostalgically. She held him back looking him up and down, her eyes narrowed but not critical. She then made a noise, almost like a sad little tut, pouting girlishly. "You grew up on me."

Riku chuckled, not really sure what he was supposed to say about that. He couldn't very well apologize for aging. Despite himself, he did anyway. "Sorry."

Smiling, she pulled him back down for another round of hugging. Tighter this time, more familiar. Riku had no idea she missed him so much. Her hair tickled his nose, tiny hoop earrings glittered in his peripheral vision. He steeled his nerves, reminded of the night his mother was admitted into the hospital. Riku was seventeen at the time and though he told himself he was too old for hugs, she held him for hours without asking. And when she had to leave to take Kairi and Selphie home, Sora took her place, lacking his mother's elegance, but still very much appreciated.

"I have all my boys back now." She declared, tilting her head to the side with another dazzling smile, one that Riku was sure Sora had picked up from her at some point during infancy. "How was the trip?" She detached herself from him, moving back to her stove to delicately stir a very red red sauce, bringing up smells of peppers and garlic and savory tomatoes.

"Fine." Riku leaned against the counter beside her, his palm brushing a tin of crushed red pepper. A quick survey of the room found it empty, Kairi disappeared at some point, most likely to control the noisy commotion that was erupting earlier. He could vaguely hear the girl still giggling in the back. It was better that it was just the two of them.

Tammy looked up at the sudden sound of rain pounding against the window, pulling back the little half-curtains over the sink to glance outside. "Definitely November." She muttered lightly, her eyes finding Riku's briefly. "You've been busy, huh? I saw an article on you in one of those magazines. What was it called—_Now_?"

Riku made a face. "You read those?"

She laughed, light and charming. "Only when Sora gives them to me. He's more interested in gay culture than I thought." She added, shrugging. Riku was sure that was a by-product of being married to Evann, but he kept that to himself. "I think he really missed you."

"Really?" Riku shifted, curling his fingers around the edge of the counter.

"I couldn't believe it when he started talking about you again. It was like, his whole demeanor changed. He's so much happier now." She offered, stirring her sauce.

Riku nodded and chewed the inside of his lip. He really didn't need another reminder that he made Sora so unhappy in their time apart. He had enough things to feel guilty about.

As if sensing his sudden downtrodden mood, Sora's mom changed the subject, turning off the stove with a deft click. "It's good to have you back though, Riku."

"Yeah," He intoned, staring at the linoleum floor with more interest than it called for.

"Wanna try?" Tammy rummaged through the top drawer beside the stove, finding a large spoon and beginning to ladle the thick red sauce into a plastic bowl for storing. She offered him a smaller spoon with which to sample the delightful smelling sauce, and Riku did so, with an appropriate amount of excitement, considering she was currently labeled the best cook ever since Riku was ten years old. And for good reason.

"Wow."

"Six hours. Is that not the best red sauce I've ever made?" She bragged, waving her spoon a little with a smile. It wasn't clear whether that goofiness was hereditary or just something she picked up off her own son, either way, it only prompted Riku to join in, waving his own spoon after shamelessly licking it clean.

"Wouldn't expect anything less. Best in the world, Tam."

She gave him a little modest look, knowing he was exaggerating, but taking the compliment anyway. "Is that god-awful woman still your manager?"

Riku raised his eyebrows, laying his spoon in the sink. "Sienna?"

"Ugh, _Rikki_." She mocked, scraping the last of the sauce into the bowl. "You know, women her age need to exercise more decorum. The way she talked to you was hardly appropriate."

"Ah, she still does." Riku shrugged, figuring there was really nothing he could do about her anyway, so he never bothered to confront her. And the fact that, innuendo aside, she reminded him a lot of his mom. That was probably why he put up with her. "She's calmed down since then."

"And when she wasn't shoving her boobs in your face, she was saying something nasty. You know, I could've knocked her. Talking to my baby like that."

Riku snorted. "Your baby?"

"Of course. You are all my babies." She said this with a flourish of her large spoon, rinsing it off in the sink. "Some more better behaved than others."

Riku cringed, thinking she was going to drag up old memories of Riku's more rebellious years of thirteen to fifteen. He wouldn't say he was bad at the age, but—damn, he was bad. And more often than not, Sora got dragged into less than favorable situations because of him. He had always meant to apologize for that. Actually, there were a lot of things he had meant to apologize for, but the time in his personal exile left him without a way to speak in person.

He could still remember the morning he discovered Sora was gone and he called Kairi and she wouldn't talk to him. And Sora's mom...she sounded so angry. Even that time he had nearly gotten arrested for fighting with Sora in a public place, she wasn't anywhere near as pissed off as she was that morning on the phone.

It was the reason Riku decided that the best thing to do was to simply disappear from their lives.

"You know, you don't have to sit in here and listen to me babble. Tidus and Wakka are in the den." She chuckled to herself, a slow smile crossing her lips that could only mean she totally understood the flaky nature of boys and knew that mothers could only hold their attention for so long. "I'm sure you'd much rather be talking to...them." Tammy blinked after looking up, her smile fading quickly from her face at the pained expression Riku wasn't entirely aware that he was making.

Feeling a hot bead of wet roll uncontrolled down his cheek, Riku cursed quietly under his breath, turning his head away, but it was too late. She didn't even have to be a mother to catch that. Riku scrambled to pull himself together before she became too concerned because, _fuck_, the last thing he wanted was to cry in front of Sora's mom.

"Riku," Hands were pulling him down again, pulling him forward, into another embrace. "What...?" He shuddered in her arms, _damn it_, he wasn't going to do this. He refused to cry. Hell, he didn't even cry when his mom died. But this—_this_ was going to break him down?

Something in the back of his head reminded him that he had betrayed her trust. It reminded him of the promise he had made to her the day Sora moved out of her house and into that godforsaken apartment they were renting on the west side of town. He told her he would protect Sora no matter what. Instead, he did just the fucking opposite.

"I'm, _fuck--_" Riku swallowed, his breath catching. The way she was holding wasn't helping either. The familiar smell of ginger and cloves, and the kitchen he used to explore as a toddler. It wasn't fair. "...I'm sorry."

"What are you getting so upset about?" Tammy asked into his shoulder, her voice full of pained concern, rocking them in a little sway back and forth.

"I didn't mean to—I just. I-I'm so sorry." Riku shivered, his arms hanging like threads in the space between them. "I hurt him." He managed to hiss out, half fear and half self-loathing.

"Oh, baby. If he's forgiven you, I forgive you." She rubbed his hair, which helped, the consistency of the rocking more soothing. "You don't have to apologize to me."

"...Sorry." He muttered again, despite her words. Eyes closed tight against her shoulder.

"You made a mistake." She declared, rubbing his back now, as much as she could anyway because of their difference in height. "Everyone makes mistakes. Better to make them early on than now, right?"

"You were so mad though." Riku pointed out quietly. He felt vulnerable, ripped open and exposed. The tears had dried up now, leaving cold tracks on his face that stung with indignation.

"I wouldn't hold that against you, Riku." Tammy confided quietly, sounding a little hurt that Riku would think she would actually hate him. She pulled him back a couple inches, smiling gently. "How would that even sound, me hating you?"

Riku shrugged noncommittally as he was accustomed to, falling a step back to lean against the counter again. He didn't feel so much humiliated as he did tired and sick of his own emotions. Sick of the past, sick of mistakes. Sick of disappointing people.

"Take a minute. Pull yourself together." Tammy rubbed his arm, turning back to her bowl of carefully simmered sauce, popping the lid on the container before storing it in the refrigerator. "You can take your bags downstairs, that's where the boys are sleeping."

Riku nodded, rubbing his face with his hands. He still had Sora. That's all that mattered. Sora, his career, and for right now, the closest thing he would have to a family. He gathered up his stuff from where he left it in the doorway, tugging open the basement door, briefly wondering when Sora was going to show up and hoping for his own sake that it was sometime soon.

–

"Whoa—look at this man! Riku," The sudden brotherly hug was unexpected, arms stronger than he had felt in a while crushed him from all sides, threatening to press him flat. Riku could barely hear Tidus snickering over the imagined sound of his own bones breaking.

"Eh, try not to kill him Wakka. He just got here." Tidus called from his seat on the couch, idly flipping channels on the television. That didn't keep the smirk from his face though.

"You back home, huh? Took you long enough." Wakka admonished, clapping Riku's shoulder as he tried to cough air back into his lungs. Riku glanced at him, trying to figure out when someone started to catch up to him in height, noticing that he didn't have to look down to find his eyes.

"You got..._big_." Riku divulged with an amount of alarm that made Wakka chuckle, his voice a deeper sound than Riku remembered. Nobody could just stay the same, could they?

"Yeah, he's a fucking beast." Tidus declared with a smile both knowing and affectionate. "You should see him weight train. He can pick me up!"

"That's not much of feat, Ti." Wakka added, his arm on Riku's shoulder still, which prompted a wary glance at his muscular forearm. From past experience, having Wakka's arm anywhere near your neck was never a good thing. Tidus shrugged, resigning himself to watching the news. "Six years is a long time, ya?"

"Yeah." Riku shifted on his feet, the weight of his arm throwing his balance off. "Everyone's different now." He murmured, tensing under the slight movement to the right of his head, reminded of the hand-slap games they used to play as kids, the giddy anticipation of trying to pull your hands out of the way in time.

Wakka's laugh vibrated through his side, his arm tightening into a headlock that Riku expertly ducked out of only because he saw it coming. "Couldn't expect us all to stay the same for long."

"Guess not." Riku shoved him lightly, flattening his hair with both hands.

Wakka only stumbled forward a step, dropping on the arm of the couch. "You didn't have to disappear, you know. We still like ya."

"Thanks."

"Tidus, especially." He smirked, ignoring the hiss and the attempted kick to the shin from the blond seated at his side. "Y'know when when we were younger, he used to--"

"Shut up, he already knows." Tidus growled, successfully kicking him this time. Wakka pretended not to notice.

"You made up with Sora then." He said finally, because it was literally the only reason Riku would ever come back. Riku nodded demurely, eyes flicking briefly to the television as a distraction. It wouldn't so bad if _everyone_ didn't know about that, that fact that Sora broke up with him. At least they didn't know the reason. Riku was pretty sure if they did, neither of them would still like him.

As if sensing that the mood was taking a nosedive, Tidus glanced at Riku for a long second before harshly prodding Wakka in between his shoulder blades.

"Eh--!"

"You're blocking the TV, man." He explained, jerking his head toward the other side of the couch as a signal for him to take a seat over there. Riku followed his inclination as well, sinking into the deep cushions in between them.

Tidus found an old blitz ball game on the sports channel, and Riku spent the next half hour listening to excitable commentary from the sport's two biggest fanatics. Which was surprisingly fun, considering that Riku only had the haziest understandings of the game rules. And of course, Tidus just _had_ to show him one of his special moves, the Sublimely Magnificent Something Or Other Mark III. A move that he declared, "Looks so much cooler underwater."

Needless to say, he nearly broke a lamp and Tammy yelled at him from the kitchen.

Because despite how much time had passed, some things just didn't change.

–

After the traditional pre-Thanksgiving dinner of delivered pizza because, really, who wanted to cook before Thanksgiving, Riku found himself back in the den, drifting precariously in between consciousness and sleep. It wasn't until his head actually hit Tidus' shoulder for the fifth time that he finally gathered enough sense to head downstairs to sleep on his hard, underused bed reserved for him the basement. Sora still hadn't shown up yet and it was almost 9 'o clock. A peaceful darkness was settled around the neighborhood, the streetlights were on.

"Sorry." Riku muttered through a yawn, stretching his arms out in front of him. Tidus smiled softly but didn't say anything. The room was relatively dark because no one had thought to turn a lamp on, the only light the flickering gray-blue from the television. Glancing around, Riku briefly wondered when Wakka left the room because he wasn't beside him any more. Then he heard his voice from the kitchen, laughing quietly. His and two other voices. Sounded like Kairi. And Selphie. She must've just gotten there.

"You can sleep on me, I don't mind." Tidus murmured, tucking his hand under his chin as he turned back to the television. Watching Chocobo racing now. Riku figured there must be nothing on.

Riku chuckled then groaned as his back cracked, sinking bonelessly back into the couch. "Probably shouldn't." A small raise of his shoulders told Riku that he shrugged, perhaps because he didn't care, perhaps in defeat. "Hey. Are we okay?"

Tidus blinked. He shrugged again before turning away. "Sure."

"Really? Don't just say it to make me shut up." Riku narrowed his eyes, trying to read his expression, but it was a little hard in the dark.

"Yeah, really. We're fine." That was hard to believe. Tidus kept his eyes trained forward for a long minute, then suddenly, as if the thought just suddenly hit him, "Are you still fucking Sora?"

Riku sputtered, somehow coughing through his nose at the volume at which he was speaking. Damn it, if Sora's mom heard that, Riku didn't think he could keep himself from punching him in the face. "I'm not _fucking him_." He hissed, keeping his voice low as a precaution.

Tidus rolled his eyes. "Sleeping with him, whatever."

"Well, not real—kind of." Riku settled on the vaguest explanation he could think of, sinking down in the couch. Tidus snorted, making him scowl.

"And he hasn't left his husband yet?"

Riku's scowl only deepened. "What's your point?"

"Think he's ever going to?"

A hint of doubt must've crossed his face, because Tidus frowned, almost apologetically. "That's none of your business." Riku declared, attempting to salvage his dignity. It had been almost six months though. Since he and Sora first hooked up.

"I just don't think it seems very fair to you." Tidus pointed out. The television only lit up half of his face, the other half dark and hidden. There was clip replying on the screen over and over, trying to decipher the close end results of the last race.

An abrupt laugh from the kitchen interrupted their conversation however, Kairi's gasping giggle making Riku forget that he was upset. For a second anyway.

"He told me it would be soon." Riku confided, glancing up through his eyelashes at Tidus' face which had become no easier to read than before. His expression seemed pitying though, like he was sorry that Riku was so trapped that he couldn't leave now even if he wanted. He'd put in too much commitment and too much time, and his heart was so thoroughly saturated with love for Sora, that he didn't think he would say otherwise even if someone held a gun to his head.

"Okay." Tidus replied, quietly. Because there really wasn't much else he could say. "Guess it wouldn't matter much if I said that I'm...obsessed with you."

Riku blinked. "Obsessed?" He repeated incredulously.

"Maybe that's not the right word." Tidus intoned, shaking his head. "I just hate that I like you so much. You clearly don't deserve it. You're a bastard."

"Wha...?"

"You're a bastard." He repeated. "And you and Sora are both selfish as hell so I guess you're kind of perfect for each other." The blond rubbed his face and laughed despite himself. "I hate you. I hate both of you." He lowered his hand from his face, looking at the TV again, without really watching it. His eyes suspiciously wet looking.

"Tidus..."

He couldn't really have meant that. Riku thought back to the first night they were together, the way Tidus kept looking at him like he was in pain. He never got the chance to ask what was wrong.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm-I'm good enough, dammit!" He hissed, taking Riku off-guard. His voice was low, low enough that the others in the kitchen couldn't hear. His hand tensed into a fist but he didn't hit anything. Riku knew he was just frustrated, about the current conversation, or something else, he really couldn't tell, but he held his tongue until the moment passed. Tidus shuddered with anger a few seconds longer before relaxing slightly, his jaw still tight.

"For who? Me?" Riku shook his head, suddenly craving cigarette smoke. Just another way he was addicted to Sora. "You're a much better person than I am, Tidus." Riku said finally, careful not to touch his shoulder as he draped his arms over the back of the couch.

Tidus snorted derisively. "Well _shit_, I know that." He glared forward into the ethereal blue light of the television, lightly gritting his teeth. He was like that for almost a whole commercial, he then smirked as the screen changed for another commercial, his anger ebbing considerably. "You fucking suck."

It was such an absurd thing to say that Riku couldn't help but smile a little, laying his head back on his raised shoulders. "I really do. I fucking suck." He laughed, crinkling his eyes at the dark ceiling. "Hard."

"At least you do it well." Tidus added, laughing with him.

"Yeah...right."

"It's just—" Tidus began again, his hands resting on the ball of his knees. "When you're with him, it feels good, right?" He asked, digging his elbow into the back of the couch as he repositioned himself. "I just thought, like, if I were with you then it would feel good for me, too."

Riku blinked, mouth forming a frown along with words. "That's not really how it works, Tidus. You usually have to _like_ somebody first."

"I do _like_ you, dumbass." Tidus rolled his eyes. "Well, anyway. It was just a stupid thought." He sunk even farther into the couch until his knees nearly touched the coffee table. Riku watched him, tonguing the roof of his mouth thoughtfully.

"Not really." Riku shrugged when Tidus raised an eyebrow. "I mean, it makes sense. Almost."

"Of course that just means I'm fucked up, right?" He managed a smile, stretching his legs out in front of him to appear casual, but it came off as kind of a dejected resignation.

"No more than the rest of us."

A laugh. "Awesome."

–

It was a little past eleven when Sora and Evann got the house, the sudden commotion from the kitchen waking Riku with a startled snort, apparently waking Tidus in the process because he was staring around blearily, his hair tousled and wild looking. He somehow found enough vanity to take the time to fix it before getting to his feet. Riku fell forward slightly without the support of the shoulder he was sleeping on.

"Sora!" His mother's voice was pretty distinguishable, even in his sleep-hazed state. She crossed in front of the door quickly, presumably running to hug the life out of him. Riku forced himself to stand up, leaning tiredly in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Ooh, you're wet." Tammy pointed out, loosening the hug a fraction, stepping back.

Sora chuckled, shaking out his damp hair with his fingers. "It's raining." He smiled, looking just about as exhausted as everyone else, if not more.

"No kidding." Selphie giggled from the direction of the table, her own hair still damp, curling even more than usual.

"How was the flight?" Kairi chimed, remaining in her seat, her hands curled around her mug of what Riku assumed to be raspberry tea. She was at the beginning of her third trimester and it showed.

"Long." Evann said with a bit of a laugh and a sigh, receiving his own hug from Tamara. Riku fought the urge to sneer, leaning heavily against the doorway as Tammy redirected him to Sora's old bedroom, telling him that's where they'd be sleeping tonight.

He hadn't forgotten the conversation they had in the clinic, and Riku was more than ready if he wanted to finish the shit he started three months ago. And he damn well wasn't going to take being chastised again. Fuck secret affairs. If Evann wanted to fight, he was gonna get a fucking fight, even if it meant revealing the truth about him and Sora and the last six months.

Sora shrugged out of his jacket as Evann took the bags upstairs, handing it off to his mother as she offered to hang it up. Riku felt himself smile without being totally aware of it, hands longing of their own accord to wipe his wet hair out of his face and take him in his arms and kiss him deeply in welcome. He shivered, looking very sexy in that soaked-to-the-bone kind of way.

"Hey, Riku." Sora greeted from across the room, drawing all attention unceremoniously to him and his stupid love-sick grin.

"H-hey." Riku coughed out, failing miserably at nonchalance. He didn't like everyone looking at him, all at once. Tidus rolled his eyes, kicking him subtly in the ankle.

"Idiot."

"You must be exhausted." Tammy fussed, and thankfully distracting everyone long enough for Riku to kick Tidus back in retaliation, ignoring his glare afterwards.

A few short moments of conversation and a pointed yawn later had everyone slowly tapering off to their respective sleeping places. Riku said goodnight to Tammy as she went upstairs, still leaning on the doorway, waiting until she was out of sight. Sora was just right there. All he had to do was quickly cross the kitchen, crush him to his body and kiss him until he couldn't see straight.

That was before Riku remembered that Sora had a husband, a husband that now coming back downstairs. Quelling Riku's efforts to get in some quick make-out time to last him through the night stuck in the basement with Tidus and Wakka.

"Coming to bed, babe?" Evann rounded the island to the other side where Sora was still standing by the door. Riku couldn't help but notice that he was just ignored.

"Yeah." Sora smiled, looking slightly disappointed. At least that was what Riku hoped he was seeing. Then he wasn't the only one thinking about some very much needed alone time. _Get rid of him, Sora._ Riku hissed in his head, feeling a brief glance in his direction. "Gimme one minute?" He said, holding up one finger for emphasis.

Evann blinked, and for a second, Riku was almost sure he was actually going to say no, as if he really could. "Sure." He smiled instead, as he usually did, casting a curt look at Riku standing in the doorway to the den. "Hello, Riku."

"Hey." Riku managed not to glare or show any kind of hostility, which was hard, but he didn't pretend to be happy to see him either. "Good night."

"Mm," Evann hummed noncommittally, not breaking his smile for a second as he passed him and climbed the stairs. Shit, this was shaping up to be a fun weekend. And it was only Wednesday.

"Riku," Sora called, standing at the other side of the room like the prize behind door number one. Riku grinned, crossing the kitchen in three giant steps, his hands held out to touch him. Sora laughed as he looped an arm around his waist, pulling him forward, another arm around his back.

"Sora." He whispered like some beautiful secret they were sharing, holding him to his chest. He saw him just four days ago, but it seemed like they had spent an eternity apart. Four days without a single kiss or touch or even hearing his voice. It might as well have been an eternity. "I missed you."

Sora laughed again, quieter this time, more private. He rested his forehead against Riku's collarbone, his hands brought up and palms flat in between them. "I missed you more."

"Impossible." Riku declared, speaking into his hair that tickled his nose and still smelled familiar despite how wet it was. Sora cuddled against him, for warmth or comfort, or both, and Riku decided unanimously that Sora was going to be his forever. He leaned back a little, much to Sora's dismay as he let out a quiet whine, tilted his head back just slightly.

Slow, but forward, was a good way to describe this kiss. Their lips touched only briefly, warm, soft, then his mouth fell open and Sora's tongue slid in, moving against his like velvet, his fingers curling in the front of Riku's shirt. He pulled back, biting at Riku's lips, pulling him down again, more tongue and soft breathy words of pleading.

Riku's hand held the back of his neck, palm skirting over the navy stars, thumb lightly stroking the corner of his jaw as he reacquainted himself with Sora's body. His warmth, his taste, the small sensitive places on his hips that made him jump and his breath catch silently, eyes fluttering open.

Sora wasn't so much nervous as he was jittery, giggling into his mouth as Riku slid the tips of his fingers under the edges of his shirt, feeling pale smooth skin, bumped and taut from the cold and wet. He shivered and shied away from Riku's hand as he teased the flesh around his navel with his nails, then his full palm which led to a quiet and very unmanly yelp.

"Shh..." Riku laughed, keeping his hands to himself, though it was hard to resist making him scream again. It was almost worth the risk of being caught.

"...Love...you." Sora muttered with a smile, his fingers moving up and through Riku's hair and holding him still to press their foreheads together, reasonably breathless and tired and ecstatic at the little reunion.

"Love you more."

"...Impossible." Sora breathed, eyes closed, lips ghosting forward again. Riku fought the desire to push him against the counter and just take him right there, rationality stopping him rather than a sense of propriety for the sanctity of Tammy's kitchen. "I gotta go." He murmured with as much urgency as he could manage, though failing to actually detach his hands from Riku's body.

"No," Riku protested quietly. "Don't say that."

"I have to. He's waiting." Sora argued weakly, stealing another kiss just because.

_Fuck him_, Riku wanted to say, but reluctantly he let him go, his fingers curling into his palms at the sudden loss of warm, wet, shivering Sora.

Sora took a large step backward, away from temptation, laughing as he tried to catch his breath. Riku hadn't felt that large a rush of emotion and want and need in such a _long_ time. Not since they were teenagers. It was a kind of weightless, dreamy feeling, albeit not as quite as strong as it could be with the heavy reality that Sora would be going upstairs and Riku, down, in two separate directions.

Clearing his throat and looking just a little bit dizzy, Sora paused to straighten his shirt, his lips were slightly red from kissing, his hair, at least, had been a mess the whole time.

"Good night." He whispered, as if they hadn't already made enough noise, and made his way to the stairs, glancing back for just a second before jogging all the way up.

Riku watched him go with a smile, waiting until he heard his old bedroom door close before resigning himself to the basement and his cold, lonely bed. The weekend was already looking up.

And it was only Wednesday.

–

_Sorry for the slight delay. I'm having an on-again, off-again love affair with Final Fantasy X. First, Seymour owned my ass, poached it, and served it back to me to breakfast, (Don't ask how. It was a painfully simple fight. *ashamed*) and then some big winged, wormy-looking fucker called Evrae screwed me over shortly after that. I swear, I'd hate turn based RPGs if I didn't love them so much._

_And yes I did play FFX for this particular chapter and future chapters containing Tidus and Wakka just because I had no idea how they acted as adults. And it's a damn good game too... Rikku was pretty easy to figure how to write, and Selphie, well, like most female characters acts pretty much how you'd expect. No big mystery there. Hope I did good though. This was a big challenge for me, but I'm happy with the way it turned out._

_Wow, this is the shortest chapter I've had in a while. No matter, there's gonna be a lot to cover in the next chapter. So it's probably gonna be longer than this one. - bouncy_


	13. Lament

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, Blitz-Fail, Intense Conversation, and Sora Makes His Decision

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 13: Lament**

-

"Hey."

Riku woke to a bit of blond staring him in the face. The basement was dark but the tiny half window nearly the top of the ceiling shed a little moonlight on the room, illuminating shortish angel blond hair and the faintest facial features of a man.

Riku blinked and scowled, clamping his eyes shut tight and doing his best to pretend he had never woken up. He had already laid down some pretty clear grounds rules for Tidus the night before, since he knew about 87 percent of the time, the man just couldn't help himself. And as long as he would be sharing a room as well as an old age-stiffened queen sized bed with him, Riku made sure that the younger man knew that touching and any other antics would not be tolerated and he would not be responsible for socking him in the mouth due to any transgressions against these ground rules.

But a gentle shift of skin against his back and the arm draped unconsciously across his side was definitely Tidus, breathing quietly and shallowly in the lull of sleep behind him. Which meant the man who awakened him was certainly not Tidus. And he was much too small to be Wakka.

Startled by this discovery, Riku sat up abruptly, throwing Tidus' arm off of him (resulting in a tired whine of protest), blinking bewilderedly at whatever had sneaked into the basement without alerting anyone's attention.

"Hi." A quiet awkward laugh and the man sat back on his heels, waiting for Riku to regain sense of who he was before saying anything else.

"Evann?" Riku squinted, his eyelids heavy and thick-feeling from sleep. "What are you doing?"

Evann put a finger to his lips, that much Riku could recognize in the darkness, and gestured toward the back door with his head, which led outside to the concrete patio beside the garage.

Riku managed a nod and slipped out of the warm bed and immediately winced at the cold, carpetless floor under his bare feet. Evann pulling the back door open silently, waiting for Riku to get over the loss of feeling in his toes so he could join him.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Riku asked as soon as the door was safely cracked behind them, shivering despite the balmy night air. "Where's Sora?"

"He's sleeping." Evann yawned despite himself and the fact that he came down there to wake Riku up. He wasn't wearing a shirt and Riku couldn't help but notice the tapestry of dark scrawling ink painting curled patterns of elegant lines across his left side and lower abdomen. Had Riku not been so disoriented with exhaustion, he might've noted that his assumption was correct, that the man was covered in tattoos. "I needed to talk to you, without him around."

Riku blinked, failing to understand his reasons. "Why?"

"I just thought you should know that...I don't typically yell at people. That's just not the type of person I am." Evann told him, quietly, looking out at the darkened backyard rather than at Riku himself. "So I just wanted to apologize. For that."

Riku was silent for a long second, contemplating his words and their meaning. He frowned, and then scowled at the fact that he was actually drug out of a warm bed for this. "That's it?"

"I don't want to fight you, okay?" He declared, turning his sharp gray-blue eyes on Riku, though they looked more black at night. "I promised Sora I wouldn't. And I honestly don't want to hate you. You seem like a nice person."

"Okay." Riku muttered tiredly, wishing he had at least stolen the blanket off the bed before he came outside. It wasn't even that cold, he just felt a little exposed standing out on the patio in only some old sweatpants. Evann, however, lit a cigarette and leaned against the low railing bordering the small patio.

"He's getting harder to talk to." Evann said without prompt, the cherry of his cigarette glowing in the surrounding dark.

"Sora?" Riku yawned, slipping his hands into his pockets.

"Mm." Evann hummed, glancing at him briefly. He leaned forward on his elbows and sighed smoke into the air. "Sometimes I think..." He trailed off, blinking at the night sky. He looked very young from the side, light hair skirting the edges of his eyes and face.

He opened his mouth as if to say something else, then frowned as if he changed his mind again and then opened his mouth once more. "What was he like before? When he was younger, I mean."

"Happy." Riku said almost immediately. "Strong, resilient. Hard-headed as hell."

Evann laughed, lightly, twisting the edge of his cigarette between his fingers before replacing it back between his lips. "Wish I could've met him." Riku frowned at the comment, the nostalgic smile he wasn't totally aware of wearing dropping from his face.

"Everything...okay?" Of course he meant relationship-wise. Could it be that _both_ of them were unsatisfied with their marriage?

Judging from the face he was making, Riku wouldn't be totally surprised if that were true. "Not really." Evann leaned forward and the surface of his back was more easily seen. A line of words that Riku couldn't read and a group of birds that appeared to be disappearing into the sun. More tattoos. "I can't seem to make him happy."

"I'm sure that's not true." Riku said softly, drawing his arms up over his chest.

"You keep saying that." Evann pointed out with a little smile. Riku noticed. And he wondered why he kept doing that, reassuring the man that his marriage was fine when it so clearly was not. It was a bad habit of his that he really needed to stop.

"What does that one mean? The one on your shoulder?" Riku said after about a minute, receiving a confused blink and a raised eyebrow. "Your tattoo." He clarified, feeling strangely embarrassed that he even asked. It was kind of like admitting that he staring at his body.

"Oh, the words?" Evann glanced back as if to actually look over his shoulder before flicking ashes into the grass and shrugging. "It's a reminder." It was Riku's turn to blink. "Loosely translated, it reminds me to accept myself for who I am."

Riku frowned, finding that it pretty much contradicted his PRIDE tattoo. Though he didn't say that out loud, Evann continued to explain the meaning.

"I used to be different too, when I was younger." He sighed and smoked his cigarette down to the filter before snubbing it out on the low railing. "I was sixteen when I was sexually assaulted. I was jumped in an alley. Beaten up, held down...raped." He scowled as the word left his mouth and Riku couldn't help but flinch in disgust. "I wouldn't leave the house for weeks afterward, except to go to school. And those panic attacks Sora has? I used to have one every day."

Riku blinked, feeling a little sick, and at the same time like he was learning something very important about him. In fact, it was really the only thing he's ever learned about him.

"But I know I only got hurt because I intentionally put myself in bad situations. And there was a whole lot I didn't like about myself at that time..." Evann reached a hand back and fingered the edges of his tattoo. "This reminds me that I'm not worthless. No matter how many times I feel like it's the truth, I know that I didn't deserve it." He smiled a little to himself, still touching the words. "That's what it means."

"That's terrible, what happened to you." Riku muttered, watching the lazy sway of the grass under the light breeze blowing across it.

"Mm, yeah." He shrugged. "I don't really think about it anymore."

"What happened between me and Sora back then," Riku began, not really sure why he felt the need to tell him the reason—no, the truth—about why Sora left him, but he had to. Maybe because despite all the sharing, Riku still felt like Evann was somewhat wary of him, especially around Sora because he had already labeled him as the same type of person as his own attacker from the past. "It _was_ an accident. I didn't mean to...hurt him. I...I didn't know what I was doing."

"I know. Sora told me." Evann explained, making Riku wonder just how much Sora had defended him to his husband on a daily basis. He cocked his head to the side and regarded Riku critically. "I didn't believe it at first, but he said he trusts you, so I guess that must mean something."

Evann shrugged again and smiled, stretching a little so all of his visible tattoos bent and pulled out of shape for a brief second.

"I guess." Trust. Sora said something about trust a while back, when they were still discussing the terms of their relationship. Trust. Trust was good.

Trust was very good.

"Good night, Riku." Evann said, pushing open the back door and slipping back inside.

Riku followed a few seconds later, smiling to himself as he shuffled quickly back over to the bed, the floor still mercilessly cold beneath his feet and got back under the warm blankets.

"'Sup?" Tidus muttered and for a minute, Riku thought he was just talking in his sleep, but his eyes opened, blearily, and Riku couldn't think of much to say, so he kind of just looked back. "Go to sleep, dumbass." He grumbled, rolling over.

"Yeah, yeah..." Riku yawned, pulling the blankets up to his chin and thinking of some pretty nice dreams he could have of Sora before actually drifting off.

–

Sora was playing a dangerous game.

And early Thanksgiving morning, Riku was doing his best to avoid get sucked in, no matter how tempting it was. The series of heated looks from across the room and seemingly accidental touches, the light brushes of his fingers over Riku's shoulder was enough to long for some serious alone time in Sora's old room just like old times. It was inappropriate, really, not to mention sadistically pleasing to Riku's ego.

So that was what Riku was doing, sitting at the dining room table, slowly peeling red potatoes over a sheet of newspaper though he was much too drowsy and half-asleep to be safely wielding the small paring knife in his hand. Every time he looked up, Sora was doing the same, heavy dark lashes framing the eyes staring back at him, making them a more impossible blue than before. Riku shifted in his seat and stared down at the old newspaper, and read about inter-island transportation and water purification systems.

"What about Sora?" Kairi asked, lightly cradling Charlot's head against her pregnant stomach, her other lying on, cupping the top. The girl giggled, speaking to the baby inside in short happy sentences about all the things 2-year-olds found significant about the world.

"Sora!" The girl cheered, hugging her mother's belly.

Sora looked up from the freshly washed broccoli florets he had been dicing, blinking with a mixture of surprise and intrigue. "Why me?"

Kairi shrugged, rubbing her daughter's similarly colored hair. She smiled. "It's a nice name for a boy."

"Ah!" Tammy cooed from over by the stove, in the process of preparing a very heavyset turkey. "Oh, you're having a boy?" Think she'd be sick of boys by now, but she seemed strangely pleased with the idea of another one, clasping her hands together pleasantly.

"Mm-hmm," Kairi hummed sagely, with a parental maturity that Riku and Sora would probably never obtain themselves. "Three months to go."

"Boys are nothing but trouble, Kai." Riku told her, peeling a little too much off his last potato, tossing it into the pot to be boiled anyway. She scrunched her nose at him, flicking a rogue peel that had made its way off the newspaper back across the table. "They're messy and disgusting."

"They belch and make all kinds of disturbing noises." Sora joined in the teasing with a light smirk in Riku's direction, one of amused understanding. Reminded of the teenage girl they used to team up to mess with on a daily basis.

"And they don't clean their rooms."

"Leave the toilet seat up."

"They're loud."

"Destructive."

"Terrible."

Kairi frowned, lightly touching her stomach, a little crease of worry forming between her eyes. Riku would've felt bad if Sora wasn't stifling giggles at his chopped vegetables.

"Oh, stop it." Tammy scolded the both of them, shaking her hair out of her eyes with a gentle smile. "They're just teasing you, dear. Little boys aren't that bad."

"Yeah, _little_ boys." Riku snorted, peeling another potato with more skill this time as started to wake up a little more. "Just wait 'til puberty."

"Kairi's a strong girl." Sora's mom declared, offering her a comforting smile, and her son a strictly no-nonsense look, complete with the eyebrows and the pursed lips, and the 'Cut it out' frown. Riku couldn't help but notice he stopped laughing. Almost immediately. "She can handle it."

"Yeah, you're a great mom, Kai." Sora agreed, probably from the inclination of his own mother's stare. She had a penchant for taming Sora's lesser known mischievous nature, just as Riku had a penchant for exacerbating it.

"The only real problem I had with Sora was when he was only about one or two," Tammy explained conversationally, double-checking her son's dicing skills. "And he went through this phase where he just wanted to keep his hand in his pants all the time--"

"Mom!" Sora nearly squeaked, mortified. She only smiled cheekily, ignoring him.

"You were only a baby, Sora, I'm sure you didn't know what you were doing." She tutted, and Riku almost ducked under the table so she wouldn't see him laughing. Mothers had some kind of build-in instinct for embarrassing their children, and noting Sora's humiliated sulk, he was pretty sure that wasn't something he wanted for himself. "I just don't understand why you were so fascinated with it, that's all."

If Sora sulked any farther, he would have been a puddle on the floor.

"We'll just have to concede to the fact that men will always be infatuated with their own genitalia and there's nothing we, as women, can do about it." She told Kairi, very matter-of-fact, ignoring the pleading look her only son was sending to the side of her head. Kairi giggled at his expense.

"Okay, mom."

"What? Am I wrong?"

Sora blinked, exchanged a quick glance with Riku, the only other male in the room, both of them coming to same, however flustering, conclusion. "Well, no, but--"

"Okay, then."

The long stretch of silence afterward was only bearable for the fact that Kairi was silently laughing to herself, patiently minding the young girl attaching herself to her leg. Riku peeled his potatoes. Sora sulked.

"You can't name him Sora though." Riku insisted, trying to ease back into the conversation they were having prior to all the embarrassment. Sora continued to sulk. "That would be kind of confusing."

"What about Roxas?" The quiet suggestion surprised both Riku and Kairi, they shared a look of equal understanding. Riku raised his eyebrows in a bemused arch, trying to catch his eyes but he wasn't looking at either of them.

"Isn't that...?" Kairi began hesitantly, frowning because she couldn't tell how serious he was being. They had never talked about that, ever since they got home. No one had thought to mention it and Sora was so quiet about everything involving the blond-haired boy named Roxas, the one who never existed. It just didn't seem right. "kind of a weird name?" She finished, blinking.

"Yeah," Sora shrugged. "Yeah, guess it is." He chopped his broccoli a little finer than necessary, scooping it up on the flat of the blade and dumping it in the bowl at his elbow. Riku felt the urge to ask him what was wrong, but he didn't want his mother to get all concerned over something that could really be nothing more than a stray thought. He'd have to wait until later to get him alone.

"Felix. That was Sora's father's name." Tammy nodded, rubbing her hands on her apron. "It's a good, strong name."

"Felix." Kairi repeated, lightly touching her stomach. "What do you think, Char?"

"Felix!" The girl hugged her mother's belly like before.

Sora just smiled lightly, scraping the makings of a broccoli casserole into a thick glass dish. Riku peeled his last potato, thinking of the best way to cheer him up. For one, getting him out the kitchen was probably a step in the right direction.

–

So, the plan was to make up an excuse about watching the blitz ball game on the TV with the others and instead, sneaking off somewhere private with Sora, get in some more make-out time, perhaps a little more depending on how private the location was. He figured they wouldn't have a lot of time, but 15 minutes at the most would be enough to nearly sate the sparkling hot urges Riku had been harboring for the last four days or so. The plan was to get Sora, take him to a fairly deserted location and practice breathing through his nose for 15 minutes straight, then get him back as quickly as possible before anyone really noticed.

At least, that WAS the plan, and it was still in effect until _the blond_ woke up and Sora suggested they take a walk together, which threw Riku off altogether. He tried not to seem too dejected as the married couple left the house, knowing he couldn't say anything and slightly pissed at himself for jumping the gun.

Of course, Sora had to play faithful husband here, in his mother's home. That didn't mean it was fair though. Suddenly Tidus' words from the night before were making a hell of a lot more sense.

So humiliated, (in his own mind, anyway) Riku resigned himself to actually watching the game on TV, taking his seat next to Tidus, almost as if someone had reserved it for him. There might as well have been a sign with the word 'jerk' hanging over his head.

"Sup, Riku." Quint greeted cheerily as he sunk into the couch, dark eyes blinking at the screen once an enraged outburst was made by Tidus, Wakka snickering and whooping from the other couch. Tidus nearly hissed at him, lip drawn up in a sneer. It was clear they were rooting for opposite teams, something that, under a normal situation, would've made Riku laugh to see them getting so serious about something so trivial, but he just couldn't find the incentive to.

Riku watched the television with waning interest, wondering what Sora was talking to Evann about, but he quickly banished those thoughts because they were much too stressful. It brought up the questions of commitment and rejection again.

"Hey, that's your school, isn't it, Tidus?" Riku said without thinking, recognizing the symbol on their uniforms as something he had seen on his university jacket one time.

Tidus blew out a low sigh through his teeth. "Don't remind me."

"Relax, Tidus." Selphie smiled, sitting strangely close to Wakka's side, his arm draped over the back of the couch but close enough that it looked more than just friendly. When did that happen? Riku vaguely remembered hearing them talking the night before in the basement but he had been too busy trying to sleep that he didn't really wonder why Selphie was down there in the first place. "It's a holiday. It's supposed to be fun."

"Hey, blitz ain't for fun, ya hear me? It's victory. Vic-tor-y."

"Team captain." Wakka murmured in explanation, gesturing towards the television with his head. That made sense, at least.

–

Somewhere during the time between the end of the first quarter and halftime, an impromptu game of soccer broke out on the front lawn, mostly to curb Tidus' anxiety over his blitz team's lousy performance, also just to get out of the house for a while. The grass was still wet from the rain the night before but it was pleasantly cool outside, just enough of a breeze to be comfortable and not muggy.

Riku played half-heartedly, wondering about Sora the whole time. At some point though, he discovered that some of his old battle tactics, while rusty from the actual lack of battle, were also effective in giving his team—Tidus and himself—a lead on the imaginary scoreboard. Not that anyone was keeping score any way.

Riku called a time-out as Sora and Evann returned from their walk, Sora's hands buried in the light jacket he was wearing. His eyes briefly scanned the lawn and the people on it before they returned to the sidewalk. They both seemed oddly tense and the uncomfortable amount of space between them was more appropriate for strangers than a married couple.

Something wasn't right.

Evann walked a few steps slower than Sora, his mouth set in a firm line as they turned up the walkway to the front door and Sora stopped two or three feet from Riku as he asked if something was wrong. He couldn't help but notice that—maybe because he was talking to Riku—Evann suddenly wanted to stand real close to Sora, wrapping an arm lightly around his waist.

"Nope. Everything is great." Sora smiled, maybe a little strained, but otherwise almost convincing. He then shrugged and continued up the walk to the house, Evann trailing close behind.

"Hey, you sleeping?" Tidus nudged him from the side as Riku watched the two disappear inside, wondering what Sora couldn't tell him in front of his husband. "C'mon, man. Break's over."

Riku blinked, slowly registering his words and vaguely recognizing the odd purplish ball they had found in the garage in front of feet on the lawn.

"Yeah...sorry."

–

Around dinnertime, the blitz ball game on TV was tied, and Tidus, at least, was looking a little brighter.

Everyone was ushered promptly into the dining room, the television snapped off to avoid distraction. Riku found a spot in between Wakka and Kairi, across from Tidus and a few seats farther away from Sora than he would've liked. Though the dining room was rather small, it made everyone feel that much closer, which made Riku wonder if that had been the purpose of the little eating area.

But it wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, it was kind of...nice, being together with everyone again. It made him regret all the Thanksgivings he had missed over the years. Usually, he just spent that particular day alone, having no family of any kind to speak of. His mom had been his last and only tie to his surname, beyond that...well, it wasn't worth speaking of.

Dinner was all he had remembered it to be, consisting of the typical menu items of Thanksgiving, with a few things added here and there—Sora's mom was always experimenting. Sometime between the quiet prayer beforehand and when the actual eating began, Riku took the time to think of what he was grateful for. It was quite a long list, but Riku thought about it for a minute, silently to himself, and decided that he was probably most thankful for a second chance.

At everything. Life, and family. Love.

Love, especially.

At that thought, Riku chanced a quick glance across the table in Sora's direction, not really sure how he expected him to look. Sora was an expert at hiding emotions, Riku observed just from recent past experience. Riku expected him to be smiling, playing happy for everyone else. It was what he was good at, after all.

But when Riku found the opportunity to look at him fully, when he was sure no one would notice, Sora was eyeing his plate, looking very much like he was going to puke any second. Riku was sure that if he could just glimpse into his mind for a second, he would probably look the same way, himself.

The face he was making worried Riku, almost to the point of asking what was wrong, like a normal human being would, if they hadn't had the faintest clue about his situation. He must've been staring too long though, earning him a light, discreet flick on the arm from Kairi at his side, and a less-than-gentle kick to the shin from Tidus across the table, nearly at the same time. Tidus raised a golden eyebrow and Kairi tutted quietly under her breath, each giving their own varying versions of disapproval.

Right. He couldn't risk toppling the already shaky lie that seemed to be getting spread thinner and thinner the longer it had to be drawn out. He owed Sora that much.

So Riku kept his eyes to his own food and endured long bouts of conversation, mostly embarrassing or warm and reminiscent. Sora joined in a few times, in which then Riku could devote his full attention to him, which he did so lovingly, affectionately. More than once, longingly.

He had done this on several occasions, stared long and hard as if his gaze could somehow physically manifest itself into warm, happy entities that would lightly touch Sora and reassure him that he was still here for him and that he didn't have to look like he was spiraling slowly out of control. So that he didn't have to look like there was a small typhoon raging in his brain as well, complete with heavy winds and freezing rain. Sora's voice wavered just slightly while he was talking, and Riku found it very hard to turn his attention away once he had finished, and the conversation had turned itself over to Wakka, who made some kind of comment about the temple he was working at somewhere in the Eastern Isles. He blinked and stared, and wondered if he didn't just imagine it because no one else seemed to notice.

Something really wasn't right.

Sora looked up while the other's talked, kind of frozen as his eyes found Riku's, briefly. He bit his lip and frowned, the blue of his eyes holding something small and desperate that was slowly and gradually escaping. Riku was in the middle of attempting to figure it out when his own gaze shifted slightly to the left, following the movement of a glass lifting to mouth, and the sharpness of the glare he was met with was more than a little unsettling.

The feeling was oddly close to a large stone forming in his stomach, rapidly and painfully, a wave of nauseous rolling through his body afterward. The look was cold, like pure, uninhibited _hate_ forced all over him and for a second, the thought, "Does he know?" spoke in stage-whisper from the back of his mind, the stone in his stomach growing just a little.

Both Sora and Evann then smiled abruptly in tandem, the glare from the latter breaking enough that Riku could exhale the stale air in his lungs that he wasn't totally aware of holding, each of them saying that they were fine, though Sora confessed that he wasn't really feeling well.

"It's nothing. Just a headache." Sora insisted after his mom suggested that he go lie down, waving a dismissing hand over his plate of food that he barely touched.

"Do you want some aspirin, babe?" Evann offered, already rising from his chair before he answered. Riku felt his eyes narrow almost unconsciously, watching the blond man with something like controlled aggression. Sora thanked him with a small smile as Tammy pointed out that it was in the cabinet over the stove.

Sora blinked and looked back down at his plate, pushing turkey and vegetables around with his fork and looking considerably worse than he did before. It was like something inside breaking, and it was all he could do to keep from yelling out whatever was on his mind. Like it was literally killing him.

What the hell did they talk about on that walk anyway?

Evann returned to the dining room, aspirin curled in his right hand, holding it out to drop it into Sora's. He sat and passed off the pills, lightly brushing a lock of his hair aside as it hung over his nose. The next moments passed slowly, without anyone else notice besides Riku's, Sora tilting his head back and dropping the little capsules in his mouth, a long swallow and an even longer drink of water. He sighed and set his glass down and from some reason Riku felt like he should be protesting, but he hadn't figured out why yet.

Maybe he could feel the low thrum of tension rolling off Sora like angry waves of the ocean. Maybe he had seen it coming long before Sora started talking again afterwards, cutting someone off mid-conversation. Maybe Riku had been so in-tune with Sora that he could physically _feel_ the terror and screaming desperation coming off him like actual bolts of electricity. And Riku really felt like he should've stopped it before it happened, because he was probably the only person who could have, at that moment.

Sora opened his mouth. Another sigh, and then—

"I've been sleeping with Riku."

It wasn't so much the words that he said, but the even way he said it that brought time to a disbelieving standstill. Tidus clapped a hand over his mouth the way one would to stifle sudden outrageous laughter and Kairi smacked the shit out of Riku's arm as if he had said it himself.

_Oh hell_.

But it was hardly important how everyone else was reacting, how Wakka was gaping like he suddenly gone brain dead and the shocked but still very disappointed and silent sadness from Sora's mother. It was the look on _his_ face that mattered. And it was that _look_ that Riku now realized that it was this moment his mind was trying to tell him to stop from happening.

_Oh, Hell._

_Oh, _fuck.

"What?" Evann asked, regaining the ability to speak. It was a timid word, spoken very softly at first. His face looked more confused than anything, confused and scared like he was hoping he heard it wrong. Riku was secretly wishing the same thing. Maybe they had all heard it wrong. "Sora."

There was a quick movement where his eyes flickered to Riku, not out of hate but the need for confirmation, then back to Sora. "No..." He breathed and Riku nearly bolted from the table. Either that, or sink down in his chair so low that no one could see him. Then he could sink into the foundation and hide there for the rest of his life.

"My baby." Tammy muttered vaguely from the side. Disappointment the main emotion in her voice, and remorse, the counterpart to disappointment.

"Get up." The sudden hard edge to Evann's tone was intimidating and disorienting, that words so venomous could come from a man like him. There was a flurry of movement in which Sora just stared and said nothing and Evann grabbed his arm and all but tore him from his seat and into the hallway, knocking the poor old dining chair over in the process.

Riku felt his body standing before he could stop it, anger bubbling up in his chest. "Hey--"

"Sit down, Riku." Sora's mom interjected, commanding and firm in a way that only mothers knew how to do, giving him the strictly no-nonsense look, complete with the eyebrows and the pursed lips, and the 'Cut it out' frown. "They can handle this." He liked the fact that she didn't blame him. It was a small, very, very small comfort to one hell of a disaster of a situation.

When the low buzz of heated accusations from the hallway had escalated to full blown yelling, Kairi took Charlot in her arms and left, tears streaking down through her fingers, Quint in tow behind her, muttering a quick apology to Tammy.

"What does that mean—Like, still?" Evann hissed, unseen on the other side of the wall, somewhere in the hallway. "You told me once, Sora. Once!" Imagined him to be all tensed and angry, fists curled and teeth bared. Gray-blue eyes flashing.

Riku sunk down in his chair, hoping for a painless and sudden death when he noticed out of the corner of his eye Selphie staring at him from across the table, eyes a little wide but overall, pitying. Almost sympathetic. Sad. He had never liked Selphie much, but at the moment she was the only one not looking at him like he was shit so Riku guessed that counted for something.

Selphie folded her hands over her napkin, attempting to offer him a tiny, sorrowful smile but it kind of fizzled away, along with any reassurance it might have brought him.

"No, don't you do this right now, Sora." Evann's voice continued like some ongoing soundtrack to a movie no one was watching, a brief choked noise from Sora that sounded like a mix between a cough and a sob. "Sor—Fuck. You want him so damn bad. Fuck it, you can have him. 'Cause I can't deal with this anymore."

"Ev..." A gasp, fast and painful. "Van...p-please..." A few more deeper sounding breaths. "Wait..."

"'Wait.' I can't make you happy, Sora. What's the fucking point?"

Riku vaguely recognized Sora's panicked breathing, the hard, asthmatic sound of it, and rose from his chair, uninhibited by any frowns or looks. He shuffled forward until he was just barely in the doorway to the hall, recognizing Sora slumped against the wall, chest pumping too-fast, trying to force himself to calm down enough to speak.

Evann's eyes caught Riku's long enough to express the depth of his hate before he sneered, breaking off whatever other words he wanted to say and turned his back on them both. Riku nearly called out to stop him, for some unknown reason that he, at the time, had no idea how to identify.

But Riku had enough sense to let him go, watching the front door slam behind him, only faintly hearing the car start outside. He had to be as mortified as Riku, only about 100 times worse, because Sora was playing him, for 6 fucking months. It was so fucked up, Riku couldn't help but hate Sora, just a little bit as he kneeled at Sora's side, contemplating the look of absolute _shock_ on his face.

Because of all the ways he could've handled telling him the truth, this was just about the worst possible choice.

–

White hot shame was a shower burning down his back and face as Riku tried to remember how the receptionist got him to calm down during one of his attacks. He could feel stares at the back of his head, scandalized stares of pity and wonder and disbelief. It would certainly be a memorable Thanksgiving, if nothing else.

Lightly fanning him with a folded up sheet of newspaper he found discarded in the kitchen from that morning, Riku told him it would be okay and to breathe and all of that. He kept himself from touching him too much and wondered if it was actually helping or not because Sora didn't seem to be listening to him, instead curling his arms around his knees and shuddering violently.

Sora didn't actually start crying until a good ten minutes after Evann had already left.

Riku lowered his head to the trembling little thing that was Sora only minutes before, pressing his nose and mouth into his hair. "Sora..." He breathed, letting the silence offer more comfort that he could with any words he could think up. Sora muffled a scream in his shirt, his fingers clutching tightly and painfully into his wrist.

"What did I do?" Sora breathed with more difficulty to keep himself from outright sobbing.

Riku wrapped both arms around him, more aware that the others could see and hear him crying. Sora, who was supposed to be so strong and fearless. The mess he had been reduced to wasn't something his friends needed to see. Riku owed him that much to protect what little reputation he had left.

"You made a choice." Riku told him calmly, shielding him a little more with his body. He needed to move him up to his room where he could hide and break down in private, away from people and their judgmental stares.

Away from everyone and everything.

–

After a few long moments of gentle coaxing, Riku managed to get Sora to his feet, up the stairs and carefully laid onto his bed where he curled up on his side and allowed himself to shatter completely because it was he needed to do, and Riku was going to let him. And then when he was done, Riku would put him back together again because it was what best friends/lovers were for.

Sora's bedroom was the third room on the second floor. Looking at the layout of the house, it was pretty obvious just by its sheer size that it was originally intended to accommodate more than just a single boy and his parents. There was enough room for two, maybe three kids at the least. It said a lot about Sora's mom in Riku's mind. She wanted more children, but Sora's dad must've passed before they got the chance.

Sora must've just been smothered in affection his whole childhood.

Riku felt just a bit guilty about taking him from his mother's home at seventeen. Thinking back, that probably wasn't the best idea. But anything was better than that empty house. Where memories of Riku's recently deceased mother were still lingering all over, and Riku was terrified of being left alone.

Sora sighed a long, shaky breath, curling his legs up toward his chest. He tightly pressed his clenched fist to his mouth, eyes wet and sparkling still with the tears clinging stubbornly to his eyelashes. Riku wasn't sure if he had ever seen him look so vulnerable before, so ripped open and torn apart. Sora gasped, hard, unable to quite catch enough breath to even cry anymore, like when he had been on the floor, mid-attack and sobbing with the ferocity of a million different emotions all twisted around each other.

Relief, sorrow, regret, anger, desperation.

There wasn't much, if anything, Riku could do without touching him. He had literally nothing to say, and didn't want to seem like an incredible jerk by saying how glad he was that it over between him and Evann and he could finally have him to himself. It was a terrible thing to even think about. It made Riku feel very nervous, for once, because it didn't really feel like he had gained anything at all.

But, Sora responded to touch, to embracing, hugging, hand-holding, light kisses. Riku knew from years of reliable experience that the way to pull Sora from his own grieving, his own sorrow, was by touch. Simple, thoughtful and comforting touch. He lightly shifted on the old mattress, careful not to disturb Sora too much as he spooned behind him, knees tucked behind Sora's legs, as if conforming his own body to fit him.

Riku touched the tight curves of his folded arms, the slight dip of his slender torso, the bumps of his ribs where Riku imagined the little orange star tattoo to be. His sobs vibrated through his back and into Riku's chest. His heart was bursting with kinetic energy, but it was a quiet lost sound, too low to be heard easily. Riku held him in his arms and listened to him cry and plead softly with no one and apologize in low hisses under his breath.

And when the drama faded and the moment moved on and all that was left were wet sounding sniffles, Riku let him turn over, so they could face each other, watching the wrinkles in the bridge of his nose when he sniffed. Watching the back of his eyelids that hid his eyes, vaguely aware that something had drastically changed between them. Something that he couldn't quite put a label on. But Sora felt a little bit closer, despite the circumstances and the knowledge that he basically destroyed a marriage.

Low talking could still be heard from the dining room downstairs, but Riku's mind was more preoccupied with Sora, still shivering, eyes closed, his tiny diamond earring more of a dull rock in the dim lighting. The silver and gold bands of his now meaningless wedding ring just pieces of expensive metal.

His mouth was oddly dry when he tried to talk, his voice little more than a strange crackle. Riku swallowed, leaned a fraction forward until their foreheads touched, a kind of faint placidity passed between them for a moment, transferring from skin to skin. Sora sniffled and whimpered, turning his face a little into the mattress as Riku's voice crackled a few quiet words to him.

"I love you. So much." Riku didn't mind that Sora didn't say anything back; he was tired and confused, and probably still struggling to understand what just happened. Riku had known the feeling himself several times before, the feeling of being torn in half, like something being ripped from your heart so fast that it didn't even really begin to _hurt_ until after it was already over. But even knowing how situations like this felt, he couldn't even begin to imagine how hard this was for Sora.

Wedging his hand between Sora's face and the mattress, Riku tilted his head up and pressed their lips together briefly and tenderly to accentuate the sincerity of his words, his eyes met with water-logged blue and a look of quiet desperation and mourning for the sudden loss of something Riku was sure Sora felt very happy about at one point.

"Riku. I—I'm—" Sora managed sounds and syllables, but the words he wanted to say—whatever they were—were broken off before he could fully annunciate them, a wet sob escaping his throat in their place.

"You're tired." Riku shushed him, enveloping him in his arms once more. He was only vaguely aware that he wasn't entirely sure how to tell him that it would be okay. That whatever he was feeling now wouldn't last forever. "Go to sleep."

It would pass.

"Wait, don't—Stay with me."

But he didn't have to bear it alone.

"I'll be right here."

Because that was all Riku could do. Be there.

–

_I hate to admit it, but I'm a little conflicted with how the story is going to end. On one hand, this could be a tragic romance story where neither get what really want and on the other, maybe if you squint a little, it could be a triumph against all odds kind of love story. I'm not really sure what to do. :( I had a definite idea at one point but due to recent circumstances, I'm not so sure anymore._

_Riku is very close to Tidus, isn't he? I'm trying to figure out when exactly that happened (Somewhere in chapter 8 I'm sure)They were supposed to have a close friendship after they slept together, but sometimes I just stop and look at what I wrote like, "Oh, shit. Am I writing a Riku/Tidus story?" O_O; Urgh, I hate when the story takes a mind of it's own. I'm getting bitch-slapped by ideas left and right._

_Also, it should be noted that shit has to blow up a lot more before things start to calm down between our favorite couple. Deep psychological problems are fun. ^ - ^ - bouncy_


	14. Improvement

_Good news! I decided on an ending! Yep! I know how to end it now. Not much left now, guys. Maybe 20 chapters, at the most. I'd really like to thank the reviewers for their advice, it helped a whole lot._

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, Amazing Cheesiness On My Part

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 14: Improvement**

-

"Where's Kairi?" Riku asked after coming into the kitchen, taking a visual inventory of the small group. Tidus, Wakka, Selphie. No Kairi, no Tammy. Sora was still upstairs, though he had failed to actually fall asleep in the hour Riku had spent curled against him. It reminded him of the first week Sora had come back into his life, and how he wouldn't sleep for the first few days. Apparently, stress affected him in a bad way. Riku just figured giving him some time alone might help. He probably needed the time to sort out his thoughts.

"She went home."

Riku hissed under his breath. He was afraid of that. She was so upset when she left. Riku would have to remember to call her later and apologize, just as soon as everything with Sora was under control again.

"I guess Evann was kind of her friend too." Selphie supplied, and it was the best explanation either of them could come up with. "So it makes sense that she got so emotional."

"Ya gotta admit though," Tidus smirked, earning a chastising look from Selphie as he stretched out in his seat at the kitchen table. "That whole thing was pretty fucked up."

"Eh," Wakka smacked his arm with the dish towel, his face set in stern disapproval. "It's not funny."

"Hey, who's laughing? I was just pointing out facts." Tidus made at face at Wakka's back, turning to Riku with a concerned frown. "Is he okay, though? Really?"

Riku shrugged. He didn't know why, but he was pretty sure no one would've given a damn. Yet, they were all listening intently. "He'll get over it." He said finally, idly reminding himself to check on Sora later to make sure he didn't attempt to drown himself in the bathtub or strangle himself with his sheets or something.

"It's weird. I feel kinda bad." Tidus confided, and out the corner of his eye Riku vaguely recognized Selphie nodding in agreement. There was silence for a second, the only sound was the faint squeaking of Wakka swirling his dish towel on the inside of a glass.

"Don't be. You didn't do anything." Riku pointed out, albeit a bit guiltily, knowing that part of the blame was actually his own. He couldn't help but think there must've been a way to foresee what secrets Sora was going to spill at the dinner table and stifle them before this whole mess started.

"So what now? Are you getting back together?" Selphie, ever the romantic, asked from Wakka's side at the sink, washing a plate absently with her eyes averted and hopeful in Riku's direction. It was nice that they were all so concerned, but answers weren't so easy to give, especially to questions he wasn't totally sure about himself.

"Pshh, of course they're not." Wakka answered for him, putting away freshly dried dishes. "Right?" He looked over his shoulder and the others seemed to follow his example, all watching Riku for some kind of explanation, each for their own reasons.

Riku shifted uncomfortably, staring at the corner of the table with a newfound intensity. "I don't know. It's Sora's decision, really."

"Well, that's not really fair. Everything gets left up to Sora." Tidus frowned, glancing at the other two. This had become some kind of group meeting at some point and Riku wasn't entirely opposed to letting them decide the fate of his love life. They were his friends, right? They would know what was best. "What about you?"

"He's not the one that's married." Wakka explained, and Riku wondered when he had become the voice of reason for every one. They had each caught up in maturity in their own ways; becoming just another thing to get used to. "It's Sora's responsibility."

Of course he had to go make sense.

"Do you think," Riku began and all eyes turned to him which subsequently made him look back at the corner of the table. "maybe it's all a huge mistake?"

"Truthfully?" Selphie asked for verification, curling her delicate fingers around the faded pink sponge and scrubbing lightly at another dinner plate. Riku nodded, figuring that the truth would be best. He didn't want to hear a bunch of nonsense about true love and destiny, as were the default answers he imagined in his head.

"Yeah," Tidus said matter-of-fact. Big surprise. Wakka shared his sentiment with a nod. "Huge."

Selphie rubbed at her bangs with her forearm and Wakka smiled, quietly asking if she wanted to switch chores. The moment they shared was private and unnoticeable and made Riku long for the upstairs and laying his arms around Sora and just listening to him breathe while he slept. The two switched places, Wakka washing and Selphie drying now, and Riku pretended that he wasn't watching them.

"I think that you should do what you feel, Riku." Selphie said finally, her voice soft but certain, and a quick exchange of glances told Riku that she was still rooting for him and Sora. "If you love him that much, then you'll know for yourself if it's a mistake or not." She waved her hand dismissively at the other two men, who were rolling their eyes, Tidus more blatantly than Wakka. "You don't need their opinions."

Riku smiled weakly. "Thanks, Selph."

"Don't listen to _her_." Tidus scoffed almost immediately. "What the hell does she know?" He waved his arms emphatically over the table, receiving one of the dry sponges to the side of the face.

"Eh, manners, boy." Wakka said this in a scolding older brotherly type voice, as he often did with Tidus, easily dodging the weightless sponge as it was thrown back his way. "That's my girl you're talking about."

"So?" Tidus hissed, ignored for the time being.

"Mistake, man." Wakka reiterated in Riku's direction, raising his eyebrows pointedly. "Think about it."

–

Riku woke with his hair plastered to the side of his face, able to clearly feel the indents the pillowcase left on his cheek. His arms were woefully empty, the bed oddly cold on the half opposite him. It was dark outside and the moon filtered in through the blinds like silver sunlight, making the walls glow with a otherworldly tinge.

He had returned to Sora's room shortly after the conversation in the kitchen, only to find that he hadn't moved since he left. Sora was still curled on his side, drawing patterns on the bedspread with his finger next to his face. Riku simply slid back into his original position, spooned behind him and somewhere along the line, apparently fell unconscious.

"Sora." His voice croaked and he cleared his throat, feeling mildly guilty for falling asleep when Sora needed him. The light to the bathroom could be seen through the crack between the door and the floor, running water just loud enough to shake the cloudiness off Riku's brain and forced it into a state of more adequate awareness.

"Sora?" Riku repeated, swinging his legs over the bed to the floor.

"Yeah." Came a quiet reply, almost too low to hear over the bath filling. The pipes creaked and shuddered and the water stopped. The door was unlocked, thankfully, when Riku tried the knob and he let himself in.

"You okay?" Riku asked, shutting the door silently behind himself, snapping the lock with his thumb, if only for the reassurance that they would have privacy. Not that he expected anyone to come in anyway.

Sora sighed, sinking down in the tub until his chin was just under the water's surface. His red-rimmed eyes blinked wearily at his toes, but he otherwise said nothing. Riku kneeled beside the bathtub, settling on his knees on the bathmat.

"You'll be alright." He promised, lightly brushing back his damp bangs with his fingers. Sora grabbed his hand and held onto it, squeezing slightly as he continued to stare forward at the tiled wall that seemed to hold more answers than Riku could give him.

The water was warm on Riku's knuckles as their intertwined hands sunk under, and he leaned forward until his chest pressed against the side of the tub and lightly kissed Sora's temple. Sora spared him quick glance, eyes much too sad and lost to belong to him.

"Do you ever think about them?" Sora asked suddenly, inexplicably. "All the people we met, that we'll probably never see again?" He finished, making it more clear what he referring to, who he was talking about. All those friends Sora had made on his travels. Riku didn't really have many people like that, so, no, he can't say that he did think about them.

"Why are you bringing that up now?" Riku inquired, sitting back as Sora's damp hair began to tickle his nose.

Sora lifted his shoulders in a heavy shrug, sinking as if boneless, farther down in the water. "Everything was just...easier then. I want to be, you know, _that_ again. Young. And stupid, and happy."

"You are young, Sora." Riku supplied, to which Sora scowled sarcastically. "And let's face it, you've made some stupid choices." He sat back on his heels, slouching until he could comfortably rest his chin on the lip of the tub, his other other arm folded under his jaw. "And it doesn't take a whole lot to be happy."

"Yeah, right."

Riku smiled a little, rubbing the long, thin bones of Sora's hand with his thumb under the water. "You know, this is the same kind of stuff you used to say to me." He pointed out, his eyes wandering a little ways downward, becoming oddly aware there Sora was very much naked in front of him, as if he hadn't known this fact already just from common knowledge. "Funny how things change that way, huh?"

"I wouldn't call it funny, but yeah." Sora managed a solemn, if not grim smile, laying his head back against the tiled wall of the shower. Riku had no idea that he could actually comfort Sora, much less make him smile this soon. "I'm sorry."

"Hm?" Riku hummed, his submerged fingers lightly brushing Sora's thigh.

"For, um, doing that in front of everyone." Sora grimaced, speaking in the direction of the ceiling. "That probably wasn't the best way to," He clenched his fingers around Riku's one last time before letting his hand go. "you know. I feel terrible."

"It was...unpleasant." Riku remarked, finding that a bit of an understatement. It was mortifying, if anything. Humiliating and degrading and terrifying. For Riku and Evann alike.

"I think I was kind of scared. That I would never tell him." Sora chuckled humorlessly, lolling his head to the side to regard the space beside Riku's head. "I wonder when I became such a coward."

"You're not a coward." Riku assured him. "You just made some bad decisions with no easy way out. It understandable that you would feel scared."

Sora blinked at him, slowly, his expression shifting from one of bitter resentment at himself to something stuck between confusion and understanding. Riku just hoped that he wouldn't ask him if he was speaking from experience. "I don't think I ever wanted to be married." He said eventually, and Riku relaxed just a little.

Riku frowned. "So, why did you get married then?"

Sora breathed in deep, and let out a long sigh through his nose. "I was eighteen; I didn't know what I wanted—Not long term anyway." He looked at Riku who said nothing and listened, leaning in close so that his hand was nearby. In case Sora wanted to hold it again. "We got engaged. I said yes because I wanted to make him happy. We moved in together, and that made me happy. We had a wedding—to make our families happy." Sora snorted, frowning in contempt for Evann, for himself, maybe for Riku, who, even indirectly, still carried a small share of the blame. "It just feels like I went to sleep and when I woke up, I was married. _Married_. Forever."

Sora shrugged. He licked his lips and continued, glancing at Riku who was adamant to stay silent until he finished. "But it was kind of easy." Sora admitted, curling his fingers in the cooling bath water. "And when I didn't think about it, I liked being married. I liked someone sleeping next to me every night. I liked going out and talking, and cooking together. I liked washing dishes and mowing the grass, and being a loving companion to someone who actually appreciated it. And it's real easy playing husband to someone who never asks for anything."

Sora paused for second and Riku took this second to really get what he was trying to say, that he didn't want to be married because it was...easy? That hardly made any sense. Wouldn't that be a good thing? Wouldn't you want a relationship to be effortless?

Unless effortless meant...boring.

"I love you," Sora began again, sitting up a little so he could better face Riku. "because you tell me when I'm being an asshole. And you tell me when I'm being immature and stupid and selfish." He smiled slightly and Riku felt his heart jump in his chest, warm, giddy and terrified, all at the same time. "You tell me the truth. And you don't treat like I'm too broken and fragile to handle it." Sora brought his hand up, wet and dripping, and affectionately ran his fingers across Riku's cheek. "I love you because you push me, and you piss me off, and you drive me fucking crazy." Sora laughed and Riku felt himself smile too. "I love that." He said, softer, the pads of his fingertips lingering near Riku's jaw, his thumb briefly ghosting over his lips. And Riku couldn't help but the notice the sudden shimmer to his eyes, and fought to ignore the warmth and blurriness in his own.

"I don't need perfection," Sora sniffled, all the emotion and desperation and anxiety from before starting to show again, only it was different this time. Like it was dulled by something much more positive. Like there was just this tiny, little, inextinguishable light shining just underneath all the darkness. "I just need, _real_. And you're real, Riku."

"So I chose you." Sora said finally, needlessly. Because it was pretty obvious that Riku was the right choice, and had been the right choice all along. But to see that, even later in the future—whatever that future would hold—it would take work. And it would always take work.

But they would manage.

"I'm glad." Riku smiled, leaning forward, intending to lightly kiss his cheek, but Sora turned his head at the last moment, catching his lips with his own. There was a small moment of surprise, where Riku was taken briefly off-guard. He was deliberately avoiding anything too physical; he didn't want to seem like he was pushing him, but Sora apparently didn't mind as much as he thought. If the warm sweep of tongue across his bottom lip was any indication, Riku should've been kissing him hours ago. It probably would've helped more than sleeping.

Still warm and wet from bath water, Riku curled his fingers in Sora's hair who let him deepen the kiss, let him pull his head to the side, let him slide his tongue over his perfectly rounded teeth. A quiet breath of sound came from Sora's throat, low and needy and still a little scared. Riku made to sit back on his legs, hand stretched across to the opposite side of the tub to steady himself before he fell in the bath with him.

Sora's arms came up immediately, wrapping around his neck, dripping wet and slick with water. He sat up taller and shivered as the bath was practically cold by now, and Riku was forced to stay in place, gripping both sides of the tub and getting relatively lost in the kiss. His head was fuzzy with incoherence and happy warm thoughts, thoughts of taking Sora back to their home and getting him into bed as soon as possible. Hell, they could break in the new couch while they at it. Just as long as there was more of this. More touching and kissing and--

_Oh, um..._

Riku blinked, his thoughts torn asunder the moment a broken little sound came from Sora, muffled by their lips and sent echoing of the walls after Riku pulled away, feeling a foreign wetness on his own cheek. A quick survey of Sora's face found that it was a tear, showing up much too late for the initial breakdown, straggling behind in what little remnants of mourning Sora had left.

"Sorry." Sora mumbled, sniffling, his arms dropping from Riku's neck and back into the water with a dull splash.

"It's okay, Sora." Riku assured him, softly rubbing his bangs. There was no one around to see him this time, just Riku. And he didn't ever want Sora to feel like he couldn't be vulnerable around him, because, if anything, he was one of the few people who could see Sora at his lowest and never change any of his feelings about him.

"I just cried in your mouth. That's not okay." Sora declared, his word holding a certain amount of self-deprecating disdain. He stood up, draining the tub and Riku got off his knees to get him a towel. There was tense moment where Riku attempted to give him some space, but the bathroom was so small, he ended up backing himself into the door, making it nearly impossible for either of them to actually leave the tiny room.

Another tense moment, where Sora had to lean against the sink just so Riku could get the door open. Really, it was a bathroom made for only one person, and it wasn't until now that that little architectural fact was actually working against them.

Once out and back in the room, Riku shut the door behind himself, so Sora could finish up in private. Riku figured it was pretty clear they weren't ready for all that just yet. The wound was still fresh, and maybe they were pushing each other too far by acting like a couple now. He wasn't sure why he just expected everything to just fall into place now that Evann was out the way. Life, regrettably, was never that simple.

It take some time for Sora to get used to it, but soon enough, things would get better and then everything would be natural between them again. Until then, Riku would just have to be more careful about the way he acted around Sora.

–

After his bath, Sora had changed his clothes and crawled right back into bed. And he didn't care how counterproductive that was.

Riku was over by the window, the curtains parted still even though it was completely dark outside. The tell-tale sound of what resembled gravel rolling across the roof told Sora that it was raining again. Hard.

He looked fatigued, Riku did, from the way he stood to the shadows the streetlights coming in through the window were creating on his face. Sora figured if Riku looked that bad, he himself must look like hell.

Riku sighed and uncrossed his arms, glancing briefly in Sora's direction. His melon-colored eyes blinked slowly and for a second, they both just stared at each other.

"I'm going to get something to eat from downstairs. You want anything?"

Neither of them had really touched their plates at dinner, and the lonely aspirin in Sora's stomach was making him queasy. But still, he just shook his head, curling on his side with his back facing the door. Riku sighed again and Sora was sure he was going to preach at him about starving himself, but instead he just said, "Fine," and the door closed. And then, silence.

This sucked.

Now he was mistreating Riku.

Sora was little more than a wave of destruction, killing and maiming what little happiness he had left in a whirlwind of crashing waves and eroding sediment. First Evann. And it wouldn't take Riku long to grow sick of the dark, pathetic thing Sora had become. It was always only a matter of time. Sora could talk a good game, but talking only took them so far. He was chickenshit.

Sora shifted up higher on the bed, his pillow damp from his hair, frowning at the dark suitcase sitting like huge boulder on the opposite side of the mattress. Sora honestly didn't know how he was going to get that back to him. Going back to their apartment wasn't an option right now. Which meant going to work wasn't an option either. If Evann was there, well, Sora just wasn't going to be in the same place. Not for another week or so, in the least.

Coward.

Laying there for a long 15 minutes, Sora wasn't surprised to hear a knock at the door, lifting his head just enough to see the door and who was opening it. Even less surprised to see that it was his own mother. He briefly wondered if it was just a coincidence that Riku had just left the room, and now here she was.

She came in and sat down on the edge of the bed soundlessly, smoothing down the folds of her robe in the front. Sora laid his head back down, snuggling into the pillow and prepared himself for a long disappointed speech.

She looked upset. In fact, she looked like she had a raging headache, but she was quiet for a long moment, and Sora was either forced to acknowledge her or suffer her staring at the back of his head for the rest of the night. Maybe for the rest of his life.

"I know." Sora mumbled, his voice coming out much lower in his pillow. "It was stupid. You don't have to say it, because I know."

"I wasn't going to say that." His mother spoke softly. He could practically envision the face she making, the tired, resigned one, like the time he had sprained his ankle jumping out of the tree house when he was eleven. Except it wasn't so much that he jumped as that Riku pushed him, but she didn't need to know that.

The last thing she needed were more reasons to dislike Riku.

"I'm just...trying to understand." She said evenly, and Sora couldn't help but think he was doing the same thing. Trying to understand. When he had said it—confessed having an affair with Riku at the dinner table—he wasn't thinking much of anything at all. He wasn't imagining the consequences, or even how breaking it off with Evann would affect him. He didn't think about any of that until it had already happened and there was no way to stop it. Until he was crouched on the floor crying, and he realized for the first time that he was panicking at the thought of losing him.

Of losing both of them.

Sora managed a tense shrug, curling his arms under his chest, his stomach kind of aching in protest. To hunger and fear and the dissolving aspirin in his gut.

"Is this what you really want?" She asked, just like Sora knew she would, scrunching his nose because he thought it was pretty damn obvious that it was what he really wanted. If he wasn't sure, he definitely wouldn't have said that right in front of every one.

"Yes." Sora answered tightly.

"But...Riku?" She said, and Sora felt vaguely offended. "Are you sure that's a good—" She stopped as Sora looked back at her, revising her approach. "Sora, I know you're an adult now, and I can't tell you how to live your life, and I can't tell you what choices you can and can't make. But I can tell you that, just from the way it started off, your relationship with Riku is not going to be the same." Sora could hear her picking at her fingernails behind him and he really wished they weren't having this conversation right now. He didn't want to discuss his relationship with Riku, especially not with his mom. "And maybe you've already noticed that. But I just want to make sure that you know, that it's not going to be easy. You can't take any of this back once it's already done."

"I know that." Sora projected, holding her eyes for a minute, in hers was all the concern and love and helplessness of being a mother to a son she could no longer hold in her arms and rock and make all his problems go away with a few joyful sounding soothing words. "I know."

His mom leaned forward, brushing a palm over his hair and straightening the edge of his shirt, poking and prodding until she could find nothing else to adjust on him before finally lightly patting his shoulder.

"My baby." She said eventually, her voice warm and sweet as honey in fresh tea. The bed shifted as she stood and Sora felt just a little thankful that she stopped in to talk to him, even if all the things she said were things he knew already. Somehow, they just meant that much more coming from her.

–

Sora came downstairs finally. It was early, just a little after 8 AM when he wandered into the kitchen, taking Riku off guard as he sunk into the chair at his side. He even went as far as moving the chair closer, angled in Riku's direction as he rested his head on Riku's shoulder.

Riku tensed for only half a moment, his fork stopping an inch or so from his mouth. His eyes shifted to the right, only to see that Sora was leaning half-asleep against his shoulder. Only a minimal strip of blue showing under his eyelid, Riku wouldn't be surprised if he didn't sleep at all the night before. It was like that first week all over again. Whenever Sora stressed, sleep apparently became nonexistent to him.

Riku kissed the top of his head, briefly burying his nose in his hair. He relished the smell of the clean scent of shampoo, smiling as he finished up his breakfast. Sora was nice and warm against his side and it wasn't a totally unwelcome feeling, especially not on a chilly morning like this one.

He was restless to get home. He _woke up_ restless to get home, at half past 6 in the morning, up already and taking a quick shower. As much as he missed Tammy's house, and was so, so appreciative that he was actually invited back, he missed the privacy of his own place. And he needed Sora to be there with him.

They needed this time to be alone.

"You hungry, baby?" Riku asked, his voice quiet enough that only Sora could hear him, cuddled against his side, the warmth of his breath tickling his neck. Only vaguely recognizing him nod tiredly into his shoulder.

"Here, eat something." Tammy fixed him a plate and slid it across the table, her eyes briefly regarding them both. She smiled, fatigued, but at least it was a smile. Sora thanked her quietly, still leaning against Riku's side as he tentatively picked at his scrambled eggs.

Breakfast wasn't much of an event. The others showed up one by one, ate, made small talk. Riku was just glad that the recent events hadn't really affected their family dynamic much. There were a few awkward questions regarding Evann, but for the most part, the conversation strayed far away from him and the topic of divorce.

All in all, it wasn't a bad morning.

And everyone got packed up eventually, sometime in the afternoon, after spending a few lazy hours watching TV, and Riku felt some of his restlessness ebb away once he was gathering his own bags and loading them into his trunk, making room for Sora's things. Now he just needed Sora himself.

The other suitcase was still sitting by itself in Sora's old room when Riku went upstairs to get Sora's bags for him. He wasn't really expecting Sora to be sitting on the edge of the bed, hands curled helplessly in his lap and nudging the dark case with his shoe.

Sora looked up when Riku leaned against the doorway, a little lost and confused like someone rearranged his room while he wasn't there and he was just trying to figure what was moved. "What do I do with this?"

"Nothing." Riku answered evenly, picking up the dark green suitcase right next to it. "He can get it himself."

Sora frowned, clenching his jaw as if he should be protesting. He tensed when Riku touched his arm and there was an unspoken reassurance that passed between them; Sora's body deflated with a sigh and Riku rubbed his hair, softly, fingertips trailing down the side of his neck, over the map of stars that disappeared beneath his collar.

"Come on, Sora." Riku offered him his hand, which was regarded with an indiscernible look before Sora curled his fingers around his own, abandoning the suitcase with some reluctance. Riku shifted the weight of the bag in his hand, giving Sora's hand an encouraging little tug, because he was barely moving and Riku knew how hard it would to leave something like that behind. "Let's go home."

–

The good-byes were bittersweet and felt a little rushed, though it was understandable. Everyone had to get back to their own lives eventually. Riku received hugs from basically everyone; one that questionably long from Tidus, and one that was disguised as an expertly dodged headlock from Wakka. And the hug from Selphie was soft and warm and gratefully not as bone-crushing as her boyfriend's.

"Keep in touch, okay?" She said, folding her arms over her chest to shield herself from the chilly wind that blowing in from the nearby shore. "You too, Sora."

"Sure. Bye, guys." Riku told the space over her shoulder to the others hanging out on the other side of the porch. It wasn't a totally bad weekend. Considering.

It was raining again as Riku pulled out onto the street, easing slowly into the sparse traffic. Riku concentrated on driving, occasionally glancing over at Sora, who slouched in his seat, staring out his rain coated window. The traffic light painted his face in red as they pulled to a standstill.

Riku slipped his hand into Sora's as he waited on the light to change, squeezing his fingers consolingly. Sora offered him a smile, pulling both of their hands into his lap and turned back to watching the paths of water on his window.

The light changed, but Riku kept his arm stretched across the seat, glad he could drive reasonably well with one hand, because he really had no intention of letting go.

–

"Did you miss us, Pudge?" Sora yawned around his words, rounding the kitchen counter and retrieving a small orange bottle of fish food as soon as they were in the door. Their little bubble-eyed goldfish wasn't so little anymore, so Riku was forced to buy an actual tank for the ugly thing in which it lived by itself, eating and growing more and more into its name by the day. "Think we should get another one? You know, to keep him company?" Sora asked, his face distorted from the other side of the tank.

Riku scoffed. "It's a fish. It doesn't need company." He dropped his keys on the counter beside the tank, eyeing the 8 inches of black wiggling matter inside. How they had managed to keep the thing alive from more than three months, Riku would never know, but he had heard from the man at the pet store they could live up to 15 years. Nice gift, Sienna. "Besides, this one is big enough already."

Sora shrugged, defeated, shaking brine shrimp in the top and watching poor Pudge wiggle his fat self over to eat.

This was normal. The conversation, even the way Sora moved was normal. More relaxed. More of the self-confidence that was typical for him. It was a good sign, one that made Riku watch him genially over the fish tank. And for the first time in months something felt right, just for once. The hurricane in his head had long since been settled with Evann's absence and there was a small glimmer labeled Hope on the horizon. The door was shutting behind them.

And once the door had been shut behind them, there was nowhere to go but forward.

–

_Ooh, I got that feeling! I'm so eager to finish this story, it's not funny. Not that I don't like it, but I really just want it to end already. I have the ending all nice and written and set up and everything, just everything leading up to that point needs to be settled._

_Ugh, this chapter was annoyingly short. So I'll try to get the next one out faster to make up for it. I have no excuse._

_**P.S. **__Wanna know my secret for angsty scenes? I listen to sad love songs. Yep, I admit it._


	15. Readjustment

_Ugh...excuse my totally filler chapter of sad cheesiness. Better stuff in this chapter. Hopefully. I tried to update faster, but well I just had so much to write. _

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, Fun with Paint and Uh...Bottom!Riku (cough, cough), Minor Blow-ups, Drama, Drama, Drama

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 15: Readjustment**

-

Sora shivered and stretched and chewed his lip in his sleep and it seemed like hours before he really relaxed into something vaguely peaceful. The first couple of days had been especially painful for the both of them. Sora had relapsed into the restless behavior Riku observed from him their first week back together, tensing at the smallest of noises, sitting straight up in bed, eyes staring intently at something Riku couldn't see himself. There was a thick air of paranoia settling over him, and Riku figured it must've been the scenery change that was putting such a strong strain on his body. Some people just couldn't sleep in unfamiliar places.

Riku stayed awake with him most times, as long as he could anyway, and talked quietly with him during the really late hours, in the hopes that the idle conversation would calm him somewhat. He really hated that Sora had to feel so nervous in his own home, of all places. This _was_ his home now, wasn't it? _Their_ home. Together, or whatever.

Sora whined softly, his fingers twitching for something solid to hold on to and found the sheets, curling into them tightly and Riku held his breath for a second, just until he settled, before he dipped his finger into the little jar of blue in his hand. He glanced at Sora's face again, finding it calm and serene before he resumed his masterpiece, drawing a very abstract ocean full of colorful wildlife over the expanse of Sora's clothing-bare leg with the tip of his finger, pausing every so often to avoid waking him.

Glancing at his hands, Riku noticed the little band of gold and silver and briefly wondered why Sora hadn't taken it off yet. He wasn't sure what to feel about that, painting long curving lines of blue down Sora's leg. It probably wasn't something to get too worked up about.

Sora shivered and Riku placed a hand on his hip to keep him from rolling over and ruining the still-drying paint on his thigh and the right of his stomach. On his ribs were the raw outlines of seagulls that Riku had yet to get around to filling in yet. And Sora wouldn't endure this kind of torture in his sleep for long, so he was doubtful he would ever finish those.

Just as the ocean on his thigh was becoming the sandy beginnings of a beach across his hip and lower back, Sora blinked himself awake, eyes bleary and sleep-heavy as he stared up at Riku, frowning at the hand that was holding him still on his side so he couldn't turn over.

"What are you doing?" Sora grumbled, squeezing his eyes closed tight before opening them, both a little clearer as he noticed the colors painted across his lower body with an even grouchier frown. It was safe to say he didn't like being woken up, or being used as a canvas.

"Painting you." Riku smiled, bracing his hand on the mattress as he kissed him good morning.

"Ah." Sora turned his head to yawn, craning his neck to see what ever was drawing Riku's finger down his back. "What is it?"

"It's the ocean." Riku took great care in the palm tree winding its way up Sora's side. "And an island. Seagulls and fish, and a beach."

"Mm." Sora hummed, curling his hand under his chin as he closed his eyes again.

"I'm almost done." Riku told him, adding little round coconuts under the leaves in tiny dots of brown. Sora nodded absently, and Riku was distantly surprised that he wasn't asleep again already.

When Riku finished coloring in the seagulls, he wiped his hands on the sheets that they were going to get dirty anyway and just watched Sora sleep for minute, noting how the seagulls seemed to stretch and move on his ribs each time he breathed. How the ocean seemed to gently tremble when flexed the muscles in his legs, the colorful fish and coral beds lazily idling around. He was particularly proud of this piece, simply because it was Sora, and also because if Sora was awake to fully take it in, he'd probably love it.

"Sora," Riku lightly shook his shoulder after setting the paint aside somewhere out of the way and Sora groaned and looked up, yawning again. "It's dry now."

"Mmm," He moaned and stretched and sat up a little, just enough to lean back on his elbows. "You bored or something?"

Riku shrugged. "I was just trying to think of a nice way to wake you up and shamelessly beg for sex."

Sora snorted, his expression more awake and playful, though looking just tired enough to seem irresistibly sexy. His adorable bed head and half-lidded eyes only contributing to his desirability, and Riku lightly traced the outline of his painting with his two fingers, Sora shivering excitedly in response.

Riku pushed himself up and hovered over him so Sora was on his back and Riku had to lean on his elbow beside his head and he lightly pressed their lips together and Sora sighed through his nose and relaxed comfortably into the mattress because this was what they were used to. It was familiar and Riku liked that he could make him so peaceful and sedate, without even trying.

Sora shifted and curled his legs up so his knees were on either side of Riku's waist, abruptly raising his hips and pushing up against him. His hands splayed flat against Riku's lower back, he was able to grind them softly together and Riku let out a low groan in the air over Sora's shoulder. Wildly aroused by his eagerness.

"Sora." Riku gasped in a deep breath, amazed that he was already hard and they had barely started yet. But that was the effect Sora had on him. His body, his voice, his everything could be startlingly erotic, even when he wasn't trying so deliberately to excite him, as he was now. "Fuck, yes."

It was a little faster than he wanted though, because at that moment, maybe at some point earlier, before they even started, a rogue thought had passed through his mind and he vaguely remembered Sora mentioning something, suggesting something that had intrigued Riku at the time. But whatever it was, wasn't easy to remember with Sora pressing into him the way he was, which was so good, but so distracting. His head was a blurry, lust-soaked mess and there wasn't much getting through, sadly.

"Sora," Riku repeated, in the same half-moan and he gripped Sora's hips and held him down for a second, despite the protest his body gave him. Sora brought his hand up and ran it down the side of his face, pushing his bangs out of his face and his fingers lightly skirting over his lips.

"Love you." Sora smiled, his fingers still over Riku's lips and soon as he began to respond they were both in his mouth and Riku was lightly sucking on his fingers, his eyes falling nearly closed as he sucked and watched Sora watching him. The heat of their eyes and the low sound of excitement purring from Sora was enough to lose himself right there.

Sora was beautiful. And Riku supremely thanked whatever great deed he had done in his life to deserve him, and the second chance Sora was giving him.

Sora's other hand moved in slow circles on his low back, still, kneading carefully with the tips of his fingers. Riku wanted to press them back together, grind again and get Sora to moan aloud, only because he was just staring back at him, giving Riku all the pleasure as usual. He rubbed his one free hand down the strong muscles of his thigh, bringing it up and over the junction between his leg and hip, thumb achingly close to brushing the sensitive flesh so hard and needy and purposefully neglected.

Riku wiggled his tongue against the long fingers in his mouth, moaning around them as Sora's hand caressed the soft skin around his navel, his abdomen, working up his ribs to the middle of his chest. Palm flat and rubbing firm over his sensitive nipples. Sora seemed to notice the way he tensed and groaned almost painfully and thankfully he stopped, retracting his fingers and Riku thought he might've looked apologetic for a second, but he couldn't really tell for sure because, in actuality it really didn't matter.

Sora made a soft noise of satisfaction in his ear as Riku kissed down his neck, placing small, wet presses of his lips along the side, the strong tendons that ultimately lead down to his shoulders, the dip of his collar, the hard bone of his clavicle, all the while lapping at his fair skin languidly with the flat of his tongue. Sora shivered and Riku barely registered the trail of thumb down the center of his spine, sucking rosy spots of color into the opposite of Sora's neck, light little kiss marks spotted his skin like the web of navy stars on the other side. He sucked Sora's earlobe into his mouth, rolling his tongue around that diamond earring and tugging it between his teeth.

Sora gasped softly in his shoulder and Riku jumped at the slick finger that slipped inside him when he wasn't paying his full attention, and he was mildly surprised by this new development. Sora only blinked shyly, slipping in the second with little resistance. There was a strange moment of clarity where Riku realized that, yeah, Sora was really doing this. It was something they had never done before and so far, it wasn't too damn bad.

"Ah," Riku panted softly and found that if he moved back just slightly, his fingers went a little deeper and he could feel—something hot and sudden and tingled through his body all over. He clawed his fingers tight in the sheets and growled low in the crook of Sora's neck, feeling his smile rather than seeing it.

"Lie back." Sora instructed him gently, and Riku switched places with him, him now lying on his back and Sora above him now. It was thrilling in strange way, a way that made him tense with anticipation and need. Sora between his tented legs, fingers lightly running up the back of his thighs. His eyes were still wide and shy as kneeled over him. He looked a little lost and as their eyes met, Sora laughed, probably out of nervous energy.

"Need some help, Sora?" Riku figured it was probably okay to smile with him, teasing a little. He had a feeling Sora had experience with doing it this way, he was just apprehensive about them, about being on top of Riku. "I can point it out for you."

"Shut up." Sora laughed, but Riku couldn't help but notice the faint pink coloring his cheeks. "I just don't wanna rush this. It's our first time, you know." He explained and Riku blinked, raising an eyebrow at the turned side of his head and tried to figure out where he got that logic.

"Our—what?"

"Our. First. Time." Sora enunciated carefully, a meaningful sparkle in his eye. "And it should be perfect." Unlike their actual first time, which was disastrous and somewhat frightening for them both, the experience the both of them had now could potentially make it perfect. After all, this was still new, and the fact that they had never switched roles and sexual positions before made it practically virginal. Clean. The unexplored territory of having Sora on top of him, _inside _of him, was something that both excited Riku and filled him with a foreign anxiety. It was like the first time again. Only drastically different.

Sora made a quiet comment about forgetting how tall he was and he draped his body down over him, their chests pressed flat together and Riku brought his hands up, stroking his fingers down his sides, feeling the slight scrape of the dried paint on his ribs. Naked skin on his, the heat of Sora was all over, his fingers coiled in his hair and the warmth of his mouth pressing damp kisses along his jaw. Then the suck of his tongue and teeth on his bottom lip and the eager push of their mouths together.

The loss of the sensation of Sora's full body over his was a feeling that Riku mourned once Sora moved away a little, downward, working his way down his chest and stomach and Riku vaguely remembered breathing in quite deeply once Sora's lips had passed and were kissing lower than his navel, at the little strip of flesh between the valley of his hipbones. Sora's hands sliding down from his hair and his palm heavy-feeling on his side, his thumb massaging light circles in the dip where abdomen met legs.

Riku hissed through his teeth and laid his head back, his hands could just barely reach Sora now, and he curled them in frustration in the majority of the sheets at his sides. He gasped and raised his hips as _fuck, god_ his fingers elegantly formed a light grip around his erection and pumped slowly, his fingers tightening just slightly with every stroke.

"Sora," Riku whined softly, gasping aloud when he could feel a long lick of tongue and every part of his body tensed ecstatically under the new sensations, and he wished Sora would stop playing around and just fuck him already, because he needed it, and he wanted more than he ever thought he would. There was just something oddly appealing about the whole idea of Sora claiming him in a way he never let himself do before. Riku just _needed_ that feeling, of giving control to someone else.

But Sora seemed intent on taking his time, his hand moving up and away, rubbing the dip of his stomach with the flat of his palm, further frustrating Riku with the teasing warmth of his breath across his hip and the light press of lips on the inside of his thigh.

"Relax." Sora purred, his eyelashes low and heavy over his eyes and Riku had to propped himself up on his elbows to meet them and he watched Sora's mouth when he talked, and thought about how he wanted him closer than that.

"Come here." Riku sat up so he could run his fingers over his shoulders and pull him close, and Sora smiled, crawling up the bed until Riku could wrap his arms around him and Sora lightly nuzzled under his chin, sighing against his throat. Riku cupped the back of his neck and his other hand stroked the chipping dried paint of the island on his lower back.

Sora sighed into his mouth as Riku smoothly slid his lips over his, and Sora's tongue was slick and moving fluidly somewhere behind his teeth and it was this moment when Riku realized that he was guided backwards and he vaguely recognized the mattress coming up behind him. His mind was much too preoccupied with Sora, with the feel of his hands, the rough rub of his knee between his legs and the look of his half-lidded eyes staring back into Riku's as he took that one last moment of precaution, the sleek movement of his fingers slipping inside, accompanied with the help of a slowly warming lubricant Sora kept on his side of the bed.

Riku moaned quietly, breathlessly, as Sora pushed inside, and it was a strange moment, because Riku found that he no longer cared so much about _what_ Sora was doing, but just the fact that it was Sora who doing it. The thoughts of claiming and virginal experiences gradually eradicated themselves from his mind and all he could do was feel the peeling paint on his skin and the fluent motions of the muscles underneath that, and the fullness of having Sora so deep inside of him.

"_Fuck_..." Riku breathed, tossing his head to side, barely feeling Sora's fingers brushing his hair away from his mouth and his fingertips tracing over his lips. Sora rolled his hips forward and—God, he was good at this—hand gripping Riku's thigh and pushing it up toward his chest just slightly.

Sora rode him carefully, his hand dropping from Riku's face and clutching into the mattress beside his head, and Riku was thrilled to hear that he still made all the little noises of desperation, the half-moans and cries of ecstasy, and found that they weren't really changing much between them at all. Just the way it looked. It was more important that they were together.

Riku gripped his hips and pulled him forward, because Sora was moving just a little too slow for him and when Sora took the hint and braced himself against the bed and rolling himself heavily against him and Riku could feel that spike of energy and warmth behind his stomach and everything just went blank white and hazy for a second, and his whole body_ trembled_ with the feeling of Sora and all that he was giving him, the immense pleasure and the breathlessness.

Riku arched up and his arousal was pressed between them and the soft skin of Sora's stomach felt like warm velvet against his own chest. He ran his hands up his back and to his shoulders and pulled him down and _fuck_ if he kept thrusting forward that way...

Their mouths met, sharing hot breaths and pleading groans and they couldn't kiss for more than a second before one of them arched and moaned and interrupted. Riku shivered and curled his fingers in Sora's shoulder blades, he just felt so good and close, so _close_. He could feel it, just right there, just waiting for Sora to push into him just the right way, for his hands to wander to the right spots and take take him from the edge he lingered at and push him way, way over it.

"Tch...Sora." Riku hissed quietly and there was very little keeping him from coming, other than an unrealistic desire for the moment to stretch on forever. His eyes rolled back and he could hear Sora mumble something indecipherable into his ear, and the face of pure _euphoria_ Sora made just as he was finishing—Riku decided that it was probably the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. With the side of his face only illuminated by the faintest vestiges of the early morning daylight, his hand warm on Riku's face and the way his back arched, all as he moaned his name to ceiling.

–

"Mm," Riku grunted happily, rolling over, his arms entrapping Sora in a strong embrace that nearly pushed the air out of his lungs. "Never let you go." He mumbled, his voice deep and husky and thick with exhaustion. Sora laughed quietly once he regained his breath, nuzzling under his chin, feeling the slight rough of morning stubble and soft skin over his jugular, kissing the bump of his Adam's apple.

Sora didn't think he had ever been as in love as he had been at that moment, even covered in dry, flaking paint and tangled in sweat-soaked sheets. He didn't he would ever have a moment quite as perfect as this one ever again. He stretched and curled against Riku's side and coiled his arms around Riku's arms and pretended they were the same being, all twisted and raveled together, yet somehow whole.

"I kinda wanna go back to sleep." Sora admitted with half-lidded eyes, and a warm chuckle vibrated through Riku's throat and tickled his lips. He kicked the sheets down around his legs so it slipped off the majority of their bodies. And though Sora himself shivered at the lack of cover, he could admire Riku very well from this position, admire his relaxed abdomen rising and sucking in with each breath he took, the sharp angle of his hipbones and, up much higher, the rosy color of his nipples that Sora resisted the urge to the lick and play with, now aware that Riku wasn't exactly fond of that. Which Sora thought was ludicrous, because he himself found it very pleasurable.

Riku kissed the top of his head, burying his nose and mouth in his hair, his breath warm on his scalp. "So, sleep. I'll wake you up for breakfast." _My, how domestic._ Riku made to move away and Sora curled around him tighter, just for a second, holding onto his warmth and his body for just a moment longer. "After a shower, of course."

"You're saying I stink now?" Sora asked with mock offense, crossing his arms over his pillow and resting his chin in between them, adoring the broad expanse of his back and his silver hair between his shoulder blades, the faint bumps of his spine, all the way down to the cute curves of his backside.

"You know no one loves your odor as much as I do." Riku teased with a playful scrunch of his nose. "I just don't think it's appropriate for breakfast."

"Mm-hmm." Sora hummed doubtfully, crossing his ankles in the air. He closed his eyes and felt Riku gently swipe a hand through his hair before the bathroom door shut and the rush of the shower sounded as clear as a small waterfall in the next room. The bedroom was dark, as dark as it could be at 8'o clock anyway, and Sora was glad they now had venetian blinds for the windows, mainly because it blocked out the sun, also because it kept the building across he street from getting another free show like last time.

Just as the peaceful sway of sleep was swinging away at the edges of his consciousness, by some terrible stroke of luck, Sora's cell buzzed across the table at his elbow. He blinked his eyes open and shivered at the lack of the now-missed sheet still curled around only his legs. He listened to the buzzing for a good minute before it stopped and Sora could relax again. Only now, for the sake of curiosity, he couldn't just go back to sleep. A small tone told him he had a voicemail.

Shaking away his grogginess, Sora managed to sit up, his back cracking in failed defiance and he yawned, curling his fingers around the familiar silhouette of his phone, flipping it open with his thumb. Missed call, new voice message. Yeah, yeah.

Dialing the number, he sat and waited, picking a thread off the mattress. He got an ominous feeling just as the intro to the message started, the listing of the individual numbers sounding very familiar. Sora was already sufficiently tense when the date and time started rattling off in the automatic toneless voice, and the phone number really should've made him more aware, but it wasn't until the message began playing and he could hear _his_ voice, did he actually start to feel that pain again. The pain deep in his heart that cried out and told him that he was a stupid, _stupid_ man and brought the faint vestiges of tears pricking behind his eyes.

"Sora?" The voice started, questioning for no reason and Sora gasped softly, clasping his hand over his mouth, as if his husband could really hear him. He glanced at the door quickly, just to make sure Riku wasn't watching him, turning his back to the bathroom and hunched down over his phone.

Evann sounded tired and a little like he might've been crying, but Sora could've just been imagining that. "Sora...Please come home. I need to see you." His words were hesitant and Sora felt he really should've just hung up before he could hear the whole the thing. "And I—I want to talk about this. You can't ignore me for the rest of your life. Well, maybe you can, but," Evann's voice paused and he sighed despairingly. "Call me when you get this, okay?" He paused again, and could tell Evann didn't hang up yet because he still hear noise on the other end. As if he wanted to say something else. "I—" Another sigh. "...never mind. _End of messag--_"

Sora closed his phone and hissed out a low breath simultaneously, eyeing the doorway again. Why would he be calling now, of all times? Now, after nearly three days of complete silence. He hadn't responded any of the several—though still modest—text messages he had sent to him. Thinking about it now, Sora realized that probably wasn't the best way to attempt to contact the man whose heart he basically shattered just a few days ago. He should've called.

Sora flipped his phone open once more, thumb already lingering over the speed dial for Evann's cell. It would've been easy to just push the button, but Sora was conflicted. If Riku came out the bathroom while he was still talking to his husband, he might be...suspicious. And he knew from experience that Riku had a bad jealousy streak, and a temper only rivaled by his own, most times.

It's hard not to feel bad when Sora sets his phone aside finally, the call to Evann filing away in some kind of imaginary queue, as if waiting patiently for his attention. Waiting for him to stop being such a dick and _make the goddamn call_. The combination of dried sweat and spit and come and paint was suddenly very disgusting, and Sora felt worse as he slipped off the bed, disentangling the sheets from his legs and shuffling off toward the bathroom and the sound of presumably hot water in the shower. Riku probably wouldn't mind if he stole some the room in the back of the tub, because waiting for Riku to get out just seemed way too long. He needed to be clean, and he needed it now.

Except, he wasn't entirely sure what kind of clean he needed more. Physically or morally.

–

"You know, paint is very fun at the time. Then it just becomes something gross and hard to get off." Sora commented over the frosted glass wall of the shower, scouring roughly at a spot of red on his wrist, his eyes flicking to the Riku-shaped blob on the other side. His mind was still heavily concentrated on that message, but he calmed himself and pushed it to the back of his thoughts. There would be time to think about that later, but right now, he was spending time with Riku, and Riku was more important than a voicemail. Right?

The Riku-blob chuckled lowly, his cloudy silhouette bending over and Sora could barely make out him seating himself on the side of the sink. "You're not scrubbing hard enough."

"I'm losing skin." Sora muttered, eyeing the top of his wrist which was becoming quite irritated under the strain. He shifted a little on his feet, maneuvering around the water to tug open the sliding door a sliver and peeked out. Watching Riku comb out his hair with mild interest. "So...how was it?"

"The paint?" Riku asked, purposefully ignorant.

"Riku."

"Chill, okay? I know what you meant. And it was good. Very, very good." Riku smirked, speaking to the mirror. His comb drawing elegantly straight lines in his bangs.

"Really?" Sora blinked at him through the space. "'Cause I know I really don't have a whole lot of experience. I mean, I've only had sex with two people my whole life." Sora used his fingernail to chip away at the red dot, glancing out the crack in between the door and the wall. Riku frowned at that, and Sora felt mildly embarrassed that he just admitted his sexual ignorance so easily. He felt he should've been more self-conscious. Especially to Riku.

"That's including me?" Riku paused, comb only partially through his hair so a few strands just hung there like spider webs. "Huh." He breathed out the single syllable like it so much more interesting than it was, and Sora wondered if he actually did have something to feel self-conscious about.

"I mean, I guess I was just kinda wondering what your number was." Sora added, curling his fingers around his washcloth and attempting to remove a different smear of paint. The silence from the other side of the glass prompted him to cease his scrubbing and look at Riku through the steam of the shower, finding him discarding his comb and fixing the mirror with a weary expression.

"Uh, heh, you don't want to know that." He assured Sora, his eyes passive as they skimmed the edges of the shower and then he crossed the short distance of bathroom. Sora licked his lips as he drew close, leaning a shoulder against the tiled wall as Riku edged the door open wider with one hand, the other gently touching his cheek, tucking his wet hair behind his ear. "Need some help with that, Sora?"

"...Help?" Sora blinked, resisting the urge to close his eyes under the warm caress of his hand. "What're you talking about?" He stepped back as Riku told him, 'Watch out' and pushed the glass door open the rest of the way, discarding his towel on the floor as he climbed in. And Sora became more aware of the fact that the shower wasn't really designed to accommodate more than one person, bumping his elbow against the wall to give Riku more room. "You're getting wet again." Sora pointed out needlessly.

"Mm-hmm." Riku hummed, and Sora got the distinct feeling that he wasn't listening at all anymore. He shivered lightly at the warm press of lips beneath his ear, the tickle of Riku's waterlogged eyelashes on his temple. Sora raised his hands in between them, momentarily forgetting that he was trying to get an answer from Riku earlier as he indulgently let his fingers take in the curves and dips of Riku's body, the defined bumps of muscle and the hard planes of his chest. All lithe and taut and slender, and masculine.

The sensory overload of warm lips and fluttering eyelashes and wet, very naked hipbones and biceps made Sora's head light and happy. And forgetful. "Hey, don't avoid the question."

"Am I?" Riku purred low into his ear, brushing his nose against his cheek. "I didn't notice."

Sora rolled his eyes. "Cute." Sighing when Riku shrugged stubbornly, Sora shifted slightly to the side, letting Riku slide forward farther into his personal space—not that he minded too much—his arms coming up and curling around Riku's torso by default. Fingers tangling in the sheet of his wet hair. "Oh, come on, I can take it. It can't possibly be as ridiculously low as mine."

The muscle in Riku's jaw tightened and for a second he actually looked mildly irritated. "No, it's just...high." He said finally, and Sora recognized something close to shame in his voice and felt a strange tinge of annoyance for no reason that he could identify.

Sora raised an eyebrow, leaning back a fraction to regard him. "How high?"

"I'm not particularly proud of it, Sora." Riku told him quietly, pulling Sora forward in a kiss, just when Sora was about to tell him how bullshit that sounded. Teeth lightly nipped at his lips and tongue warm and slick against his own and Sora shivered when his back hit the cold, water-flecked tile behind him, hand clutching onto Riku's shoulder, the other curling firmly in his hair. It wasn't entirely clear how it happened, but with his back flat against the wall and Riku pressed flush against his front, somehow his leg lifted up and his breath hitched and formed a low moan as Riku held his thigh at his hip and ground forward into him. Wet skin gliding over his deliciously.

"You're doing this on purpose." Sora hissed through his teeth, the ache of arousal leaving his brain little more than something minimally functional and fuzzy coated.

"Smart man." Riku murmured into his collarbone, the shift of his lower body against Sora's almost distracting enough to forget what they were talking about. Sora groaned aloud and his leg curled tighter around Riku's waist and the feeling of them together was nearly electric. Sora whined and arched and tried to get as much friction between them as he could, frantic and begging, because sometimes he just wanted it fast.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Sora managed to say eventually, breathing heatedly, his forehead resting on Riku's shoulder as Riku slipped his hand under Sora's other leg and by pure strength alone, held him firmly against _yes_ the wall and there was a bit of danger that both exhilarated Sora and made him a little wary. Mainly because he nothing to hold onto beside Riku's shoulders.

Riku just raised his head and their lips connected and Sora felt a little more reassured despite neither of his feet being on the floor and instability of the position Riku put him in. He trusted that Riku wouldn't drop him or anything, kissing back with reciprocating passion, perhaps even more as he clawed into his shoulders and waited in feverish anticipation for the moment when Riku would bring them together into that impossible closeness where Sora could easily forget they two different people and it was like they one, one heart, one soul.

Sora decided that was probably his favorite part of all.

–

The blinking mailbox on the front screen of Sora's cell normally would've been something Riku wouldn't bother a second glance at, but it was there and blinking and Riku's curiosity got the better of him. If only because he knew that out of the people who would contact Sora right now was a short list. His mom, maybe Kairi, anybody who knew of the Thanksgiving situation. And Evann. Especially Evann. _Maybe_ Evann. Riku wasn't sure how he would feel in his position, but he was pretty sure that if he was, he would want answers. And it was this train of thought that led Riku to holding the little metal and plastic device in his hand, opening the text message with some hesitance.

It was a short message, but the tone of it was certainly unhappy.

_Okay, I get it, you're ignoring me. But now isn't the time to be childish, Sora. You owe me that much. Call me back_

Fuck, it was him.

Riku glanced toward the bedroom door. He could still hear Sora moving around stuff in the kitchen. He only came in here to get his shoes, they were going out for lunch. He hadn't really given a second thought as to why Sora wasn't carrying his phone on him. Probably to hide the fact that his husband was trying to contact him.

Riku always determined they'd have a talk about this eventually, but he imagined it as something Sora would mention to him first, perhaps right after the first or second call, not the _fuck_, Riku hissed under his breath, checking the call records out of pure intuition. Fifth? He called five times already and Sora hadn't said a word?

Riku figured that his reaction to Sora standing in the doorway and witnessing him snooping through his messages should've been one of surprise and shame and apology, but the eyes trained on the cell were a little wide and the fact that Sora wasn't instantly accusing him invading his privacy, but rather just standing there with this _look_ on his face, Riku decided that he probably wasn't so much in the wrong here.

"He called you?" Riku looked up, eyebrows drawn in tightly in a frown, distrust pushing stubbornly at the edges of his thoughts. Try as he might to believe that Sora wasn't hiding things from him, it was a little too blatant to ignore. "Why didn't you tell me?"

It took Sora a full minute to react as he seemed to be just stuck there in the doorway, his hand clutched around the frame of the door.

"Because it's none of your business." Sora hissed, taking the few large steps it took to cross the room, snatching the cell from him and curling it almost protectively in his hand. "Why are you touching my phone anyway?"

"Sora..." Riku frowned, but couldn't find much else to say. He obviously had no right to look through Sora's phone but if he was hiding things like this, then who could really blame him. "He called, like, five times."

"Don't." Sora cut him off and walked unnecessarily hard down the hallway in a flourish of the childish temperament Riku was sure they had both abandoned long ago. Riku followed because, really, what else could he do, and hoped without much faith that this wouldn't backfire nearly as badly on him as he was expecting.

"Don't just walk away, Sora." Riku spoke to his back, affecting his tone with a calm he wasn't feeling. If anything, he was scared out of his mind, and there was a little voice underlying his thoughts screaming PANIC in capital letters. "Can we at least talk?"

"No."

Riku opened his mouth, already poised to spout out an irritated , "Why not?" when Sora abruptly stopped short and Riku had to brace himself against the wall to keep from slamming into him. He crossed his arms and leaned one shoulder against the wall and he waited for Sora to say something already.

"Because I didn't want to have this conversation with you." Sora said in clipped syllables, clutching a hand on the back of the couch. He dug his elbows into the cushion and rubbed his face with both hands.

Riku uncrossed his arms, gesturing to the empty apartment around them, the furniture and the rug and venetian blind covered windows. "Well, who else are you going have it with?"

Sora blinked, turning his head just enough to stare at him with one eye. "What?"

Riku emphasized the lack of other people around with his hands, because there _was_ no one else. "If not me, then who else?" No one else to have this conversation with than him.

Sora rolled his eyes and stepped away from the couch. "You're just asking stupid questions now. I don't _want_ to have it at all." The unspoken _so don't make me_ hung almost tangibly in the air after his words dropped off into a strained silence.

"You have way too much baggage for me to handle." Riku declared finally, his voice resigned and stiff with a weariness that he wasn't totally aware of having. There was a momentary spark of fear in Sora's eyes that surprised him, and Riku couldn't help but wonder what that sentence meant to him.

"No one asked you to _handle_ it." Sora snarled, abruptly hostile again and grabbed his keys off the counter, holding them in his palm as he made a move toward the door.

"Why are fighting me right now, Sora? I just asked you a question." Riku watched him carefully, figuring that if he didn't let himself get out of control, Sora wouldn't either. It was a flimsy hope, but for the most part, it seemed to be working. Sora calmed just slightly, his movements a little subdued. "What are you getting so defensive about?"

Sora clenched his jaw, hand tight around his keys and Riku felt a flash of smug vindication in his own expression, because Sora couldn't think of a thing to say in retaliation, and he hoped for his own sake that he hid it away before Sora noticed.

"Do you even know?" Riku questioned and figured he must've been at least halfway right because Sora narrowed his eyes and shifted a half-step backwards. Indecision passed over his features for a second before turned around, keys clinking in his hand as walked to the door.

"I'll be back later." He said over his shoulder and Riku sighed heavily. They were both making this much harder than it needed to be. It shouldn't have to be this hard.

–

It had only been about 25 minutes since Sora left and Riku was lazily flipping channels on the TV and contemplating cooking something for lunch. He still needed to call Kairi too. And his manager. His mental list was growing just a bit longer every day.

Yawning, Riku glanced at the time and wondered if he should even bother waiting for Sora to come home or not before he actually started cooking. He moved to the kitchen with a laziness one reserved for the comfort of their own home, his feet bare on the floor and the cold of the tile felt pretty damn good, in Riku's opinion. He had just opened the fridge and was trying to decide between a block of cheddar, a few strips of bacon and a full carton of eggs—all items available in his immediate vision—and tried to figure how well that would combine for food, when the doorbell distracted him from his thoughts and Riku found himself letting the refrigerator close on its own as he moved around the island counter to the front door.

Even after the move and several months later, Riku still hadn't gotten used to the idea that he didn't have to practically barricade his door all the time. They lived in a pretty decent neighborhood now, but you know what they say about old habits.

"Is Sora here?"

Riku was instantly barraged with the question once he got the door open all the way and he couldn't help the defensive curl of his fist and the clench of the muscles in his arm. It was just a knee-jerk reaction. An old habit.

But this wasn't an enemy, at least not in the sense Riku was expecting, but it was one that he had seen before.

"Evann." Riku swallowed hard and tried to get over the general shock of seeing him here, of all places, at his front door.

"Is he?" Evann asked again, his voice much shorter and lacking in the patience he once showed around Riku. That charade was long gone.

"No." Riku managed finally, and resisted the urge to look down, to look away. He had every right to be ashamed, but there was no reason for Evann to have the satisfaction of seeing it. Riku had no choice but to stare directly at him; he was in his doorway. There was no plausible way to pretend he wasn't. His hair was too blond today, bright and angelic as usual, and his eyes were much too gray and sharp.

Evann took a deep, even breath and his eyes momentarily flickered to the background of the apartment over Riku's shoulders and he let out that breath in a very audible sigh. "Fine." He said after a long second, and turned around, fully prepared to leave, and Riku just began to wonder how he knew where to find them.

"Wait," Riku's mouth was forming words before he was fully aware of it, and he couldn't stop himself from saying that one word that kept him from going away, at least for the moment. That 'wait' that stopped Evann in his tracks and drew those piercing mercury eyes back to him with a fierce animosity.

"What." It wasn't even a question, just a single syllable of impatience.

Riku licked his lips, his mouth dry and for almost no reason at all, his gaze was drawn down, down the one arm that was facing toward him and he couldn't help but notice the small glimmer of gold still around his finger. The little voice of PANIC came back in full force.

"Sora will be right back, if you want to, you know, wait. Inside." He wasn't why he even made the offer, but Evann eyes narrowed in unabashed suspicion, and Riku was pretty sure that if he could see what was going through his head, Evann was probably thinking he was going to try to kill him or something.

"No. I'll just come back some other time." Evann answered curtly, taking another step in the other direction. He paused for a second, glancing back at Riku standing there, hand still on the doorknob and probably a frozen expression of surprise on his face, barefoot and toes sinking into the carpet. "Can you just, make sure he answers his fucking phone?"

"Yeah. Sure." Riku responded quietly, wondering what it was about that man that made him feel so immature and insignificant.

"Thank you." Evann said flatly, obviously not out of gratitude. He went down the stairs rather than the elevator at the end of the hallway and Riku figured it was most likely that he didn't want to spend a minute longer than he had to around Riku and the apartment Sora and he shared together. Riku was just relieved that he wasn't the one he wanted to talk to.

The real problem would be telling Sora about this visit. And that should be really fun, considering the mood he was already in when he left.

Riku shut the door and locked it and imagined himself in a different world, that took place some time before backstabbing affairs and messy divorces, and imagined himself fighting faceless creatures and searching for the love of his life. Because it was easier back then and battles like that could actually be won. Not ones with spiteful house calls from soon-to-be ex-husbands who still wore their wedding rings.

There wasn't much room for victory in moments like that.

–

Sora was no stranger to sharing his living space with another person. He was used to being greeted when he came home, usually with a kiss and hug and a 'how was your day?', though he wasn't too surprised when he didn't exactly receive that from Riku. Evann had always been the more affectionate of the two people he had ever lived with.

He was also used to being moved around and avoided, like the slightest bump would just set him off. Evann did that too. And Sora was never really fond of it. And Riku just kept doing it, always moving around him, and it was getting to the point that Sora really just wanted to shove him out of the kitchen.

Sora set down his takeout food on the counter along with the couple bags of groceries he picked up on the way home and Riku was busying himself with putting them away, and if he stepped in a 5-foot radius around Sora one more time—Goddamnit.

"Would you stop doing that?" Sora snapped finally, and Riku palmed a grapefruit in his hand and blinked, placing it gently in the bowl next to the refrigerator. It was annoying to deal with first thing back home, and he had just calmed his nerves driving all over town. The least Riku could do was stop irritating him.

"Do what?"

"Just, stop that." Sora shook his head, reaching out and taking the grocery bag from his hand and placing it back on the counter. "Come here." He pulled a little on the front of Riku's shirt, bumping their lips together. He slid a hand up his arm to the back of his neck, twisting his fingers in the silk of his hair almost instantly. Riku made a quiet noise of surprise, his hands lightly resting on Sora's hips, and they idled there, lightly massaging modest circles with his thumbs. His mouth was nice and warm, but moved with a kind of reserved passion, which while that felt good, it wasn't like it should've been, almost like he wasn't really into it and Sora pulled away, his eyes confused and a frown that matched.

Riku gently pushed back on his hips, hands removing themselves, fingers curling away into his palms. "I have some work I need to do. Okay?"

Sora blinked and uncurled his fingers from the material of his shirt, feeling a little blindsided. "Yeah, okay." Riku never really rejected him before. Not since, well, it was a long time ago and under different circumstances, but he had never out-right rejected him like _that_.

Riku offered a little smile and his hand raised up, lightly cupped the back of Sora's head, pressing a light kiss to his temple. And Sora wondered if he potentially had something else to worry about.

–

Sora stayed in the kitchen, eating his takeout over the sink, worrying the number 5 button on his cell phone with his fingernail. He contemplated listening to the message again, or finally deleting it once in for all. For whatever reason, he couldn't do either, instead slowly scraping the curved bell off the bottom of the 5. He was still miffed about Riku listening in on his voicemail, but there was little he could or even cared enough to do about his deliberate invasion of his privacy.

Riku had several reasons to be acting the way he was; his stress and restlessness only justified for the circumstances of their reunion. With Sora's unfaithfulness to his husband and the lying and the cheating, no one would blame him for his insecurity.

Not that Sora would ever do that to Riku. The jealousy and rage Riku tried so hard to pretend he didn't have wasn't a trait of his that Sora was particularly fond of.

Sora forked up a sliver of carrot and spicy bean sprouts from his lo mein and dialed his voicemail again, chewing with a concentration totally unnecessary for eating, deciding that he must be some kind of masochist for intentionally punishing himself this way.

_"Sora...Please, come home."_

Sora tensed and snapped his phone shut, wincing when his teeth clenched unconsciously down on his fork. He took a drink of his cherry soda and settled his backside against the counter, eyes flicking up as Riku entered the kitchen, his bare feet soundless on the linoleum floor. He had his hair tied back and swept lazily over his left shoulder. Sora noticed he was wearing his glasses again so he must be working, the familiar scent of paint and glaze and oil making Sora all that more eager for when Riku would get the lease on a studio finally. The smell was driving him crazy.

Riku leaned against the counter, palms curled around the edge and his shoulders hunched. His eyes swiveled to the right, the low-strength lens of his glasses reflecting the sun filtering in through the cracked open window. Sora met his eyes, blinking with a look of slight disappointment, mixed with a sadness for the reason Riku felt he had to be so suspicious.

"Look, I'm sorry. It's not like I wanted to read that anyway." Riku murmured, referring to the message, sinking his head down on his shoulders. He clenched his jaw when a tense moment of silence followed.

"Are you okay?" Sora asked finally, deciding to spare him his fragile feelings and the lack of complete assurance he had for their relationship. He'd had enough experience to know that now wasn't the time to be acting stubborn. It would be rude to ignore him and Sora really didn't need the conflict.

"Yeah." Riku pushed his glasses up on his forehead, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I'm okay."

Sora eyed him skeptically, noting the harsh white of his tightened knuckles still gripping the edge of the counter with intensity. "Really? Because you seem to be freaking out quite a bit."

"No." Riku assured him quickly, startling Sora with the sudden urgency in his voice. "Nah, I'm, uh, good. Great. Just...eat your lunch. I'm fine."

Sora would've normally made a comment about his uncharacteristically inarticulateness, but he was still incensed about the message and his own ignorance for leaving it on his phone. Sora sighed, tossing his fork to rest on top of the mass of noodles and vegetables in the Styrofoam container. "Here." Sora lightly pulled back on his shoulders until he stepped away from the counter, falling backwards until he leaned comfortably against Sora's chest.

"You need to relax." Sora told him, hands gripping Riku's shoulders and sliding his palms and fingers along his tense muscles, grasping and curling and working his neck down to his shoulder blades in a low-impact massage.

Riku stiffened for a moment before unwinding a little, just enough that the muscles in his neck and shoulders uncoiled visibly.

"You're afraid I'm going to change my mind. I understand that." Sora murmured into the little space between Riku's shoulder blades, and let his hands fall to his sides when Riku jerked away and turned, facing him now, his line of vision slightly higher than Sora's. He looked down and Sora silently wished his eyes didn't have to look so...victimized. "Just don't assume you know exactly what I'm thinking all the time. I'm not leaving you."

"You're still wearing your ring." Riku pointed out, his voice low but not without its fair share of accusatory tone. "It's been nearly a week, Sora. You're still--"

"It's been four days." Sora hissed in disbelief, curling the fingers of his left hand as if to protect the wedding band from his venomous glare, as if such a look could melt right through it. He hadn't meant to be so defensive about the ring, but as soon as Riku mentioned it, feelings of irrational fear filled his chest and clenched at his heart. How was supposed to explain it to Riku, anyway? It was his ring, and if he wanted to wear _his_ ring, he could wear it as long as he damn well pleased. "Would you stop being so fucking territorial? It's my ring. I can wear it if I want to."

"That ring," Riku spat, distaste for the gold and silver band obvious in his voice as he grabbed Sora's wrist and held his own curled fist in front of his face so he had no choice but to look at it. "Is the symbol of a promise you made to another man."

"So?" Sora snarled, snatching his arm away. Feeling a bitter resentment at the fact that this—this whole moment—was a prime example of what their relationship used to be before they "broke up" the first time. Fighting. Fighting all the time.

"So, why the hell do you think it's pissing me off that you're wearing it?" Riku gritted out eventually.

Sora scowled, the side of his hand slamming into the edge of the counter. "Because you're intimidated by anything that doesn't have to do with you, that doesn't revolve around _you_." The words were just forming in his mouth without much thought, just anger and bitterness and the fact that, on some level, Sora knew that Riku was right. "This ring doesn't mean _you_ and that pisses you off."

Riku faltered, a flash of hurt crossing his face as he opened his mouth to immediately tell him off, his mouth closing again before he ever said anything. The unspoken words were clear though. _"If you know that, then why are you still wearing it?"_

"Goddamnit, Sora, you are so fucking selfish." Riku said instead, his voice low and resigned, like he had been thinking that the whole time, and was just now coming to terms with it. He shook his head and his bangs fell down and curled in front of his eyes.

"You're calling _me _selfish?" Sora persisted, because the tone Riku's voice had taken when he wasn't just plain angry anymore was scary. It was like he was giving up in them, and after everything they each went through this last six months, giving up was not an option. "_Me?_ After I gave up everything to be with you?" Sora hissed, hoping in the back of his head that his words would push Riku back into anger. Anger was comfortable, it was something Sora could handle.

It was a strange moment when Riku curled his lip and shoved him back into the counter with his own body, pressed tight and threateningly close, his hands on either side of him, and Sora felt a small amount of relief, though still mixed with the irritation of being cornered.

"Like I never gave up anything, Sora." Riku growled, pushing into him until Sora bowed back over the counter, his hands struggling to keep him from falling backwards.

"Get off of me." Sora warned evenly, looking off to the side because if he looked up he would be looking straight into Riku's eyes and that would surely break what little resolve he still had. He continued to tell himself that he wasn't wrong, and Riku was just being insensitive.

"I could've had something with Tidus, you know." Riku said, unfaltering when Sora growled and shoved at his chest, attempting to push him off. "Something halfway normal. Not this convoluted--"

"--Get off!"

"--sick thing you call a relationship. _Sora_," Riku grabbed his face, and forced him to look up and Sora had no choice but see the ferocity in his eyes. "The reason I'm with you—the only reason—is because I love you, and you're going to mess that up over some stupid ring?"

"It is NOT a stupid ring!" Sora cried, his face hot and frustration pricking painfully behind his eyes. He squirmed away from Riku's hand, and reiterated one last time from Riku to get off or he was seriously going to knee him in the crotch. Riku backed off and Sora shoved him hard in his chest, willing away the harsh trembling in his hands and the watery sensation in his legs that made him feel too weak to move.

Sora felt that familiar anxiety building up in his chest and shook off some of the electricity running through his hands, hoping it would be enough to just calm his breathing and close his eyes, to ward off the minor attack he knew was coming. _Stop it, it's just Riku. Calm down._

"Sora." Riku nearly whispered, and Sora felt the brush of his fingers for a brief second before he stepped back quickly, holding up his hand. _Just Riku._

"Don't." He said evenly, eyes squeezed shut as he listened to the sound of his own soft breathing. "Gimme a minute." The kitchen was silent, with the only the light buzzing of the track lighting above their heads and the traffic noise outside the open window. The sound of Riku grinding his teeth. A brief moment and the cloud of anxiety had lifted from Sora's head. "Okay."

Riku stepped forward and his arms tentatively reached out, and Sora didn't stop him from pulling him forward and curling himself against Riku's chest, feeling his warmth through the thin material of his t-shirt. It was so typical. Push themselves almost to the point of breaking, like a balloon filling with too much air, and then at the last moment releasing that air so they both just deflated, kind of tired and worn out, and the argument was left where it was for now. Just a sad and stretched out thing, too tangible to simply forget but also too pointless to keep fighting about.

The coiled bumps of Riku's muscled abdomen felt annoyingly sexy and tempting beneath Sora's hands, annoying only because sex was the furthest thing from his mind at the moment. He just wanted to take back the last fifteen minutes or so and change it so that Riku only came in the kitchen to share his takeout food, and they could just laugh and joke and feed each other.

"Sorry," Riku murmured into his hair, his breath warm on Sora's scalp. His arms tightened and his fingers curled in the back of Sora's shirt. "I'm just...worried."

"You don't have to be. I just told you that." Sora reassured him quietly. "I'll take the ring off, if you want me to." He said, with some reluctance. If three years of marriage had taught him anything, it was that compromise was important to any relationship. And if he had to take his ring off to fix this, then it was just something he had to do.

"You don't have to." Riku told him, but Sora couldn't tell if his words were entirely sincere or not. "Just take it off when you're ready."

Sora swallowed, unsure whether or not he should accept that offer. If Riku wasn't being sincere and was only pretending that he didn't care, it would still hurt him considerably that Sora didn't want to get rid of his wedding band. It didn't even represent his love for Evann anymore, it was just the sentimental value. Like the painting Riku had held onto for 6 years, the one they made together in one of their most defining moments of passion. It meant more than Riku probably thought it did, and it was all he had left of his short-lived marriage.

"This," Sora said, twisting the little piece of metal on his finger until it pulled off. But not without a brief clench of pain in his chest. "It's not a threat to you." He placed it on the counter next to his food, watching it shiver as it rocked back and forth. "Okay?"

Riku blinked at the glimmer of the ring on the counter, and Sora couldn't help but think his gesture didn't help much. The voicemail message still existed, it was still fresh in both of their minds, still saved into Sora's phone. It only went so far as to punctuate what had to yet to be done, the confrontation that had yet to play out, and nothing would be over until that moment had happened and passed and faded into memory.

Sora technically wasn't divorced. And he had yet to say to Evann, personally, that it was over.

–

_Yes! That was much better. Much, much better. I really like how this chapter turned out, even with all the arguing. Yeesh, they argue a lot, don't they?_

_Second time I've written Bottom!Riku and I'm starting to like it. Hehehe. (devilish grin)_

_And I just couldn't keep Evann out the story for long. I tried, but he kind of needed to be there._


	16. Disquiet

_With every new chapter I really start to wonder if I should just get a beta already. I think I'm doing sorta okay on my own, there are times you can tell when I don't bother to proofread because there's always a bunch of mistakes. Ugh, is sad, once again._

_Note: Author did proofread this. In event of mistakes, Author is just an idiot or something._

**Full Summary:** In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.

**Warnings: **Language, Babies!, The Marital End, Mood Swings, God-My-Warnings-Fail

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.

**Hypervigilance**

**Chapter 16 : Disquiet**

-

Riku spent his mornings free drawing lately. Particularly mornings when he had just woken up and rolled out of bed, wearing only a pair of old sweatpants and promptly curled up on the couch. He kept the television at a low volume just for some background noise and sometimes before the sun even shone lazy rays in through the open blinds, he was free drawing.

Pencil in one hand and his sketch pad propped on his thigh, Riku tapped the sharpened lead against the page and blinked at the blank surface, noticed that when one looked hard enough there were tiny fibers of threads in the paper.

The smells of breakfast were already forming and for a moment, Riku was oddly grateful and almost as equally intrigued that Sora seemed to habitually migrate to the kitchen on mornings when he woke up early enough, which was most mornings. It was kind of like a routine for him, and Riku figured that he was probably used to cooking for two on a regular basis.

Riku's eyes shifted toward the kitchen area, and over the fish tank, he could see something Sora shift into his view for a second, pans rattling around in time with his movements.

It was Day two.

The beginning of Day two, being the direct sequel to Day one, that is, yesterday, and the start of the period of time in which neither of them talked to each other.

Sounded impossible, of course, but Riku was finding that as time passed, with no regard for the stiff tension between them and the constant moody attitude Sora was harboring around him like a cloud of doom, the impossible was coming more and more into reality. In fact, Riku was sure their last exchange consisted of something like, "Your car needs gas."

Riku was no expert, but he figured that was probably a bad thing.

–

This just wasn't right.

Riku brushed his teeth distractedly, figuring it was the combination of the noxious cleaner chemical smell and the fact that he had gagged himself with his toothbrush at least four times that was causing the sudden feelings of irritation that were building up and causing the fixed scowl on his face. Or it could've been the fact that it was 8:00 in the morning and Sora was on his knees to his left, scrubbing out the bathtub quite brutally for an object that had never done any harm to anyone.

Or the reason Riku was so irritated very well could've been caused by the fact that neither Sora nor himself had really talked to each other in days. Days. Plural. Meaning multiple.

In fact, it was probably all of these things.

_Damn..._

Riku considered just asking him why he felt the need to clean the bathroom now, of all times, but something told him to leave it alone and he continued to brush his teeth, a little faster than before, narrowly avoiding gagging himself again. He turned on the faucet and spit, gargled water and spit again. Sora remained bent over the side of the tub, fiercely scouring the bottom, seemingly unperturbed by the fumes.

Riku hissed out a breath, like a hard sigh, and glanced over his appearance in the mirror briefly, finding everything in place before he crouched a little, just enough so he could lightly kiss the back of Sora's head, feeling his soft hair tickle his nose. Sora looked up and managed a slight smile, his eyes narrowed tiredly and Riku wondered just how early it was that he had woken up that morning.

A few words were exchanged, mainly Riku telling him that he would be back later and Sora nodded. And that was it.

Riku fed Pudge as he stopped in the kitchen for his keys and there was a brief moment where he actually paused and stared at the ring on the other counter, in the exact same spot, since neither of them seemed to have the courage to move it.

Far as he knew, Sora had yet to talk to his husband, in person anyway. There was a pretty tense phone call and a conversation that lasted entirely too long, in which Sora stayed quiet a majority of the time and just listened. All the while, looking to Riku in silent distress. Riku got Sora to answer the phone, just like he said he would. The rest was between the both of them. Riku could only hope that they would resolve their problems soon.

Riku, however, had a meeting to go to.

Sienna had set him up with a couple of big-name commissions and well, there were clients to meet and contracts to sign and plans to go over. Not his favorite part of the job but unfortunately, a necessary one. And if it didn't take too long, perhaps he could return home a little early and cheer Sora up, take him out somewhere. They could both use the break to just stop thinking about things for a while.

–

"We're ignoring each other." Sora admitted with a frown, his cell phone cradled in between his shoulder and his ear. Kairi had called a few minutes after Riku left and for that, Sora was grateful. He ceased in his scrubbing for a moment, not really wanting to drop his phone in the foamy cleaner residue.

"That bad, huh?" Kairi said eventually and Sora dropped back to sit on his legs, blowing a hair out of his face. The rubber gloves were making his hands hot and he really just wanted to go back to sleep.

"I don't get it. What are we doing wrong?" He briefly contemplated the possible reasons for why they were being so standoffish to each other, sighing finally when he couldn't decide on a particular one. There were too many. "It never used to be this hard."

Kairi hummed quietly into the receiver, he could hear her shift a little, hear the low sound of the television in the background. "Sora, you ever think...maybe you're pushing him too much?"

"Huh?" Sora blinked, flicking bubbles from his scrub brush absently, staring down into the tub that looked clean enough now. "Whaddaya mean 'pushing him'? I'm not—"

"Sora..."

"Did he say something to you?"

"No. It's just—You can't expect him to understand everything right away, you know?" The sound of the television drifted away and Sora figured she just moved to a different room. "He's probably just as confused as you are."

"Yeah, but..."

"Don't dump so much on him, all at once."

"Kai—"

"I shouldn't even have to tell you this, you know. You know this already, Sora." Kairi huffed quietly in a fit of impatience, her voice lacking the calming motherly quality that usually made her so easy to vent to. "And you know just how temperamental he can be. Not to mention how temperamental _you_ can be when he's in one of his moods."

"Okay," Sora hissed into the phone, scrubbing absently around the edges of the tub again. "I'm being a jackass, he's being a jackass. I get it."

"I never said that." Kairi returned calmly and he could practically hear her sharp frown. There was brief moment of static in which neither of them spoke, and then Kairi breathed in deeply, letting out a heavy sigh. "You talk to Evann yet?"

Sora fiddled with his brush, tugging on a loose bristle. "I told him I'd meet him today."

"Good." Kairi said, and Sora thought she was going to say something else—berate him about it even—but she only changed the subject again. "I have an ultrasound scheduled later. If you're not too busy, maybe you'd like to come along?"

"...Ah, yeah. Sure thing, Kai." Sora agreed, digging his latex covered fingers deep into the scrub brush's bristles. He'd been hoping to be at home when Riku came back, but then again, there'd always be time to talk, so technically it should be alright to just write him a note and get out for a couple hours.

–

It was still too early.

It was still too early and yet, Sora continued to sit in his suspiciously clean car, across the street from his old apartment where he idled for about 5 minutes longer than necessary. He was surveying the windows on the top floor though, and so far he had yet to see a trace of Evann. The driveway was empty, so it was safe to assume he wasn't home yet.

It was a little cold, but thankfully not raining as Sora climbed out of the car. He crossed the street abnormally fast and ducked into the clinic as soon as he reached the sidewalk. It was ridiculous, but he was in full stealth mode right now, just until he worked up the nerve to go upstairs.

"Sora!" Rikku bounced in her chair, overexcited as usual. Sora barely kept her from jumping out from behind the desk and tackling him with the hand he held up to stop her. She still twitched in impatience, fingers clutching the opposite sides of the bottom of her chair. "Where have you been? Boytoy's been losing his mind up there."

Sora paused, hunched in a kind of mid-crouch as if he were sneaking through the empty establishment, mouth dropped slightly in alarm. "Is he here?"

"No." Rikku pulled her hair back with an elastic band, and Sora was thoroughly relieved, wilting against her desk with a heavy sigh. "He left about a half an hour ago."

"Did he say when he'd be back?" Sora spoke out of the side of his mouth, turning his head enough to see her with one weary eye.

Rikku scoffed, leaning back in her chair. "Like he talks to me."

Sora felt his relief dwindle slightly. "I think...we broke up." He confided, and then he felt he really should've left that 'I think' off.

Rikku gaped, sitting forward in her seat until her and Sora were nearly eye level. "So _that's _what it is!" She looked oddly happy for someone receiving such grim news and if Sora didn't already know she would react this way, he might've felt offended. "You left him for Riku, didn't you?"

Sora rolled his eyes and stood up straight, shedding his jacket and hanging it up on the hook behind the reception desk.

"Didn't you?" Rikku continued to badger him, spinning around in her chair to face him, still smiling girlishly.

"Yes." Sora hissed, vaguely irritated by her blatant satisfaction with this revelation. He knew that she always disliked Evann though, so it wasn't really surprising.

To be fair, Evann didn't really like her much either.

"I knew it." Rikku began bouncing in her chair again and Sora smiled thinly, nudging her aside so he could get his appointment log. If anything, he could at least get some work done while he was here. "You know, once your fan club gets wind of this, there's gonna be a serious surplus in love notes."

Sora grimaced, flipping his log open to the current date. He had no appointments himself, of course, because he hadn't been present for almost two weeks, but he still wanted to check over the other business coming in that day.

"Don't say that."

"It gonna happen." Rikku assured him with a little smile, pulling up the bookkeeping on the computer without Sora having to ask so he could look over that as well. "So I was wondering."

"Yes?"

"About Riku." The receptionist scrolled the screen down as Sora prompted her to, glancing up at him slyly. "He acts like he's all tough, but he's really a big ole' sweetheart, right?"

Sora snorted, feeling a little of that earlier anxiety slipping away. "I wouldn't say that."

Rikku made a face like she didn't believe him and Sora knew she was perfectly content with her own theories, whether Sora confirmed them or not.

"He has his moments." Sora assured her. "Sometimes."

–

"Riku? Hello?" Riku blinked slowly, something blonde working its way into his line of vision, blocking the corner of the table he had been so interested in before. "Are you listening?"

Riku's mind took a long time to register that someone was directly talking _to_ him and not _around_ him, his thoughts still fuzzed over with dates and Sora and like some mathematical problem he couldn't figure out for the life of him, it was all becoming very frustrating and exhausting.

"Huh? Yeah. Sorry." He muttered, sitting up straight, his wrist stiff from being curled under his chin for so long. "What am I signing?"

Sienna huffed, managing a thin layer of patience over her usual abrasiveness. He had been zoning out the whole meeting, he couldn't say he blamed her too much. "Nothing, Rikki." She scrutinized him carefully through the light blue of her colored contacts, looking into his eyes especially. Riku leaned back an inch or two away, not really in the mood for her advances right now. "Are you okay?"

"Wh--"

"Are you on something?" She concluded a little too easily for Riku's liking, inspecting him and he really just wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else. No, he wasn't on drugs. No, he wasn't suicidal. He was distracted. He had more problems than he needed and if that made him a little more empty-minded than usual, then she would just have to deal.

"It was one time. _One. Time._" Riku curled his fingers around a discarded ballpoint pen before him, squeezing it. "That doesn't make me an addict."

"Still." She rose from her chair fluidly. Then she stopped and Riku could see the planets begin to realign in her head and he just knew she was going to demand something of him once again. Something he probably wouldn't care for. "Why are you so abnormally distracted lately? Not saying it isn't totally typical of you."

Riku blinked and attempted to figure out what left field that question just came from, flicking the pen across the tabletop with his fingertips. "Excuse me?"

"You're distracted." Sienna told him, seating herself casually on the conference table and Riku couldn't help but think 'slutty secretary'. She propped her powder blue heel on the armrest of his chair. "Problems with Sora again?" When Riku just ignored her, she pushed the chair a little ways to the side, fixing him with a scolding stare. He almost told her off, but decided he was way too tired to care that much. Too much effort. "You ever consider therapy?" She suggested flippantly, her blatant disregard for the feelings of others wasn't something that Riku had missed lately.

Riku scowled, elbowing her heel off the armrest. "What, you think I'm fucking crazy?"

Sienna brushed her hair over her shoulder, never one to be fazed by anger or hostility. Especially with Riku. "Couples' therapy, you jackass." She hissed.

"We don't need therapy. Mind your own business." Riku nearly snarled, face falling into a default grimace of warning. To say he wasn't in the mood was an understatement. Sienna didn't seem to care much, crossing her legs at the knee.

"I'm just saying." Sienna said, adjusting her glasses, unconcerned. "You might be able to actually stay in a relationship if you did, you know." If she would've just seen how tense Riku was, he figured she probably would've shut up. "That was his husband at the opening, wasn't it? The cute blond?" Any other time in his life, he might've let her comments roll right off of him, but there was too much on his mind at the moment, too much frustration and insecurity, that he was less than accommodating for her smug attitude, and taking everything just a little too personally.

"Why the hell does that matter?" Riku didn't like to let himself get angry, especially not like this. Even with the muted sound of his chair crashing to the carpet floor behind him as he stood, he wasn't sure if it was Sienna that was making feel like he needed to bitch her out, or something else, something more much dark. Something he thought he had gotten rid of a long time ago. "Look, woman--"

"Oh, calm down, Rikki. I didn't mean anything by it."

"Bullshit." Riku spat and there were too many feelings at one time and Riku wondered if this was how Sora felt when he had one of his attacks because he felt like he wanted to scream or tear his hair out. "It always means something." And anger. So much anger.

"What the hell is your problem?" Sienna moved away from him and like a predator he moved with her and for a whole long second, he wasn't thinking at all when he practically shoved her against the side of the conference table, hands on either side of her. Confirming his early suspicions that he was nothing more than a monster.

"You." And the word came out of his mouth like an explosion and Sienna's artificial blue eyes were widened behind their fashion frames and Riku could smell her perfume, the same scent of his mother, and if his hands pressed down any harder, the table was going to break beneath them.

A few tense moments of silence and neither of them had moved, the woman frozen between the cage of his arms, and Riku felt the light tickle of her breath on his face and realized how just damn close he was to her.

"Riku." Her voice shuddered, only slightly, but it was surprising enough for Riku to back up a step and his eyes dropped to her hand, fingers curled around what looked like mace.

"Sienna..."

"There's something wrong with you." Sienna looked down and wouldn't look back at up at him, pulling her purse across the table to her lap and Riku was mildly grateful she was stowing the can of mace away. "You take this shit out on Sora, not me."

"I'm," Riku paused, feeling that 'sorry' just wouldn't cut it and attempted to revise his apology. "I didn't--"

"I want rough sketches by the end of the week, Riku." Sienna rigidly pushed past him and Riku cursed himself under his breath, listening to the clicking retreat of her high heels, wondering why the hell he did things like this so often. "No exceptions."

"Damn." Riku said eventually, as if that summed up everything. Mostly he was just feeling very confused. Confused and ashamed.

–

Sora finished up in the clinic sooner than he thought he would and moved upstairs way sooner than he wanted to.

There were several places in the house that he could've waited until Evann showed up, but somehow, he ended up in the bedroom, right away. There was something up here that he remembered right away, something that he wanted to look at, but now that he was actually up here, he couldn't recall what it was originally.

This particular room held a lot of memories, mostly good ones. Nights of passion and love, mornings of clever pillow talk and playful wrestling that nearly made them both late for work. Then there was always that one memory of Riku in this room, and that was just about the same time where everything began to fall apart.

It was one shirt, Sora recalled. One hundred percent cotton t-shirt, dyed a warm and vibrant red in whatever factory it came from. Perfectly minding its own business in the corner of the drawer, it was folded with the sleeves tucked under and through the collar, it was visible that the tag had been ripped off. This wasn't particularly significant, nor was it the reason that Sora pulled it from its resting place in the wardrobe drawer and shook it until it was hanging straight and flat in his hands.

It was his shirt. And though Sora could find no real relevance in this line of reasoning other than the fact that it was _his_, there was something particularly depressing about the thought of taking any of his belongings out of the apartment.

Sora proceeded to fold the shirt again, placing it neatly on the bed, which was made up and perfect as usual. It hit him in a weird place, wrenching his heart in the most terrible way possible. If he had ever doubted himself before, it was nothing compared to now.

Sora tugged on the drawer handles, and hauling it out of the wardrobe, he dropped the whole thing on the bed, spilling piles of his clothes across the covers. Even now, he had never been really sure what was going through his head at this moment, and why he was pulling everything out of the drawer and tossing it across the bed. There was just no reason for it.

In fact, he was so preoccupied with this task, that he didn't even realize that he wasn't alone anymore. And he didn't make that realization until several minutes later when the person who was watching him from the doorway said his name finally, right when he was in the middle of throwing a long sleeved blue sweater to the floor at his feet.

"Sora?"

Sora jumped, visibly startled and the blond at least had the decency to look apologetic for surprising him. "Evann."

Evann frowned, cautious eyes briefly scanning the destruction Sora was wreaking on their bedroom. "What are you doing?"

"It was just one shirt." He supplied vaguely, arms braced on the mattress in front of him. He didn't even know he was crying until the distraction, and he couldn't believe he was letting his emotions get so out of control. "And then it was the whole drawer, and now...I don't even know what I'm doing anymore."

Sora hoped if he hunched his shoulders enough, Evann wouldn't notice the tears.

"It's like our wedding night all over again." Evann spoke gently, referring to the occurrence in which Sora practically tore apart their bedroom the night of their wedding day, over something that Sora couldn't really remember anymore because it wasn't exactly one of the important things that someone would worry about on their wedding night. In his defense, Sora _was_ freaking out that night because he was nervous above all things, and he _will_ admit that he did have a bit too much champagne at the reception. "Are you seriously crying over laundry?" Evann asked, in a voice that should've been tinged with amusement at least, but instead it was exasperated. Tired, weary. Scared and anxious and hopeful, all at once.

"Of course not. It's," Sora paused, rasping. He lifted up one of the shirts, a light gray sweater, one that he realized he only wore once. "It's _our_ laundry." He laughed and the last stubborn tear broke free and raced down his cheek to curl under his jaw. "God, that sounds so stupid."

"Not really." Evann assured him, and then he crossed the room in a few steps and Sora tensed once he was close enough for him to reach out and touch. His husband kneeled and dutifully scooped up a small pile of folded clothes and replacing them in the drawer they came from.

"You must hate me." Sora spoke from the side, still clutching the sweater like a life preserver.

Evann opened his mouth and Sora knew there were words of confirmation that he wanted to say, that he _should_ say, because Sora really deserved it, but they stayed put and were never vocalized. And Sora wondered if he was just being nice. Because Evann was always nice, and he never said no. "Not really."

"I kind of had a feeling you would do this, though." Evann continued, rigidly putting away clothes like a ritual, pointedly looking at just about anything but Sora. "I just didn't know when."

Sora gaped, inadvertently tipping over a stack of jeans he had just finished replacing in the drawer. "You thought I would cheat on you?"

A slight tilt of his head and one eye glanced over. "You did, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but--" Sora stopped, tonguing the roof of his mouth, feeling mildly offended and betrayed. "That's not really fair." Evann raised a gold eyebrow critically, and then Sora realized he really had no business talking about fair when it was his own selfish cruelty that had started this whole thing.

"You were eighteen, Sora." Evann intoned, shaking his head lightly, his hair falling in light strands over his eyes. "I just can't believe I was that naive."

"I did love you, once." Sora shook his head, his eyes diverted down and to the side. "Somewhere along the way, everything just...got kinda screwed up."

"'Did love'." Evann repeated and Sora frowned, at first not understanding what the combination of those two words meant. Past tense. Did love. "Not any more?" His tone was oddly cool and somewhat harsh and Sora kept his eyes down because he knew the extent of his ex's fury and it wasn't something he particularly enjoyed the one time he was on the receiving end of it for the first time in something like three plus years.

"I—I don't think so."

Evann pursed his lips and for a second, there was this look of _despair_, right there just behind his eyes. Instead of fizzling away, it just grew stronger and brighter and before long, it morphed sporadically into anger. "This is just so easy for you, isn't it?"

Sora looked up almost instantly, an expression of horror taking shape on his face. "What? No!" He exclaimed, but he could tell that his counterpart wasn't at all convinced. "Of course this isn't easy. Why do you think I've been avoiding you so damn long?"

The despair/anger hissed and flared like a wild flame and Sora knew that it had gotten way out of control before he could even stop it. It could've been building up for a while now, being the end result of every stupid mistake that Sora made in the past that affectionate-considerate-husband Evann just overlooked simply because he loved him. It very well could've been.

"How the hell should I know?" Evann seethed and _goddammit_ Sora was trying so hard not to do this. He didn't want to argue, he was too tired of fighting to fight. "You _lied_ to me. You were running around with your ex-boyfriend behind my back for 6 months. And when you actually decide to tell me, you say that shit in front of your _mother_. Then you ostracize yourself from my life for _2 weeks_, Sora. How the fuck am I supposed to know what to expect from you anymore?"

Sora shrugged heavily. "I don't know."

"Yeah, well." Evann broke off there for whatever reason and just let those two words hang. "Do you love _him_ then?" He asked then, his tone accusatory and bitter and Sora couldn't help feeling guilty for making him that way.

"Of course I do." Sora muttered it to the floor, feeling more and more like a misbehaving child being scolded by an angry adult. There was just so much shame in breaking someone else's heart.

"Just don't let him break you again." Evann told him vaguely and Sora felt like crying all over again but for the sake of composure, held all of that in.

He wasn't sure what that sentence meant, actually, if it meant that he was letting him go, or what.

"Does this mean...we're over?" Sora asked with an appropriate amount of hesitance, because he really expected Evann to throw him out on his ass or something, tell him to get the fuck out and never contact him again. Throw his belongings out the window and onto the street at least.

Evann leveled him with this _look_ that was most definitely the body language equivalent of 'no shit'. "Well, I refuse to share you, Sora. Especially with him."

"And I can't make you stop talking to him." He continued, stuffing clothes back in the drawer now. He stopped, glancing up at Sora. "What's going to keep you from fucking him again?"

Sora scowled to the side and Evann chuckled humorlessly, his mouth more of a grimace than any kind of smile. "Yeah, Sora. We're fucking done. You have a week to get your shit out of my house."

Sora blinked and he wondered if it be appropriate to just reach back and just deck him, without word or warning, just punch him right in the face, and leave. He curled his fist and stood there, staring at the array of clothes neither of them were putting away anymore and figured that, no, it wouldn't be appropriate, but it would sure as hell make him feel better.

"Okay." Sora said eventually, miraculously able to keep his voice from shaking. Tears pricked at the back of his eyes in frustration, but he willed them away and decided that it was better this way. "I'll... remember to give your ring back."

"Keep it." Evann spoke over his shoulder, his fingers briefly breaching his front pocket and retrieved a carton of cigarettes. "I don't want it."

Sora watched him light up and figured there had to be better ways to deal with these kinds of situations, without everyone feeling all betrayed in the end. Because Sora, whether or not it even made sense for him to, felt betrayed in more ways than one.

–

Sora stifled the urge to just go home and crawl back into bed and was now placating himself by smoking a cigarette outside the clinic, taking long, long drags as if he were hoping to choke himself on the noxious smoke. Kairi was waiting for him inside so he didn't have much time to waste sitting around outside. Even if it was relatively warm and the sun was out, for once instead of rain.

It was obscenely unfair to be in such a shitty position on a day like this, Sora decided, flicking ashes in the tray to his right. Another man showed up and took place at the other side of the ashtray and Sora snubbed out his cigarette, figuring he should probably get back inside before he missed Kairi's ultrasound.

"God, I'm huge." Kairi observed, laid on her back on the examination table. She ran her hands over her belly and offered a smile to Sora at her bedside.

"You're not huge." Sora assured her with a grin, placing his hand over hers. Faintly, he could feel the baby kick and Kairi clenched her teeth a little, flicking her bangs out of her face. "When's this one due?"

"Beginning of February. You should see Quint, he's getting all excitable." Kairi rolled her eyes fondly, laying her head back on the little plush neck pillow. Sora toyed with a piece of her long hair and leaned his elbows on the starch-stiff mattress at her side, contemplating the amount of maturity and poise that Kairi would always have that he would probably never have. He thought about asking her what she would've done in his situation, but decided that conversations like that were much too morose for ultrasound appointments.

He was pretty eager to see the baby, however.

"He's gonna try to knock you up again." Sora joked, knowing in the back of his mind that it was probably true. The man was a phenomenal father, but he really seemed to be obsessed with having 10 kids.

"The hell he will." Kairi scoffed, making a face at the ceiling. "This is the last one, I'm done with the whole pregnant thing. One girl, one boy. Good enough for me." Sora laughed.

Sora glanced at the clock, finding that only a couple of minutes had passed. He looked around the little room at all the posters promoting prenatal health and the plastic model of the baby in the plastic version of a woman's stomach, and sighed. The room seemed too little and clean and the stuffiness only made Sora want to call Riku, just to see if he was alright. He hadn't called all day. Which was typical, but still...

"Did you really want me to name the baby Roxas?" Kairi said from somewhere to his left and Sora blinked and just stared for a second, thoughts of plastic wombs and Riku still occupying the majority of his mind at the moment.

"Huh?" He said lamely, mouth falling open in a way reminiscent of the brain dead.

"At Thanksgiving." Kairi explained, looking a little sheepish once she started. Because no one really wanted to bring up Thanksgiving. The wound was still too fresh and once Riku told him that Kairi had actually broke out in tears because of what he did, well, there was no way _not_ to feel like shit after you make your pregnant best friend cry. "You suggested 'Roxas'. I thought..." Kairi paused, frowned thinly and briefly revised her wording. "I mean, it's not such a bad name."

Sora quirked an eyebrow, tips of his fingers twirling her red hair around in a tight curl that pulled away from his hand once he let it go.

_Roxas._

Sometimes just hearing that name made something in the back of his subconscious react, like it recognized what the name Roxas meant. What a Roxas was. But most times, it didn't. Most times, he felt nothing when someone mentioned his Nobody. Because he didn't exist, and he didn't matter, right?

Sora chewed the corner of his lip and decided that there was no reaction this time. No brief flashes of recognition from the far corners of his mind. "No. No, I wasn't being serious." He waved dismissively with one hand, recalling the looks her and Riku shared when they didn't think he was paying attention. He didn't want her to think he was crazy or something.

"Really?" Kairi looked skeptical. She raised up on her elbows, fixing him with a too-serious look of understanding. "You know, I think about her sometimes." She confided and Sora's eyebrows inched up in surprise. "It's not a bad thing, even if she didn't exist."

They'd never had this conversation before. Sora always just assumed it was one of those things, something they all collectively tried to forget about, like Riku siding with the darkness, and all the countless times Sora actually thought his own best friend was going to kill him. They weren't exactly pleasant memories. In fact, most of those moments were the main focus of his nightmares.

"Yeah." Sora said eventually. He briefly speculated on what their Nobodies would look like if they had aged as much as the two of them had. Would Naminé have grown up and filled out as gracefully as Kairi had? Would she have looked as beautiful as Kairi if she were in her condition? And what would Roxas look like for that matter? Would he just look like Sora, blond hair being one of their only differences? Or would they have even changed at all?

"It's important not to forget what happened to us, Sora." Kairi continued and Sora's thought processes dropped off sometime after he heard his name. It really was no use dwelling on something he'd probably never know about. "All three of us. Riku, especially. You know he always takes these things harder than we do." She said this pointedly and Sora figured it had something to do with the conversation they had on the phone earlier that morning.

"Yeah, I know." Sora told her, lightly brushing her bangs back with his fingertips and Kairi smiled and laid back down and for a brief second, Sora could feel that reaction, without the mention of a name or anything and he accepted the feeling rather than denying its existence, and let that sensation of familiarity wash over him.

Like a power he had forgotten about making itself known again.

"I think I like Felix better, though." Sora said and nodded to himself curtly, because he knew it was for the best.

"Your dad's name?" Kairi asked, yawning a little and her eyes drifted closed, facing the ceiling and Sora felt himself yawn as well. Clearly, he had woken up too early that morning.

"Yeah."

Kairi smiled. "I like that name too." She turned her head to the side, cracking open an eye to regard Sora thoughtfully. "Plus, I think your mom would really love that."

Sora smiled. "She would."

The ultrasound technician came in sometime shortly after that and Sora sat up a little straighter, mainly because before that he could feel himself falling asleep. While Kairi and the doctor talked, Sora curled his fingers around hers and laughed when she jumped from the cold of the clear jelly. Kairi swatted his arm.

Sora considered the grainy little picture on the screen and felt a stirring in his chest because he could clearly see the baby's heart beating and when Kairi cooed at the baby's image and squeezed Sora's fingers, he knew that no matter what problems he was having, there would always be this. A little grainy screen of new life, and the really important things that mattered much more than petty arguments.

Sora would have to remember to thank Kairi later for this.

–

Riku promptly dropped his keys on the counter upon securely locking the door behind himself, sliding the chain on for good measure, more out of habit than anything else. He thought about sinking into the couch immediately, but never made it that far as the need to decompress was much too far gone to ignore that long.

He slid onto the stool positioned at the granite countertop, elbows stationed on the surface at once for hands to cradle his forehead and press the heels of his palms into his eyes. He sighed hard, a tired, so _so_ tired sound, that pulled some of his anxiety away, while the rest stayed and rooted itself with hooked tails into the deep crevices of his mind.

Riku hadn't felt that amount of darkness in a long time. It had been all-encompassing, like a damp, cold blanket. Like something evil.

Riku figured he had done worse things in his life, but then he remembered that _look _in her eyes and—Sienna was actually terrified. Terrified of him. He wouldn't have hurt her though, of that Riku was moderately confident. He hadn't completely lost sense of himself, so he knew there was still that minuscule amount of control that he had. As long as he had that, he wouldn't consciously let himself harm anyone. Bloodsucking manager or not.

Still, there were boundaries involved, lines that weren't meant to be crossed, and Riku definitely crossed them today.

Riku rubbed his face firmly with both hands and through his fingers he managed to just see the curled edges of a piece of lined notebook paper sitting innocently at the corner of the countertop. He vaguely recognized Sora's large lettered handwriting and reached out with one hand, pulling the little slip of paper to himself.

_Be back later. We'll talk when I get home. - Sora_

Right. With the day he had, even Riku couldn't manage to be enthusiastic about that one.

Riku scowled at nothing mostly, and combed his fingers through his hair, flicking the paper away. Figuring he had at least an hour or so to himself. It wasn't very late, only a little past midday, but still Riku just wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep for the rest of the week. So much for taking Sora out somewhere. He really wasn't in the mood anymore.

"What took you so long?"

Riku barely had time to be surprised when arms curled around his shoulders and suddenly there was a warm Sora leaning his weight slightly against his back and Riku felt vaguely relieved. Sora's cheek shifted against his and Riku took note of the smell of soap before his mind realized that those were words that he heard earlier. Words. Sora's words.

They were talking to each other again.

"I had some things to do." Riku said eventually and he felt that talking really should have been more natural, but for some reason, his mouth wanted to catch on every word and his throat felt full of cotton. "I thought you weren't here."

"Oh. I forgot to pick that note up." Sora shrugged and hummed pleasantly in his ear and the sensation of his breath tickled the skin across Riku's temple. "I got to see Kairi's baby today." He informed, leaning his chin a little more heavily on Riku's shoulder.

Riku shifted his head slightly to the side, giving Sora more space to make himself comfortable. "Oh, really? That's cool."

A chuckle and more soft breaths. "Yeah, it was. You could see his heart beat and everything."

Riku wasn't sure what to expect as the ends of this conversation, but the possibility of the topic leading to questions of adoption passed his mind for one ludicrous second, in which Riku gave the opposing wall a meaningful stare of disbelief.

"Hm." He intoned quietly, feeling Sora's arms tighten minutely in the form of a careful hug.

"We're okay now, right?" Sora asked, his mouth ridiculously close to Riku's ear, which made him shudder in a decadent amount of pleasure.

"Hm." Riku tilted his head, glancing out of the corner of his eyes, though the most he could make out were lips and a nose. The barest scrap of the blue of his eyes. He pretended to be thinking as if it were a very arresting matter, nodding eventually to Sora's visible relief. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good." Sora squeezed his shoulders again, lightly nuzzling the space beneath the corner of his jaw.

A moment of uninhibited silence left the room a little loud, and Sora hummed a quiet improvised song to himself just to make some kind of noise, fidgeting behind Riku's chair.

"Sora."

"Hey," Sora nudged Riku's arm, previously spoken name all but ignored in the wake of his own interjection, slipping his hand over Riku's and hooking their pinkies together. "Ya know what I'm thinking?"

Riku sighed. He really should've expected Sora to interrupt him. It was like physics or something. "Something terrible, I'm sure."

"I was thinking we could get out of here for a while. Just pack our stuff and go." He smiled but the furrow of his eyebrows said otherwise. "Let's go see the world. You want to?"

Sora seemed to notice that Riku wasn't agreeing with him right away, and the eagerness of his smile wavered considerably.

"Sora," Riku repeated, turning in his seat to regard him with his full attention. "I think I need help."

Sora frowned. His eyes were troubled oceans. "Help with what?"

"Like, professional?" Riku hissed, not really sure how to better explain it, or if he really wanted to go into specific terms and all that.

"A psychiatrist." Sora said plainly, crossing his arms, his voice dropping at the end like a suggestion. Kind of a question but not really. Riku didn't even want to dignify that with straight answer. He cringed and pretended the word wasn't such a harsh one like psychiatrist. Psychiatrist made him sound insane.

Riku clawed his fingers through his hair, leaning his elbows back on the counter. "My head's all messed up. I...I attacked my manager today." Saying it out loud was even worse.

"What?" Sora's arms dropped down, his eyes widening, expecting the worst. Riku could already see him assuming things, thinking he had lost control and nearly killed someone. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine. I didn't hit her or anything, I just—I wanted to. I almost did." Riku lowered his head back on his shoulders, face toward the ceiling. Blowing out a heavy breath and trying not to think of what he could've done to the poor woman. Sienna wasn't like Sora; with Sora, Riku at least knew he could take it. Sora had been through worse things. But Sienna, she was much too...human. "I really didn't think it was that bad. I mean, I know we used to fight all the time, but I thought I could handle it now."

"_Fuck_. I sound really fucking nuts, don't I?" Riku growled out in a low, helpless moan.

"You're just overreacting." Sora told him gently and then he was leaning against the counter on Riku's other side. Lightly brushing his fingers across the top of Riku's hand. "That doesn't mean you're crazy. I mean, I went to a psychiatrist. I don't think I'm crazy."

Riku cast his gaze to the side, somewhat skeptical, though more thoughtful than anything. "You did?"

Sora smiled, a little uneasily, eyes drifting to a far corner of the room rather than Riku's face. "Of course. I still do. Sometimes." He added at the end, making a face toward the carpet.

Riku considered this and felt no more reassured than he did before. "What for?"

"My hypervigilance, mainly. And _that_—" Sora looked faintly embarrassed. He shook his head abruptly, looking down at his hands. Riku had a feeling he knew what he was referring to, and instantly wished he didn't. "But that doesn't really matter though."

A tense moment followed and Riku must've looked pretty morose because Sora looped his fingers around his, and gave them a firm, reassuring squeeze, too forgiving as always.

"What's that?" Riku asked, attempting to change the subject because it was appropriate, and general curiosity getting the best of him. "That word you used before."

"Hypervigilance." Sora reaffirmed. "You know when I can't fall asleep?" He fiddled with his fingernails and on his face was a little frown that invited the need to be tightly embraced and caressed and hidden away somewhere safe. "Or when I get startled for no reason?"

"Or that time you tried to stab me?" Riku offered with an expression that was neither thoughtful nor sad. He was aiming for amused and wondered momentarily if it came across that way.

A laugh, quiet, and Riku could feel him smile thinly before he even really saw it.

"Yeah."

"We're fucked up, aren't we?" Riku concluded, deciding that was probably the best and only way to describe it. There weren't many words for what he and Sora had.

"Only a little." Sora agreed faintly.

And Riku figured there were probably worse things in life. Worse than being just a little fucked up.

–

_Wow, it's been a long time, huh, guys? I'm pretty sure I'm setting this story for 20 chapters. Like 89 percent sure._

_And I've finally moved on to Final Fantasy X-2, and it's...silly and ridiculous. Reasonably fun, but just really...silly. AND I'm pretty sure I'm a big ol' Shuyin fangirl. _


End file.
